Well, WrestleMania is finally here, and I have to be honest. I can’t remember the last time I was less excited for the Granddaddy of them All. Sure it’s WrestleMania and sure I’ll have people over to watch, and sure we’ll have a great time, but this has been the worst build to a big event that I can remember. Everyone I talk to seems to have issues with the way the marquee matchups have been booked to this point. Since I am sick and tired of being such a negative Nelly, I am going to try to bring a little positivity to this column. And now that we know Brock is coming back, that should be a little easier. Instead of bitching and moaning about the probable outcomes of the matches, I will attempt to put a positive spin on WWEs lackluster storytelling and give you my best attempt to salvage each matchup on the card. There will be nothing too outrageous. It has to be plausible, in the context of the story that has already been told. And these are not my predictions for what I think will happen(you’ll have to check out the Round Table later in the week for that). This is just one man’s humble opinion on how to save this WrestleMania from being a total disaster.
Fatal 4-Way Match for the Tag Team Championship
Wouldn’t it be nice if the WWE had a tag team or faction with a little bit of an edge to them? Right now, all we have is a tag team that is really just 2 overlooked, low card singles guys wearing the belts, against 3 teams that look like they are straight from the late 1980s, with their bright colorful trunks, face paint, and masks. Why not have the New Day completely go heel and become the New Nation(a la the Nation of Domination from the mid 90s)? They could win the titles, with help from their 3rd man, and then completely destroy everyone after the match. Xavier Woods can cut an old school Farooq style promo after the match and just like that, the tag team division isn’t an afterthought anymore.
Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Mizdow eliminates the The Miz to win the whole thing. At least that way, you get a nice pop from the crowd to get the show going in the right direction. Also of note, Kane and Big Show eliminate each other. After the match, Stephanie fires them both from the Authority, alluding to a Plan B.
Orton v Rollins
Rollins, with help from j&j, gets the upper hand on Orton. Orton makes the comeback. Rollins and j&j get back the momentum, then Mark Henry’s music hits. You think he is coming to help Orton, but he beats him down. Curb stomp by Rollins finishes the beat down. Orton wins by DQ, but Rollins, j&j, and Mark Henry stand tall at the end.
IC Ladder Match
This match should be filled with huge spots. In the end, Ziggler wins, and in the process turns on Daniel Bryan, setting up a lengthy feud for the IC belt between 2 of the best in the business. Maybe even Goldust gets involved to reignite his feud with Stardust, just to give them something to do after Mania.
Sting v HHH
Sting gets his WrestleMania moment here. HHH carries most of the match, but in the end, Sting gets the clean win.
US Title Match
Cena wins by submission. The US Title is exactly where Cena should be at this point in his career. Going forward, he could have some good, fresh matches with some of the younger guys in the company like Dean Ambrose and Luke Harper.
How about this? Paige and AJ turn on each other during the match. The Bellas win. During their celebration, Charlotte’s music hits. She takes out both Bellas and stands tall after the match. This is a good way to #GiveDivasAChance. AJ and Paige can have a real, lengthy feud, while Charlotte can gun for the Divas Championship.
Taker v Wyatt
Wyatt should dominate this match and win, by any means necessary. The Undertaker does not need the win as much as Wyatt does. If Wyatt loses this match, they might as well just scrap the character entirely. The damage done to Wyatt by losing to Taker would be almost impossible to come back from. If he loses, you can forget about ever seeing Bray Wyatt in a main event again. With the victory, Wyatt truly becomes the new face of evil in the WWE.
Brock v Reigns
Brock resigning with WWE makes what I am about to propose possible. Lesnar dominates Reigns, much the way he dominated Cena when he won the title. The only difference is Reigns lasts longer than Cena. Reigns eventually fights back and makes a match of it. With both men exhausted, Rollins, j&j, and Mark Henry hit the ring to lay the beat down on both men. The match is thrown out, but Rollins cashes in. Lesnar kicks out from multiple curb stomps. Rollins is getting desperate. Interference from all angles now. Lesnar fights back and begins to clean house, but is ultimately beat down again. During the melee, the ref is taken out. Now the beat down is really on. Brock tries to fight back and Sheamus’ music hits! Sheamus comes down, and hits Brock with a huge Brogue Kick! Rollins wakes up the ref for the 1-2-3. Winner and new champ, Seth Rollins. HHH and Stephanie come out to celebrate with their new champion and their new Authority.
I know that is a lot of run ins for one show, but they all make sense(to me, at least). Reigns gets some much needed sympathy from the crowd after putting up a good fight, but he doesn’t win the title, so no crowd mutiny. We get the long awaited Sheamus return, and heel turn, which will be good for his character. The hellacious beat down of Lesnar can get him off of TV for a while to accommodate his part time schedule. Then when he does come back, he will be one pissed off beast, hell bent on destroying the Authority and getting his championship back. In the meantime, Reigns can feud with the Authority in an attempt to capture the title he believes he was screwed out of. Maybe Kane and Show team up against Henry and Sheamus because they took their spots in the Authority. Further down the card, you have Charlotte finally getting her chance on the main roster. You have an actual tag team with the Tag Team Titles, imagine that. We finally get a feud between Ziggler and Bryan, which can’t possibly disappoint. Even John Cena gets to have some new matches with guys he hasn’t faced thousands of times already.
I know there is no chance for most of these results, but that is why the call it fantasy booking. So, go ahead, tell me how stupid I am. But if you are going to blast my ideas, at least try to give me something better.
Tags: Falls Count Anywhere, Fantasy booking, WrestleMania 31, WWE