FINALLY we have reached the end of season one of Fuller House and it came not a moment too soon. I think I’m about one more catchphrase from bursting into flames. On the season finale, uncle Jessie and aunt Becky come to renew their vows and Kimmy decides to piggy back on their ceremony by marrying Fernando. Meanwhile, DJ must finally choose between Matt and Steve because this show is terrible. And Jackson repeats the exact same storyline with Lola he always does.
Here are some thoughts.
1. Steve should be disqualified for his shittiness
The episode opens with Matt and DJ opening up their new practice for business and Steve decides to crash it and flirt with DJ while being an asshole to Matt. The love triangle on this show is so manufactured, even Camron-Brue, the actress playing DJ, doesn’t look convincingly charmed by him. Because he’s a creep.
2. Kimmy is selfish and terrible for co-opting her (non) uncle’s ceremony
Kimmy has decided her and Fernando are getting married two days after their engagement and she has decided she is going to co-opt the couple’s vow renewal to do it. Without telling them. WHY are we supporting this character? That’s not funny. It’s incredibly annoying. It makes her look like a terrible person because she is one.
3. And why is Becky on board for it?
Aunt Becky seems to have no problem with it. But then again, Becky never seems to have any opinions about anything. Because she’s a bland, colorless character whose only interesting trait is that she is mean to her husband.
4. Those “awwwww”s are getting reeeeaaaal forced
I counted three in a row and the last one sounded like they were being forced to say it at gun point. I don’t blame them. This shit is getting really tired.
5. A baby shouldn’t be up until two. Women in their forties shouldn’t be singing Spice Girls
So Becky ditches uncle Jessie and their romantic dinner to go to Kimmy’s bachelor party. Without consulting him, mind you. This was supposed to be their romantic getaway and Kimmy has made it all about her. And Becky is on board. When they come home, it’s two in the morning and Jessie is still up with baby Tommy in his lap. That is some irresponsible shit. But it’s not as bad as three grown women drunk on tequila barging into a home with children in the wee hours of the morning singing Spice Girls. Not that there’s anything wrong with women in their forties singing Spice Girls, except that there is because they were popular when I was a kid, meaning they first heard those songs in their twenties, so they shouldn’t really have any emotional attachment to them. It’s lazy writing.
6. Second masturbation joke
Becky promises Jessie a “Becky special” if he lets Kimmy piggy back on their ceremony. Why she’s willing to give out sexual favors so she can be overshadowed by a narcissistic moron with boundary issues is beyond me. But later she threatens to revoke it, to which Jessie replies, “I might have to give myself a Becky special.” This is a show for kids, right? I’m not mistaken?
7. Oh, good, Joey’s here with a puppet and a hockey jersey
He’s going to officiate the wedding. yay what fun. Literally not even the audience cheers when he enters. It’s because he’s boring and everyone hates him and that puppet is the actual worst.
8. The only true love on this show is Cosmo and Max
There’s a moment when each of the characters look into their partners eyes lovingly. The only ones I believe are when Max looks into Cosmo the dog’s eyes. That’s true love. Everything else is bullshit.
9. Kimmy clearly should not be with Fernando
She runs from the altar three times. She eventually decides to prolong their engagement, which may be the only good decision she makes on the show. DJ straight up tells her she hates Fernando. Don’t you think that’s a bad sign?
10. And the biggest cop out in television history goes to…
So who does DJ choose? Matt or Steve?
She chose neither.
Fuck it, I’m done with this show.
+ Fucking none, this show is garbage
– Steve is awful
– Kimmy is awful
– Joey showed up
– DJ is awful
Check out previous reviews for Fuller House below!
Fuller House – Our Very First Show, Again
Fuller House – Moving Day
Fuller House – Funner House
Fuller House – Mad Max
Fuller House – The Legend of El Explosivo
Fuller House – Ramona’s Not-So-Epic Party
Fuller House – Secrets, Lies, and Firetrucks
Fuller House – The War of the Roses
Fuller House – A Giant Leap
Fuller House – Partnerships in the Night
Fuller House – Save the Dates
Tags: Full House, Fuller House, love is in the air, Netflix, Netflix Original