“Why have one coffin, when we can have four, in graver consequences?”
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today… For another all-new episode of Lucha Underground! All of the matches tonight have HUGE hype and, of course, graver consequences! As announced, another LU Championship Match is scheduled as our main event, between “The Monster” Matanza Cueto and The Man of 1000 Deaths, Mil Muertes! This match is not only a rematch for the title after the explosive (quite literally) outcome of their last championship match, but a Coffin Match! Muertes’s valet and longtime friend, Catrina, has it out for Temple Proprietor Dario Cueto, and seemingly, it’s vice versa… Will The Monster retain, or will The Man of 1000 Deaths be buried alive?
We also have a DREAM MATCH scheduled between two-thirds of The Unlikely Trio, Ivelisse and Son of Havoc, versus the current Tag Team Trios Champs Rey Mysterio, Jr., Dragon Azteca, Jr., and Prince Puma! As promised by Dario Cueto. Ivelisse and Son of Havoc need to find a tag team partner to replace their injured, additional third of the group, Angelico. Moreover, if they lose this match, it’s the highway! Can they survive the high-flying strength of Mysterio, Azteca, and Prince Puma?
We also have another match for an Ancient Aztec Medallion between King of Sleaze Joey Ryan and The Crew of Cortez Castro and Mr. Cisco! The winner will face Texano, Jr., Sexy Star (from the brutal, bar-raising main event last week with Mariposa), The Mack, El Siniestro de la Muerte, Aero Star, and Chavo Guerrero, Jr. in a match for the Gift of the Gods Championship! Will Chavo Guerrero see one of his former tag team partners in the match, or will it be Joey Ryan?! Will “The Machine” Brian Cage retrieve his stolen Medallion back from him before the match? We’ll see!
We’ll also get another update on the case against Dario Cueto by the LAPD. Last we got an update, the Mayor wanted the case dropped, but who gives a shit about what he thinks? Well, there is someone more powerful at stake. Perhaps we’ll find out who that someone is tonight.
My biggest concern about this episode is how it will live up to last week’s, with the indescribable, AMAZING main event No Mas match between Sexy Star and Mariposa for the Ancient Aztec Medallion (but for Sexy Star, there was even more than that… God, I’m getting teary just typing this). While we have some great matches and an impressive lineup scheduled for tonight, the hype from last week hasn’t quite worn off of me. Actually, for me, I wouldn’t say it’s “hype” – it’s more like raw emotion and a deep, dark, moth-sized pit sitting in my chest. Ugh. Dem feels.
But, I trust Lucha Underground. Yes, I know that sounds super smark-y but I do. Perhaps tonight’s outcomes will create a diversion that somehow works against the emotion that we were left with at the end of last week’s episode. LU is just so focused on story, and that’s one of the (few) ways that could work. I want to find other ways they could divert our attention to what’s happening tonight, the here and now, but I can’t help but keeping thinking, “Mil Muertes versus Matanza in four coffins, big grave consequences, blah blah, WHO CARES?! Two of the best women wrestlers in the world just tore the HECK out of each other last week, HOW on EARTH are YOU gonna TOP THAT?!”
Okay, I need to stop talking now before this turns into a column, which I should probably do. Here’s an online exclusive match between Jack Evans and Fenix to keep you Believers occupied until eight-o-clock. According to Evans on Twitter, he wants to shove this match down our throats, and rightfully so.
Tonight’s Twitter buzz! Including Sasquatch luchadores.
Eeeeee, okay, which would you rather have: a kawaii Mascarita backpack, or a kawaii Mascarita Lego?
Check back here at 8 for live coverage!
Get ready! It’s almost 8! Why have one coffin…
It’s 8! Gah.
Anyway, we get a recap. The Unlikely Trio losing the titles to the dream team of Rey Mysterio, Jr., Dragon Azteca, Jr., and Prince Puma. The case against Dario Cueto. Mil Muertes and the flatliner on Matanza Cueto into the Proprietor’s office. And graver consequences.
Promo: Dario Cueto
A Cueto walks into a bar… Hey, it’s the guy who wants his case dropped! Figures. Cueto gives him some green. He has time for a drink, he guesses. But he’s getting sloppy. There’s a case opened against the Temple, and it wouldn’t be surprising if they already have somebody on the inside – who is – are – Joey Ryan and Cortez Castro, as we already know. Someone’s been waiting to come to the Temple for a very long time. Drink up.
We’re back in the Temple! Time for…
Three-Way Match for the Last Ancient Aztec Medallion: Joey Ryan vs. Cortez Castro vs. Mr. Cisco
Leggoooo. Bell rings. Ryan throws his lollipop and goes straight for Cisco!
Cortez and Cisco work together now. Ryan’s down.
He’s out of the ring to regroup. Lots of tension between The Crew now. Cisco’s on the move. Cortez tries to trip him. Counters. Ryan’s still out. Cortez does a vertical suplex on Cisco. Cortez covers, Cisco kicks out. Cheering for Joey! He pushes Cortez and covers!
1, 2, 3! Element of surprise.
Winner: Joey Ryan!
We’ll be back after this commercial break!
Promo: Mil Muertes & Catrina
Catrina’s been waiting for this moment 197 years. A long time to be a prisoner of darkness. As a boy, Mil spent his days alone, before Catrina guided him. He spent weeks roaming the underworld, until she freed him from the crypt. This made him more powerful. If he wins tonight, he will make them immortal.
King Cuerno appears…
We’re back in the Temple. It’s time for the…
Lucha Underground Tag Team Trios Championship Match: The Unlikely Trio of Ivelisse and Son of Havoc and Johnny Mundo vs. Rey Mysterio, Jr., Dragon Azteca, Jr., Prince Puma
Uh-oh, Taya’s with Mundo.
You know something’s gonna be up. Ivelisse gestures to the power couple as she discusses something heatedly with her on again, off again, Son of Havoc. The Dream Team Champs enter… And we’ll have this match ready to cover for you after this commercial break!
Time for the match!
Cheering for The Unlikely Trio! Now for Prince Puma! Mundo and Valkyrie whisper to each other. Taya tells Ivelisse to calm down, haha.
Ivelisse versus Dragon Azteca now! They exchange a handshake. Ivelisse flips her hair. They create space. Headlock. Reversal by Azteca. She’s slammed on the mat. She rolls the arm, maintains control.
Azteca tries to escape. He reverses. Arm drag by Ivelisse. Cover by Ivelisse, kick out. Applause. They shake hands again. #respect
Son of Havoc and Mysterio are tagged in! Dang, dream match. Cheering from the Believers. They create space, which creates anticipation. They leap across the ring. Havoc covers, kick out. Havoc reverses, Mysterio reverses.
Mysterio has Havoc’s leg. Neither one of them want to give up the leg.
They discuss. He lets go, slowly, of Havoc’s leg. Wow. Very neat.
Prince Puma is tagged in! Mundo is in!
Puma has Mundo cornered! He sends him in! Puma’s out of the ring! Valkyrie beats him up! Ivelisse leaves the ring and argues with her!
Mundo helps Puma back in the ring. Puma’s down, Mundo covers, kick out. Mundo kicks him repeatedly. He reaches out to tag Ivelisse, but – not really. He’s just making fun of her. Mundo goes for the kick. Puma doesn’t know where he is.
Tag’s made. Havoc and Azteca. Creating space. Azteca’s on the turnbuckles, he’s the faster of the two. Cover by Azteca, Havoc kicks out. Havoc heads in, Azteca follows, running into him in the ropes. Havoc reverses on the ropes! Whoa.
He covers Azteca. Kick out. Mundo wants in, but Havoc rejects his offer. Ivelisse is in now. Double stomp, she catches Azteca just as he’s getting up. She’s got him cornered! Valkyrie yells at Ivelisse and cackles.
Havoc and Mysterio! Body scissors by Rey. Cover by Rey, kick out.
Rey and Havoc send each other in. Rey uses the ropes, he has Havoc trapped! Here we go! 6-1-9? Um, wait, until he and Ivelisse finish a discussion…
Mundo kicks Ivelisse! Confusion everywhere!
Everyone’s out of the ring! Azteca sends Mundo into the balcony gates!
Rey and Havoc are back in. Havoc covers, Rey kicks out. He sends Rey in. The Believers cheer. Havoc is trapped in the ropes again! The Believers get what they want!
But he passes the torch to Prince Puma! He finishes on Havoc!
Cover! 1, 2, 3!
Winners and still your Trios Champions: Rey Mysterio, Jr., Dragon Azteca, Jr., and Prince Puma!
Mundo and Valkyrie share concerns among one another and Valkyrie and Ivelisse argue. Uh oh… Ivelisse goes to tend to Havoc, and Valkyrie beats on Ivelisse!
Booing from the Believers! Mundo is amused… This can’t be good.
Our main event is later! We cut to commercial!
We’re back! Day of the Dead reenactors set the stage for the coffins.
Graver Consequences Lucha Underground Championship Match: “The Monster” Matanza Cueto (c) vs. Mil Muertes
Mil and Matanza are dressed for death.
The bell rings! NOT. Mil goes straight for Matanza!
He has him cornered! Cheering for Mil! Matanza clothesline-tackles Mil! Mil lands on a coffin! Flower petals scatter.
He’s out of the ring. He destroys the coffin sets as Mil suffers. “Holy shit” cheers! Matanza arranges two coffins next to another. Catrina approaches Matanza from behind with a chair! Ouch!
Mil tackles Matanza and into the empty front-row seats! “Holy shit” cheers!
Mil throws flowers at Matanza, who is still among the seats.
Matanza slams Mil’s head repeatedly into a coffin. He slams Mil into an unopened coffin!
You Believers are sick and twisted. They cheer for more. Matanza looses up the turnbuckles and Mil strikes him from behind. He hits him into the turnbuckles. They brawl on the apron. Mil flatlines Matanza into an unopened coffin! Cheering for Mil! Both coffins are severely disfigured.
Mil takes one of them into the ring. “This is awesome!” Dario Cueto grabs Mil’s foot from outside of the ring! He grabs Dario’s throat! Matanza comes to save him!
Mil is down, but Matanza’s grip is still strong. He picks up Mil for a suplex, but Mil’s now on his feet from the attempt. Spear by Mil! More chanting for him. He unhooks the turnbuckles. He takes the steel sickle from the structure. It’s solid steel. Hmm, what can you do with solid steel?
Matanza grabs the sickle from him. Mil is down. Matanza grabs Mil by his mask! He starts to tear it away! The top of the mask is completely gone.
He strikes Mil on the head with the sickle. He’s trying to bust his skull open!
Matanza goes for the disfigured coffin to the center of the ring. The Monster has plans.
Mil strikes back, and Matanza is down. Mil leaves the ring, and Matanza reaches for his brother, who encourages him. Mil opens a toolbox from outside the ring. He puts on a gauntlet glove, and punches Matanza when he’s on his feet!
Matanza crawls across the ring as Mil delivers blows with the chainmail glove. Mil is down!
Matanza throws out the lid of the coffin as Catrina walks the length of the ring with her stones. Matanza throws out the coffin! A Believer cries out for Mil Muertes. Matanza leaves the ring and takes another coffin. He has Mil on a hold. He opens the coffin. Mil’s in the coffin! He tries to shut it, but Mil resists! It’s almost shut. It’s shut! But Mil’s hand punches through the coffin! Mil escapes!
Matanza slams Mil into the balcony gate! Vampiro asks if everyone is okay, haha. Matanza drags a disfigured coffin, but Mil knocks him down. Dario holds his key above his brother’s head, but Catrina knocks Dario down! Long time coming.
But Matanza knocks out Catrina with a chair! Revenge. Matanza takes the stone away from her! That is the source of their power! Mil is back in the ring, getting the coffin through the ropes.
Matanza picks up Catrina’s lifeless body! He puts her in a coffin! He shuts it! She’s been buried alive!
Mil is out of the ring, above Matanza!
He climbs back in! Dario speaks to his brother outside of the ring. Mil has the only coffin not ruined in the ring. Matanza is back now. Powerslam by Mil. He puts Matanza in a coffin! It’s almost shut!
Matanza fights back! He pushes on the lid! Mil beats on Matanza! Matanza strikes back! Mil falls! Matanza slams Mil into the now-shut coffin! Cheering throughout this match by the Believers.
The two brawl outside of a now-open coffin. Wrath of the Gods by Matanza, and into the coffin!
Matanza shuts the lid!
Winner and still your Lucha Underground Champion: “The Monster” Matanza Cueto!
Booing from the Believers. Dario snags the title from the referee, and the mic from Melissa Santos. Dario announces the win, and goes to open Catrina’s coffin… But she’s gone!
The Day of the Dead reenactors come to collect the coffin of The Man of, now, 1001 Deaths. They guide him to the Underworld… Led by King Cuerno.
We’re outside the Temple. The man we met with for whiskey earlier gets in a limo with 50k. He spoke to Senor Cueto, and that he should prepare the Temple for his arrival. He discusses Matanza’s power, and how Dario believes he’s the most powerful. But this man knows that won’t be true for long, because the man in front of him is more so.
We get a glimpse of this mystery in the light of a flame.
Tags: Ancient Aztec Medallion, Catrina, Cortez Castro, Dario Cueto, Dragon Azteca, Ivelisse, Jeff Cobb, joey ryan, JR, Karlee Perez, Live Coverage, Lucha Libre, Lucha Underground, Lucha Underground Championship, Lucha Underground S2 E16, Matanza Cueto, Matt Cross, Mil Muertes, Mr. Cisco, Prince Puma, pro wrestling, Rey Mysterio, Ricochet, Son Of Havoc, Tag Team Trios Championship