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Universal Studios – Orlando, FL – Friday, March 6, 2015
Jeremy Borash and Josh Mathews are on commentary.
The BroMans (Jessie Godderz & Robbie E) defeat Al Snow & Mr. Anderson in a first-round match at 9:15. Snow is in really good shape for a guy his age. Since it’s a Mr. Anderson match on a One Night Only show, they try a lot of comedy here, and it’s all painfully unfunny. After a bunch of nonsense, E pins Snow with the weakest rollup in the history of rollups. Not a good start here.
Awesome Kong & Rockstar Spud defeat DJ Z & Samuel Shaw in a first-round match at 6:32. I’m pretty sure that Rockstar Spud is my least favorite wrestler of all-time. Most of this is stalling and more attempted comedy. Whoever determined this card order is a dumb person. Shaw and DJ Z keep Spud in their half of the ring. Eventually Kong gets the hot tag and cleans house. Kong puts spud up on her shoulders and he falls down with a splash to get the pin. I hate Rockstar Spud and everything he’s involved in. This was bad.
The Wolves (Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards) defeat Austin Aries & Bobby Roode) in a first-round match at 12:40. So we’re three matches in, and we’ve gotten three actual tag teams in a “random draw.” This is also the second year in a row that The Wolves have gotten drawn together. Momentum swings back and forth in the early going until the former Dirty Heels take the first sustained advantage. Aries and Roode isolate Richards and wear him down for several minutes. Of course, Richards eventually makes the hot tag and Edwards shows off his explosive offense. The pace quickens and the referee loses control. Aries gets Richards up for a Brainbuster and Roode has Edwards in position for a Roode Bomb, but both Wolves reverse into cradles to get simultaneous pins. That was quite good, especially for a One Night Only show. They didn’t veer wildly off the tag team formula or anything, but the formula works
Ethan Carter III & Crazzy Steve defeat Knux & Tyrus in a first-round match at 4:30. EC3 won this tournament last year, so he must be considered a favorite, even though he’s wearing a pretty hefty arm brace. This is two sets of teams paired off against each other. They do some “cute” spots and a bunch of not much. Knux gets EC3 in position for Knox Out, but Tyrus hits his own partner with the ICU Spike, and EC3 gets the pin. That was just terrible.
Eric Young & Bram defeat Magnus & Tommy Dreamer in a first-round match at 9:20. Former partners Bram and Magnus start brawling in the aisle before Borash and Hemme can even announce Magnus’ partner. When Dreamer shows up the quality of the match goes downhill immediately and it will be hard to recover because of how much he sucks. Bram and Young work on Dreamer for a while until the relatively hot tag is made. Chaos ensues, and Dreamer goes for a Death Valley Driver on Bram, which Young breaks up with a kick to the sack. That adds another star to my rating. Bram then hits The Brighter Side of Suffering to get the pin. I give Dreamer a hard time but this was actually not that bad, just boring.
James Storm & Gunner defeat Kenny King & Chris Melendez in a first-round match at 7:03. Storm is a former 13-time Tag Team Champion (six with Chris Harris, one with Christopher Daniels, four with Bobby Roode, once with Gunner, and once/currently with Abyss), which is undoubtedly impressive. Gunner and Storm don’t get along at all. Unlike Zach Gowen, Melendez wrestles with a prosthetic leg on. Storm works the leg just to be a dick, which is awesome. When Melendez starts building momentum, King turns on him for no reason. The match breaks down and Gunner drills Melendez with a Spear. Storm tosses his own partner out of the ring so he can get the pin. Storm was great here, but the rest was forgettable, throwaway stuff.
Sonjay Dutt & Gail Kim defeat Manik & Tigre Uno in a first-round match at 9:08. Kim and Dutt work very well together in the early going, and Kim doesn’t look out of place battling X Division stalwarts like Manik and Uno. This one is all action from both sides, and in the end Gail hits both Manik and Uno with Eat Defeat. Dutt follows with a Superfly Splash on Uno to get the pin. Nice little action packed sprint there, but nothing crazy or memorable.
Lashley & Khoya defeat The Revolution (Abyss & The Great Sanada) in a first-round match at 8:55. So this is Lashley with a member of The Revolution against two other members of The Revolution. That doesn’t bode well for “The Destroyer” but he fights hard in the early going and does pretty well for himself. Khoya decides to fight back on Abyss, which brings out the Revolution leader James Storm, who sends Khoya to the back. Even on his own, Lashley hits Abyss with a Spear, and then flattens Sanada with one as well. Lashley gets the pin on Sanada to advance to the gauntlet along with his absentee partner Khoya. Not much really happened here, but I guess Lashley looked strong, so at least someone did tonight.
Lashley defeats Awesome Kong, Bram, Crazzy Steve, Davey Richards, Eddie Edwards, Eric Young, Ethan Carter III, Gail Kim, Gunner, James Storm, Jessie Godderz, Khoya, Robbie E, Rockstar Spud, and Sonjay Dutt in a $100,000 Joker’s Wild 2015 Final 16 Man Gauntlet Battle Royal at 32:10.
Kong draws #1, and Kim is #2. These two have faced each other numerous times in the past. They renew their rivalry for a bit and then Godderz is #3. Godderz is not anxious to fight either woman, and Kim makes him pay for it. But it’s only momentary, as Godderz recovers and knocks Kim off the top rope and to the floor to eliminate her. Robbie E is #4, and he immediately tries to help his fellow BroMan but they struggle. Rockstar Spud is #5, and he works with Kong to continue their alliance from earlier. Next up at #6 is EC3, and Spud goes through the middle rope to go fight him in the aisle. When they make it into the ring EC3 eliminates Spud with ease. Gunner is #7. EC3 eliminates Kong. We reach the halfway point with Edwards at #8. His partner Richards joins him at #9. Storm is #10 and the ring is filling up. Dutt is #11 and Storm eliminates him quickly. Storm then hits Gunner with the Last Call and tosses him out. Crazzy Steve is #12. Nothing happens and then Khoya is lucky #13. Bram is #14. Lashley is #15 and he clears out The BroMans immediately, and then dumps Khoya as well. The field completes with Eric Young at #16.
Young hits Steve with a Piledriver and dumps him out. The Wolves join forces to get rid of Bram and then Storm. They have their backs turned and Young dumps Richards and EC3 dumps Edwards. We’re down to three men now, and EC3 and Young try to work together on Lashley. That backfires and Lashley eliminates Young. Lashley then hits EC3 with a Spear and tosses him to the floor to win the gauntlet. This was powerfully boring, with very little happening throughout the match.
Nine matches here and only one of them reached over three stars, and it’s one that they did numerous times and even did better, so there is literally nothing on this show that you need to see. Joker’s Wild is a fun concept but TNA manages to mess it up every single time by teaming too many actual partners together. Plus the very nature of these shows means no one is really putting out a full effort.
Tags: Impact Wrestling, Joker's Wild, lashley, One Night Only, TNA