Impact Wrestling 3/30/17 Recap – LAX Battles for Tag Titles

Josh and JB meet with Dutch and Bruce, and Dutch pitches an idea to Bruce about Davey and Eddie. They chat about EC3 and JB and Josh complain and JB tells Bruce to replace Josh with Madison. A recap of Karen’s promo starts things off formally alongside the owl video. Karen comes down and Josh complains about things. A fire Josh chant breaks out while Karen calls out Sienna for being a bully. Josh complains about Karen more and then Karen tells Sienna to step back and not bully Allie. Sienna says she got to the company with her talent, and not because of who she married. Karen gets mad and says that she regretted things before, so she’ll give Sienna the chance that she never had and let her apologize to her. She gives her 15 seconds and counts down like she’s a kid – great, so she’s Steph 2.0.

A very large man comes down and takes offense. Okay, we need graphics, bios, and just anything to make me care about all of these new characters. He gets a “who are you” chant and insults the fans, while Karen says she knows who he is – he is KM. Okay then, and he’s apparently Sienna’s cousin – or “Sianna” as he calls her. He cuts a yelling and screaming promo full of “shut the hell up” and that’s about it. He threatens Karen, so Braxton comes to her rescue. All of this failed. Karen makes KM vs. BS later. Boy, that’ll put asses ever 18 inches.

The tag title will be on the line tonight and DJZ faces Everett next, while Cody faces Moose later for the Grand title. Everett and Z flip around a bit, with Z hitting a nice flip dive to the floor. Josh talks about Pope being Attitudinal – so he’s apparently stuck in 2011 with his Cole act. Everett and his expanding tummy hit a sloppy Pele kick. The ZZT is countered into a small package to win. GS Helms lets Everett know that he’ll be able to possibly earn a shot next week. Josh rants about millennials and Rosemary’s celebration is next.

We get a recap of ODB vs. Rebel last week, with Earl hitting on ODB backstage. Rosemary doesn’t really say much before ODB comes down and wants a shot. The knockouts roster surround Rosemary to prevent her from leaving. Madison insults JB and buries the newcomers. Wonderful! Don’t want any of that new talent getting over or being seen as stars. A giant brawl breaks out and I think one of them is the same girl Asuka beat up recently on NXT.

EC3’s hype video talks about “everything happens for a reason” and that TNA is here now to put EC3 on TV. Josh yells at JB for being a mark, slapnuts, and a ham and egger. Oh lord. END THIS FEUD PLEASE. EC3 comes out and brags about how being the TNA World Champion puts him on a certain level – it is a level attained by icons, phenomenal ones, and those with the it factor. Storm comes down and says that his hands built this company and he was on the first card in 2002 – and EC3 says that he was watching it at a friend’s house. Storm says it May of 2004, they went to the Impact Zone and EC3 says he was probably doing things in a frat. Storm is basically cutting an Al Bundy promo here and then hypes up Beer Money. So Bobby Roode, even in NXT, is still a bigger star in TNA than most guys in TNA. EC3 and Storm shake on who will challenge Lashley for the title at some point.

Moose vs. Cody is next, but first, Garza Jr. and Loredo Kid talk about how important being TNA Tag Champions would be. Cody comes down with the Nex-Gen Title while Josh hypes up Cody possibly being a double champion. Cody hits a nice tornado DDT, and eats a pop-up powerbomb and a senton. A second rope moonsault gets 2. Moose wins round 1 by a point. Bruce Prichard gave the round to Moose, leading to Josh saying that Bruce isn’t qualified to be a judge – as opposed to said unnamed random humans who did this before. Good lord, once you start unraveling YOUR OWN STORYLINES ON-AIR, why bother doing them? Cody uses his wife as a shield and uses a chair to get an edge. A figure four ends round two for Cody. Brandi leaves Cody high and dry. Moose hits his horrible punch>MOOSE>punch combo, but eats an elbow and a disaster kick. Moose wins the round and retains the title, resulting in Josh telling people to rewatch the match. No one do that.

A recap showing the Natural Born Killers destroying Eddie and his wife. Eddie will face Davey in a last man standing match next week. KM faces BS next. Eli talks about Impact having star power and rising stars, and him being one of the reasons to watch the show. Josh complains about Moose before KM comes down in weird-looking gear that doesn’t really fit his bully act. It would fit Mojo Rawley, but not him. Pope calls Sutter the Logan of Impact and doesn’t expand upon why. KM hits a powerbomb into a back stabber to win after several minutes of nothing. KM’s name is one of the worst in recent memory. LVN comes down with her getup before we get an LAX compound video. Konnan talks about the 5150 tequila and beer being a great investment before we get some heavy implications about LAX now running drugs and hookers. Well, I guess any of those would logically pay better than being TNA World Tag Team Champions.

Davey cuts a babyface-ish promo about taking TNA over before kind of being a heel by saying he’ll burn it down if he needs to and if you like TNA now, no explanation will work for you. A creepy “fury will be unleashed” video focuses on Allie and Braxton and this will all pay off on April 13. Loredo Kid, Garza Jr., Decay, Reno Scum, and LAX come down. LAX has THE BEST INTRO in the company by far. Ortiz and Santana at least now have red, black, and white gear to at least look intimidating instead of last week’s black and yellow caution tape gear. LAX hits a double team draping cutter and a double stomp. Diamante takes out Rosemary before Loredo Kid eats a combo powebromb/blockbuster to give this version of LAX its first title run. This was a rushed spotfest, but it did give LAX a chance to shine – so that was good.

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