WWE Raw 4-3-17 Recap – Post-Mania Raw

A “Cut You Down” recap highlights Taker-Reigns and they show a good chunk of the retirement deal in still shots. The crowd chants “Undertaker!” to start the show off. The endless clapping in the chant is a wee bit much though. Love it leading to long “Roman sucks” chants and then Roman coming out. Cole talks about how Taker may have had his last ride last night. So they are going about as close to saying he’s retired without actually saying it was his last match. Cole hypes up Roman as one of only two men to beat Taker at WM.

A “fuck you Roman” chant breaks out, and that’s a bit much. “Delete” is at least amusing. “Asshole”. Really? They’re getting Roman over a face just because the fans are being dicks. “Ro-man sucks!” and “Shut the fuck up” are a bit too much. Roman says he’s got them in the palm of his hand…yeah. He gets one line off on the mic – “this is my yard now” and leaves. Hardys vs. The Club is up next as a “championship rematch”, which is technically incorrect and correct since it isn’t a triple threat ladder match, but they were the champs going in.

WM stills. I forgot about the giant HHH statues during his intro. Good God is Hunter suppressing…things. Hardys are getting a gigantic intro here and it’s awesome. Matt does DELETE to the fans – but you can’t hear him because of the theme. So maybe he’s saying they’ll DEFEAT them and the fans are just mis-hearing him. WWE allowing so much of this Broken stuff to be done reminds me so much of WCW calling the Big Bossman the Boss. Side Effect hits and the Club is sent outside for an ad break.

There’s a “FUCK THAT OWL” chant live on Raw. Wow. Also, moves are being done. This gimmick got so over that WWE is bringing Jeff back WITH A PUSH and two strikes on his record. It’s amazing. Poetry in Motion using the steps hits Gallows on the floor. Twisto and swanton end it. Hardys live on Raw Talk! I might just have to watch Raw Talk for the first time. Seth and Jericho face Joe and KO later.

Seth vs. HHH stills focus on HHH. Neville is out for a post-break match. WM stills are shown and Neville brags. A cool song hits and…it’s just Mustafa Ali. Neville dominates for an ad break. They talk about #RawAfterMania trending and I’m sure that’s due to Neville doing a post-break headlock. Snap Saito suplex to Ali. Beach balls are being tossed around and it leads to “beach ball mania”. “Hey we want some beach ball!”  Inverted rana and a big wacky DDT gets 2.5 thanks to Neville getting the ropes. Inverted 450 misses, but the Red Arrow is teased, and the Rings of Saturn necklock ends it.  VINCE RETURNS. Vince popping his head over the limbo door reminded me of WM XIX.

Vince comes down and the fans sing his theme. A Superstar Shakeup is next week! Must everything be wackily-branded!? Vince talks about Steph being hurt due to the table bump and calls the fans bloodthirsty. He gets DELETEd! Vince says that a new GM will be named. AND HE’S A HALL OF FAMER! LOL @ teasing Teddy! Kurt is named GM, which is perfect for him IF HE’S PROTECTED. Kurt being GM opens the door to him getting physical without actually doing a match – probably the best in-between for everyone.

New Day is out. Sad New Day isn’t dressed as …MOOOGLE and…CHOCOBO! They have wacky LOD shoulderpads and a Booty-Os backpack that shoots Booty-Os. They issue an open challenge and THE REVIVAL IS HERE! The big YEAH! chant during the theme is going to get over. Corey references the Cornette line about the divorce court single-arm DDT and we go to break. Dash clubs away after the break. Shatter Machine wins it!

Kurt unboxes his stuff and meets the Jersey boys. I love Kurt being the total straight man to Enzo’s rhetorical questions. Bayley is out, Dana, and Sasha team with her. Emma doing the Stacy Keibler thing on the announce table works. Emma dominates Bayley, but Bayley gets a wacky rolling thing on the mat. Nia dominates Bayley after the break. Sasha gets tagged in and hits a series of double knees to the gut before Sasha makes Charlotte tap to the bank statement. Charlotte is mad and blames everyone else instead of herself. Nia jumps her and elbow drops her. Charlotte…kinda babyface turn here?

Sami rambles on for eons with Kurt. Kurt says that Sami has all three Is – so no matter where he goes, he’ll be okay. Also, Sami no longer wants to go to SD. Sweet mother of God, Jinder has gained 20 pounds of muscle in just his arm veins since Mania. WM stills. Of all the times WWE chooses to use more than one verse of a song, they choose a part of “Green Light” that mentions OJ Simpson. Brock and Heyman come out. Heyman is just reciting the Brock-Goldberg speech before their match, only live.

Heyman says Goldberg is gone and gets a “thank you Brock” chant. Heyman teases Brock vs. Seth, Brock vs. Jeff, Brock vs. Matt, or even BOTH HARDYS. Amazing how the Hardys went from went from being job guys to Brock in his first few months to now actually being brought up as possible challengers. Heyman says that the 2 in 23-2 should go one on one to determine WHOSE YARD IT IS! Teasing Brock vs. Roman at WM next year is either brilliant or showing that they really are that out of touch. Probably the latter.

BRAUN!  He wants Brock, and Brock lays the belt down – but Braun wants to beat Roman first, so he’ll do this on his time. Charly interviews Jericho, and KO vs. Jericho is announced for Payback. Jericho puts KO’s finger on the list. KO and Joe attack him and powerbomb him through a table. Kurt meets Seth and tells him that Chris can’t be his partner tonight – but he’ll find Seth a partner.

Emzo and Cass are out to face Cesaro and Sheamus. I demand a Revival vs. Kilted Badasses match! Enzo is in Orlando Magic gear and gets thrown around a lot during Air Enzo. Ad break shows off Enzo and Cass in a Universal ad. Enzo is so perfect in these product tie-in ads – he’s fantastic. Cesaro gets a sharpshooter, but Cass boots him. Sheamus tosses Enzo into an uppercut and they win! That’s a great finish for them.

They do another WM rundown and bring up that it COULD have been Taker’s last match. Jinder is hindering the death slot on Raw. Stills show Gronk taking out Jinder and Mojo winning the battle royal. “If Sami Zayn had any friends, they wouldn’t be allowed to interfere on his behalf!”
Glorious line. Jinder jumps him before the bell, but a Helluva kick ends it.

KO and Joe come down, followed by Seth. Balor Club Worldwide is back! He acts like a smug prick, which makes sense since Seth INJURED HIM, COST HIM HIS TITLE, AND MOCKED HIM. Jesus. KO’s forehead is still sliced up. Seth dominates for a bit before taking in Finn and an NXT chant breaks out. Dives to the heels on the floor. Seth “damages the knee”, so Joe does a spinning toehold. Apron PK hits Joe and Finn is shining in short bursts here. Superkicks aplenty, and the shotgun kicks hits KO. Coup de gras hits and KO loses. If that’s it for Raw…that’s it? Seth and Finn celebrate. Yup, that’s it.

 

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