Apollo Crews was moved to Raw before the show. Well, he can’t really be booked worse. Miz and Maryse come out as Cena and Nikki and mock Cena more. So they’re on Raw. Then Dean comes down and congratulates Cena and Nikki as if they’re here. Miz reveals the ruse, and Dean hits the Dirty Deeds on Miz. Well, Miz is already back to feeling like a mid-card geek. Kurt staring into space as Sami talks his head off amuses me greatly. Sami chats for eons and then Kurt tells him that there’s a lot of interest from SD and then Sami asks him to quantify that. Miz argues and by golly, I think we’ve got a match tonight!
New Day is out, and without Kofi. So they’ve gone from dildos on their head to having a blow-up doll for Kofi. Okay then. Xavier says that Kofi’s spirit lives within the blow-up doll. The Revival have on WE BROKE KOFI’S ANKLE and RIP 2017-2017 shirts for the cart. Revival dominates with minor heel tactics before an ad break. THE WORLD IS TALKING ABOUT #SUPERSTARSHAKEUP according to Cole. I doubt that. Dawson throws Woods into Dash’s knee in the corner. The heels cheat to try and win via schoolboy. E hits Dawson with a belly to belly into the buckle before Woods hits a CORNER TO CORNER FLYING ELBOW! SUPER Shatter Machine ends it again – so it looks like the New Day is heading to SD.
THE FATE OF SETH ROLLINS will be determined tonight. Within one sentence talking about Seth, we get two of his goofy forced nicknames that aren’t over. A we want Ryder chant breaks out before Neville chats about Aries not being on the Neville level. TJP says he’ll make him eat his words. Neville tells him that he’ll never get a shot and his career has been a joke since he lost the title and title matches have gone to others and not him. Aries says he didn’t cost him anything and then Neville sucks up more to TJP.
Curt Hawkins comes out to even less of a reaction on Raw. He wants a welcoming committee and gets Big Show. Well, I was hoping for Braun. KO punch ends this non-match – because I guess they didn’t want to job him out on night one. Neville comes out to do commentary for Aries’s match with TJP. Cole asks Neville if he can play journalist for a moment and Neville says “nope” in a great bit. Neville calls Aries’ second-rope neckbreaker illegal. They argue and Aries almost gets counted out. TJ cradles him to win. Great, so no one gets over. TJP jumps Aries and still gets a “you still suck” chant.
Seth walks backstage and bumps into Enzo and Cass. His knee is now apparently 100% despite working two matches on it. Seth comes out. LOL @ the fans imitating Seth’s goofy monkey chest pounding stuff. Seth says he didn’t know if he’d be able to talk to the fans again. Seth was worried that he wouldn’t be able to deliver long, monotonous promos that go nowhere. Why would an injured knee impede that? Seth brags about slaying The King of Kings. Crossfit Jesus slayed the King of Kings. Oh the irony. Seth finally gets his chance to cut a promo thanking the fans for helping him get his big win over HHH. He says he wants Joe and the Universal Title, but may never get a shot due to the table bump that Steph took. We see it in slow motion and it is funnier there.
Seth says that life will be hard on Raw, so he could just go to SD – but he took the easy way out before and that’s not him anymore. Seth actually has a character now thanks to this one promo. Amazing. Kurt comes out. LOL @ them showing a sign with Kurt holding the TNA and IWGP Titles. Kurt shakes hands with Seth before Joe jumps Seth. Kurt separates them. Marked out a bit there seeing Joe in there with Kurt again.
Charly asks KO how the Superstar Shakeup will affect him and he says that no matter where he’s at, the cream will rise to the top. He says he’s the face of America and Raw’s top champion – and as long as Ambrose knows his place, things will be okay. Charlotte comes out to face Nia, leading to a recap of last week. Charlotte gets worn down on the mat for a while. Nia misses a charge and then Charlotte tosses her into the post. Moonsault off the top to the floor. Mid-ring, Nia hits a Samoan drop and beats her – so she’s going to SD. The commentators hype up Finn, and we get a hype video for him for his WWE 24 special.
WWE spent high six figures so Finn Balor could wrestle JINDER MAHAL. Jinder attacks and Finn recovers briefly, but eats knees to the chest. Jinder KOs him with an elbow, but the Slingblade, shotgun kick, and the foot stomp end it. The footstomp seems needlessly dangerous for a TV match – just do the safer Bloody Sunday. Bray’s video hits. BALOR VS. BRAY IN A BATTLE OF THE SUPERPOWERS! Or maybe not. Bray says that he is bringing the House of Horrors match in three weeks. So I think that means it’ll be on Payback, which is a Raw PPV and I guess it’s for the WWE Title too. Weird. Everything about this seems half-baked.
We get a recap of the opening bit. Crews was moved before the show and was just called “the best pure athlete in WWE!” Well, he’s doomed. Kalisto, Heath, and Rhyno are also on Raw. Sami gets a bit of an edge before hiding behind Maryse. Miz mocks Sami’s “Ole” chant before a superplex is countered. Miz does the yes kicks, which get countered into a blue thunder bomb for 2. Sami cradles Miz out of a Finale to win. Heck of a start for Miz in this run. So much for him having any hope of being in the main event scene again.
Dean vs. KO is announced for tonight’s show. Cole goes backstage to interview Roman. Cole asks a very long-winded question to basically get to “how do you feel about ending Taker’s career?”. Roman calls it bittersweet and he respects Taker. Braun then runs in and kicks his ass before throwing him through tables. Thank God they set up all these tables behind a large metal box for some reason. Braun powerslams him on a smaller metal box before shoving a metal rolling box into him. They’ve really made a new star with these rolling metal boxes getting so much airtime. They replay Roman’s flight. All that was missing from Roman soaring through the air was a “wweeeee!” sound effect.
A replay is shown, and then Braun tosses the gurney off a ramp. Roman is loaded into an amublance WHICH BRAUN THEN PUSHES OVER. This was high comedy. Sheamus, Cesaro and the Hardys face The Club and the Shining Stars. Not much to the match. Everyone does signature spots and the Hardys win with a Twist of Fate and a swanton. Dana reads “How to be Your Own Protege” before Emma demands she follow her again. Dana says that was last year and while Emma had an identity crisis, the division was getting better – including her.
Sasha comes out to introduce “it’s just Bayley”. Sasha wants a shot, but Alexa Bliss comes down and talks smack. Then Mickie comes down and gets jumped by Nia. Nia tosses Sasha out and Samoan drops Bayley. Owens comes out to face Dean in the main event. Cole points out both men were once main event-level champions. Dean runs wild for a few seconds and we go to a break.
After the break, KO gets a long chinlock. Dean hits a dive, and avoids a cannonball. KO gets crotched and eats a clothesline off the top. Lunatic lariat meets a kick and a package sideslam gets 2. Crowd chants for Jericho. Owens goes for Dirty Deeds, but it’s countered into Dirty Deeds by Dean, who wins it. Jericho comes down and hits a codebreaker to KO, who sure feels like he’s going to SD.
Tags: monday night raw, superstar shakeup, WWE RAW