10 Thoughts on … Ring of Honor April 8, 2017 (Top Prospect Semi-Final, The Briscoes and Bully Ray, Six Man Title Match)

Thought Zero – I’ll be honest, I am not in the best of moods, so that will probably come across in this column. It is nothing regarding wrestling or Ring of Honor, but the world sort of sucks all around right now, so let’s get this moving.

1) The main event of today’s program will be the six man title change between The Kingdom and Silas Young and The Briscoes and Bully Ray. I can not say I am excited about the whole Bully Ray thing. He is still pretty good on the mic, but his best days in the ring are behind him. Maybe I can pun enough to make him interesting.

2) Match #1 is Hanson versus Punishment Damien Martinez. Yes, Martinez has reclaimed his first name. Bully on  him. Martinez recently chokeslammed BJ Whitmer to hell, but is apparently not a face. In my book, if you destroy BJ Whitmer, I’m going to cheer you.

3) Hanson starts off strong, but Martinez hits a second rope spear to turn the tables. This match was good, but there was no real purpose to it. Martinez did hit an insane tope con hilo over the corner turnbuckle onto Hanson on the floor. Both of these guys are just big monsters who are insanely athletic. As such, they both sort of deserve better. like, I don’t know, a storyline or something. Anyway, Martinez won with the South of Heaven chokeslam after a distraction from Davey Boy Smith Jr. which forced Hanson to miss a top rope moonsault. Yes, Hanson did a sweet top rope moonsault. Why DBS Jr. was out here was puzzling unless ROH has some future plans for him.

4) Next we get to see replays of TK O’Ryan’s horrific injury at the 15th Anniversary. And we see it several times. This is Joe Theismann-level wince-inducing. Basically, O’Ryan did a springboard moonsault to the floor and bashed both his shins onto the guardrail, breaking his leg badly enough to need surgery after. Really, it was sickening. Did I stutter? It was bad. Let’s not show that again please. The genuine emotion from Vinny Marseglia and Matt Taven was nice to see though.

5) Back from break and we see some footage that Adam Page filmed which showed him attacking Frankie Kazarian in a parking garage and then trying to strangle him with a noose. I get that it is filmed for a wrestling show. I get they thought that segment might put some heat on a program between the two men. But come on now. If you are going to commit a felony, possibly even murder, why do you film it? Moreso, why do you bring an accomplice to film it for you? Is this cameraguy going to be revealed as another wrestler, or is he just some random criminal that the Bullet Club associates with? Wassssup with that? Suspension of disbelief, people. One positive, when they go back to Ian Riccaboni and Kevin Kelly, Ian is all angry and appalled but what he just saw. Kevin Kelly basically says, “Yeah. Now how about that Top Prospect Tournament, eh?” I don’t know whether he meant to totally poo-poo that dumb segment or if he is the mysterious camera dude…. Mystery…

6) The next match is another semi-final in the Top Prospect tournament between Curt Stallion and John Skyler. Stallion really shouldn’t be featured this prominently. He has a super generic look and is good, but nothing spectacular. Skyler is a member of the Extreme Horsemen where he normally wrestles, so I anticipate him going over and maybe trying to get the rest of that stable into Ring of Honor. Decent, but generic match overall. They tried their best though. More energetic than I expected honestly. Stallion hit a sick looking launching headbutt on Skyler towards the end, but Skyler finished with his Southern Salvation finisher. Oh yeah, Skyler calls himself the “Southern Savior” for some reason. Testify.

7) Ian decided to annoy me as well when he stated that Stallion was like a “wild bronco” out there. Way to nail that horse pun there. Don’t make me smack you. Do you know who I am? Ugh.

8) We get a little video from sad Adam Cole, drinking in his hotel room, begging for the Young Bucks to make things right since they are now on the outs. ROH, don’t go trying to make the Adam Cole character more interesting NOW. We all know he’s leaving soon. In poker terms, he’s got a busted straight and the Jackson brothers have aces and eights. Jerks.

9) Silas Young offers to be The Kingdom’s third member since O’Ryan is out of action. They agree, but obviously don’t get along. And Taven hates Silas’ mustache. It is actually a pretty impressive mustache. I imagine it must look wacky in 3D. Still, Silas parading to the ring all proud and holding a six-man belt is hilarious. Young is definitely underappreciated.

10) This wound up being a good match when Bully Ray wasn’t involved in the action. Of course the Briscoes and Bully Ray take the belts so I guess we will get a lot more Bully Ray coming up in the future. Can’t we just bulldoze Dudleyville already? (Yeah, I gave up on trying to make the joke even appear natural.)

 

The Top Prospect match was better than I thought it would be. Martinez and Hansen should have been given a real reason to want to kill each other, but their match was good as well. And the main event was good except for Mark LoMonaco’s involvement. I mean, the guy couldn’t even beat Kane on The Weakest Link. Anyway, I’m going to sleep. See you next week.

And yes, I admit a good portion of my dislike for Bully Ray is the fact that he is dating Velvet Sky. Damn it to hell.

 

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