WWE Great Balls of Fire 2017 Recap

Great Balls of Fire. I hope the laugh was worth it Vince.

We started the PPV off with Seth and Bray, who are feuding over Bray talking too much. Both men got very good pops, Seth especially, which is lovely to see. In our online bubbles we often work ourselves into blatantly incorrect opinions: Seth not being popular is one of those online opinions. I’m happy for the bloke but still passionately believe he’s made to be a heel instead of face. But ah well, we’ve got copies of 2K18 to sell brother. This match was perfectly watchable but neither man really stepped it up into another gear; these two will be feuding a bit longer it seems, and we’ll get the now trademark Bray losses at subsequent pay-per-views.

Cass and Enzo were out next. Enzo cut another intense, personal promo
Enzo bumped around like a vanilla midget for the big lug Cass, and did a decent job of getting the crowd’s sympathies. That being said, I keep getting the overwhelming vibe this team should not have split up yet. Cass isn’t ready now – and might never be – and the twosome had not even been champions yet. I seriously don’t see where these two go next – Cass will get an obvious push over the summer months but is not ready for titles; Enzo simply isn’t good enough in-ring to be a singles star. I’ll be interested to see what happens, but I can’t help but feel we’ll be saying “what if” with this team in the coming years.

The Hardyz versus Sheamus and Cesaro had no right being an Iron Man match. For the first 20 minutes the teams showed off some A-class holding patterns and it was only note-worthy for how OVER Matt Hardy is. It’s actually insane how the Broken gimmick (which hasn’t even surfaced in WWE yet) has resonated with mainstream audiences across so many American arenas. It’s surreal that the bloated, old looking Hardy brother is the more popular star but god damn does he deserve it, for all the years in the shadows he’s had. I hope he gets to do the Broken stuff soon – he deserves a main event push. Jeff did a superb job right at the end chasing after Cesaro and desperately trying to get that equalising pinfall whilst Matt somehow busted his face open. Great ending to an otherwise water-treading match. But “One of the greatest thirty minute matches [I’ve] seen anywhere?” Ha ha Michael Cole, you wish.

Interlude: WWE have hired some of the most terrifying-looking men on earth for their foreign commentary roles. Kadwani I’m looking at you, you huge-jawed lad you.

What would Alexa Bliss have done on this roster without Margot Robbie? Alexa’s look, poses, mannerisms and creepy obsessive fans are all stolen from Suicide Squad. Don’t get me wrong, Bliss does a great job with the character but jeez Louise, can we stop throwing so much praise at the ‘goddess?’ Both women got good crowd reactions and worked super super hard. For all the flack I give Banks, she puts her soul into these big matches (as the sick bumps she took evidence) and played a great fiery babyface. I really liked the match but hated the finish.

Dean has been dull as drying paint ever since his feud with Rollins ended years ago. Either the guy is drinking WAY too much or he really just does not care about his performances anymore. He seems to move in slow motion and completely lacks fire or enthusiasm. Perhaps he wants to go heel? Miz tried his best to get some life out of the ‘Fringe’ but it was no good – just like this match.

Braunnnnnnn!!! What a monster! This is how it’s done and the opening package really showed how superb his build has been since the start of the year. These two are so rough, so physical, with each other and I love every second they’re on screen. These two worked very well together as expected, and the finish was cleverly done. I loved the post match Attitude Era spot with the ambulance, with a shock Jamie Noble return and some awesome Kurt selling.

I’m not even going to talk about the filler match that felt like a WCW
Cruiserweights segment; I was extremely impatient for a main event that still wasn’t on come 4 o’clock in the morning. Man, UK time zones suck.

The main event. It was a fight and it made Lesnar vulnerable in a way he simply hasn’t been with full-timers in this recent WWE run.
I’ve never understood why they insist on Brock spamming suplexes and F5s for his matches. It’s a waste of the millions of dollars they spend on him. It’s clearly boring Brock, who enjoys a good challenge from his opponents. And it makes the roster look useless to a part-timer. By having a long, hard fought battle with Joe, Brock’s reign gains more legitimacy and keeps Joe strong. Why wouldn’t this be the formula for all Brock matches?! I was annoyed Joe died to one F5, but otherwise it was what I want from Brock.

Overall then, this was a bombastically average wrestling event, only redeemed depending on your take on the main events. I personally wouldn’t recommend it.

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