Impact Wrestling 11/30/17 Recap – Johnny Impact vs. Alberto El Patron

JB is backstage with the knockouts who will be in the three way matches to determine a new champion. KC faces Madison and LVN in the first three way match – leading to a graphic of their faces with the names of Allie, Rosemary, and Sienna who will be in the second match. Texano will also face James Storm, while Alberto faces Johnny Impact. LVN comes out and shakes her ass to her music in booty shorts. KC and Madison are out while LVN just sits in the ropes. Everyone gets 2 counts off of sloppy cradles. KC hits a big discus lariat to LVN and drops LVN onto Rayne. LVN hits Candice Michelle’s candy cane finisher to win it. “Laurel Vanus” wins according to the local ring announcer. We get a tournament bracket for this whopping three-match tournament – so they’re at least investing several pennies into graphics.

Hakim Zane comes down “hot” off of winning Global Forged to face Taiji Ishimori. Ishimori hits a tombstone codebreaker and the 450 ends it. Caleb Konley and Trevor Lee attack Ishimori while canned heat rains over them. Storm cuts a promo on Texano before LAX is in their compound and talks about hanging OVE from the roof. Sami faces Randy Myers in Defy. Sami stops when he’s pointed to, which I’m sure makes some sense in context in Defy – this isn’t explained in the slightest. Sami hits what I think is a seated powerbomb, but they miss it for 2. Sami lariats him to win. Randy looked good and has a great build – but these clipped to hell matches help no one.

Alberto says he’ll destroy Johnny Impact and says that no one was watching Impact before he kicked Johnny’s ass. We go backstage to see KM lay in some horrible workred punches to a guy and demand to know if that’s enough to impress ATT. We get more punches that make no contact or sound and this was just odd. Texano comes out to face Storm, who hits his big corner high kick, but Texano slugs him. Texano avoids the Eye of the Storm and hits a superkick. Texano puts Storm’s hat on, but eats a Last Calls uperkick and loses. ATT comes down and Lashley destroys Storm before Moose comes down to save him. Dan Lambert says that wrestling is like the circus – when you get past the novelty, it gets old quick. Lambert makes a match with Lashley and himself against Storm and Mo next week. Rhino spears Abyss through a wall to plug the Pluto app.

We get a silly Park, Park, and Park ad with the debut of Chandler Park. Samoe Joe faces Kurt Angle in the GWN match of the week. Johnny Impact cuts a promo on Alberto and his many issues. Eli cuts a promo on them before EC3 comes out to do commentary as Grand Champion. Tyson Dux faces Matt Sydal in a match that has to have happened on Velocity at some point. Sydal hits the flying knee and wins with the shooting star.  Johnny Impact faces Alberto, who is back to wrestling in a shirt. Johnny hits a big dropkick, but gets sent to the floor hard. They go back and forth with punches, and Alberto wins that one before body blows give Johnny an edge in the corner.  Alberto hits the inverted superplex for 2.5. Johnny sends him down and goes for the Impact Elbow, but Alberto somewhat moves the ref into it and kicks him low and goes for the wacky double stomp. Eli comes down and Alberto argues with him, leading to Johnny hitting starship pain to win it before brawling with everyone until Petey hits a Destroyer on Eli and wraps himself in the Canadian flag.

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