As you may have seen in Murtz’ article, this week was SUPPOSED to be Teen Idols, but was changed to Billboard #1s. No reason why, but I suspect that there were too many requests for Jonas Brothers and none for Ricky Nelson. Or maybe no one could agree what, exactly, constitutes a “teen idol”.

Regardless, Lacey was eliminated on Wednesday, the fairly pointless Judge’s Save is back, but at least the Idol has the option of choosing their potential exit song instead of the one that put them in this position to begin with.

Let’s get to the songs.

Lee Dewyze, “The Letter” (The Boxtops)
The choice of song seems consistent with Lee’s previous selections, so I’ve no problem with that. He also sang the song pretty well, so again, no issues there. I’m still not fully feeling the connection with the audience, but Lee is definitely trying, without going too far over the edge. Let’s hope that he stays, and that the lack of guitar continues`.

Paige Miles, “Against All Odds” (Phil Collins)
I love it when the singers try to tackle this song, because it is deceptively difficult, and invariably trips them up. I think Paige tried to go more the Mariah Carey/Westlife route with this song, to no avail. Debra Byrd should be allowed some leeway here and just tell the contestants “no, you’re not singing this” to their song selection. Combined with last week, I think Paige is in danger of going, as I don’t believe that she has the fanbase needed to keep her here much longer.

Tim Urban, “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” (Queen)
One thing was very clear here – Miley Cyrus didn’t know how to tell Tim that he sucked. But when your best comment is “I didn’t think he had zero personality”, warning signs should be blaring in the viewer’s head. And Tim did not disappoint. I daresay he was impressive in giving us two distinct performances at once. The first was his usual uninspired, underwhelming vocal performance. The second was his slightly more energetic, better thought out physical performance that managed to be contrary to the way he was singing. I’m not sure why people are voting for him (other than the usual VFTW reasons) but if Tim doesn’t go then the Tour will have a definite bathroom break time.

At this point I discovered that, because of the quality of Paige and Tim’s performances (that is, quite bad), I’d completely forgotten whether Lee’s was good or not, and I had to watch it again on the West Coast feed.

David ArchuletaAaron Kelly, “Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” (Aerosmith)
Aaron did more of a country-style rendition, which is fine – Diane Warren songs can probably be done credibly as polka – but my problem is that in the past two seasons we’ve heard excellent renditions from David Cook and Alison Iraheta. Still, I felt that Aaron performed well and he’s gaining confidence as he goes forward in this competition. And Ryan obviously was kidding when he said Archuelta, but there are a lot of obvious comparisons between David and Archie – although truth be told, I am thus far much less annoyed with Aaron than I was with Archie.

Crystal Bowersox, “Me and Bobby McGee” (Janis Joplin)
This was simply great. Crystal promised to ditch the Guitar next week, so I got nothing to say here. But I’m hoping that losing the guitar is not a bad thing for Crystal. I also hope that she does not try to dance. To be honest, none of this group should really try to dance, as they’re about as good at it as Scott McIntyre.

Michael Lynche, “When A Man Loves a Woman” (Percy Sledge)
Lynche did a great rendition of a song that had been previously tortured by Michael Bolton… and me, during a drunken karaoke session when we were all trying to do our best (worst?) Michael Bolton parody. So I feel that I must apologize to Mr. Sledge for that. Anyway, I would agree with Kara and Simon’s assessment that Michael actually oversang things a bit with all the runs and riffs he was pulling out. I realize that runs and riffs are an integral part of today’s R&B music (to the point where we’re getting audibly Auto-Tuned runs and riffs) but in a singing competition, I really feel that it needs to be toned down, and this is part of the reason that you see singers who do a million runs get rejected during the audition phase.

Anyway, I’m done here. Michael’s still a top three singer this season, and thus far nothing has changed this.

Andrew Garcia, “I Heard It Through the Grapevine” (Marvin Gaye)
I said last week that Andrew had given up, and this week did nothing to change my point of view. Andrew should be singing this with a lot more passion, and I wasn’t feeling it. It wasn’t anything as bad as, say, Scott Savol or Meagan Joy Corkley, but still, Andrew isn’t projecting the joy he should have in singing on stage. He’s simply going through the motions, and my hope is that voters are taking note of this. They usually do at this point.

Katie Stevens, “Big Girls Don’t Cry” (Fergie)
Is it possible to sing a Fergie song worse than Fergie? Will Katie Stevens ever sing well? If Martika and Fergie were on the same stage together, would anyone born after 1980 understand the significance? These are questions that pop into my mind, and fortunately I can answer the first two. Unfortunately for Katie, the answers are “Katie did it” and “maybe in about 4 years”. Katie was impressively sharp the entire way through the song and sang with the lack of desperation that only a teenager can do. So yeah, I wasn’t a fan of this, but if Katie is learning from this whole experience, good on her.

Casey James, “The Power of Love” (Huey Lewis and the News)
I really feel that if you do this song and don’t give it enough oomph for the judges to make the “I’m afraid you’re just too darn loud” joke, you’ve failed. Thus, this failed. It’s not that Casey didn’t sing the song well – he just didn’t give it the power (no pun intended) it needed. I’m sure that he’ll go back in time when he sees this on TV later.

Didi Benami, “You’re No Good” (Linda Ronstadt)
Judges were right on in saying that Didi did a musical-worthy performance. In fact, it reminded me a lot of Steffi D from Canadian Idol season 3. Probably Didi could’ve picked a better song but I understand that she feels that she’s not a front-runner and is changing things up to try and pick up more votes. But still, I feel that with the large library the contestants are given here, that she could’ve chosen a much better song to show what she can do.

Siobhan Magnus, “Superstition” (Stevie Wonder)
Siobhan is a bit of a nerd, isn’t she? Anyway, it was another great performance from her, although Simon is correct in saying that she’s becoming a bit predictable – build and build and build until she finally hits that big note. The thing is that even though Siobhan was predictable in execution, it was still done better than almost everyone in the competition, so it’s a case of the judges pushing her to do more, knowing that she’ll be back next week.

Rankings:
Crystal
Siobhan
Michael
Aaron
Lee
Casey
Didi
Katie

Bottom 3
Paige
Andrew
Tim

Eliminated:
Paige

That’s it for this week. Don’t forget, see Murtz at Wizard World Toronto!
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The group song is the Black Eye Pea’s “I Got a Feeling.” I got a feeling that this performance is on Memorex. This is the kind of song that if it was part of a telethon, people would be asking for their contributions returned. They’d be rooting for the disease to ravage these kids. Four of these contestants will have a feeling that they’re packing their bags and going home. No tour this summer. Just a lot of friends and strangers asking, “Why’d you pick that song?”

Time for the first guy to be sent home. Todrick Hall somehow finds himself as safe. Guess his munchkin controversy hasn’t hit critical for the producers. Tim Urban is safe. That’s right, the Vote for the Worst crowd has come through. John Park is given the sad news that he’s being returned to his college career. One second you got Shania Twain wanting to lick the sweat off your throat and now you got Ryan making you sing goodnight to America. Think he can get Shania’s cell number from Randy?

The second row of boys comes down to Jermaine Sellers and Andrew Garcia. Jermaine swore he wasn’t going home last night because he knows God. Unfortunately God didn’t call his number enough. He’s sent packing. Does this mean he won’t be taking Simon to church? My wife thinks America became stunned by him dancing around in his adult onesie. It was as creepy of an image as Jame Gumb dancing in Silence of the Lambs. John and Jermaine were the right folks to send packing.

Danny Gokey breaks up the night with “Best Days Are Ahead of Me.” It’s rather country with a steel pedal guitar. He’s got a fun vibe to him with this up tune. After the song, Danny tells Ryan that he misses the judges. He begs Ellen to let him dance on her show. Why the genre shift from pop ballads? Randy Travis inspired him to do country after he was a mentor on an episode. He’s going on tour with Sugarland. He’s looking good even though he finished third last season.

Lily Scott gets all the praise from the judges. She’s safe. Paige Miles is reminded that she didn’t have enough anger for Kara’s song. But it doesn’t matter. She sits back down. Katie Stevens gets that dentist office diss, but there’s no root canal for her. She’s coming back next week. Didi Benami and Michelle Delamor stand next to each other in this Highlander battle. There will be only one. Ryan asks Kara who should stay. Kara thinks Michelle wasn’t good on TV versus in the room. Didi is safe. Michelle Delamor is gone. What? Guess Didi’s crying game after Simon slammed her brought in the pity phone calls. This is another case of America wanting to keep the worst going in Simon’s final season. It’s so tragic that her last moment on the show must be marked by Creed’s “Arms Wide Open.” Not an improvement over last night.

The next row stands up. Katelyn Epperly gets the safe call. Crystal Bowersox is safe, too. She just needs to take care of herself. Siobhan Magnus will continue as our flakey punky goddess on the stage. Haely Vaughn and Lacey Brown are brought to the front of the stage. Who can it be? Haely Vaughn is cut! Oh no. The first Vote for the Worst defeat of the season. Haely and Lacey hug and can’t separate because their jewelry has locked.

They give us the montage of all four losers. They had such great aspirations. Now their dreams have been dashed. All four lock arms and watch the highlights. It’s like a scene is a disaster film when the doomed secondary characters look brave before the tornado sucks them into oblivion. Haely gets to butcher Miley Cyrus one more time. She’s hitting every note like a dragster nailing a speed bump. Tears in the audience are from ear pain. Where could she go after this slaughter? She peaked in her badness too fast.

The foursome that won’t be mutilating music next week are John Park, Jermaine Sellers, Michelle Delamor and Haely Vaughn. Now according to the Fox schedule for next week: The girls will perform Tuesday at 8 p.m. The guy take the stage Wednesday at 9 p.m. The results show is Thursday at 8 p.m. Each episode is only an hour long. Why can’t they run everything at 8 p.m.?
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Ryan reminds us that they switched nights. Will the girls be better with an extra day to rehearse? Is this like baseball where an extra night is an advantage to a pitcher? The line up has all 10 of them standing on the stage. Crystal moves rather slow down the stairs, but tells Ryan she’s feeling good. “I’m a tough cookie,” she declares. Randy Jackson wears a Mr. Rogers red sweater. The rest of the table is Ellen, Kara and Simon. For those wondering, Simon is wearing a probably over priced grey buttoned t-shirt that’s unbuttoned to show off his hairy chest. Ryan jokes that Kara’s been getting close to Simon. Perhaps it’s static electricity from his massive hairy chest. It’s like a beaver pelt.

Crystal Bowersox is the first to go. No need to keep her waiting although it kills the tension of what could be a highwire act. Could she have sat around two hours? She talks about her twin brother as a little personal fact. She’s going to put a gospel spin on Credence Clearwater Revival’s “Long As I Can See the See Light.” They have the Hammond organ intro the piece to give it a churchy vibe. She’s working the soulful tone. She nails the soar at the end. There’s no need to collect pity phone calls off this performance. Randy declares, “Truth is reality.” She loves that girl. Ellen confirms her a pure, raw, natural talent. Kara wants more of the Americana-rock from her. Simon looks extra prissy while pruning up his lips before his pronouncement. He admits he completely misunderestimated her and thought the vocal was incredible. He compares her to Kelly Clarkson.

Haely Vaughn is rather nervous. Why not? She was painful last week butchering the Beatles. Tonight she mutilates Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb.” Her hidden talent is making headbands. Who couldn’t have guessed that hobby? This song doesn’t work without a stripper pole. She’s forcing the words to catch up to the music. She stumbles on the chorus. This isn’t pitchy – it’s a beanball to our ears. She doesn’t seem to know what emotion to sell in the second half of the song. Randy keeps it real by telling her it didn’t work for him. He calls it excruciating for the pitchy non-connections. Ellen begs her to never stop smiling and never sing “The Climb” again. Kara thinks people are rooting for her. Yes, the wonderful people at Vote For The Worst. Simon reduces it to a complete and utter mess. After Crystal’s up moment, we’re back in the gutter.

Lacey Brown likes to refurbish antiques. Although it looks more like second hand furniture that won’t be featured on Pickers. She hopes American likes her version of “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer. This is more impersonation that singing a song. This isn’t as painful as last week. Although I’m not sure what’s the point of just pulling a complete cover without any real curveballs. Randy thought it was a good song choice except it was complete karaoke. Nothing special was brought to it. Ellen thought it was adorable. Kara reflects on her unique tone, but she has to step it up. Simon suggests she’s merely in a competition instead of showcasing her true talent. Ryan asks Lacey what she could do to make it more memorable? How about juggle kittens and chainsaws? I’d remember that performance.

Katie Stevens can say, “Give me a kiss” in six different languages. Since she’s 17, it’d be best to wait before responding. She’s going younger by doing Corinne Bailey Rae’s “Put Your Records On.” She hits a hiccup in the first part. She’s a little bit too nervous for the casual nature of the song. She’s got a strange Sheena Easton vibe going. The big notes don’t roll naturally. She has nice moments, but they don’t quite connect. Randy praises when she went to the bridge and hit her upper register. Otherwise it was pitchy. Ellen wants her to go younger. Younger? Will she hit the Wiggles songbook? Kara is also frustrated with her not pulling us in. Simon doesn’t know what kind of artists she’s going to be. She’s looking like she’d rather be back in homeroom.

Didi Benami looks like she’s auditioning for an Aaron Spelling series. She’s got ‘70s hair. She was the mascot for her high school. She does meowing exercises before the show. She should perform the “Meow Mix” commercial. But instead she’s purr up Bill Wither’s “Lean on Me.” She’s got out the stool to look more poignant. Her knee length boots should impress Simon. The song isn’t clicking with her. There’s no emotion in the delivery. It’s passionless. Randy points out the song pointed out all her imperfections. Ellen loves her voice. She beats around the bush with semi-compliments before blaming it on the song choice. Kara slaps her with the “wasn’t good” declaration. But she’s still a fan of Didi. Simon gets a single boo from the audience when he jokes about her song having the cat theme. He sums it up as a wasted opportunity. The audience is dead quiet. Didi won’t talk as she holds back the tears with a wide smile. Go for the pity, lady.

Michelle Delamor promises to take some risks tonight with Creed’s “Arms Wide Open.” Will she put her foot on the monitor, spread her arms wide and look up the heavens? Cause that’s 9/10ths of a Creed performance. She’s extra breathy on the opening lines. She makes it a ballad for the first half with the dominating acoustic guitar. The bridge has a not so electric guitar. Repeating the title at the end get tedious. It’s not as blah as the last few numbers. Randy’s most positive is her hot outfit. It felt flat to him. Ellen swears she, “Forgot it was a rock song for a few moments.” Kara sums it up as her favorite performance from her. Simon stands with Kara. They claim Vera Wang is in the audience, but the crowd shot is missing her.

Lily Scott has spent the week learning to connect with the camera. She can’t afford to close her eyes during the performances. She shows off her various instruments including the Moog. Where the theremin? Her twelve string guitar will accompany her on Sam Cooke’s “A Change Is Going to Come.” She doesn’t fake the deep voice of Sam. Her eyes are closed. She’s got a goofy inflection which isn’t bad for her style. It’s pleasant, but not sure if it will inspire too much change. Randy says this season has the most unique contestants. Really? Randy feels she worked it out and did her thing. Ellen nails her with the fact that she has it. Kara thinks she had her first moment. Simon feels the song was oversung in the middle, but it’s still great.

Katelyn Epperly was studying to be a recording engineer before Idol. She sits at a grand piano to give us her version of Coldplay’s “The Scientist.” This is like a piano bar rendition except she doesn’t have the giant brandy glass for tips. Her voice keeps rising, but it doesn’t take it to an emotional high. She gets a clean soar at the end. It’s good, but not fascinating. Randy really liked it even thought it was really slow. Ellen does schtick about Katelyn playing guitar. It was way too slow. Kara loves her. Simon suggests she’s back in the race with a performance a million times better than last week. How bad did Simon think she was? Did she kill a baby seal with her voice?

Paige Miles is feeling awesome, but needs water. Her secret is using coloring books with markers and crayons. She’s going back to the show’s roots with “Walkaway” by Kelly Clarkson. She’s got more funky in her voice than Kelly. She looks awkward while scanning the crowd. She’s got emotion in the chorus. The big notes swell. This was much more exciting than a Coldplay cover. Randy mentions the song was co-written by Kara. Cha-ching. Randy thinks there were too many words and not enough singing. Ellen loves it. Is this the moment to mention she really needs to think about turtlenecks. Kara thinks Paige can have a hit with the song. Cha-ching! Kara wanted it to be more angry on the telling the guy to take a hike. Simon agrees with Randy. Two weeks in a row she’s getting lost in wrong song selection.

Siobhan Magnus once had a mokawk. The old photos show it wasn’t too radical. She didn’t have it waxed up and multi-colored like a Plasmatics. She’s still a goofy punk girl. She’s going big tonight with Arethra Franklin’s “Think.” She’s hits a bad note like a beer split on a Dusty Springfield record. She better hope her cuteness and short skirt gets the callers. Her high note comes off like an air raid siren. This was the disaster of the night. But the crowd is going nuts. Randy calls it dope. She slayed it? Ellen is also praising her. Kara can’t get over the note. Simon sums her up as a strange person. He feels it was good and bad, but interesting.

The montage gives us another chance to see Crystal made it to the show from her hospital bed. She didn’t waste her recovery. Katelynn Epperly doesn’t have her name and number up that long. They end the montage with way too much time left. Ryan quizzes the panel about he progress. Simon says the stand out performer is Crystal Bowersox.

Unlike the guys night, there were at least a few people not playing it safe. Here’s the breakdown of the evening.

STAND OUTS
Crystal Bowersox & Lily Scott.

MIDDLE OF THE PACK
Lacey Brown, Katie Stevens, Michelle Delamor, Katelyn Epperly, Paige Mills & Siobhan Magnus.

SUNK
Didi Benami & Haely Vaughn.

Normally I’d stick with my bottom two getting their final song. But Vote for the Worst did well last week. I can’t see Haely being shuffled off so fast. Katelyn Epperly is my pick to replace her since her phone number vanished quick.

Remember that the results show is after Human Target on Thursday.
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OK, so we’ve completed the Hollywood round and determined the Top 24. We’re going back to the “Pop Hits” well to give the singers as much of a choice as possible to make the final stage. As we’ve seen time and time again, song choice is critical. Choose something too easy and you’ll probably get flak from the judges for not taking chances. Choose something too difficult and you’re in danger of not getting votes because you went beyond your abilities. And most importantly, don’t choose something because “you like like that song”. I think most of the major fails during the first elimination rounds come because people decide that they’ll sing Maroon 5 because they like Maroon 5. If you’re not choosing something that you know you can sing from the heart, you’ll be getting an early ticket home.

With that said, let’s get to the singers.

Paige Miles, “All Right Now” (Free)
OK start to the show. Bringing an R&B flavour to the song was the right way to go given that the bar for this song was set by David Cook. I expected the pitchiness given that she was the first “live” singer of the season, but her voice will probably carry her through to the next round.

Ashley Rodriguez, “Happy” (Leona Lewis)
Ashley does love her reality singing winners, doesn’t she? This was, to say the least, not good. Ashley was off key for most of the song, and probably you shouldn’t be going for a “diva” song at this stage. And for goodness sake, don’t sing a song by Simon’s “girl” if you can’t kill it.

Janell Wheeler, “What About Love” (Heart)
Here’s another unwritten Idol rule – don’t sing Heart unless you can kill the song. This was not killed – this was more of a gentle bruising of the song. Janell moves well, so that’s a plus, but really, it didn’t sound good, it didn’t rock out, and it’s putting Janell in the bottom.

Lilly Scott, “Fixin’ a Hole” (The Beatles)
For some reason Lilly’s voice reminds me of the (old) lead singer of Sneaker Pimps. Seriously, it’s the first thing that popped into my head. Definitely a curious choice, but as Simon noted, she chose the song because it fit her and didn’t stray from who she was, and that is a good thing. I think her status as a kinda-sorta real-life Phoebe Buffay will carry her through this round, at least.

Katelyn Epperly, “Oh Darling” (The Beatles)
This song was some serious type of old-fashioned, yet Katelyn seemed to work it well. She seems to be Simon’s token Blonde Pet Project for the year, so that’s good news for her. Not sure about the look though – she went from Margo Timmins to 60′s torch singer, and I’m can’t say that’s a good thing. I think she gave a good account of herself though, and she’s probably safe.

Haeley Vaughn, “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” (The Beatles)
Have I mentioned that I hate having the 16/just turned 17-year old singers in this competition? I really feel that this is way too young to be competing on Idol or any other competition show. On Idol, the ability gap between a 16-year old and a 24-year old is usually very apparent. Yes, you get the occasional Really Good Singer, but you have so many others that crash and burn. In a way, it’s akin to the former NBA practice of drafting high-school players. For every Kobe or Lebron, you have busts or journeymen players such as Kwame Brown, Tyson Chandler, Louis Williams or Ricky Sánchez.

Regardless, Haeley may very well be in the Lebron category. This version was brilliant. I really don’t have anything else to say about it, except, ENOUGH WITH THE BEATLES ALREADY (unless you’re singing “Eleanor Rigby”, for which the bar was again set by David Cook). She’s probably safe until the pressures of being 16 and on Idol get to her.

Lacey Brown, “Landslide”, (Fleetwood Mac)
This was alternately good and bad, as Lacey seemed to cycle through the original version PLUS the Smashing Pumpkins and Dixie Chicks covers throughout the performance. This is probably an easier song to pull off and you really have to nail the easy songs to earn praise from the judges. The universal panning probably means that Lacey is as good as gone.

Michelle Delamor, “Fallin” (Alicia Keys)
Started off poor, smoothed out in the middle, ended poor. This was not good, but luckily for Michelle there’s enough girls singing poorly that she’ll get lost in the crowd. With respect to singing Alicia Keys, see the Heart comment. Or better yet, don’t do it.

Didi Benami, “The Way I Am” (Ingrid Michaelson)
This was the strangest song choice of the night. It seemed to work for who Didi is, but singing a song that maybe only Mathan’s heard of doesn’t really help. This was not memorable, and she’s gonna need to step it up if she’s back next week.

Siobhan Magnus, “Wicked Game” (Chris Isaak)
I thought that this performance was a pretty good rendition of a song that really doesn’t seem like an “Idol” song, but with Siobhan it worked because she worked with the dark and moody vibe. The problem is that given that this song doesn’t really “show you off” all the way through it’s more a round 2 song and probably doing something more upbeat would make her more memorable.

Crystal Bowersox, “Hand in My Pocket” (Alanis Morissette)
As much as I enjoyed the performance, it was probably too much busker and too little Idol. The judges probably hit it on the head in that with Crystal, it’s not really about the song and more about how she puts herself out there. Hopefully she sticks around, but I don’t know that she’ll get the chance to.

Katie Stevens, “Feelin’ Good” (Michael Bublé)
This sounded like an “alternative” strip club song, and once again it’s indicative of poor song selection from a younger singer. The voice was there, but the problem is that it’s not a good song to sing in competition – unless it’s Bublé week. I’m sorry, she shouldn’t be here at all. The producers should really let singers like Katie mature before throwing them into the fire like this.

Recaps, a preview of So You Think You Can’t Dance the guys, and we’re out.

Rankings:

Haeley
Paige
Lilly
Katelyn
Siobhan
Crystal
Michelle
Didi
Katie
Janell
Ashley
Lacey

Going Home:
Lacey
Katie

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Is there any reason we should be optimistic that tonight’s second semifinals boy’s round will be a major improvement over the first night? That was the worst two hours of network television ever to be watched by 22 million people. It was beyond amateur hour with only a few mediocre performances amongst the painful renditions. Every critic that demeans the show as a dumb karaoke show was proven right. How can Simon declare these are the cream of the crop? Was he secretly dumpster diving at those stadium tryouts to kill the series on his way out? The good news is there’s only ten male contestants. The bad news is the Vote for the Worst favorites survived the first cut so they can devastate another song. The producers had better spent this last week having these kids polish up their songs instead of going to premieres and other media events.

Ryan has them standing in a row like they’re part of a police line up. More than one of them should be arrested for assault and battery on the ears of America. The assuring thought is that two more will be eliminated on Thursday. The sad part is they’ll get to sing their losing song one more time. Ryan explains that Crystal is at the hospital and the doctor won’t let her perform tonight. The judges table now goes Randy, Ellen, Kara and Simon. They must have heard enough about Ellen and Simon being on opposite ends. The duo have been shunning each other. They are the definition of zero chemistry. Ryan asks Ellen if she’s ever missed a show. She talks about missing American Gladiators and Bewitched. She gets serious about the time she did her show from a hospital bed. Ryan was her guest. She’s a trooper. Then again, she hosts a talkshow and doesn’t have to worry about bad notes. Kara thinks the guys are “going to bring it.” Simon’s asked who is leading: the girls or the guys? He says a smidge goes to the girl. Nobody is winning at this moment.

Big Mike Lynche gets to share his love of musical theater and football in high school. He’s like an episode of Glee. He wants to be a main event and not a supporting. He does James Brown’s “It’s a Man’s, Man’s, Man’s World.” He has it unfunkied. It’s more like what I’d expect from a Michael Bolton concert. He’s lacking passion and stress. He’s not sweating. He’s just not selling me it. There’s no strain which is needed to go with these lyrics. He’s lucky James Brown is dead cause he’d be chased around the studio by the Godfather of Soul. Randy declares Mike has the fire in his eye. He gives him a standing applause. Ellen likes his song choices. She thinks it’s the song to beat. Kara didn’t get it until tonight. She thinks he owned it. Even Simon gives him a glowing review. They’re pushing hard so that we think it’s great. But it was meh. Although last week, meh could dominate the evening.

John Park is back. Why did I think this guy had real talent? I feel cheated by those crafty editors that made him look talented during the audition process. He’s going to focus on his “honesty” this week. Was he being dishonest with those clunker notes? Turns out English is his second language since he was born in Chicago, but moved to Korea. Is that really an excuse? The language issue didn’t hurt Abba. He’s going to strangle “Gravity” by John Mayer. He starts the song while sitting on a stool. He’s keeping in it the safe range. He does look beaten on the stage. He’s very restrained even during the passionate ending. It’s not a complete trainwreck like last week, but a bowl of unflavored Jell-0. Randy doesn’t think he brought any spice to the song. Randy heard pitch issues. Ellen thought it was much better. She noticed the lack of the soul in the performance. Kara didn’t feel a connection between him and the lyrics. She smelt him being safe. Simon thinks John is marked for death. It was a “so what” performance. He plans on forgetting it in 20 minutes. Ellen likes the way he looks, but he needs a wow-ness.

Casey James never watched American Idol before he auditioned. He missed the Taylor Hicks era. He grew up without a TV, but used his time to repair his house. They do a weird bit about his pre-show ritual involving a mysterious box. Is Gwyneth Paltrow’s head in the box? He breaks out the electric guitar for Gavin DeGraw’s “I Don’t Want to Be.” His guitar work overshadows his voice. He also keeps his range tight. The background singers hit the high notes. The end of the song is a solo. That’s nice, but this is a singing contest and not a guitar competition. Randy likes the Stevie Ray Vaughn guitar licks. He sees him making these kind of records. Ellen thinks you can’t go wrong with the song. She thinks he’s still a little stiff on stage. Kara thinks he took two steps back. She thinks he wasn’t upfront and honest. He was missing notes. Simon thinks Casey didn’t return Kara’s calls. Simon is with Kara. He declares Casey doesn’t have authentic grit in his voice. He’s just any guy playing at a bar. Guess people will keep him around to find out what’s in the box.

Alex Lambert is back with his mullet! He threw up before last week’s song. Before? He goes on about how he came up with his own language that sounds like bad Spanish. He’ll have his guitar so there will be no “where do my hands go” issues. He wants to love being on stage. Here’s a tip from Dean Martin: Scotch. He’s not as dysfunctional on John Legend’s “Everybody Knows.” He’s keeping it also tight on the range. There’s just way too much safety. He does one high note at the end and it’s rather hollow. It was an improvement from last week, but still not worthy of network time. Randy thinks it didn’t sound like John Legend. Ellen keeps going with the unripe banana. She wonders how he improved so quickly. She likes him. Kara says he has a recordable voice. Huh? Simon thinks it was a million times better than last week. He still doesn’t believe the kid is playing to win. The judges are being extreme charity cases this week. Maybe they need to forget last week since they’re obviously grading on a curve.

Todrick Hall got heat for his changing of Kelly Clarkson’s song. Hasn’t he been getting enough heat from the bad press about his Oz musical? Now were given footage of being a dancer in the Nutcracker. He name drops Paula Abdul as an inspiration. For a show that didn’t want her, they sure use a lot of her footage. He’s going to not over change Tina Turner’s “What’s Love Got to Do With It.” It’s a major softy at the start. He keeps his feet planted in front of the microphone as if proving he’s not a dancer being a singer. The bridge allows him to release a little bit. His range doesn’t go too far as he wanders the stage. The final note isn’t a stick. Randy liked the falsetto at the end. He didn’t like the new arrangement. “Just sing it!” Ellen doesn’t like that he wasn’t moving during the song. She thinks it wasn’t the right song. Kara likes Todrick, but he was stiff. She wants to know where the Todrick from the first audition went. Simon describes this as a theme park performance when dancers have to sing. Once again it’s an argument about what these judges mean by making the song your own and not merely copying the hit.

Jermaine Sellers shows off his adult size onesie. It looks good. Although he’s really wearing feetie sleeper pajamas. A onesie has no leg coverings and a snap flap that goes over the crotch. He’s dressed in adult clothes to give us “What’s Goin’ On” by Marvin Gaye. This is a trainwreck in progress as he hits a few sharp notes in the light intro. This sounds like an AARP dinner version with his bowtie and Mister Rogers’ sweater. He’s just not selling this song. The big vocal strain is sounds like a hamster being strangled. An unmoving cover. Randy points out that it was better than last week, but not close enough to be great. Ellen starts positive with him rocking the onesie. The song didn’t work well for her. Kara begs him to look at the meaning of the song. Simon is frustrated and disappointed at him since he waters down the songs. He can’t be taken seriously as an artist. Jermaine invites Simon to hear him at church. Simon accepts. But why doesn’t he pick a quasi-Gospel song? He asks them what he should sing next week. Simon doesn’t think he’s going to be around. Jermaine knows God and he’ll be back.

Andrew Garcia discusses his breakdancing skills. He pops like Fred Berry. He’ll be tweaking James Morrison’s “You Give Me Something.” They bath him in blue light. It’s not a good look. The song is a downer. He’s working on the lower register. When he goes for the big notes, it’s rather like a bumping down the stairs. There’s no swagger on the chorus. He doesn’t land the swoon at the end. The song just doesn’t work and took his vocals down. Randy found him pitchy. He wanted him back with the guitar. Ellen disagrees outside of a couple pitch problems. She’s still waiting for him to top the Paula Abdul song. Quit bringing up Paula. She’s gone. You people didn’t want to pay her the big bucks cause you didn’t “need her.” Yet she’s on here more and more. Kara wants a surprise. Simon has become frustrated with Andrew’s song selection. Simon tells him to do something original with one of the billions of songs. Really? You just told a guy to not be so original with songs. Do these people listen to themselves? Also the show’s producers won’t pay the price for any of those billions of songs. Plus some people don’t want to be associated with the show and refuse to give performance permission. Next week Andrew Garcia should perform “Kung Fu Fighting.” That would rock the crowd.

Aaron Kelly exposes his love of photography. Simon was nice to him backstage. He promises more confidence with the Temptations’ “My Girl.” He does that weird head waggle on early notes that make him look like a bobblehead. He gives the strain motion, but the notes don’t sound so emotional. This is what you’d hear at a theme park. He gives a note at the end that sounds more countrified than last week’s country song. Randy liked the first half more than the second half. He rates it 200 percent better than last week. Ellen liked his stage confidence even if the song was forgettable. Kara really liked it. Simon didn’t like the song since it was all over the place. The whole thing was too old fashioned. Once again we’ve been treated to a safe performance.

Tim Urban has a large family that are best friends. He prays before each performance. He should have prayed last week that an audio technician would unplug his microphone before his first note. He busts out the acoustic guitar for “Come On And Get Higher” by Matt Nathanson. He’s free of the worst glitches from last week. This is going to depress the Vote for the Worst crowd since it’s not painfully embarrassing. Not too much range in the singing so he didn’t lose control of his throat. Randy didn’t feel it being very special. He found it pitchy. Ellen wants him to act instead of singing. Kara likes the song choice, but didn’t make it her own. Simon feels it’s a marked improvement. He’s impressed by his work ethic and attitude.


Lee Dewyze’s backstory was forgettable. He better make a mark with Hinder’s “Lips of an Angel.” He’s got the set gone to black with stars behind him. It’s the raspy tone I’d expect out of an Eddie Vedder guy. This sounds like a Nickelback tune. Not too bad on the delivery. Randy wonders if he misses the guitar. He liked him taking the chances even with pitch problems. Ellen felt the passion. Kara once more sees it as a big improvement. She can hear him on the radio. He’s very commercial. Simon wants him to raise his shoulders. He’s the top of the guys and the one to beat according to Simon. That’s not that high of a hill with this group.

The montage confirms my feel that tonight wasn’t that exciting. No need to rush over to the iTunes store to download any of the performances. They’re just so-so. If last week was a demotion derby, tonight was like old ladies on the highway going 25 in the 65 zone. Hard to really pick the winners from the losers since nothing gave me the tingles. Let’s grade this without the curve.

BLAH
Lee Dewyze, Michael Lynche & Casey James

MEH
Andrew Garcia, Aaron Kelly, Tim Urban & Alex Lambert

YUCK
John Park, Todrick Hall &,Jermaine Sellers

Of the bottom three, the two that should be slashed are Jermaine Sellers and John Park. But as more tales of Todrick leak out, he really needs to be slashed. American Idol doesn’t want to be the focus of the various entertainment news shows interviewing scammed munchkin kiddies. He might take the slash intended for John Park. Don’t use my picks for gambling purposes.
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One person who didn’t get to sing in Hollywood and vanished after being on the stage with the Top 24 is Chris Golightly. His little contract issue has killed his chances. He claims the deal was canceled, but the producers of the show don’t care. He’s gone. He swears he’s going to sue. Maybe he might have been able to get away with this mess if Fox wasn’t already smarting from the cheating scandal on the unaired, but heavily promoted My Little Genius.

The show opens with Ryan announcing this is not a stage, it’s a platform for launching someone into stardom. Shame they didn’t insert footage of Taylor Hicks over one of those rockets that explode after countdown. He introduces the 12 girls. They look like they went shopping at Target. Nobody seems to have clothes from home. The stylists aren’t being held back this season. Ryan points out that 2 women will be eliminated after this show. The judges are introduced. They have stuck Ellen on the far end of the table from Simon. The Coke cups are back. Ryan makes Simon nervous by asking about the newspaper reports that he declared it was the girl’s year. Guess he feared a quizzing about his new girlfriend that he might marry. But can a woman get closer to Simon than his t-shirt collection? Ellen has had her lighting tweak, but she really looks ultra-nervous. Ellen says she’s not sitting next to Simon because he wants her. She tells him that it’s not going to happen no matter what he does with his wandering hands. She has them run a tape of where they insert jokey hand play footage that’s not there. It’s funny on an afternoon talkshow.

Tonight’s theme is songs from the Billboard Charts. Wow. That’s a major theme of songs that were released as singles and were hits. We won’t hear an B-sides from the Violent Femmes.

Paige Miles lays into “It’s All Right Now” by Free. They got cowbell working overtime here. She’s not commanding the song at the start. There’s a few sour notes, The back up singers are handling it better than her. This is a bad song and a bad performance all around. She does the above the head clap and slaps the top of the microphone. Ouch. She goes for the big note at the end, but it’s not all right for her. Simon asks her age. She’s 24. Simon thinks she has the best voice of all the girls. He calls the song a wedding singer song. He thinks she’s going to be fine. Kara disagrees and believes she put her soul in a rock song. She claims she slayed in the verses. Randy thinks it’s a sing-along song, but she blew them away. Ellen thinks Paige had no nerves and she pulled it off. Really? Were they overwhelmed by the cowbell? Paige can’t get off the stage fast enough since she’s sewed into her outfit. She needs to use the bathroom. She did sing like someone who need bladder relief.

They just ran a commercial featuring two teen girls on a trampoline. The message is about not screwing up your lives by getting knocked up. Are these people nuts? They’re denying these girls a chance to star on MTV’s Sixteen and Pregnant and Teen Mom. If you’re a high school girl, there’s a career in getting knocked up. Just make sure you call MTV first to make sure you can pop out that meal ticket during their production cycle.

Ashley Rodriguez talks about how she and Simon don’t see the same way on Jordin Sparks’ “Battlefield.” Tonight she gives us Leona Lewis’ “Happy.” Another singer who won fame thanks to Simon. She works the fierce ballad angle. She’s flashing too much teeth between the note. It’s kinda bland like a biscuit without jelly. Kara thinks she had nice moments in hitting some notes. She had too many not great moments. Kara wants her to do songs that they wouldn’t think she’d sing. Randy mentions Leona is Simon’s girl. He felt it was an impersonation. Ellen thinks it’s predictable. She wants a whole different vibe. Ellen’s ears are distracting. Simon finds it clumsy and doesn’t like the arrangement. He feels she’s going backwards. He thinks she’s in trouble. The room is dead till Ryan gets the fake applause going.

Janell Wheeler wears an off the shoulder weird purple semi-toga thingie with tight jeans. She wants to light up on that stage and show America this is where she belongs. She’s chosen “What About Love” by Heart to stake her claim to stardom. She’s doing the goofy hand gestures. She’s not sounding like a lost Wilson sister. She also has a clunker moment on the chorus. She doesn’t have enough husky notes for the underlining moment. Randy hates the song choice since it’s a huge song. He likes her voice. Ellen likes the song choice although she had a few bad notes. She likes Janell. Simon feels it’s a 100 percent effort, but only delivered 65 percent. Simon thinks she’ll survive. Kara thinks the song was too big for her. Ryan asks Randy what song should she choose. Randy says any song you can manipulate so you don’t sound like the original singer.

Lily Scott got her hair improved so it’s not so flat. We learn how she was living in her car and playing on the street. She’s like Jewel without the bullrider. She sings The Beatles’ “Fixing a Hole.” Was this a single? She does mix the song up in her way. She attempts the sex kitten purr on the chorus. Ellen thinks this is what they’ve been talking about. She loved it. Simon thinks it’s the best so far since she sang sing she liked the song. He’s not feeling the star power from her. Kara declares she’s believable. Lily should be on the Soup for busting on Ryan for being so short. The song was never released as a single as far as I can tell. So much for this theme being about songs that are from the Billboard charts. Guess it’s good enough if the song was on an album that charted. Maybe someone will do Yes’ “Close to the Edge.”

Katelyn Epperly is still buzzed that Shania Twain loved her. It’s another Beatles track with “Oh! Darling.” The Beatles didn’t put it out as a single, but it was a #15 hit for Robin Gibb off the soundtrack to the hideous movie about Sgt. Pepper. It seems to air on cable around 3 am. Katelyn does a nice job without going to over the edge with the notes. Not a standout performance, but not a painful embarrassment. Simon liked her. Could it be the leather ‘80s dress? He thinks she needs a little work. Kara declares she knows her voice when she switches it up. She hates the makeover into a hair metal tart. Randy is happy she was concerned with the tone and melody instead of making runs. Ellen wasn’t sure if she was pushing too hard, but she paid attention.

Haeley Vaughn got her nose pierced before going to Hollywood. Her comes another Beatles track. This time she does “I Want to Hold Your Hand.” She does it like a lost Osmond. It’s so sugary even with a little country hoot on the chorus. This is a novelty cover. Kara thinks she didn’t hit all the notes, but was having fun on the stage. Randy likes her unpredictability and young. He hates the top of her vocals. She needs to drop a key. Ellen thinks she shines and has a great voice. Wow. That’s nothing. Simon says it verged on terrible. He hated her singing so much. He questions the lack of country singer in the performance. Ellen corrects herself that it was a “hot mess.”

Out of the first six, only Lily Scott seems good. All the performances are on iTunes. Why? You’re better off spending your money on the original artists performing the songs in these early rounds.

Lacey Brown appears to have just escaped from a fabric store. Her top wrap looks like it was borrowed from a set of drapes. Her choice is the soft rock “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac. She sings, “Landside.” This is so nasal. It’s just not touching or emotional. It’s just there. Randy thinks it’s terrible and pitchy. Ellen agrees. Simon finds it depressing and indulgent. Kara swears the song didn’t work. She hopes America gives her one more shot. Simon compliments Lacey’s eyes. Simon looks completely bored at the table. He’s probably thinking over studio designs for X Factor. Lacey’s a chopping block candidate.

Michelle Delamor was a corporate singer before this moment. Was she hired to vocalize the hold music? She belts out “Falling” by Alicia Keyes. She gets it started right. She gets a good soulful tone. She vocally flirts with a few notes. The backing vocals work well with her leads. She’s smooth and nails the dismount. Ellen declares it fantastic. There’s talk of her playing it safe, but it is the first night. You don’t need to crash and burn for reaching too far. Simon wasn’t wowed, but thinks she did enough for the first round. Kara thinks she wasn’t technically perfect, but she’s can get there. Randy thinks its a tough song and she did it. He wants risks.

Didi Benami busts open the geek girl anthem “The Way I Am” by Ingrid Michelson. She does it rather torchy without any playful flourishes. The songs is about buying a guy Rogaine. Simon calls the song dreary. He doesn’t feel a spark. He does like her voice. Kara thinks song is good, but Didi changed the song to make it hers. Randy wants to see the star factor. You mean an X Factor, Randy? Ellen thinks she has a great voice, but it was lowkey for a first impression. She’s in the middle of the dull pack.

Siobhan Magnus is a glass blower on Cape Cod. Does she like Cape Cod Chips? A big change up with her doing Chris Issak’s “Wicked Game.” There’s a rocky start with the vocal sounding out of the mix. It’s a lilting song and she attempts sweeping vocals. But it’s not working. They should have changed up the music to make it almost a metal anthem. She’s got a voice that can handle it. It’s good, but could have been so much better. Kara liked it. She feels the connection when Siobhan is on the stage. Randy thinks it worked best on the second verse. Ellen loved it. She felt entertained instead of a singing competition. Simon calls her a funny little thing. He likes, but doesn’t love the song. She should be back for next week.

Crystal Bowersox gets to show us her baby one more time in the flashback. She’s in the competition to win. Her acoustic choice is Alanis Morissette’s “Hand in My Pocket.” She does grab control of the song and does the harmonica moment. She’s got a bit of Ani DiFranco in her voice. It’s not a bad abbreviated performance. Randy likes the honesty in her. Ellen feels she adds something fresh to the show. Simon demeans her by declaring she’s one of a thousand subway buskers are doing. She rebukes him by pointing out they won’t let her do original songs. Kara feels she has greatness in her. What will it take elevate her beyond the coffeehouse? Sanka songs!

Katie Stevens is a high school student with the Alzheimer suffering grandmother. No update on her health. Her pick is “Feeling Good” as recently charted by Michael Buble. She does have a big voice that puts force behind the song. She doesn’t take it anywhere. Not as impressing. The song is a Broadway showtune. Will Simon attack that aspect. Ellen felt the song was old for her. He wants her to be 17 and younger. Simon agrees. The song became annoying to him. Kara thinks she was pitchy. Randy thinks she was pushing too hard that it was making it sharp. He wants her to young it up.

They do the montage and you can’t hear Paige Mills highlight. They fix it for Ashley. But damage might have been done. Here’s the rundown where they played.

TOP
Lily Scott & Michelle Delamor

SAFE
Siobhan Magnus, Crystal Bowersox & Katelyn Epperly

IFFY
Katie Stevens, Didi Benami, Ashley Rodriguez & Janell Wheeler

UGH
Paige Miles, Lacey Brown & Haeley Vaughn

The picks for the chopping block should be Lacey Brown and Haeley Vaughn. But Paige Miles having her highlight botched might knock her into the bottom two.

For all Ryan’s hype that this was the most talented group yet, the dozen performances seemed about the same as the last few years. Wednesday night is the guys. Hopefully there will be a better number of hits versus dunks.
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Ryan takes us into the agonizing holding room. We get a summary of who was picked last night. The tensions are high since 20 of them are marked as losers. There appears to be no sing offs this year as a last chance. Janell Wheeler gets a recap of her original audition. Simon was more into her shorts than her voice. Simon likes her even when she wears long jeans in Hollywood. She does a lukewarm solo song. She enters the auditorium with a really short blue dress. Ellen gets her to admit that she’s a wine sales rep. With that dress, I’d peg her for a pharmaceutical rep. Ellen gives the whole things about how hard it is to tells someone with a great voice that they aren’t going through so she won’t since Janell is going through. She doesn’t care what happens to her wine gig. Tyler Grady was a ‘70s “rocker” even though his main song was a Marvin Gaye tune. His big solo was Daughtry’s “Going Home.” That’s the loser song. Is that smart? Kara keeps asking him about the ‘70s with him. He’s all about classic rock icons. He watches old rock DVDs. He promises to bring his moves if he’s on the show. She’s flirting with him. She puts him through. She’s going to be busy with Tyler and Casey. This also means 9 slots are filled. We’re supposed to get the most emotional show. Come on. So far there’s been so few people cut that it’s unnerving. Are they just going to have the 20 losers left in the holding room and send the production crew home without letting them know their fate?

Lacey Brown was eliminated for season 8 during this stage. She understands that people tell her no. Simon reminds her that he gave her a no. He thinks the girls are tougher this year. He gives her good news. She’s through. Now they give us her solo song. Why? Couldn’t they tease us earlier. Now we get montage of Ashley Rodriguez, Alex Lambert, Joe Munoz getting the news that they’re in the 24. Now 13 are picked with only 2 people told “Go Home.” Krystal Bowersox is told by Simon that this might not be the right platform for someone like her. She got a 4-0 vote that she’s in the Top 24. She’ll have to get a new tattoo. She shows off a photo of her baby to the judges. Her husband has the baby waiting with Ryan. Ryan has already offered the baby a reality show on E! where he’ll play a new Kardashian. If I’m doing the math right, there’s 20 losers and 10 winners in the holding room.

The women’s downhill is on the Olympics. Hard to resist not wanting to see Lindsey Vonn’s big run since this took place earlier in the day. I won’t spoil the ending in case you DVRed the moment and don’t plan on watching until after Easter dinner.

It’s 8 p.m. in Hollywood at the time of this taping. They’ve spent 11 hours in the holding room. Katie Stevens returns to us with the tale of her ailing grandmother. She did have a good Hollywood week. She’s wearing a really short skirt as she heads toward final judgement. That’s always a good omen. Ellen does the tease with how she hates hurting people’s feelings and being negative. She gives the long pause before letting Katie know she’s going through. Simon asks how grandma’s doing. Katie winces.

Now we get a montage of people getting slaughtered. They don’t even get names. They only have a Radiohead song ushering them away. Angela Martin was jinxed in her last two attempts of the show. She’s got a sob story that could get her a house on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. She’s crying on the way down the aisle. Kara sits in her seat and has her sit on her lap. It’s like a Santa moment. Why do they have to repeat how difficult it has been to pick 12 girls? Kara gives her the bad news. She’s toast. Kara gives her encouragement to keep going. Ryan wants her to use being cut as a promise to keep going. Is there really any future in the music business for anyone that is a “normal” singer that isn’t on American Idol? Sure the Lady Gaga and Kei$ha are hits without Randy’s approval. But would Kelly Pickler be buying a million dollar house in Nashville if she had been cut in before the final 12? Of course not.

The kids are getting extremely nervous. Lily Scott is next up to learn her fate. Her time with the band on Hall and Oates’ “Rich Girl” was a sloppy mess. We didn’t get to see that part of the footage. Kara asks how she was doing. After the tease, she’s put through to the next round. She better learn how to sing with a real band or she’s deadmeat in the semi-finals. Paige Mills, Siobhan Magnus, Micheell Delamor, Jermain Sellers and John Park get the good news without any build up. Why can’t they give us a tease for John Park? He’s my favorite this year. Ryan lets us know that this is a good cry.

Does this mean there’s only 4 winners left in the big room? That place should be turning into a shark tank. Who are the golden children? Only Haley Vaughn and Tori Kelly are left with one spot left for the girls. Have they booted people off without giving us a sob moment? Their interviews are crosscut to make us feel they know only one shall survive. Simon thinks she’s Haeley was up and down. Tori tells Randy she had so much fun in her final song. Randy and Simon whine about how tough their job was. We don’t care. Haeley get the last slot. Tori gets the bad news that it’s not going to happen. They’re teasing us with Andrew Garcia versus Thaddeus Johnson for the final guy’s slot. That’s just wrong. These two guys are more deserving than Aaron Kelly. Turns out Aaron won the “American Idol Experience” at DisneyWorld. So he’s got to go through to promote the ride.

Now we get the fight between Andrew and Thaddeus. Andrew talks about paying tribute to Paula with his acoustic version of “Straight Up.” We’re reminded of Thaddeus’ “Man In the Mirror.” He gets told that he didn’t make it. Simon insists he didn’t do anything wrong. This is just wrong. Did he need to be more flirty with Kara? The kid can’t deal with a rejection that has nothing, but praise attached to it. Thaddeus hides in a bathroom stall with his mother for privacy. That’s just weird. Andrew Garcia enters not knowing that the slot is his. Ellen teases him and puts him into the 24. He gets weepy, but doesn’t hide in a bathroom stall.


Ryan has the Top 24 on stage with him. The montage is given with a version of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” Can’t they pick a different Lenny song like “Hey That’s No Way to Say Goodbye.” The kids do a little dance to preview the show.

The Boys in the Top 12 are Michael Lynche, Casey James, Aaron Kelly, Lee Dewyze, Todrick Hall, Tyler Grady, Alex Lambert, Joe Munoz, Jermaine Sellers, John Park, Andrew Garcia and Tim Urbban.

The Girls in the Top 12 are Didi Benami, Katelyn Epperly, Janell Wheeler, Lacey Brown, Ashley Rodriguez, Crystal Bowersox, Lilly Scott, Paige Miles, Michelle Delamor, Siobhan Magnus and Haeley Vaughn

Next week is double major time for Idol. Tuesday is a two hour special with the Top 12 girls battling it out. Wednesday is another two hours featuring the Top 12 boys. The results show on Thursday will ax 4 kids.

The mystery why Ryan’s narration insisted there were 71 contestants while the Closed Captioning read 72 has been solved. The producers had Ryan do a last minute adjustment to his narration after the Closed Captioning was done. Did you notice that Chris Golightly wasn’t mentioned during Hollywood week? He was the guy with the blond kinky hair that had bounced around through foster homes. They videotaped him next to trains to show his hobo-like existence. If you noticed at the end of the episode when Ryan’s on the stage with the Top 24, Chris is amongst the kids. Yet he wasn’t seen dancing during the naming of the semi-finalists. What happened? According to Samantha Musa, the producers found out that Chris had an old management contract. When you go to Hollywood week, you have to sign a year long management contract with Simon Fuller’s company. Simon’s people didn’t want the other management company claiming control of their contestant. Thus Chris was kicked out of the 24 and edited out of Hollywood week. He was replaced with Tim Urban. This is disgusting since Thaddeus should have had the slot since he was supposed to be the last person cut.
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The show opens with contestants crying and looking shocked. Pretty much what happens on every episode. Tonight is a two hour torture fest for the contestants. Ryan goes on and on about the burden of being on the stage. We’ve got a weird problem since Ryan said there are 71 contestants, but the Closed Captions print 72. Did someone get yanked early? They edit the show to start with the judges deciding who is in the 24. We’ve missed all the auditions. We see them separate the kids into three different room. We’re shown who is in the first room. It’s a lot of the A-Listers. Room two has a few fence people. Room three has folks who weren’t that great in the group nights. I’m already guessing that Room 1 is through. Room 2 is folks who have to sing off tomorrow night. Room 3 is the killing floor.

Angela Martin works her soulful ways with a hard bass line. She’s all nerves in the green room. Casey James is in room 1. He’s doing Bubbly for the judges. He does the Jason Mraz notes, but he’s not that infectious. Jermaine Purifoy does “Brick House.” He’s rather high in the song instead of hitting those low notes. Jermaine ended up in room 2. They tease us with highlights of their performance and reactions to the judges. Once more Ryan says 71 and the Closed Caption script is 72. Who got erased like Joanna Pacitti last year? Remember how she was put through even though she broke Simon’s “forget the words, you’re disqualified” rule?

Why can’t they give us this episode in linear order? We get more footage of the judges figuring out who goes into the next round. There’s lots of close ups of the “beer” cups with Vitamin Water. Coca-Cola Cups will be back next week.

Jermaine Sellers does Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror.” He hits a spotty note. He throws the band under the bus by saying that he cut out part of the song that the band included. Siobahn Magnus gets called by old by Ellen. To prove she’s not old, she does a four decade old Stevie Wonder song. Crystal Bowersox does the acoustic guitar and harmonica action to a Sheryl Crow song. She makes “If It Makes You Happy” sound less choppy. Alex Lambert inflicts the ukulele on the judges. He has to do a Jason Mraz number. He lets his cuteness do the heavy work. Bike Mike also does the same Jason Mraz tune. Why isn’t Jason Mraz a night or a new judge? Todrick Hall also does a soulful take of the Mraz tune. He needs a horn section to pump it up on the chorus. Mraz made bank tonight. Thaddeus Johnson’s mom gets a lot of screen time with her celebrations of the kid’s wins. When he walks on the stage, the band plays the wrong tune. He corrects them in a nice way. He does a big throat version of “Man in the Mirror.” He won’t be complaining about the band. Mom is all over him afterward. There seems to be a lot of folks in room 1 so they might not all be sent through.

Ryan takes us into room 2. All the kids are nervous waiting. Charity Vance is a cute 17 year old blond. She’s rather weak in voice. Tasha Leighton did well on day one. But for some reason we don’t see what she just performed. Why? Mary Powers is the rocker chick mom. She thinks it was easy and calls it “cake.” She does OK. Simon says she’s interesting because she’s older. Dock worker Lloyd Thomas gets emotional when thinking of his wife and kids. He’s in tears thinking how much this will change everything. He gets way too emotion on the stage doing “Man In the Mirror.” But Simon likes him. Brian Walker gets a recap as the singing police officer. He thinks he did well in his final performance, but we don’t hear a note. Come on! Tasha Holland and Jermaine Purifory get recapped. Hope Johnson recaps her poverty story. She did well on the first two days. She does Daughtry’s “I’m Going Home.” She’s waving her finger while singing. It doesn’t look too good.

We’re still 90 minutes from the end, but they tease us with Randy holding the Polaroids of the finalists. Or is this for a mystery round? Maybe they’ll have an MMA beatdown to pick the 24?

Room 3 appears to be the holding tank of the doom. Shelby Dressel couldn’t remember lyrics during the band rehearsal of a Boston tune. She’s got way too many nerves with the fear of messing out. The pianist attempts to calm her down. “More Than A Feeling” is guitar driven song, but she remembers her lyrics. Aaron Kelly loses his lyrics. He recaps his life of being adopted by his aunt and uncle. Randy throws him a line. He picks up. He’s doing that song that plays with the adopt a dog ads. Ashley Rodriguez gets dirty funky. She’s not bad. How did she end up in the room of the doomed? She didn’t wear a short skirt. Lee Dewyze, Joe Munoz and Haeley Vaughn are in the room. They didn’t sound that painful on the stage. Haeley gets the “awesome” plug from Kara. Janell Wheeler has her voice go on her before the song. But she won’t give up. She climbs across a Taylor Swift song. Kara thinks it’s the wrong song. Janell fears she blew it.

It’s 11 p.m. at the Kodak Theater in Hollywood. They need to get hustling before Ryan has to start setting up for E!’s Oscar Red Carpet Preview show. He must have a cot set up in a backstage broom closet. The judges argue about who they love. Ryan explains the various rooms and we get more clips of the kids singing. Why couldn’t we see more of these kids like Andrew Garcia? This is supposed to be a song about singing and not how they can twist the timeline. Now we get recaps of the previous recaps. The first room entered by the judges is Room 1. Ellen delivers the news. She teases them with the boilerplate about how many good singers there are, but they’re all going through. Lily Scott is through. A few kids get named by Ryan. Maybe that’s a hint who made Top 24? Either way, they’re cutting to a commercial to make us wait longer for rooms 2 and 3.

It’s 11:30 p.m. at the Kodak Theater. Did it really take that long to talk to room 1? The other kids are nervous at hearing the other kids cheering. Room 2 gets the news given to them by Simon. He points out that only 2 rooms will be going through. He’s glad they entered, but he must give them the news. It’s bad news. They haven’t made it. Really? The poverty girl and the singing cop are gone. Mary Powers won’t be rocking us. So many profiled people are getting slaughtered. Way to hype the hopeless. Room 3 survived. Randy gives them the news that they had good days and bad days. Kara interrupts with more tease before she lets them know they’re safe. All the kids come out and celebrate together like there’s something great. Really? They still need to cut 46 down to 24. That means 22 are dancing on their own graves. The final judgement is on the stage of the Kodak Theater. Why couldn’t they just pick 24 earlier? Ryan thinks this will be the most emotional reveal ever. Can it be more than The Crying Game?

The kids arrive back at the Kodak Theater at 7 a.m. to get the most emotional cut. Take a look at the 46 faces. In a few hours 22 of them will be losers. There haven’t been this many losers at the Kodak Theater since the L.A. Clippers team photo day. Ryan pimps the new cups as if we haven’t noticed them. Big Mike is the first guy to go before the judges. He’s nervous cause he’s missing his newborn baby back home. Big Mike ought to be hanging out with the guy who played the President in Fifth Element. Simon wants to know how he’s think he’s done. He’s made it this far so he must be doing good. The judges are spread out in their chairs like a really lame H.R. review. Simon doesn’t have total belief that Big Mike wants to win it all. Simon has made a decision. He’s through with a 4-0 vote. He picks up Ellen. Watch out for her spine!

Didi Benami cries as Simon grills her about her inconsistency. He reminds her there is only 12 spaces. After a long pause, she is one of the 12. She praises Kara’s songwriting. Katelyn Epperly gets to remind us her dad leaving the family. We’re reminded how Simon wasn’t a fan. Ellen didn’t think she connected on day 1. Ellen takes five minutes to explain how she’s not going to delay her answer. She’s doing schtick people. But the pay off is Katelyn is through to the 24. That means there’s more losers in the room at 2 p.m. They did only 3 people in 7 hours? Do these people work at the post office and the DMV? We’re treated to more of Shelby Dressel. Randy lets her know she didn’t make it. Why did we have to get five minutes of highlights for her getting booted? Simon thinks this is a wrong decision. We’ll see her on X Factor auditions.

Casey James gets a flashback to his shirt moving moment. They hint that Kara wants a piece of his man candy. Remember what happened when Paula hooked up with the contestant? Casey is from Cool, Texas. Ellen isn’t quite digging Casey like Kara. Once more they need to work on how to light Ellen. No need to light Casey since he glows when Kara puts him through. Randy insists when Kara hugged Casey, she put up her leg. Replay proves it. She’s got an H.R. issue. How did Aaron Kelly get to this point when he forgot his words? Ellen asks him how the week went for him. Is this an exit interview? She calls him a good guy and that a lot of people at home will like to see him. He’s part of the 24. They’ve had 5 kids go through and only 1 rejection. The percentage of losers in the holding room has gone up. Lee Dewyze gets told by Kara that he has a lack of confidence in being a star on the stage. Kara gives him the good news that he’s still going through. He’s overjoyed, but you still have to make the final 12 and out of that, you have to nail a Top 10 position to get that tour money rolling into your wallet. With only 15 minutes left tonight, it’s going to be a bloodbath on Wednesday. It’s going to look like the slaughter part of The Cove with Simon and Randy as the Japanese fisherman going nuts on the dolphins.

Fox is telling us that he wait for Glee to return will soon be over. The episodes aren’t coming till April. That’s a long time away. The entire NCAA men’s basketball tourney will be over before Glee returns. Speaking of longtime, we’re given a montage of the kids hanging out at the hotel during fun times. When did that really happen?


Todrick Hall gets a chance to show off a pic of him with Oprah backstage at The Color Purple. He’s hooked up. The judges are quiet until Kara says, “Yes.” That’s it. No need to deny this guy a slot. Jessica Furney got rejected in season 8. She wants to take it to the next level. Didn’t help that she was part of a “Sweet Escape” fiasco. But she cut off Simon since he cut them off before she got to her part. She’s got the look of a woman about to snap if her dream is crushed. Randy won’t delay it. He then takes a long pause. That’s a delay. Randy tells her she didn’t make it. She won’t take no. She swears they have no idea. She’ll be auditioning For the Love of Ray J. Simon won’t change his mind. Simon swears he won’t change his mind since they have a set number. Randy swears the talent level is unbelievable. Ellen tells her that this isn’t the end of her career. Jessica does see this as the end of her singing career. It’s probably true in today’s music industry. There’s no future for her as a pop star without the American Idol winner tag. She walks down the stars of Hollywood Blvd. They recap the 7 people who heard yes today. Somebody with a great voice will be shot down. Someone will be crying in a bathroom stall.

The stretching on tonight’s episode was embarrassing. How many times can they replay the same clips? It’s like watching an episode of Entertainment Tonight with a Jon and Kate exclusive tease. It’s so frustrating by how little they showed of the solo songs. This might have been a good thing since it eliminated 26 more people singing a Jason Mraz song.
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The teaser to group day promises us theatrics and tears. After the 11 p.m. wrap of the solo auditions, the 96 remaining contestants must form groups and pick songs. One trio becomes a quintet called the Dreamers. A batch of folks from Denver get together as The Mighty Rangers. It has the guy who looks like Jack Black. Moorea Moosa was a finalist last year. She was part of Danny Gokey’s group. Her new group practices in the same space for good luck. Shouldn’t she find a luckier space since she didn’t make it to the big show? Isn’t there a broom closet that was photographed for an Andy Dick police report? The Mighty Rangers have issues figuring out what to do.

Midnight has the kids all over the hotel practicing. The Dreamers are getting nasty since two keep vanishing. One batch of singers keep getting shuffled around since they get loud when rehearsing. What cheap motel are they doing this show at that doesn’t have enough ballroom space? They should at least bring in dividers. Moorea’s group is frustrated at the arrangement. The Dreamers need to figure out their stuff. Big Mike’s team is already done. They got their act together. He’s now in his room keeping track of how his wife is doing with her delivery. Other contestants are passing out at tables. This part of the show hurts the East coast kids cause 3 a.m. in Los Angeles is 6 a.m. inside their bodies. A really upset pianist can’t deal with the kids not listening. They’re going to be singing Lady Gaga. These kids sound horrible working out the song. Why not have them singing the hits of Krafwerk or King Diamond?

During breakfast the kids keep rehearsing. I barely recognize most of these people. The groups keep botching the words. Why does this group part of the show matter anymore? Remember last season when they had the group songs during the show pre-recorded so it was merely lip-synch action? The kids are loaded into the theater. Big Mike gets the phone call that his baby is emerging. Big Mike is missing out on the fun of a modern delivery room. My wife’s room had a DVD player and an HDTV. I was watching Ice Road Truckers and Battlestar Galactica while she was going through the contractions. Big Mike is now a daddy and ready to spank Simon.

The first group is a trio going as Faith. Ashley Rodriguez is part of them. The trio have the same range and work well off each other. Ellen puts all three girls through. Big Mike’s quartet does “Get Ready.” They’ve got a good Motown soul sound going with the harmonies. We get a flashback to Seth Rollins and his autistic son. He’s kept in the back while Big Mike is told to step to the front. Before Randy says what’s going down, we get another commercial break.

We’re back. Randy puts the front row through. So Seth Rollins loses. Big Mike shows off a pic of his baby on the iPhone. Neapolitan do Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.” Another group is upset since they stole the a cappella arrangement. Simon shuts them off, but he’s happy with it. Ellen has all four step forward to be sent through. The second group does it. They’re much better at the song. Plus they have a better dancing skills. They dominate. Ellen says it was weird since they look like Cirque De Soliel. She’s calling it surreal even though it’s from Lady Gaga. Has she seen how that woman dresses for concerts? All four get sent through, but their still bitter at their concept being pinched. The next group of four goes through without a lose. Same with the following trio. And another quartet. And another quartet. How many people can make it into the next round? The Mighty Rangers arrive after this hot steak. Mark Labriola (the Jack Black lookalike) and a girl completely lose the lyrics to the point that Ellen shuts them down. Only two survive. Mark begs for one more chance since he’s hit the age limit. There’s major tears as Mark’s dream gets stomped.

As 5 p.m. hits, Moorea’s group has a problem when Kat Neisel walks out. She knew she was going to mess up so she just quit. The pianist attempts to calm them down. This only works if he’s giving them booze to calm their nerves. They deliver a version of “Carry On” that sounds like a zombie chorus. Mara blows her lines. That should be death. Simon says that the struggle was them having 12 hours to learn the song. He doesn’t buy the member leaving as a trouble. Moorea is cut. Two guys make it. Moorea swears she won’t try out next year.

Gwen Stefani’s “Sweet Escape” is the big group killer. Lyrics get botched all over the place. There’s just too many words. Matt Lawrence gets a recap of his time in prison. Amanda, the Boston plea, also gets his time. Both of them botch the lyrics. Why did they choose this song? It’s a difficult song. And they do a horrible job. Simon won’t even make them step around. It’s the end for all of them. They give us a montage of people cut who had their stories told during the auditions. It’s all tears from the losers. They promise us amazing performances, but there’s less than 10 minutes to go. Here comes another commercial break that is long enough for me to get the oil changed in my car.

There’s six minutes left when they cut to Jannell’s “Middle C.” Casey James sounds good in the trio. Andrew Garcia’s Three Men and a Baby also get raves. The last group of the day is The Dreamers. They are getting nasty in their last minute rehearsals. I smell meltdown. Mary Powers blows the first line. They get horrible as the song goes on. Alex Lambert looks comatose. Randy views it as painful. Hope Johnson and Mary Powers are asked to step forward with Alex. They get through to the next round. The two girls in the back are kicked to the curb. They didn’t kill too many dreams. Of the 96 that woke up, 71 will return to sleep in the hotel. It wasn’t that nasty of a blood bath.

Next week is a two hour special on Tuesday followed by Wednesday’s 9 p.m episode. Stinks to be a Lost fan. This will be a DVR night. Tuesday is a solo performance with a band. Wednesday is the selection of the 24 semi-finalists. Tonight’s episode kept the judges to a bare minimum. It’s hard to really tell how Ellen is fitting into with Simon, Kara and Randy. There was reports that Ellen was ticked off when Simon showed up 90 minutes late for one of the Kodak Theater sessions. But they edited away any tension between the duo. A couple voice tonight emerged as contenders, but I’m reserving judgment until Tuesday’s solo night.
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The first day starts at 7 a.m. Although we’re pushed back in time to the kids arriving at the airport, checking into the hotel and finally bussed to the theater. Ryan claims the most high profile stage in the world is the Kodak Theater. Really? La Scala and the Apollo are second class in Ryan’s world. They scan the fresh faces in the audience. They are fresh since so many of them didn’t appear on the audition outside of a quicky non-singing montage. Ellen comes out and the crowd goes wild. She’s got a mussed up short hairdo that makes her look hip with the kids. In her jeans jacket and blue shirt, she looks like a Kris Allen wannabe. She tells the kids that she knows what it’s like to stand on stage and please an audience. She yucks it up backstage with Ryan.

She takes her seat with the judges and we’re given the biggest, most shocking, under hyped change of the season. The red Coke cups are gone. Instead we get these glasses with a white and yellow pattern that look like a beer with major head issues. Turns out the new sponsor is Vitamin Water. Have I mentioned to you how Vitamin Water ought to be sued for false advertising? First off, it’s not water. It has corn syrup in it. This is a drink. Not water. Also the vitamin aspect is destroyed by the fact it’s got about as much goop in it as regular soda. Vitamin Water has electrolytes! It’s like Idiocracy come to life. Water should not have anything except water in it. If you have to offer a diet version of your water, it’s not water.

The first round is a sudden death of singing a cappella or with an instrument. After a group of 8 perform, the judges will pick who lives and who dies. The first batch involves Katie, the girl with the Alzheimer’s suffering grandmother. The acoustics of the hall elevates her voice. Skiiboski does a bland job that scares Ellen. She fears he’s like a panther stalking them. In the end, Katie gets through and Skiiboski gets the boot. He’s not happy and wants to know why. Could it be that the producers discovered his arrest record? Of course not, he’s eliminated for talent lacking vocal skills.

Ryan declares the time as 11:30 a.m and kids are still waiting for their first shot. Simon has been nasty. Ellen gives a little comic relief including telling a girl to put shoes on because Hollywood is a filthy town. Andrew Garcia breaks out the acoustic guitar to do Paula Adbul’s “Straight Up.” Does Paula get a royalty for her name being evoked? The song sounds great with the reworking. Kara compares him to Adam Lambert – except without the Axl vocals. Vanessa Wolfe is the girl who never rode in an aeroplane before. We even see her landing. She’s blown away by the big city. She’s beyond nervous. She completely batters “No Rain.” Why? Did she go for a Blind Melon song? Ellen gives her a smile and knows the nerves got to the girl. Andrew gets through. Vanessa gets her first return trip on an aeroplane. If she wants to stay in Hollywood, she can play Kelly Pickler in front of the Chinese Theater next door. The montage features more unknown folks being set home along with a tearful Vanessa. She took a risk and it didn’t pay off. Don’t risk. Play to your strengths.

The commercial breaks seem even longer than last week. We return to what is 3:30 p.m. More people are cut. Cornelius Edwards split his pants in the audition. Nothing worked. Maeghan Wright tanked at the keyboard. Amedeo DiRocco was the Jersey Shore cast off that also destroyed a song and was sent home. He needs to call “The Situation” for career advice.

Janell Wheeler has a raspy country voice, but does the Kris Allen trick of doing an acoustic version of a Kanye West tune. She gets through. We get a montage of people who can’t play and sing at the same time. Away they go. At least they got their face on the air so mom didn’t think they flew to Vegas. Haeley Vaughn returns with her guitar and the memory of getting a “Million percent yes” vote from Randy. Rocker mom Mary Powers returns without her daughter. She has a yelp to her voice. They both make it. Mary thinks her life will change. There’s a few more rounds. Ellen has a group of four stepping forward and back like a game of Simon Says. The teasing pays off. They’re all in. At the end of day one 46 contestants made it out of the 90 that auditioned.

Day 2 exposes the human beat box guy as a complete bust. Even Ellen jokes that there was something wrong with his microphone. Lilly Scott comes up with her acoustic guitar and steals the day. She’s warm and charming and belongs on that stage. She gets through with no problem. Although the peacock feather earrings might have to be sent packing. Big Mike Lynche with the massive biceps gets news that his wife has gone into labor. He better not crash and burn. There’s nothing more wonderful than the moment you get to hold your newborn baby. You better have the greatest excuse in the world for missing out. Big Mike does well on a John Mayer tune. He goes through to the group performance round.

Tim Urban wants to prove Simon wrong. He brings an acoustic guitar for back up. Justin Williams hits the keyboard for a little John Legend love. He sings his full song. Randy calls him “interesting.” Oddly enough, Justin is sent home while Tim stays for tomorrow. Now we get an unexpected slaughter of people given attention during the auditions. The Domme with a whip former Barney star gets tossed. The Jersey gals are also packed. Maddy Curtis returns with her soft voice. Casey the singer who stripped for Kara and Posh is put though with his barely good to be annoying at the dorm guitar and voice. Maddy is sent packing.

The last group is taking the stage. Didi Benami was the nervous waitress. She stacks the deck by doing a Kara song. It fits in her mouth. She’s extra toothy on the “Aye Aye Aye” part. Forget a panther stalking, this is a shark attack. Crystal Bowersox gets a tattoo in Los Angeles as good luck. Her baby’s name on her back will be more than needed to combat Simon. She wows everyone with her take on “Natural Woman.” Simon thinks she’s infectious. Does he know about what you can get from a bad tattoo needle? Both ladies get thorough to the group round. A total of 95 kids remain for the group singing round.

Ellen really needs to get them to work on the lighting. She didn’t look 52, but she still looked old enough to be pondering an early bird special dinner. Ellen was as good as any guest judge this season except Neil Patrick Harris. Right now her quips are good since they’re cutting away lines from hours of tape. How will she react when the show goes live? None of the contestants who made it through seemed to be a talented trainwreck. How much entertainment will there be in the hotel group rehearsals? Where are the drama queens? How could they clip the Jersey girls or the Barney girl? There’s a couple good voices. But right now there seems to be more drama on the judges’ table. It’s been reported Randy Jackson is getting cut and might just jump with Simon to X Factor. Tomorrow promises another day of dream smashing. Although if the girl with a whip wants to stay in Southern California, she needs to grab a bus to Chatsworth. That’s a place that will respect her talent.
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