It has only been recently, since starting at Inside Pulse Movies, that I have had any interest in art house, soft-core pornographic films. Thanks to movies like Radley Metzger’s sensual Score, though, I have come to appreciate this genre for what it has to offer to the world of cinema. Schoolgirl Report 7: What the Heart Must Thereby… takes all that Metzger tries to do with his art house pornographic films and throws it out the window. Instead, it delivers a shallow, slow-paced, sex film with little artistic merit.

It feels as if Schoolgirl Report 7 forces a story into the film only because it has to in order to be considered an “art house pornographic film” instead of just “bad porn.” The movie opens with a sister visiting her brother’s apartment to see if the rumors of him owning a brothel are true. They are, and she is quickly mistaken for a new prostitute by one of the brothels regular attendees. The regular demands to have sex with her, but she refuses. This results in a fight between her, the regular, and her brother, causing the police to invade the brothel, and putting all the young prostitutes and brothel owner on trial. From here, each of the young girls tells their story on how they came to work at the brothel. These tales are usually of their first sexual encounters, and are told in flashback style. This works fine enough, but once we leave the courtroom and see the parents sitting in the hallway (as well as the regular who pressed charges on the brothel owner) is when things get really weird. Not only do the young girls tell their stories, but also the parents in the hallway have their turn to tell each other a sexual tale. The plot eventually wraps up, but the ending will not matter to virtually anyone who watches the film. The plot is shallow, and completely inconsequential.

One of the biggest problems of Schoolgirl Report 7 is the pacing. The stories begin interesting, but become monotonous as the movie progresses, and by the 45-minute mark will have the audience checking their watches to see if it is almost over. When the parents start telling stories, the viewer realizes that they are not here to see what happens to the young girls, but to gawk at how many unrelated sexual stories one writer can fit into a single film. It gets absurd at times, and this absurdity turns the audience off.

Speaking of potentially turning the audience off, this being a German film means accepting different cultural values for most viewers, and none of the girls in the film are over 18 years old (I am talking about the characters in the story, not the actresses themselves). Most were 17, and one was “just barely 16”; all were still in high school. This might be a wonderful fantasy for some viewers, but might leave others feeling cold.

In a film like this, the director’s handling of the sexual encounters is of utmost importance. Schoolgirl Report 7 ends up feeling more like a bad porn than a sensual, sexual pornographic film, though. Yes, some of the women in the movie are attractive, but they were very rarely involved in good sex scenes; most just ripped off their clothes and went at it, which is nothing more than what anyone could get by searching for porn online.

There are no beautiful filming techniques, no story worth knowing, and no sexual encounters that bring anything new to the genre. This is a bland, boring film that even tons of naked women cannot save. There is simply no reason to waste 90 minutes on Schoolgirl Report 7: What the Heart Must Thereby….

Schoolgirl Report 7: What the Heart Must Thereby… is presented in an Anamorphic Widescreen, 1.66:1 transfer. The picture does not hold up well at all, and this transfer (from the original 1974 film) looks bad. It is filled with grain, imperfections, and some random blackouts that occur during the film. Compared to other movies in this genre that were recently brought to DVD, such as Score, Schoolgirl Report 7 is a major disappointment. More should have been done to make this transfer worth watching.

The DVD lists nothing about the audio options, but I imagine it is only a 2.0 option. The audio was fine, and was spoken completely in German. There are English subtitle options, but that is all.

There are no special features to be found on this DVD.

With a bad DVD transfer, a slow-paced, pointless plot, un-sexy sex scenes, and absolutely no special features, Schoolgirl Report 7: What the Heart Must Thereby… is worth skipping. In a genre that has Radley Metzger and Tinto Brass, Schoolgirl Report 7 comes off as the perfect example of a B-level art house film. Unfortunately for it, I don’t imagine the audience of B-level art house films is quite as prominent as, say, audiences of B-level horror films.

Impulse Pictures presents Schoolgirl Report 7: What the Heart Must Thereby…. Directed by: Ernst Hofbauer. Starring: Elike Deuringer, Puppa Armbruster, and Margot Mahler. Written by: Gunther Heller. Running time: 93 minutes. Rating: Not Rated. Released on DVD: December 14, 2010.

By the 1980s, director Radley Metzger’s name became synonymous with “high class erotica,” having directed over 20 of these films between 1961 and 1984 including Camille 2000 (1969), The Lickerish Quartet (1968), and Carmen, Baby (1967). These films are soft-core features, filled with lots of sex, comedy, and artistic cinematography. If Score is any indication, it’s no wonder why Metzger was able to find success from both heterosexual and homosexual audiences.

Score follows the story of Elvira and Eddie (Claire Wilbur and Gerald Grant) – a happily married swinging couple – as they try to seduce young, religious newlyweds, Betsy and Jack (Lynn Lowry and Cal Culver). Elvira and Eddie play a sexual game where they find a couple, or a single individual, that they want to seduce, and one of them is challenged to seduce the other couple within a six-month time limit. It is unclear what happens if they lose, but that isn’t really the point, as is made clear by Elvira early on: getting there is way more than half the fun. The fifth character in the movie is Mike, a horny phone repairman, played by Carl Parker. He is not in many of the shots, but plays a memorable role anyway, mostly because of his scenes with the two females.

Score is based off of a 1971 off-Broadway play of the same title, written by Jerry Douglas. Douglas, who is a Yale Drama School graduate, reprises his role as writer for the film, and changes very little from the play. Also reappearing from the original off-Broadway production is lead actress Claire Wilbur. It is obvious, in the film, that she knows the character of Elvira inside and out, but she does not come away with the best performance in the film because some of her scenes seem forced. Lynn Lowry plays the young, naïve role wonderfully, and is in excellent contrast to the confident, wily Elvira character. The men in the film are standouts as well, and it is obvious why Cal Culver goes on from Score to become a homosexual film icon. The script doesn’t hold up well by today’s standards, but it doesn’t need to because it is just there to get the characters to the bedroom (or the basement, or the living room, or wherever else they might want to copulate).

Score is mostly about the sex, but there is an interesting dabbing of religion in the film as well. At the start of the movie, the character of Betsy brings up her religion on multiple occasions, and constantly seems to be fighting with her sexuality throughout the movie, as is her husband, Jack. The swinging couple, on the other hand, makes no mention of religion, and scoff at Betsy’s ideas of religion. Score sees a degradation of religious views into sexual exploration, but it does so subtly enough that it becomes a subplot, and flirts with being unimportant.

Radley Metzger delivers an artistic, soft-core sex film, with beautiful actors and sensual sex scenes. Though this DVD release is not rated, it’s important to note that this movie initially earned an “X” rating (for adults only), and what lifts Score above porn is the artistic approach and sensuality that exudes from nearly every aspect of the movie. There are graphic sexual scenes for both men and women, heterosexual and homosexual alike. With a great mix of sex and comedy, Score is a perfect example of “high class eroticism”. This genre is all but dead today in the US, but this DVD release has the potential to introduce a whole new audience to this type of artistic, soft-core, erotic comedy.

This DVD printing has been newly restored from the original release, and looks crisp on high definition televisions. There were a couple scenes that had a piece of fuzz on the camera, which was distracting, but probably unavoidable at this point in the prints history. The main feature is presented in a widescreen presentation, as is the Keeping Score with Lynn Lowry special feature.

The DVD release also contains a Dolby Digital 2.0, monaural soundtrack. There is one scene in the DVD release where the audio track is off from the video. This corrected itself about 30 seconds after it began, and the rest of the film continued without a hitch.

On the Set of Score (20:57): Shows some behind-the-scenes work on Score, with a voice-over narration put on top, explaining some facts about the movie and its director. Narrated by film historian Michael Bowen, the documentary is uninspiring, but the facts behind the movie are an interesting look at the erotic comedy/”high class erotica” genre.

Keeping Score with Lynn Lowry (19:36): Actress Lynn Lowry looks back on her role in Score, and gives a behind-the-scenes look at the making of the movie. She gives her take on every other actor in the movie, and director Radley Metzger, including the sour relationship between she and Claire Wilbur. Lowry even explains that she had a fever blister on her lip for ten days during shooting, which required Metzger to film unique shots to keep the blister out of the movie. Between the look into her co-stars, the stories of handling the nudity on the set, and her first viewing of the finished product, Lowry gives a funny and insightful journey down Score’s memory lane.

Score Trailer (3:38)

Camille 2000 Trailer (2:17)

Lickerish Quartet Trailer (2:45)

Audio Commentary by Michael Bowen & Radley Metzger: This audio commentary track covers more of Radley Metzger’s background, and the making of Score. The two seemed to run out of things to talk about, and there were a few gaps in the commentary.

Score is a quality DVD release from Cult Epics, but it is not perfect. There are a couple audio/visual hiccups, but nothing that kills the film. Though it isn’t a though-provoking film, it is an artistic soft-core sex film that has a couple special features that give good insight to this niche genre. For film buffs looking to know more about this type of film, Score is a great way to start. For anyone looking to be titillated, Score promises to do just that. Like the line suggests, watch this with someone “you want to excite”.

Cult Epics presents Score. Directed by: Radley Metzger. Starring: Claire Wilbur, Calvin Culver, Lynn Lowry, Gerald Grant, Carl Parker. Written by: Jerry Douglas. Running time: 92 minutes. Rating: Not Rated. Released on DVD: October 12, 2010.

And one more thing before the game starts – thanks to everyone who commented (and I wasn’t abused this time – cheers!) and it seems a lot of people seemed to like the 10 Thoughts concept being taken to this realm.

So let’s do it again!

[Bonus Thought: Lionel Ritchie stepped in at the last moment as pre-game entertainment. That shows one of two things: either he’s a really good sport and a great guy, or he has nothing else to do. Let’s assume it’s the first one. Oh, and for the record, he looked not too shabby.]

(1) The crowd is definitely down on last week. No great surprise there, but it is noticeable. They eventually announced it as a little over 93,000.

(2) It’s déjà vu all over again as Collingwood jump out at the start of the first quarter. Oh please, God, not exactly the same again…

(3) Quarter time 3.2 (20) to 0.2 (2). Collingwood have started strong while St Kilda look tired and out of sorts. Just like last week.

(4) St Kilda have had so much of the ball in the second quarter, but they can’t kick a goal! Get it together! And as if on cue, 10 minutes into the second quarter their first goal comes.

(5) Half time 6.5 (41) to 1.8 (14). Can the Saints come back again? It’s going to be a huge turnaround in form if they can.

(6) So far the game has been intense. The skills on show may not be as good as they were last week, but the sheer determination of both teams is making it a much more enthralling contest… or would if the Saints could kick straight.

(7) The third quarter is suddenly a rout. Collingwood are just killing them in every aspect. It’s like some one told Saint Kilda not to bother trying. I AM NOT saying that is the case, but that is just what it looks like. Oh, and the umpiring seems a little odd.

(8) Three quarter time and the score has blown out – 11.8 (74) to 4.9 (33).

(9) All spark has gone out the game. They are just going through the motions in this last quarter. After last week, this is all just so disappointing.

(10) Collingwood win by their greatest ever margin in a grand final. 16-12 (108), against St Kilda 7-10 (52).

[Bonus Thought: If you catch it, watch it, but last week’s game was so much better. Not a brilliant advert for our great game.]

See you all later on for the next View From Down Here.

This is the biggest sporting event in Australia. Some say it is the Melbourne Cup horse race, and they’d have a fair argument; others claim the NRL grand final outdoes it, but the stats used to back that up seem not to include in the AFL’s total the viewing figures for Tasmania, regional South Australia and regional Western Australia. Mind you, it is a damn close second in terms of TV viewing. However, with 100,000 in attendance, thousands more watching at open air events in Melbourne (Federation Square and Myer Music Bowl), 3 million plus watching on TV, another million or so listening in on radio, this is huge. Say 4 ½ million, out of a population of 21 million, that’s around 20% of our country’s population tuning in to the event. And then there are the overseas audiences. In 2009 in three states it was the highest rating TV programme of the year. In Melbourne and Adelaide at least, the television “coverage” lasts for almost 20 hours, with old finals replayed, pre-game spectacles, commentary, interviews with everyone (“You were Joe’s third grade teacher, did you think he’d ever play in the AFL grand final twelve years later?”) and everything else.

I’m guessing the Superbowl has the same coverage in the USA and other countries have their own examples. But this is ours.

This is also the first one to be broadcast in 3D. Which we are reminded of constantly in the TV broadcast. Oh, and for the record, I don’t care.

Okay, 10 Thoughts…

(1) The Melbourne Cricket Ground (where the Grand Final is always played, no matter what) is a nice enough ground in real life, but looking at it on TV it lacks personality and just seems like yet another generic open air sporting ground. Nothing special. Mind you, having it filled to capacity (100,016 the official attendance) makes it certainly feel like an event worthy of the international stage.

(2) This has been promoted as Australia v Collingwood because everyone hates (not even tolerates, simply hates… or loathes… or despises…) Collingwood except their supporters. It’s good to finally have some real feeling in a big match. Real Us v Them vibe about it all. (For what it’s worth, I am one of “Them.” I can’t stand Collingwood and their “better-than-thou” president Eddie McGuire…)

[Bonus Thought 1: The pre-game stuff at the MCG is going on forever. Just get on with it already!!]

(3) Collingwood score the first goal in less than a minute! Holy cow! What a damn fast start to this game! Hard-hitting, fast running and a score almost immediately. Bet this doesn’t keep up.

[Bonus Thought 2: Didak’s goal from the boundary was a thing of beauty.]

(4) First quarter was all Collingwood until the last 5 minutes when the Saints came back to finish within 1 goal. 26 points to 20. Good, hard-played quarter.

[Bonus Thought 3: Denis Cometti is the best sports commentator anywhere, bar none.]

(5) Some brilliant tackling in the second quarter. Some of it looks like it really hurts a lot. Starting off quite defensive, even though both teams are trying to attack.

(6) Second quarter ended up being all Collingwood. Score now 50 points to 26. This is looking like a disappointment of epic proportions. The Saints were chasing for that quarter and doing very little else. Collingwood were looking good, though. Let’s hope the second half will be better and closer.

[Bonus Thought 4: Half time entertainment is normally dodgy at best. But I went to the toilet, blinked and missed whatever it was that happened at half time. What did I miss? Anything? And who cares?]

(7) Saints hit the second half running. Almost a different team. Good. Maybe things will get closer.

(8) Third quarter is becoming the quarter of missed opportunities for both sides. Mistakes everywhere. I’d like to say it is the intense pressure being applied by the opposition, but it looks like they might be running out of legs on a warm day after a sprinted first half. So it is now 55 to 47; that’s right, Collingwood did not score a goal in that quarter.

[Bonus Thought 5: These constant cuts to a group watching it on huge screen HD-3D TV saying how it’s as good as being there is coming across more and more as one great big advertisement and is making me sure the product being advertised is crap.]

(9) This last quarter is as close as anything. With less than ten minutes left there’s one point in it. Where has this St Kilda been hiding? I don’t want to even go to the toilet in case I miss something. This is great!

[Bonus Thought 6: Goddard’s mark… holy cow!]

(10) WHAT THE…?!?! A DRAW?!?! We’re back next weekend! 9.14 to 10.8 – 68 points apiece.

A DRAW!!
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