Inside Pulse » WrestleMania http://insidepulse.com A pop culture mega-site with Movies, TV, Music, Sports, Comics, Video Games coverage for diehards, including news, reviews, live event coverage, audio podcasts, exclusive interviews and commentary. Sat, 01 Aug 2015 00:09:03 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.2.3 A pop culture mega-site with Movies, TV, Music, Sports, Comics, Video Games coverage for diehards, including news, reviews, live event coverage, audio podcasts, exclusive interviews and commentary. Inside Pulse no A pop culture mega-site with Movies, TV, Music, Sports, Comics, Video Games coverage for diehards, including news, reviews, live event coverage, audio podcasts, exclusive interviews and commentary. Inside Pulse » WrestleMania http://insidepulse.com/wp-content/plugins/powerpress/rss_default.jpg http://insidepulse.com Wrestling Through the Ages: An Introduction (Hulk Hogan, Roddy Piper, Attitude Era) http://insidepulse.com/2015/07/08/wrestling-through-the-ages-an-introduction-hulk-hogan-roddy-piper-attitude-era/ http://insidepulse.com/2015/07/08/wrestling-through-the-ages-an-introduction-hulk-hogan-roddy-piper-attitude-era/#comments Wed, 08 Jul 2015 17:44:37 +0000 http://insidepulse.com/?p=5028024 imgres

I share a birthday with Wrestlemania. On March 31, 1985, arguably the day that started the modern era of professional wrestling, I celebrated my 7th birthday as Hulk Hogan and Mr. T defeated “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and Paul “Mr. Wonderful” Orndoff, in the main event of the first annual installment of the event that would come to be known as “The Showcase of the Immortals.” It’s fitting because in a way, pro wrestling, or sports entertainment as it were, and I have come of age together.

Childhood: The training, the vitamins, the prayers, brother. Hulk Hogan was real to me, dammit. When the animated series, HULK HOGAN’S ROCK N’ WRESTLING, hit the airwaves, I was smack dab in the middle of the Saturday morning cartoon target demographic. Wrestling, or at least the brand of wrestling the World Wrestling Federation was presenting was for kids like me. I loved Hulk Hogan— he fought in the name of America, his Hulkamaniacs and all that was right. His virtue was uncomplicated in a way that only a child could believe in, which worked for me, because I was nine when the Hulkster’s first title reign ended.

Awkward Adolescence: The New Generation. As wrestling moved into the 90s, I continued to love wrestling but the innocence of my fandom took sobering hits in the wake of Vince McMahon’s indictment and allegations of sexual misconduct running rampant through the World Wrestling Federation. Those events compounded with the prevalence of wrestlers with “day jobs;” wrestling plumbers, racecar drivers and garbage men made the first half of the 90s a confusing, often frustrating and awkward time to be a wrestling fan. As sports entertainment stumbled stumbled through the awkward, sobering first half of the 1990s, I fumbled through the confusing, awkward experience that is high school.

College: The Attitude Era. Wrestling entered its question authority, crotch chop, unprotected chairshot to the head era in a time when I was studying existentialism, chasing girls and enjoying the freedom of college life. The in-ring product may not have been the best but, man, much like college, those were the most fun, carefree years to be a wrestling fan and, yes, much like the lifestyle I lived in college, it couldn’t last forever.

Adulthood: The modern era. As wrestling’s popularity began to wane, reality that the party was over set in like the harsh reality of adulthood. Don’t get me wrong. It’s still has the capacity to thrill, captivate and enthrall but Raw is too long, the WWE has gone corporate and I’ve seen so much wrestling after so many years of watching that I’ve become jaded and am not easily impressed. In other words, my relationship to wrestling has matured.

So now that I’ve placed it in context, here’s how this column will work moving forward: I’ll take an event in wrestling history. I’ll give the background leading up to that event, explain how I felt about that event at the time and give my take on that event as I see it now. I want this to be a chance for readers my age and beyond to wax nostalgic and possibly a wrestling history lesson to younger readers but more than that, I want to entertain so I can justify devoting a solid portion of my week to binge watching classic wrestling on the Network.

Follow me on Twitter at @BuckleyBodyGuru
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The Classy Ring Attire Podcast #166: “Our Way Too Early Predictions for Wrestlemania 32″ http://insidepulse.com/2015/04/21/the-classy-ring-attire-podcast-166-our-way-too-early-predictions-for-wrestlemania-32/ http://insidepulse.com/2015/04/21/the-classy-ring-attire-podcast-166-our-way-too-early-predictions-for-wrestlemania-32/#comments Tue, 21 Apr 2015 14:44:41 +0000 http://insidepulse.com/?p=5020391 With WrestleMania 31 out of the way, lets go ahead and take a look at what’s clearly going to be the card for next year’s biggest show of the year.

Want more Classy Ring Attire? Follow us on Twitter, like us on Facebook and subscribe to us on iTunes and maybe even drop a nice review.
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http://insidepulse.com/2015/04/21/the-classy-ring-attire-podcast-166-our-way-too-early-predictions-for-wrestlemania-32/feed/ 0 With WrestleMania 31 out of the way, lets go ahead and take a look at what's clearly going to be the card for next year's biggest show of the year. Want more Classy Ring Attire? Follow us on Twitter, like us on Facebook and subscribe to us on iTun... With WrestleMania 31 out of the way, lets go ahead and take a look at what's clearly going to be the card for next year's biggest show of the year. Want more Classy Ring Attire? Follow us on Twitter, like us on Facebook and subscribe to us on iTunes and maybe even drop a nice review. Inside Pulse no 51:56
Classy Ring Attire presents: A Quick Recount of Wrestlemania 31 http://insidepulse.com/2015/04/06/classy-ring-attire-presents-a-quick-recount-of-wrestlemania-31/ http://insidepulse.com/2015/04/06/classy-ring-attire-presents-a-quick-recount-of-wrestlemania-31/#comments Mon, 06 Apr 2015 16:29:37 +0000 http://insidepulse.com/?p=5019065 All the magic of Wrestlemania with the hilarity of chipmunk voices


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Spain’s SmackDown Report and Review for April 2nd 2015: Post-Mania Begins Now http://insidepulse.com/2015/04/04/spains-smackdown-report-and-review-for-april-2nd-2015-post-mania-begins-now/ http://insidepulse.com/2015/04/04/spains-smackdown-report-and-review-for-april-2nd-2015-post-mania-begins-now/#comments Sat, 04 Apr 2015 18:27:27 +0000 http://insidepulse.com/?p=5018832 Hello all. Again, yes, again I come to you with another late article. My reason for doing so this time is that, yesterday, I was transformed from the tender, naive 23 year old that you have all come to love to a gruff, magisterial 24 year old. Actually, it was a quiet relief to realise that, as I become more of an adult, getting older hasn’t become something for me to fear and despise. I was a pretty awesome 23 year old; I aim to have just as much fun at 24.

Anyway, with excuses out of the way, it’s time to Down some Smack.

Wait, no…

The show kicks off with Seth “Motherfuckin'” Rollins, who has earned, oh, I’d say a briefcase full of goodwill from me over the last week, mainly because I was genuinely surprised at the cash-in, considering how much they’d kept telegraphing it. Seth’s flanked by the Authority and oh, bless, they’ve got Big Show’s stupid golden voodoo trophy at ringside. At least none of us have any expectations for Big Show, so it’s not like there’s anything to crush.

And Tom, my sweet, sweet Tom, is back in an announcing position, alongside Byron Saxton and Jerry Lawler. There is such an age gap between those two guys and King that I’m just waiting for Lawler to start flirting with them.

Seth gloats on the microphone, and says that he’s the new Face of the WWE. Careful, Seth: that’s some godawful company you’re putting yourself up there with. Seth suffers from a condition known as ‘unable to sleep on a plane’, so had to unfortunately pass on having his nards ripped off and fed to Lesnar’s pet dragon on Monday. If Brock had kept his cool, Rollins insists, the two of them might have had a title match right here, tonight. There’s not a descriptive enough word to detail just how gigantic of a lie that is, so I’m settling for ‘pefj3ffpo’. My television actually loses signal right then which is, I’m convinced, mute witness to the enormity of Seth Rollins’ bullshit.

When we resurface, Randy Orton’s materialised, and he’s still on about how Seth tried to murder him that one time, and how Orton then tried to murder Seth right back and then the two of them giving the boys in the truck the greatest RKO ever to work with for all future video packages. And, he says, since Lesnar is suspended indefinitely and as Randy Orton never got his one-on-one rematch for the title, he should be first in line. Wow, that is some CM Punk-levels of recollection right there. Seth tells him that he shouldn’t live in the past, despite how Vince wants to run his company, and that he decides what the next title match is, and where, and against who, despite the fact that is literally Triple H’s only job.

Orton makes disparaging remarks about the Authority, culminating in demands for Kane to tell them all what exactly his job description is. Kane responds by putting Orton in a match against Big Show, with a possible title shot on the line. So…Seth definitely isn’t the only guy with a say in title matches. Huh.

Was Sort Of Hoping Lesnar Was Going To Arrive And Murder Everyone

The match kicks off immediately, and Orton gets taken down with a shoulder block. Show puts him in the corner, charging right into him, but on his second attempt he runs into a dropkick. Big Show wants out of the ring, but Randy catches him, hitting his Vintage DDT from the top rope. He calls for the RKO immediately, and J, J and K swarm the ring, creating the DQ.

Well, I was expecting something approaching, you know, a match, so that was a shame. They probably just didn’t want to create any definitive distance between the number one contender and the winner of the Dead Employee Battle Royal. 1.5 Stars, with half a star given solely to Orton’s elbow pads.

So, I guess Seth’s going to be that sort of heel champion: the only sort of heel champion. The boys beat Orton down, although he does rally for a moment before Kane chokeslams him. Ryback, in an ungodly-coloured leotard, makes the save, and the two guys clear the ring, with Ryback Shell-Shocking Noble and Randy RKO-ing Mercury and Kane.

Naomi’s Teeth Are Insanely Bright

Divas action now, and the Bellas are here to awkwardly flirt with the guys on commentary, who really should be more afraid that their multi-time world champion lovers might not take kindly to that sort of thing. And we shall be watching…oh hell yes: Natalya vs. Naomi. Finally, they’ve been told they can’t just hang out with their husbands and wrestle little people; they have to fulfil their contractual obligations.

Apparently, Naomi is going to be presented as our new number one contender, and it’s nice that this didn’t develop into Nikki, Paige and AJ just trading the title between the three of them. By all means, keep Cameron, Summer Rae and Eva Marie out of this, but there is room for more competitors.

Natalya immediately gains control of the arm, which Naomi reverses. Natalya reverses it back; Naomi ducks out of it; both girls hit each other with dropkicks at the same time and both kip-up. Noice.

Headlock to Naomi now, much rougher, and Natalya backs her into the corner before hitting some kind of modified atomic drop off the ropes (I hate it when I have to make up move names), then hits a running dropkick to the face. Punches to Naomi, who covers up and weathers it. Natalya then applies an abdominal stretch; Naomi starts to reverse it, but Natalya’s wise to that, and throws her with a hip toss. Miss Neidhart manages to get Naomi out on the apron, but then eats a roundhouse kick to the side of the head, staggering her.

Beautiful sunset flip by Naomi, but Natalya rolls right out it, aiming for the sharpshooter, only to get small-packaged for two. Naomi then…God, this one doesn’t even have a name: okay, she gets her ankles around Natalya’s head, then spins around so that she can slam the woman’s head off the mat. And that is apparently a finishing a manoeuvre, because that finishes things.

Very well-wrestled match by two of my favourite Divas. Natalya hopefully will get her chance soon, but I’m happy that Naomi’s stepping up to the plate. She’s a talented gal and I’d be interested in seeing more of her personality if she became champ. 3 Stars.

Kane is backstage, wearing his shirt like Mr Darcy and his facial expression like Winston Churchill. Seth comes in to have a giggle about Kane fake-promising Orton a championship match. Kane says that he wasn’t joking; Extreme Rules is a month away and they have, like, no main event, man. Rollins says that the office stinks and leaves, and you just know that Randy’s shit in everything the Authority knows and loves. Rollins leaves, his exit precipitating Ambrose’s arrival, who cheerfully admits that he’s the Mad Pooper (or, alternatively, the Buttler). Kane puts him in a match with Harper, and Dean seems pretty chipper. Yep, it’s not even the end of our post-WrestleMania week, and the WWE is already at the toilet humour stage. Enjoy the next 365 days.

Oh Jesus, Byron interviewed Roman Reigns. See, this is why I don’t love what they’re doing with this guy. Lesnar showed up at the top of RAW, said that lawyers can eat his brobdingnagian penis and that he was going to get the title back from Seth Rollins if he has to kill every single person in the world and hurl Vince McMahon’s withered frame into the sun (I’m paraphrasing, but that literally was the gist). He then attempted to murder Rollins and, when Seth buggered off, he transferred that murder-lust onto anyone who’d been almost sort of near Rollins at the time. Roman is sitting here, doing an interview, saying ‘yeah, Lesnar kicked my ass, but I’m sort of into that now, I guess, and I punched him really hard a couple of times, so go me. And it really sucks that Seth screwed me over in so majestically dickish a fashion, but I get why he did it, and I can and I will beat him, so go me’. It lacks a certain…anything.

I Don’t Like Truth As Much When He Isn’t A Klepto

Aw, here’s Miz, without his bearded life-partner/stalker/impersonator. He’s also facing R-Truth, in a battle of dudes with nothing to recommend them post-Mania. Miz takes control, wrenching the arm, slapping on a headlock and hitting a shoulder-tackle. He runs into a hip toss, and then a big kick to the face. Stinger splash from Truth, but the Scissor Kick is avoided by Miz, who returns a Skull-Crushing Finale pretty much immediately.

I like this, because it was really short and I didn’t have to suffer through it for long. For that reason, it gets 2 Stars.

Suddenly, MizDow is behind Miz, and Skull-Crushes him for a pop before putting on his sunglasses. Man, I’d try and steal his girlfriend, not his eyewear.

Joy of joys, the Champ Is Here. I thought we already sat through this whole thing on RAW. And by ‘sat through’ I mean ‘fast-forwarded past’. He says that he told the world that the US Title will get the respect it deserves. Because Cena will probably pin Rollins in the next few weeks. He says Rusev is the American Dream, and I would pay good money to watch Rusev do a Dusty Rhodes imitation. Cena says America doesn’t suck and…nah, too easy: just watch your news. Or whatever bit of your news isn’t political propaganda or blatant lies. Also, John Cena is your country’s champion, so there’s also that problem.

Cena’s still proud of your country, but he’s also proud of the US Title, which is a joke unto itself. But he’s charitably going to successfully defend his championship against all of our favourite wrestlers. Hah, have fun whoever reviews RAW: you get to report on a John Cena victory every single week.

Lana shows up to protest a weekly John Cena squash, and apparently she and Rusev have made up. Now, there’s a man who knows he’s batting far too much above his average…oh wait, no he doesn’t. You fool, have you seen your hair? Rusev’s getting a rematch at Extreme Rules, and Cena calls him a dumb alcoholic, which seems to do the trick; Rusev approaches the ring and then tries to SUMMON THE FLAG…which doesn’t work. Well, one in every five patriots actually cannot summon the flag. Then Cena summons the American flag, and everyone screams and swoons like they just shared in a mass orgasm. Is that what patriotism looks like?

I Actually Don’t Know Who’s More Likely To Become A Serial Killer Here

Luke Harper and Dean Ambrose make their way to the ring, and Dean starts as the aggressor, punching Harper into the corner and laying him down with a back elbow from the top rope. He lays down some elbows and clotheslines, but gets pushed away and Harper’s right on him, slamming some fists and uppercuts into his face. Ambrose fires back, hitting a kick to the face and launching himself at Harper in a crossbody, but Harper catches him and flings him out of the ring!

Back from the break, Harper has Dean held, but Ambrose breaks out. Harper tosses him into the corner and wants a big boot, but Ambrose ducks, and Harper falls out of the ring. Dean dives out onto Harper, who shoves him away, but Dean reverses direction on the ring apron and hits his clothesline! Ambrose throws Harper back into the ring, and hits his standing elbow drop from the top rope for two. Ambrose stays on Harper, right until he runs into a huge big boot. Harper wants a powerbomb, only for Ambrose to reverse it and low-bridge Harper out of the ring.

Dean follows Harper out, but gets tossed into the timekeeper’s area. The big bearded man clears off an announce table, only for Ambrose to jump him, try to put him through the table and get slammed into the steel ring post, right before he gets put the fuck through the table. Damn.

Awesome match, with lots of move-countermove going on. Exciting and at a good pace, with a hardcore ending. 3 Stars.

We get a talk from the Prime Time Players, who seem to want a feud against with the New Day. I think it’s safe to say that there’s very little that I could care about less than this.

Sheamus Is Living Proof That There Are Irish Men Out There You Don’t Want To Sleep With

Alright, it’s time for our main event. And, hell, they gave Sheamus some kick-ass new music, although I’ll admit to missing ‘lobsterhead’ already. The crowd chants ‘You Look Stupid’ and that’s probably because ‘You Look Like Our Local Crack Dealer’ is more complicated a chant. Sheamus says that he attacked Bryan on RAW, because he can. Apparently he’s a ‘real man’, which in this context means ‘taller than other guys’. Sheamus says that he’s not here for us; he’s here to crush our hopes and dreams. Wow, he’s either way more capable than I assumed, or he doesn’t really have a handle on ‘my hopes and dreams’. He’s going after the small guys, which I guess will last for all of a month before he becomes another generic heel.

Bryan then shows up, and when we come back from the break, Bad News Barrett’s at ringside, yelling ‘bugger off’ at the ring crew. I refuse to not like this man, despite what BD tells me. Sheamus and Bryan approach, and this a singles match now, due to Ziggler being unable to compete. Daniel kicks Sheamus in the corner, but Sheamus overpowers him, hitting some blows himself before Bryan comes back with some kicks. Sheamus throws Daniel into the corner and then takes his head off with a clothesline. Uppercuts keep knocking Bryan down, and then he takes some knees to the chest. Sheamus keeps calling him ‘Danny Boy’, which is both smart and funny. Bryan whips Sheamus to the ground via the leg, and then slams fist after fist into Sheamus’ face. The Irishman cools his heels on the outside for some time before coming back in, and takes a lot of kicks to the chest when he comes back, before hitting a huge backbreaker.

As we come back from the commercial break, Sheamus is in control of Bryan, getting him up in the air for a suplex and then just dropping him onto his legs. The Irishman yells ‘are you not entertained?!’, and if he keeps doing these references, I’m going to have to almost like the guy. Big uppercut leaves Bryan slumped in the corner, but when Sheamus talks smack, Bryan fires back up, laying hands on Sheamus as he comes out of the corner, backflipping off the turnbuckle and putting Sheamus down with a clothesline. Both men reach their feet, and Sheamus is elevated over the top rope to the outside. Bryan dives through the ropes onto him, and then comes off the top in a missile dropkick to knock Sheamus down in the ring.

Big kicks to the chest of Sheamus, but he catches the last one, looking for White Noise. Bryan himself counters into the Yes Lock, and when he can’t apply it, he drop toe-holds Sheamus into the turnbuckle, face-first. Bryan goes up top again, but Sheamus catches and crotches him before he can do anything. Sheamus hits uppercut after uppercut to Daniel before bringing him down to the mat, hitting a wild-looking neckbreaker. Ten Beats of the Whosit is blocked by Bryan, who returns the favour with some headbutts. Sheamus finally creates separation, shoving Bryan off the apron and in front of announce tables.

Bryan’s bloody when he gets up, and he either bladed or legitimately broke the skin of his own forehead whilst headbutting Sheamus. Bad News takes advantage, laying Bryan out with a Bull Hammer as the referee’s distracted. Upon picking up his headset again, Barrett tells the commentators, ‘stay cool, lads’. Oh my God, this guy. The trainer arrives to look at Bryan’s head, and where were you when Brock was bleeding?! Sheamus tries to drag him back into the ring, realises that that’s just creating more work for himself, and goes back inside to claim the count-out victory.

Sheamus’ new moves are interesting, although I’m still reserving judgement. Last thing I expected was for anyone to get colour here; I can only imagine it was an accident. Decent match. 2.5 Stars.

We had a great RAW to kick off the new wrestling calender, and it’s a shame that this show couldn’t have been of that standard. It was fine and all, but it was a lot of talking and not that much to write home about. Seven.
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The Classy Ring Attire Podcast #164: “Well I’ll Be! They Pulled It Off! http://insidepulse.com/2015/04/03/the-classy-ring-attire-podcast-164-well-ill-be-they-pulled-it-off/ http://insidepulse.com/2015/04/03/the-classy-ring-attire-podcast-164-well-ill-be-they-pulled-it-off/#comments Fri, 03 Apr 2015 18:30:34 +0000 http://insidepulse.com/?p=5018829 Against all odds, WWE managed to make WrestleMania 31 a pretty fantastic show. We go through the highs (Seth getting launched) The lows (Terminator made an appearance but Robocop didn’t) an everything in between including the main event between Brock and Roman.

Want more Classy Ring Attire? Follow us on Twitter, like us on Facebook and subscribe to us on iTunes and maybe even drop a nice review to make up for the jerkhole that gave us a 1 star rating…not like that sort of thing would ever bother us or anything.
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http://insidepulse.com/2015/04/03/the-classy-ring-attire-podcast-164-well-ill-be-they-pulled-it-off/feed/ 0 Against all odds, WWE managed to make WrestleMania 31 a pretty fantastic show. We go through the highs (Seth getting launched) The lows (Terminator made an appearance but Robocop didn't) an everything in between including the main event between Brock a... Against all odds, WWE managed to make WrestleMania 31 a pretty fantastic show. We go through the highs (Seth getting launched) The lows (Terminator made an appearance but Robocop didn't) an everything in between including the main event between Brock and Roman. Want more Classy Ring Attire? Follow us on Twitter, like us on Facebook and subscribe to us on iTunes and maybe even drop a nice review to make up for the jerkhole that gave us a 1 star rating...not like that sort of thing would ever bother us or anything. Inside Pulse no 1:25:05
Updated Wrestlemania Win-Loss Records of WWE Performers Following WWE Wrestlemania 31 http://insidepulse.com/2015/03/30/updated-wrestlemania-win-loss-records-of-wwe-performers-following-wwe-wrestlemania-31/ http://insidepulse.com/2015/03/30/updated-wrestlemania-win-loss-records-of-wwe-performers-following-wwe-wrestlemania-31/#comments Mon, 30 Mar 2015 20:00:29 +0000 http://insidepulse.com/?p=5018363 We had a look at win-loss records at Wrestlemania heading into the event. Now here they are updated.

NOTE: The records include pre-show matches.

Adam Rose 0-1
AJ Lee 2-0
Alex Riley 0-1
Bad News Barrett 0-3
Big E 0-3
Big Show 5-10
Bo Dallas B0-1
Bray Wyatt 0-2
Brie Bella 0-3
Brock Lesnar 2-3
Cesaro 2-2
Stardust 1-5
Curtis Axel 0-2
Damien Mizdow 0-2
Daniel Bryan 4-2-1
Darren Young 0-2
Dean Ambrose 2-1
Diego 2-5
Dolph Ziggler 1-5
Erick Rowan 0-1
Fandango 1-3
Fernando 1-3
Goldust 0-8-1
Heath Slater 0-3
Hideo Itami 0-1
Jack Swagger 2-3
Jey Uso 1-3
Jimmy Uso 1-4
John Cena 9-3
Kane 9-10
Kofi Kingston 1-7
Konnor 0-1
Luke Harper 0-1
Mark Henry 2-8
Nikki Bella 0-3
Paige 1-0
R-Truth 0-5
Randy Orton 5-7
Roman Reigns 2-1
Rusev 0-1
Ryback 0-3
Seth Rollins 3-1
Sin Cara 0-2
Sting 0-1
The Miz 4-4
Titus O’Neil 0-2
Triple H 9-10
Tyson Kidd 1-5
Undertaker 22-1
Viktor 0-1
Xavier Woods 0-2
Zack Ryder 0-5

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Post-Wrestlemania 31 RAW Edition Preview & Spoilers: The Future Is NOW With Seth Rollins As WWE Worldheavyweight Champion! What’s Next For UFC’s Ronda Rousey, Brock Lesnar & Roman Reigns? http://insidepulse.com/2015/03/30/post-wrestlemania-31-raw-edition-preview-spoilers-the-future-is-now-with-seth-rollins-as-wwe-worldheavyweight-champion-whats-next-for-ufcs-ronda-rousey-brock-lesnar-roman-reigns/ http://insidepulse.com/2015/03/30/post-wrestlemania-31-raw-edition-preview-spoilers-the-future-is-now-with-seth-rollins-as-wwe-worldheavyweight-champion-whats-next-for-ufcs-ronda-rousey-brock-lesnar-roman-reigns/#comments Mon, 30 Mar 2015 16:00:57 +0000 http://insidepulse.com/?p=5018327 WWE.com has issued their five-point preview for today, March 30, 2015, post-Wrestlemania 31 edition of Raw!

We have three new champions after a pulse-pounding Wrestlemania.

Raw preview with spoilers are below.

    Seth Rollins WWE World Heavyweight Champion Wrestlemania 31


    What’s in store for the Rollins era?

    For the first time ever, a Superstar cashed in his Money in the Bank contract at WrestleMania. With Brock Lesnar and Roman Reigns both down, Seth Rollins set up an impromptu Triple Threat Match and Curb-Stomped Reigns to become the new WWE World Heavyweight Champion.

    What will Lesnar and Paul Heyman have to say about the controversial ending to WrestleMania? Will Rollins escape The Beast Incarnate’s wrath? And what will Rollins’ first move as champion be when Raw airs on USA Network at 8/7 C?

    What’s next for Roman Reigns?

    Roman Reigns promised he could and he would defeat WWE World Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania. He fought valiantly and may have been seconds from victory, but came up short against the titleholder thanks to Seth Rollins’ shocking Money in the Bank cash-in.

    How will the 2014 Superstar of the Year and the 2015 Royal Rumble Match winner react to losing his first title opportunity under such chaotic circumstances?

    Plus, what will the “Samoan badass” have to say to his former Shield partner Rollins for interrupting his WrestleMania WWE World Heavyweight Title Match?

    One rivalry reignited, another sparked?

    In the wake of Triple H’s shocking victory against “The Vigilante” Sting at Levi’s® Stadium, Stephanie McMahon and the COO took a moment to brag about their power on The Grandest Stage. The Authority reminded everyone listening that they own everyone and everything. But much to The Authority’s disgust, The Rock and UFC Women’s Bantamweight Champion Ronda Rousey confronted the couple mid–power trip.

    What repercussions will come from Rock and Rousey bouncing sports-entertainment’s most powerful couple from the ring?

    And what will Stephanie McMahon have to say about her onetime friend Rousey disrespecting her at WrestleMania?

    Who will challenge the new champions?

    John Cena and Daniel Bryan are more than familiar with WWE gold. Cena captured 15 WWE World Heavyweight Championships, while Bryan claimed four in as many years.

    The two megastars both left WrestleMania with titles, with Cena winning the United States Championship from Rusev and Bryan grabbing the Intercontinental Championship in a 7-Superstar Ladder Match.

    So who will be the first challengers to step up against Cena and Bryan? Will Rusev and Bad News Barrett look to reclaim their lost prizes? And is a new era underway for these storied championships with such dominant Superstars now in their possession?

    Are Nikki’s days as champion numbered?

    Nikki Bella has reigned supreme over the Divas division for 126 days. Together with her sister Brie, she’s been tearing through the competition — and kicking them while they were down. The challengers have come, and they’ve all fallen.

    But at WrestleMania inside Levi’s® Stadium, AJ Lee forced the Divas Champion to submit to the Black Widow, earning her and frenemy Paige a victory on The Grandest Stage.

    How will the Divas Champion respond to being defeated at The Show of Shows? And has AJ proved she deserves a title opportunity against the Fearless Diva?

    Find out on USA Network, live at 8/7 C.

Enjoy tonight’s Raw!

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Wrestlemania 31 Results Spoilers: Who Were The Superstars With Championship Gold At The End Of The Night? With Updated WWE Photos & Graphics! http://insidepulse.com/2015/03/30/wrestlemania-31-results-spoilers-who-were-the-superstars-with-championship-gold-at-the-end-of-the-night-with-updated-wwe-photos-graphics/ http://insidepulse.com/2015/03/30/wrestlemania-31-results-spoilers-who-were-the-superstars-with-championship-gold-at-the-end-of-the-night-with-updated-wwe-photos-graphics/#comments Mon, 30 Mar 2015 04:00:46 +0000 http://insidepulse.com/?p=5018301 Another Wrestlemania is in the books and we have three new champions. For how all that went down check out Inside Pulse’s extensive Wrestlemania 31 coverage.

Spoilers follow.

The champions when all the dust settled:

  • WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Seth Rollins (new)
  • Intercontinental Champion: Daniel Bryan (new)
  • United States Champion: John Cena (new)
  • Divas Champion: Nikki Bella (no change) (the gold wasn’t on the line)
  • Tag Team Champions: Tyson Kidd and Cesaro (no change)

Neither Brock Lesnar nor Roman Reigns left with any gold tonight. Monday’s Raw should be interesting.

Graphics / photos below courtesy of WWE.com. This is their post-Wrestlemania WWE “Superstars” webpage graphic with Cesaro pulled over from page two.

Wrestlemania 31 2015 gray champions at end of night Seth Rollins as WWE World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan as Intercontinental Champion John Cena as  United States Champion

Below are just the images / photos with no background.

Wrestlemania 31 2015 champions at end of night Seth Rollins as WWE World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan as Intercontinental Champion John Cena as  United States Champion

What did you think of Wrestlemania 31?
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The SmarK Rant for WWE Wrestlemania 31 – 03.29.15 http://insidepulse.com/2015/03/29/the-smark-rant-for-wwe-wrestlemania-31-03-29-15/ http://insidepulse.com/2015/03/29/the-smark-rant-for-wwe-wrestlemania-31-03-29-15/#comments Mon, 30 Mar 2015 03:59:58 +0000 http://insidepulse.com/?p=5018313 The SmarK Rant for WWE Wrestlemania 31 – 03.29.15

Live from San Francisco, CA

Your hosts are Michael Cole, JBL & Jerry Lawler

I’m trying the live stream tonight, so hopefully it doesn’t die on me.  The picture is already heavily pixelated early on, though.

Intercontinental title:  Bad News Barrett v. Dolph Ziggler v. Daniel Bryan v. Luke Harper v. R-Truth v. Stardust v. Dean Ambrose

So Daniel Bryan goes from winning the World title in the main event to curtain-jerking as the seventh guy in the opener this year.  If only he had been born a Samoan.  Giant brawl to start, as expected, and guys start hitting dives immediately.  Truth, who is apparently a geek that fears heights, tries to climb first but is terrified to do so.  Bryan sandwiches some guys behind a ladder and dropkicks it a few times, but that backfires on him.  Harper climbs and ends up hanging upside down on the ladder, and Bryan climbs until Ziggler makes the save.  Stardust takes out a few guys as the feed jumps around a bit, and he discovers a sparkly ladder under the ring that is apparently his own personal one.  And then Barrett immediately breaks it.  Well that’s kind of a waste.  Harper and Ambrose have a ladder duel and Dean gets dropped on a ladder with Snake Eyes.  I can only presume that it was a tribute to Hall of Famer Kevin Nash.  Truth clears the ring but is unable to overcome his crippling acrophobia again, which leads to Barrett superplexing Cody off the ladder.  Everyone climbs and we get another trainwreck with everyone falling off, leading to Ambrose taking a powerbomb from Harper through a ladder.  Jesus.  Harper climbs, but Ziggler is on his back with a sleeper and thus both guys fall off.  Ziggler climbs alone, but Barrett saves with the Bullhammer.  Truth climbs and he takes one too.  Bryan hits Barrett with the flying knee, clears the ring, and slugs it out with Ziggler on the ladder with insane headbutts until Ziggler finally drops, to win the IC title at 13:31.  That also puts Bryan in elite company as one of the few to hold the WWE Grand Slam (WWE, World, IC, US and tag titles).  The match was a crazy, non-stop trainwreck with little else going on, but that’s what we wanted out of it.  ***3/4

Randy Orton v. Seth Rollins

Orton with a dropkick early and Seth bails, but catches him with a necksnap to take over.  Orton slugs away in the corner and goes after J&J as the feed bugs out a bit, but Rollins hits him with a dive.  Back in, Seth gets two.  Suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock.  Seth pounds away in the corner, but Orton comes back with clotheslines and the powerslam.  Rollins bails to the apron and fights out of the draping DDT, and follows with a quebrada.  Back in, they fight on the top rope and Seth goes down first, but he rolls through a flying bodypress for two.  Orton with the draping DDT, but Rollins rolls him up for two.  RKO gets two.  I really wish I could mute JBL on this show.  HE’S GOING TO THAT PLACE, MAGGLE!  HE’S HEARING VOICES, MAGGLE!  And then the feed buffers like crazy again on me.  RKO on J&J, but Seth gets the curb stomp for two.  Moonsault misses and they trade finish attempts, but Orton manages to reverse the curb stomp mid-move into the RKO at 13:10.  That was quite the finish and should probably be a GIF for the next 15 years.  Nothing special as a match, however.  ***

HHH v. Sting

Sting’s entrance just lacks something in the bright sunlight.  Hard to be mysterious at four in the afternoon, I guess.  Meanwhile, HHH’s entrance is a literal commercial for the new Terminator movie.  And the announcers are making fun of WCW?!?  Well, credit to HHH for being willing to go out and embarrass himself with this shit.  They trade shoulderblocks to start and Sting dropkicks him into the corner, but HHH slugs him down.  Sting no-sells the facebuster, but HHH bails as JBL continues randomly bouncing between heel and babyface.  Back in, Sting dumps him, but debuts the “dive at the railing and miss” spot.  Back in, HHH with a suplex for two.  The announcers constantly burying WCW on commentary is really irritating.  You won the war FIFTEEN YEARS AGO.  Get over it.  HHH with the chinlock and some really loud spot-calling, and a spinebuster gets two.  HHH has some kind of really ugly bruise on his thigh and it’s kind of scary.  Sting fights back and the feed suddenly jumps to the Scorpion Deathlock, but now D-X (New Age Outlaws & X-Pac) runs in and Sting fights them off.  I think it would be more awesome if DX was played by the chicks in the Max Landis video.  And then Sting hits them with a dive from the top, which is a sight to behold.  Back in, KICK WHAM PEDIGREE gets two.  HHH grabs his trusty sledgehammer, but now the New World Order (Hogan, Nash and Hall) does the world’s slowest run-in and the Scorpion Deathdrop gets two.  Scorpion Deathlock while the senior citizens battle at ringside, but HHH makes the ropes.  And then Shawn Michaels comes in to superkick Sting in the name of DX, but that only gets two.  So it’s the sledgehammer v. bat showdown, and the hammer breaks under the awesome force of WCW’s bat.  Stinger splash, but HHH manages one last sledgehammer for the pin at 18:16.  Everyone who thought HHH was laying down here were being very naïve.  This was more of a wacky spectacle than a match, but it was fine for what it was.  **  I suspect it’ll get a lot of love for all the nostalgia stuff, which is also fine.  I’m not saying it wasn’t neat to have D-X facing off against the nWo at Wrestlemania, but let’s not get silly about it.

Coming to WWE Network:  A whole bunch of stupid bullshit that no one in their right mind would want to watch.  A prank show?  Diva Search 2015?  Really?

Meanwhile, Daniel Bryan gets the endorsement of a bunch of former IC champions.  Hopefully they actually follow through on that and don’t just have him do a bunch of jobs to build up title matches.

And now the concert portion of our show, which is where I break for dinner and pause the stream for a while to hopefully let the buffering catch up.  I’ve heard of Travis Barker before, but that’s about it.  And why you need a drummer for a chick who’s lip-syncing is a mystery to me.   And wasn’t there supposed to be an LL Cool J concert, too?

AJ Lee & Paige v. The Bella Twins

Nikki takes out AJ quickly and Brie works Paige over with a running knee for two.  Bellas with a double slingshot suplex for two.  Paige manages a rollup on Boobs Bella for two, but the Rack Attack gets two.  Paige makes her own comeback while AJ is still old cold on the floor for some reason.  WHERE ARE THE MEDICAL PERSONNEL?  Suddenly AJ pops up again and gets the hot tag, but Nikki rolls through a flying bodypress.  It’s breaking loose in Tulsa and AJ gets a really shitty DDT on Nikki for two.  Another brawl and Nikki lays out AJ with the forearm for two.  The feed jumps to AJ putting Nikki into the Black Widow at 6:32.  I have no idea what the point of AJ having to sell on the floor for four minutes was about.  *1/2

Commercial, commercial, Hall of Fame ceremony, commercial, commercial.  You can pretty much cut out an hour of stuff on fast-forward thus far and this whole series of stuff has really sucked the momentum out of the show.

US title:  Rusev v. John Cena

Thankfully Lana is back, and Rusev gets to ride a tank.  I thought that was D-X’s gimmick?  John Cena of course gets the most over-the-top jingoistic video package (complete with Vince heroes George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan) to show everyone that he’s fighting for freedom everywhere.  As long as you’re an American who votes Republican.  And the crowd STILL boos him.  Oh man, this crowd is gonna destroy Roman Reigns.  And Rusev also gets booed, so I guess they just hate everyone.  Cena immediately attacks and gets one, but Rusev hits him with a spinkick for two.  Rusev busts out some sambo (well, he’s playing a Russian, so I can only assume) with a rolling throw for two and follows with a rolling dive into the corner for two.  Rusev stops to wave the Russian flag, but this enrages the American blood of John Cena, who comes back with VINTAGE CENA, including getting booed.  Rusev escapes the FU and gets a backdrop suplex for two.  Uranage gets two.  They head to the top and Cena comes off with the guillotine for two.  The crowd now resorts to cheering for Lana as Rusev comes back with a superkick for two.  Cena with a tornado DDT for two.  They slug it out and Rusev gets a whiplash slam for two as the crowd is increasingly bored by this.  Cena takes him down with the STF, but Lana throws a shoe in the ring.  Honestly, who throws a shoe?  This somehow allows Rusev to escape the hold as foot fetishists everywhere lose their minds, and Rusev hits a diving headbutt for two.  JBL notes that Rusev is discovering that John Cena does not give up.  Except for last month.  Cena reverses the Accolade and hits a stunner for two.  Oh sure, they bring that move back after 12 years and it’s for JOHN FUCKING CENA?  Cena with a rollup for two, but Rusev superkicks him into the Accolade.  And Cena powers out of it and reverses into the STF.  Lana distracts the ref, however, and Cena lets a charging Rusev knock her off and hits the FU for the pin and the title at 14:34.   Nowhere near as good as last month.  ***  So now Cena can travel the world and inspire United Statesians everywhere.

And now, the pre-show panel discusses the stirring victory for Big Show in the battle royale.  So much for Hideo Itami’s big Wrestlemania debut.

The Authority is out to announce a new fake attendance record of 76,000 people!  Way to go, 20000 phantom people!  Like really, it’s 2015, do they really think people are stupid enough to just believe WWE would have an exact count of people two hours into the show?  What if another 100 still want to show up late? HHH takes credit for all of it, but the Rock interrupts.  Good, I was thinking that this show was moving at too much of a breakneck pace and needed an interview segment to breathe.  Rock lays down the challenge and Stephanie gets in his face and claims that the McMahons made him, then slaps him and sends him packing.  But Rock would never hit a woman, so he heads to the crowd, finds RONDA ROUSEY, and invites her to kick Stephanie’s ass instead.  And Stephanie can’t resist talking shit to her, which the Rock warns is a bad idea.  HHH has had enough and get his ass handed to him, but Steph makes the mistake of going after Rousey and gets chased from the ring under threat of armbar.  Obviously she couldn’t actually finish the job due to legal stuff with UFC.  Which is too bad because it would have been legendary.  See now, Rock v. HHH at WM in Dallas makes way more sense than Rock v. Brock, because there was already a backstory and people would actually want to see that match again.  Myself included.  If they could pull off Rock & Ronda v. HHH & Stephanie, more power to them.  Although once again, how sad is it that these guys just blow away everyone on the roster and make them all look like a bunch of indy chumps by comparison in the span of 20 minutes?

Bray Wyatt v. The Undertaker

We are apparently running long and skip the video package for this match, which is kind of astonishing.  Undertaker has reverted to Zombie Cowboy with hair after a few years of the demonic wizard with Mohawk look.  Apparently Undertaker’s 21-1 is now the “greatest record in sports history” and I don’t even know where to begin with that one.  Like, I’m pretty sure the Patriots going undefeated that one year was a bit more impressive.  Somehow, Undertake has used his magic powers to generate 30 pounds of muscle since those photos of him surfaced a couple of months ago, and he’s looking much better than the last couple of years.  Bray charges and gets beat up in the corner, and Taker goes old school.  Bray comes back with a clothesline, but Taker continues kicking his ass and legdrops him on the apron.  Back in, Taker hits Snake Eyes, but Bray comes back with a back elbow and pounds away in the corner.  He grabs a hold on the mat and does some sort of charge on the floor to run Taker’s head into the post.  That didn’t really translate very well and just kind of looked like Bray taking a bump into the stairs for no reason.  Back in, Taker catches him in the gogoplata, but Bray slugs out of it.  The announcers now suddenly bring up the storyline of Undertaker doubting himself and contemplating mortality, which would have been nice to bring up TWO MONTHS AGO.  Like, did we ever have any followup from Undertaker about how he felt after the Streak ended?  Nope.  Bray puts him down with a uranage and senton for two.  Sister Abigail is reversed into the chokeslam, and the tombstone…gets two.  I’m gonna have to call bullshit on that one.  A second try is reversed into Sister Abigail for two.  I kind of get what they’re going for here, but it’s not working, like at all.  We get the crab walk v. zombie showdown, and Bray freaks out.  They do the slugfest and Bray tries Sister again, but this time Taker reverses to the tombstone to finish at 15:07.  Not at the low level of last year’s match, but there was a lot of laying around and clearly this wasn’t the right opponent for Undertaker.  **1/2

Chris Jericho brings his podcast to the WWE Network with super-controversial guest John Cena.  I bet Cena will stir up headlines by talking about how fans might love him or hate him but he always shows up.

WWE World title:  Brock Lesnar v. Roman Reigns

And so it’s come to this.  Don’t you tell Roman that he can’t do something!  Because he’ll just go ahead and do it anyway, but to half the crowd reaction he otherwise he would have received.  He enters through the crowd and security has to actively fight off people trying to tell him what he can’t do on the way to the ring.  DON’T YOU FUCKING TELL HIM WHAT HE CAN’T DO!  He summons the anger of people telling him what he can’t do and punches the ring so hard that he sets off fireworks.  Brock is so the clear babyface here, and the crowd even sings along with Paul Heyman’s ring introduction of him.  Brock shrugs off Roman’s attack, quickly suplexes him, and follows with the F5.  The crowd loved that.  Brock is bleeding from one of Reigns’s wussy shots.  WHY WOULD YOU MAKE BROCK BLEED?!  He’s going to murder you!  Reigns tries to fight back and Brock suplexes his dumb ass again and beats the shit out of him.  Another suplex and Brock is having fun with this.  A sixth german suplex and then Brock changes it up by dropping him on the top rope and throwing knees to his face.  He punches him right to the railing as the crowd breaks out the “This is awesome” chant for the supposed top babyface getting beaten like a red-headed stepchild.  Reigns comes back with a knee and the crowd boos him out of the stadium, and then Brock clotheslines his head off to send him flying off the apron again.  Brock should win Wrestler of the Year for this shit.  Back in, another suplex sends Reigns out of the ring again, and Brock suplexes him right back in.  The crowd is now keeping count of the suplexes that their hero is taking.  F5 gets two.  Brock is now gloveless, I repeat, gloveless, and personally bitchslaps Reigns with his bare hands.  Another pair of suplexes, another F5 gets two.  Oh come on.  Brock takes him outside to the ringpost, but Reigns reverses him into it.  Why would you make this man angrier!?  Your continued kicking out has already angered him enough!  Back in, Reigns hits the superman punch twice and Brock won’t go down because he’s a real man.  A third one finally drops him and Reigns follows with the spear, twice, but it only gets two.  One last charge and Brock hits the F5…but Seth Rollins cashes in and it’s now a three-way.  Curb stomp, but Brock catches him, so Reigns hits the spear and Rollins curb stomps him and pins him at 16:37 to win the WWE title!  So…that was quite the ridiculous finish, but damn if I wasn’t jumping up and down with excitement at it.  And really, they found a brilliant way to get out of the corner they were painted into with Reigns.  Brock Lesnar has to be some kind of superhuman wrestling machine to carry Roman Reigns to that kind of match.  ****1/2

The Pulse

I actually liked this show better than last year, even if the middle dragged a lot for me.  The ladder match / Rollins v. Orton / Sting v. HHH spectacle to open the show was a fantastic start and the Rousey angle was incredible TV.  And then Brock showed why he’s worth whatever the fuck he wants to be paid with a finish that will probably go down in WM history.  Reigns is dead in the water, but who gives a shit about him anyway?  Big thumbs up here, especially given low expectations.
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Spain SmackDown Report and Review for March 26th 2014: WrestleMania’s Fucked http://insidepulse.com/2015/03/29/spain-smackdown-report-and-review-for-march-26th-2014-wrestlemanias-fucked/ http://insidepulse.com/2015/03/29/spain-smackdown-report-and-review-for-march-26th-2014-wrestlemanias-fucked/#comments Sun, 29 Mar 2015 22:05:01 +0000 http://insidepulse.com/?p=5017861 Well, here we are, at the last SmackDown before WrestleMania. And, as I think most here can agree, it’s been a disappointing ride. So, unless they’re about to pull something amazing out from behind the curtain, at this hellishly late stage in the game, on SmackDown of all things, I think that we’re going to have to live with the fact that this year just isn’t going to be about what we want/what would make perfect business sense.

I’m your host, David Spain, drinking a Mimosa at 9:55 on this beautiful North-East morning (it’s been a weird day already), all set to review some wrestling.

Enjoy That Pre-Show Spot, Lads

The Usos are here, along with Naomi, and I like how this company apparently employs a woman to support her husband and not wrestle. And, no, I would not be making these complaints if Jimmy was married Cameron or Summer Rae. Big E and Xavier Woods join them, as do Los Matadores and The New Day. Apparently this is going to be a Fatal Four-Way in order to advertise the pre-show tag team match, and does it still count as ‘advertising’ if you remind me that Los Matadores and The New Day are going to be in that match? I suppose I should be grateful that Natalya and El Torito aren’t in a feud, but why should I be grateful for the WWE not doing worse things than they’re already doing?

Matador 1 and Jimmy start off against each other as Langston pounds Cesaro down in the corner. They trade up partners then; Big E belly-to bellies Matador 1 and Jimmy Uso, before hurling Cesaro into the two of them and spearing them all in the corner. He hefts Cesaro up in a military press and then chucks him at Jimmy, before belly-to-bellying Matador 1 for a second time. Warrior Splash hits Matador 1, with Cesaro managing to break up the pin before getting thrown out. Jimmy Uso enzuigiris Big E out of the ring, then takes a dropkick from Matador 1. Matador 1 then dives out onto Big E and Cesaro, taking them all out, and then Jimmy Uso decides to make it a party, launching himself out onto all three of them.

Jimmy takes Cesaro back in the ring, going up top, but Langston takes him back down. Cesaro dropkicks Langston back to the floor, and then tries to bring Matador 1 into the ring with a suplex, only for Jimmy Uso to help him, before Langston back-suplexes both of them as they throw that suplex! Big E’s the first guy up, but he gets DDT’d by Matador 1 as the masked man also reverse-STOs Jimmy Uso. Cesaro comes after Matador 1, who heads up to the top, but leaps right into a Cesaro Swing, before Cesaro uses his legs to hurl him at both Jimmy and Big E!

Cesaro wants a Neutraliser on Langston, but Matador 1 interrupts, hitting a backstabber! Big Ending’s attempted, but Jimmy superkicks Langston, and then elevates Matador 1 out to the floor. He heads up top and hits a splash to Cesaro, getting the pin!

This was quite a lot of fun: the double-team manoeuvres were really put to a good use and they explored the possibilities of a multi-man match. Shouldn’t be a bad match come Sunday, I guess. 3 Stars.

Okay, I just sat through/worked on my novel whilst ignoring a whole bunch of advertising, but we’re finally back to something approaching an actual show, and AJ Lee is making her way down to the ring, microphone in hand. She says we’ve seen her in a lot of roles, but the most important one is as the longest-reigning Divas champ of all time. She loves that title, as does Paige, and the Bellas were smart enough to completely play them. At WrestleMania, she’s beating the Bellas, alone or with company, and if Paige doesn’t want to help out, that’s fine by her.

Paige then shows up, saying that AJ ain’t fooling no-one, and that Lee can’t stand the thought of someone else, even her, being the champion. AJ says that this Sunday won’t be about the title, which Paige does accept, but maintains doubts about how far she can really trust AJ. AJ says that they have two things in common: they’re weird and they hate losing and, for that reason alone, they should work together. Paige, for some reason, is actually convinced by this line of thought, and says, what the hell, let’s be tag team partners.

This brings out the Bellas, who are all ‘meh meh meh you all wish you were us meh’.  AJ calls them failed actresses, which is some high talk coming from a failed general manager, AJ. Paige says that they like being the freaks and weirdos. Honey, I really don’t think that you’re exactly what people think of when they think ‘freaks and weirdos’. Nikki says that she prefers no labels, which is a decent point. She wants a scrap, but then strangely doesn’t, and says she’ll see those bitches at WrestleMania. Her words, sort of, because they censored it (apparently Nikki doesn’t get Randy Orton privileges).

I skip some more WrestleMania pandering, because I’ve earned that, I think. I did catch that the Battle Royal is on the pre-show, which is at least being honest about that match.

Well, Consider Me SOLD On WrestleMania, Then

Main event time, and here comes John Cena. And after typing that sentence, I took a break and roughly eight cocktails, so I am fucked up right now. Man, this is going to be fun, because I am not sobering up. The faces all get down to the ring, as do the heels, because this would not be much of a match otherwise. Rollins and Reigns kick things off, and the commentators go off on their whole ‘you don’t tell Roman Reigns he can’t do things’. Reigns lays Seth out with a clothesline, and then works him over for a while. God, Jerry Lawler could make me hate literally anybody, just by praising them in that smug fucking way he has.

Oh, here’s Wyatt, who immediately gets smacked around by Reigns. Not that he’ll lose any mystique by getting the shit kicked out of him, or whatever. Put Show or Kane in there: they’ve got nothing to lose. Apparently Bray’s reading this article as I write it, and tags in Kane, who manages to take control of the match for a moment before Roman Reigns takes him back down. Reigns hasn’t tagged in Henry or Cena, which is a face move, but hasn’t tagged in Bryan either, which is bullshit. Oh, and then he tags in fucking Henry. Because you need to hype the shit out of dat battle royal, I guess.

Big Show’s in now, and takes Henry right down, because being the World’s Strongest Man counts for jack these days. And here’s Wyatt, laying the smackdown on Henry before making the tag to Rollins, who tags right back out. Love how Bray can co-exist with people if he wants to, because it’s evidence that he’s not demonically possessed: just a dick. Kane comes back in, stomping away on Henry before letting Big Show have a taste. You know, I can barely focus on the screen right now, so just assume that the heel beatdown is the same as it has been every other multi-man tag match, and I’ll come back when things change.

Okay, when we get back from the commercial break, Cena’s in the ring, getting worked over by Henry, before he takes a bodyslam from the now legal Show. Kane tags in, and it looks like this is another chapter in the heel beatdown: you know the rules.

Wow, that was way more heel beatdown than this match needed, but Cena finally knocked Rollins out of the ring and tagged in Bryan. Bryan is on fire, hitting Rollins with everything in the box, slamming his boots right into Seth’s face before hitting his hurricanrana. Cruiserweight Security provides enough of a distraction for Seth to bean Bryan in the head, and Rollins tags Big Show back in, who immediately knocks Reigns to the floor. He wants a chokeslam on Bryan, but Roman’s back in pretty much immediately, and Superman Punches Big Show!

Bray blindsides Roman, setting him up for Sister Abigail and, that pop, I swear to God, was almost too enthusiastic. Reigns breaks out of it, hitting a spear to disappoint literally everyone. Kane almost gets a chokeslam (less of a pop), and gets speared. Reigns and Henry go after Big Show, then Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment before Bryan gets the pin off the Running Knee.

So, okay, odd that they had Bryan win that match. Roman looked very strong here, with Cena being the face in peril in his place, and I guess the match was…okay? 2 Stars.

So, that’s the end of the Wrestling Year, once Sunday’s been and gone. I have to say, I’m not that enthusiastic for WrestleMania. I’m really not. And we’ve all said it, I know, but it’s important that we do say it, and keep saying it. Because they didn’t listen to us at first, and we need to remind them why that was such a dumb idea. This show, at least, was not 98% fan access and, like, one promo, but it didn’t help matters anyway. Tonight gets a six.

Well, enjoy WrestleMania
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