Hello everyone, I'm back again. Widro told me I should write a Cheap Heat column dedicated to him since Ben did, but I decided against it. Widro's the man, but I don't think we need to dedicate TWO articles to him in one week… we don't need him to get an oversized head. Anyway, a couple of you have wondered why I've only haphazardly checked in over the last couple of months. I figured, as soon as school was out, I'd be able to check in on a certain day and certain time every week. But, then something I didn't expect reared it's ugly head.
Writer's Block.
Every writer's nightmare. So, I've been firing up Word and trashing columns halfway through them. They suck. I finally read through some of my old stuff and remembered an idea from a while back to do my top ten heels. Now, remember. I've been a wrestling fan only since the mid-80's. Therefore, while Don Muraco might have been a fantastic heel… I never watched him. If you want a very well informed version of this, bug Craig. He's hella more knowledgeable than I am, and he'd probably be able to slap together one doozy of a top ten list.
Now, to get a few things out of the way: I watched A LOT of WWF when I was a kid. I only knew NWA/WCW as "that other wrestling without the big, rubber action figures." Hence, the lack of WCW guys on the list.
Now then: The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle believed that… oops wait.
Now then, the Honorable mention. These guys are very good at making people hate them, but they just never did enough for me to crack the top ten.
Doink the Clown: One of those things that had "bad idea" written all over it, but worked well in practice. From the screaming kids in his music to just being an all-around mean guy. I had been scared of clowns since 1991 when I read Stephen King's book IT at FAR too young an age. The evil clown was not a bad gimmick… it was made bad when Vince tried to make him a good guy.
Ravishing Ric Rude: Rude came very close to making the list, then I realized that he basically relied on a lot of Cheap Heat ((hey!)) to do what he did. He came out and called everyone in the audience fat and out of shape. Hell, I could make people boo me by doing that. It is a loss to the wrestling world that he's gone, because I think he could still be a hell of a mouthpiece and/or commentator in whatever federation he was in. Then again, after what he pulled on Vince, he'd probably be just as jobless as most of WCW's roster right now.
Mr Perfect, Curt Hennig: Hennig's another one who came very close to making the list. He was a heel his entire career, but he never really did anything SO revolutionary that he deserves to be up there with the best of them. In my own opinion, anyway… but then, that's what this column is.
10. The Honky Tonk Man: this was just another lame WWF gimmick that Vince must have come up with one day in the middle of a steroid rush. It's up there with the wrestling dentist, the wrestling garbageman, and the wrestling racecar driver. Did the world need a wrestling Elvis impersonator? I don't really think so. Somehow, despite all odds, Wayne Ferris made this gimmick work. He was annoying beyond all belief… the gimmick was stupid… but he made people want to see him get beat up. Whoever was against him, got cheered. Whoever came close to getting that Intercontinental Title off him was an immediate face. People begged to see this guy get beat within an inch of his life, just to get that god-awful pompadour off his head. One thing Honky had going for him… the guitar shot. Jeff Jarrett really made it famous, but Honky was the innovator. Like the song said… he was cool, he was cocky, and he was bad."
9. Vader: This goes into the category of "guy who would have been higher if I'd watched WCW." I only know Vader from his brief run in the WWF. He looked like a badass, walked like a badass, and WAS a badass… until he got into the ring with whatever babyface he was feuding with at the time. Then, the babyface would beat him. However, he makes the list because of what I've heard about him and the various matches and angles I've read about in older WCW stuff. He was an intimidating presence, especially when he was running with his "no pain" angle. I think Vader really got ripped by the WWF, and should have been a stronger presence than he was.
8. Jake "The Snake" Roberts: When Jake was in his prime, he was a fantastic wrestler. As a lot of folks have said, it's unfortunate what happened to Jake over the years. Jake excelled in mind-games. Whether it be screwing with the Undertaker, or screwing with the Macho Man, Jake always managed to stay one step in front of whoever he was feuding with. Minus the one, really bad idea, blindfold match with Rick Martel, Jake showed the world how to play the dark, brooding heel who made no bones about wanting to hurt you. Not to mention the small fact that he brought a damn python or cobra to the ring with him. If that wasn't enough to give you the mental advantage in a match, I don't know what would be. Then again, if I knew a python was going to be let loose on me if I lost, you can damn sure bet I'd lose by count-out. I'd be out of the arena before the referee got to ten.
7. Kevin Nash: This may be the entry I take the most crap for including, but I can't help it. Say what you want about Nash's political maneuvering, booking, or lack of workrate, and I'll probably agree with you. But, I also contend that Nash made the "bad-ass, cool heel" style that Hogan, and the rest of the N.W.O. took their cues from. After Diesel started to catch on, he was mean… but he was cool about it. He was damn mean in the ring, but he acknowledged the fans and took his cues from them. It could even be argued that Austin worked off of the Diesel gimmick. Nash moved it right into WCW, and ended up making the "heel" N.W.O. more popular than the face WCW. Some could argue it was Hogan's influence, but all of it worked on the characterization Nash, and to a lesser extent, Scott Hall, created. The entire New World Order was an offshoot of Nash's character.
6. Ted Dibiase: This guy personified the evil rich guy. Making people do disgusting things for money. The one I remember the most was when he promised a little kid a hundred dollars if he could dribble a basketball 10 times… and then kicked the ball away on nine. He continued to do stuff like that on vignettes, and then did the same kind of stuff Tiger Ali Singh used to do a couple years ago. He would get "fans" out of the audience to do stuff for money… and shove hundreds down jobber's throats when he beat them.
5. Raven: To clarify… Raven in ECW. Not the whining, Raven's Flock guy from WCW, or Raven now. When I first started watching ECW, it was in the midst of the Raven/Dreamer feud. Then, later, I watched him feud with Sandman… and steal his wife and kid, and use them against him. I say Jake Roberts was good with mind games, but Raven is the recent master.
4. Shane Douglas: Yeah, people will say Douglas isn't particularly talented. People will also say that Douglas is only over because of his mouth and the promos he can cut. I respond to that with "well, that's what heels do." Douglas was lame in WCW… Douglas WAS ECW. He held the belt in the deathgrip and EVERYONE wanted to see it taken from him. Hell, even Al Snow was monstrously over when he was feuding with Douglas for the ECW title. Douglas held that title in a vise-grip, and there wasn't anyone who didn't hate him for it.
3. HHH: Now, I know a lot of you are going to wonder why he isn't number one. To you I simply say: "he hasn't been around long enough." Triple H's old Hunter Hearst Helmsley character is too fresh in my mind to remember him as the best heel of all time. The annoying, genital referencing DX character is ALSO too fresh in my mind. Hunter is a great heel… definitely one of the best of all time. To call him the best yet… is far too early. Helmsley may come back from this injury of his and never be a heel again. He didn't make it a career of being an asshole, which is why he isn't on the top. Anyway, Triple H is fantastic at being bad. Bashing people with sledgehammers, playing the crowd without actually speaking to them, and letting them know they are getting under his skin just a little bit. Hunter got over by cutting promos fellatiating himself as the best in the business, and then going out and proving it. There's no quicker way to deflate a WWF crowd than Hunter doing a Pedigree to end a match. They know it's over… and the asshole isn't getting his that day. That is when you know you have it.
2. Rowdy Roddy Piper: Piper once went on record saying to Hulk Hogan "they only liked you so much because they hated me so much." I think there's a lot of truth to that statement. Piper was a thorn in Hogan's side for a lot of years, and he was the only guy who feuded with Hogan that wasn't of immense size. Piper was a lunatic, and Hyatte's column on Snuka touches on it. Piper was a raving maniac who was Hogan's, to date, best heel foil. Every other feud Hogan had was the same. Big, unstoppable guy who Hulk beats for the title at Wrestlemania. Piper was different, though. He wasn't huge and intimidating… or even particularly talented. But when he got on the microphone, he could make a priest hate him. You never know what he would do next, but it was always bad for the other guy. And the other guy always happened to be a babyface.
1. Ric Flair: Probably a foregone conclusion, and the number one guy on a lot of lists like these. Ric Flair made a 20 year career out of being heel. Not the recent efforts where he went crazy and whatnot, but the old, Four Horseman leading Nature Boy. He always held the World Title in a death-grip. He would walk out of matches, or have the Horsemen come down and interfere for him. He held the title by count-out and DQ. When he lost it, people loved whoever took it, even though they knew Flair would be getting it back. He was the innovator of the "Don't Trust Anybody" attitude that Austin has now. Even Flair's own teammates weren't safe from him. Flair had no problem sending the Enforcer out to DDT someone out of the ranks of the Horsemen. I think that's why I was so disappointed when Jarrett was peaceably fired from the Horsemen… because it showed Flair had mellowed. Flair was the ultimate bad guy, and did it for 20 years. Anyone who could present an argument on why he isn't number one… would still be wrong in the end.
Articles of this type always generate a lot of mail on who you folks think is better and who you think I forgot. I welcome them. I don't present this as gospel, just my own opinion. As for me, I'm not expecting the writer's block to go away anytime soon. For the time being, I think I'll stick with the Rankings and I'll be making a stab at doing the Heat report starting in July. When I can think of something interesting, I'll jot it down here.
