411’s WWF Sunday Night Heat Report 7.15.01

OK, so two of the hot chicks are gone from Tough Enough. Including the one with the nice rack. Dammit. I mean Paulina is cute and all, but she scares me. My new Picks are Greg or Maven for the guys and I’m sticking with Paulina for the girl. Paulina, if she has any skill at all, could be better than Chyna ever was.

WWF Heat – WWFE: 7/15/01

Opens with an absolutely adorable montage of Spike and Molly in love . Full with “awwwwe’s” from the crowd. Walking in the park, playing chess, throwing pennies in the fountain doing some nastiness under the pine trees. Whatever.

Opening

Michael Cole is going at it alone tonight, as he hasn’t been able to reach Tazz all week. Since he’s turned ECW, Al Snow will now host Heat with Cole. Obviously, since the only success Al’s ever seen in his career is in ECW of course he would stick with the WWF. Spike and Molly are the guests tonight.

Al puts on the headset and we’re underway.

Match: Justin Credible (in ECf’nW shirt) vs Albert for the WWF Intercontinental Title

OK, so this didn’t take long. X-factor is done now Albert just needs to change his music. If this wasn’t Heat, I’d say Justin was winning the belt here. Since Heyman likes Justin as much as Rhyno. Albert no-sells from offense for a bit, and then starts beating the crap out of Justin. I’m tired of Scott Keith bitching about how Albert isn’t over. I like Albert. You wouldn’t want to, you know, try to use a belt to get someone over, now would you? Nah, rather just let it sit on another mid-carder who the fans already like and doesn’t need a belt to be over like Jericho. That way, you can hold them back from the uppercard even easier because they have a “second class” belt.

Anyway, Justin comes back with an enziguri until Albert backdrops him over the top rope. Justin takes a nasty looking bump over the top rope. Albert comes out and Justin rams him into the pole to take control. He goes for a top rope move but almost falls off the turnbuckle. Albert grabs him in an Albertbomb and puts him away.

Outside to Spike and Molly arriving to WWF NY.

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Al and Cole whore some sponsors. I like Corn Nuts and all, but Blinky was a MUCH better mascot.

Last week on Raw, if you haven’t heard. ECW rose from the dead. Here we see how to run an Invasion, considering they have every ECW brand name ever, minus Shane Douglas and Sabu. The WCW guys are more an afterthought now. Fine with me.

Back to Al and Cole they talk about Steph stabbing Vince in the back. Yeah never seen the McMahon’s turn on each other before, have we?

Match: Heat Goldenboy Jobber K-Kwik vs Billy Kidman for the WCW Cruiserweight Title

Uhh Kwik looks a little bigger than “cruiserweight.” Tazz is not around to say “phat” this week. I sigh in relief. Will this week’s match use the same finish as the last two weeks? I don’t know, but it sure looks like Kwik will be jobbing again. Kidman opens with a headscissors and a dropkick. Kwik goes for the backflip early in the match, and ducks a charging clothesline with a split. It took him two weeks to realize not to backflip toward the end of the match, when guys can do finishers.

Cole wants to know why Tazz would turn on the WWF. I dunno maybe for a chance to wrestle? Personally, I’d like for them to give Tazz a segment to run down the WWF for making him an announcer. It’s been too long since we got a look at Tazz’s mean streak. Since the “Just Another Victim” phase when he was jobbing to Crash Holly.

I digress Kwik takes some control. Kidman does an interesting move that starts as a slingshot and ends as a back breaker. It was cool. Kwik on the losing end of some slugging tris to come back and gets a second rope dropkick. Kidman with a short powerbomb, and it’s no better finishing people in the WWF than iwt was in WCW. Kwik does a Flatliner and Kidman kicks out. Kwik to the top and gets crotched and ends up with a piss poor looking hurricanrana. Kwik goes for a powerbomb, and WWF wrestlers don’t yet know not to powerbomb Kidman. Then again, neither do WCW wrestlers. Kidman reverses, brings Kwik down, and ends it with his new finisher, which I will still call the Kid Krusher.

K-Kwik’s straight weeks jobbing on Heat – 3.

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Next Week on Tough Enough: Someone will be cut, rather than quit.

WWF Boot of the Week: Con-chair-to on Mike Awesome, letting Jeff Hardy win the Hardcore Title.

Back to WWF NY. Al and Cole discuss that ECW thing.

Match: Crash Holly vs Saturn

Hoo-hah speaking of guys who were only ever relevant in ECW. You know the backstage area at wrestling venues must be freezing. Crash knocks Terry off the apron and we get underway. Saturn has control for most of the opening, and then gets tossed over the top rope. Al talks about the upcoming Tough Enough and says it’s his favorite episode. Saturn gets a vertical suplex on the outside, rolled back in, and gets pinned for two.

Crash in control and slugging. Cole talks about the referees fighting. Earl Hebner vs Nick Patrick at Invasion. They did this in WCW and it sucked then. This one won’t be any better. Who referees a match between referees? Also, how do referees have a match? If they get breathed on, they get knocked unconscious. Will the match consist of a tie-up, then both guys fall over, then whoever referees giving the ten count? If the guy reffing the match gets hit by another referee will this also knock him out? Crash goes for a pinfall and gets two. More punching by Crash and then punching by Saturn. Clothesline and Belly to Belly by Saturn. Saturn raises his arms and goes to the top. Body splash misses. Crash gets a hurricanrana and pins for two. Crash goes for a pin in the corner, tries to use the ropes, and the ref catches it. Saturn with a vicious kick to the grill followed by his fishermans neckbreaker thing we’ll call it the “Saturnizer” for now.

To the Blue Room in WWF NY there’s a candlelight dinner going on backstage. Molly has wine, Spike has milk. HAHAHAHAHA ahem.

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Slam of the night: The Snap Litasault of Death on Trish Stratus and then Tori Wilson and Staci hit on the Hardys.

Cole and Al talk about the bra and panties Tag Match at Invasion. They need a new preview picture of Trish. She looks really bad in this one.

Match: Big Show & Billy Bitchcakes vs Perfect-Shawn and Kanyon

We get more than three matches tonight? Well, Kanyon’s in it, so it can’t be all bad. Of course, three quarters of the guys in the match suck so.

Gunn and Shawn start. Shawn wants Show. The hell? He gets him. Shawn cheap shots Billy and then gets the ref to turn. Both guys attack. Shawn goes for a whip into the corner and can’t move him. He’s lucky, because he was trying to whip Show into his own corner. Show then knocks Shawn on his ass with a clubbering forearm.

Al’s theory on the Big Show is that he’s a Bigfoot who was shaved down and taught to speak English. Heh.

Kanyon’s in now and pounding on Bitchcakes, until he eats a dropkick. Billy into the Armbar the skill. Kanyon takes back over and gives a Russian leg sweep. A couple elbow drops gets a two count. Meat tagged in. His tights are bright pink. He and Billy must have a bet going on for who can wear the gayest tights? Well, Billy’s Mr. Ass tights are still in the lead. But then Staziak also wore the pink underwear tights for a while. Widro should have a poll.

Show charges in and beats up Shawn for a bit. Billy does the dramatic crawling to give Show a hot tag. Show beats up both guys for a bit. Show with his new finisher thing where he brings the guy up for powerbomb and then flings him backwards. Hm Showstopper?

Backstage, Spike and Molly talk about how much they love each other and then kiss. Al asks Cole if he wants a hug.

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New Lita video. “It Just Feels Right.” Which is also the name of her entrance tune.

Spike and Molly get their time on the couch. These two actually have a cute sort chemistry together. It baffles me how quickly Spike got over. It didn’t even seem like the shove it was, I guess.

Spike fractured his ankle while giving the Acid Drop to Buh Buh. He gets an X-ray soon to see how it’s healing.

Al says they’re a cute couple and that he and Cole will start asking the tough questions. Al brings up the Romeo and Juliet thing and how their families feud. Molly says it doesn’t affect the relationship at all, Spike says it makes them stronger.

Cole asks Spike about his ECW ties. Spike doesn’t say anything about it. He says the only thing he cares about is ankle rehab and Molly.

Al asks who Spike cares about more: The WWF or Molly. Spike says the WWF.

Al reminds us that Spike’s biggest exposure ever is ECW and asks if he’s grateful. Spike says ECW has changed. It used to be about wrestling now it’s corporate.

Cole wants to know where Spike and Molly go from here. Spike says he has a very important announcement to make on Raw tomorrow that involves Molly. What, they’re going steady now? Tell me they’re not going to push for another wedding already.

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On Road Rules they have to play with Cobras. That would be it for me. Out of there.

Never been to WWF NY? Then you’ve missed ridiculously priced food and inflated merchandise prices.

Al and Cole remind us that Raw is on tomorrow night, and wonder if Steve Austin will be there and which Austin will he be. Can they get the old Rattlesnake back?

On Smackdown, Austin sang, Angle sang, and Vince begged Austin for the old Rattlesnake to return. Read about all of it on McClusky’s Smackdown Report. And we’ll pray that my link works for once.

Cole says the whole WWF needs the old Rattlesnake. I think Austin becomes good Austin again and the Rock returns to lead WCW. Widro thinks it will be the opposite. We’ll have to wait for Invasion to find out.

And we’re out.

Well I think this Invasion is a hell of a lot more interesting now, and there’s a lot of ways they can go with it. I think the Rock would make more sense as the leader of WCW, and not the WWF. An Austin/Rock rematch at SummerSlam would sell and sell big. Especially if Rock were on WCW’s side, because of Vince’s suspension.

End Transmission