The Midnight News 9.11.01

The count down to Hyatte is on. Only one more day and then the man is back in the saddle. It’s been great to fill in for him these past three days, and I’m with a lot of you in looking foward to his return. Thanks to all of you who sent me feedback, good or bad, and surprisingly mostly good. Maybe I’ll fill in for Hyatte again one day. Probably not. Anyway, on with the news.



RAW THOUGHTS…



Tonight I fell in love with Lillian Garcia. RVD was in the ring and pointed to himself as Lillian said his name. Each time he pointed to himself Lillian bobbed her head foward as though she was as into it as the fans. Then when she finished saying his name, she smiled from ear to ear. She is a fan. She loves her job. Couple this with her performance with The Rock, and she is truly beginning to come in to her own. Good job Lillian. Keep it up.



Nice job by the Hardyz and the Weather Systems. Solid match.



Rock has always been able to cut an incredible promo. Everyone on the net praising his current work will be bitching in a few months about how Rocky does the same thing on the mike all the time.



Go ahead and talk about how Billy Gunn sucks. He’s been selling his ass off recently.



I was wrong. I thought Tajiri would be stuck in lightweight hell forever. Good for him. We have a European Champion from Oa (sorry if I didn’t spell it correctly), a US Champion from Japan, and an Intercontinental Champion from Canada! It’s all screwy!



Great Angle/RVD match. Stupid Test/Rock match. Really stupid final interview, but it raised an interesting question. Would they do it? Do you think they’re going to have Angle make a remarkable recovery, or are they going to go with plan RVD? If they were going to put him into the match, they’d have to put him over. Otherwise it’s a waste of a talent.  



Good show. On a scale from one to ten, I give it a ten thousand!



It’ll 11:15 and the Raw Recap still isn’t up. I give them 10 more minutes or they don’t get a link. Ah. Thanks PK!  411’s WWF Raw Is War Report 9.10.01



JERRY GETS A LITTLE LESS PATHETIC.  JUST A LITTLE.



Why does he have to let the entire world know the every detail of his divorce? Whatever, Jerry Lawler put another post on his website about Stacy. Here are the big details.



Stacy’s banging another guy.



Stacy wants all info about her removed from his website. It’s being done.



Stacy and the scumbag she’s sucking and bucking deserve one another. He didn’t say it like that.



Stacy doesn’t want the King to write anything disparaging about her on the website. He won’t.



The King liked dancing with Stacy. It was worth the pain. The divorce is going to suck.



Jerry is pretty much begging for some ring rat love near the end of the first paragraph.



Now that Stacy is gone, Jerry inquired to Bruce and Jim about getting his job back. They told him to wait till after the divorce.



Jerry has become so depressed over his loss that he’s begun to do crack. Wait! No, I’m sorry. He’s working with Chris Candido. My mistake.



He’s apparently schlupping a girl named Donna. You can see her on his website. She’ll be accompaning him to Trinidad for a match with Buff Bagwell. Oh King. Why?



The real victim in all of this? Brian. We were lucky to have a tape recorder polaced in the Lawler household for the most recent conversation between father and son.



Brian: Daddy?



Jerry: Yes son?



Brian: When’s mommy coming home?



Jerry: Son, your mother left us. She’s not coming back.



Brian: It’s because of me, isn’t it! I did drugs and got kicked out of the WWF and it made mommy so angry that she left us and she’ll never come home!



Jerry: Brian, listen to me! It’s not your fault. Mommy loves you very much. Remember, no matter what happens, both your parents love you very much.



Brian: No! It’s all my fault! (Sound of crying, followed by the sound of a man running up a staircase.)



Jerry: Son! Wait! You forgot your pot!



So I would choose to be with you. That’s if the choice was mine to make. But you can make decisions to. And you can have this heart to break. And so it goes, and so it goes. And you’re the only one who knows.

-Sir Elton John.



My condolences, King.

THE MATCH THE ENTIRE WORLD HAD BEEN WAITING FOR…at a Texas house show.



The first WCW Champion vs. WWF Champion match took place on Saturday in Texas. Rock beat Austin by dq and then tormented poor Shawn Stasiak verbally and physically. There is nothing funny about this at all, except for Stasiak responding to the Rock’s question that yes, he enjoys strudel every now and then. While you would expect The Rock to go off on a tangent about how gay Stasiak is, he instead said, “That’s alright. Just because you wash a window doesn’t make you a window-washer.” Funny stuff.



Also, Edge went cleanly over Rhyno and The One jobbed to Kanyon. Stop bitching about Billy! Granted, I’m not his biggest fan in the world, but he’s doing what he’s being asked to.



We got this from 411 reader Rex. Good boy!



BRET HART GOES DOWN ON RUSSO’S REQUEST!



Bret Hart signed an autograph for 411 reader Mathew Roberts in Austrailia. Mathew asked Bret how the concussion was going, and Bret said it was okay but he would never wrestle again. Mathew thanked Bret and started to leave. Bret stopped him and asked if Mathew could talk for a little while. Bret is just so lonely. Vince McMahon made his wife and children leave him and his other family members desert him. Also, Vince killed Owen and Goldberg ruined Bret’s career. Did you know that despite his stupid WCW gimmick as a career killer he never once injured someone in the ring? Meanwhile, this bald idiot…hey. Hey, Mathew? Mathew, where are you going? Matt! Matty! I WAS SCREWED MATHEW! I WAS SCREWED!



Tickets cost up to 50 bucks American for the event. Jerry Lawler will be there. Bet Bret will try to relate to Lawler about the divorce, and Jerry will remind Bret that his wife was hot, so Bret couldn’t understand what Jerry is going through. Bret will nod and walk away.



BAGWELL FIRED! SO IS PENZER!



So what? MECW is still going to fold like a cheap suit. Thanks 1bob. Thanks for being there for me when I needed you the most.



KEVIN NASH GOES UP AGAINST TEST!



Kevin Nash will be on the FX show The Test this week. Don’t know what it’s about, don’t want to know. Thanks again 1bob. I’ve always loved you.



PLUGGING ME?



I have the only new thing out tonight, and I’m struggling with whether or not to plug it. I worked hard on it, and it’s the tale of a drug addict and his Pain. Good. I put the word out that it’s up and I don’t feel like I’m whoring myself out. And besides, this is a special night. We want everyone to know that tonight is all about…



I’m sorry. I swear to God I was going to write this thing about Hyatte and thank you all, but my grandparents just called. There’s a problem. I need to go. Thanks for reading.