411’s WWF Smackdown Report: 9.20.01

Out of respect for Ron’s opinion, I’ll simply say I strongly disagree and leave it at that. I say: the folks who did it gave up all protection under God when they killed six thousand people both in my country, and my state.

But, he’s entitled to his opinion, and I respect it.

Anyway, to Smackdown!

Austin is out and begins talking about Angle. I could go into more detail, but I missed the first 6 minutes of the show. I pick it up when Austin is telling Angle that he has no chance on Sunday, because the WWF title was designed, what?, was designed to rest on Austin’s shoulder. And when Angle’s stupid lil family finally gets to see him in a live match, they’re going to see him get his ass whipped.

But, Austin can’t wait for Sunday. He wants to settle his differences face-to-face, right here tonight. He wants to settle all his problems now and then calls out Torrie Wilson ((the hell?)). She doesn’t show up immediately, so Austin talks about how everyone, including her, fears him.

She comes out looking like a little kid’s who’s about to get thrown a beating. She does scared pretty well. Cole and Tazz have no idea what’s going on. Austin refuses to hold the ropes open for her. Austin wants to know if she’s proud of herself then calls her pathetic. She’s crying.

Austin: You got somethin’ to say? SHADDUP!!! ((bwahaha)).

Austin wants to know why, if she’s in the Alliance, did she help Taijiri win the US Title? Then, proceeds to belittle her and scream at her for the next five minutes or so, calling her trash and the like.

Austin: Beg me to stop go ahead, beg SHADDUP! I hate it when people beg.((heh)).

Austin keeps screaming and yelling until Taijiri has had enough and makes the run-in. According to Cole, Taijiri has been updated to “boyfriend.” Taijiri gets his ass beat and Austin returns to the ring. Torrie has begun cowering. Austin wants to know why Torrie set him up. He then returns to running down Torrie.

FINALLY, Angle comes out sans music. Angle then proceeds to beat down Austin until Tazz makes the save with the Tazzmission. Angle reverses the Tazzmission into the Angle Slam on the floor. Austin has now had enough time to recover, and Austin beats a shoe off him ((I’m serious)). Austin sets up for a piledriver, then decides not to and smacks Angle with a chair. Then he pulls back the mat to expose the concrete, then sets up the piledriver AND ACTUALLY F*CKING DOES IT! Good friggin God.

Jim Ross, Slaughter, and a bunch of officials come out to tend to Angle. Ross is calling for EMTs. The officials try to talk Austin away, who almost looks shocked at what he did. This is getting played up as super serious. The officals make a wall between Angle and Austin. Go to break, with folks around Angle and Austin looking almost sorry?


We come back and they’re still tending to Angle. They’re certain to let the camera mic pick him up saying “I can’t feel anything.” He says it three or four times as the EMTs are tending to him. At this point, I’m not even sure if the crowd knows this is fake, because they’re working it about the same as when Bagwell got his neck broke. Farooq, Bradshaw, Lita and the Hardys, and Jericho are all around him.

On the replay, it STILL looks nasty. It isn’t real, I assume, unless Austin seriously f’ed up but goddam, it LOOKS about as real as possible. Cole is gone from the announce booth and we go the entire segment with no commentary.

I can’t stand when they play up worked injuries as real. Just my own dumb opinion, but there are even people within the WWF who have lost their careers to paralyzation. Making worked injuries seem real has never sat right with me, and I don’t assume it’ll start now. Criminy, even AUSTIN almost lost his career to a piledriver.


JR has replaced Tazz at the table, and both Cole and JR have on the “this is serious and we’re not playing” voice. Which serves to annoy me further.

Now, to lighthearted stuff.

Storm and Hurricane vs Spike Dudley and The Big Show

OK quick quiz: How long before Molly turns on Spike? How long before anyone actually cares? I don’t know how Storm and Hurricane fit together besides the names. Hurricane asks for a handshake and Spike punches him. That’s nice.

The match is underway and the announcers talk about Angle fabulous. Let’s make it even HARDER to tell if they’re serious when there actually is a serious injury.

Whatever, Hurricane goes to bodyslam the Big Show and that certainly doesn’t happen. Big Show is two of every man in this match and three of each woman. Show goes to chokeslam Storm to which Hurricane responds by going for a chokeslam on Show. That doesn’t go over well either. Then, Hurricane pins Spike.

Post Match: Catfight between Ivory and Molly.

Also: The Dudleys come out and hit Show with the belts then put him through the table with a double vertical suplex. This Sunday is a four-team elimination match for the WWF titles.

Alliance locker room: Austin enters and none of them look too pleased. Austin wants to make sure they’re clear with the direction the Alliance is taking. Austin wants to know what they all look sad about. He says he piledrove Angle for the Alliance, not for himself. By the end of the speech, he’s managed to turn the Alliance back onto his side.


Slam of the Week: Dudleys beating the BoD for the WWF titles.

Kronik vs Kaientai

Well, this is re-goddam-diculous. Kaientai gets a pretty decent pop. Kronik has stuck with their WCW Static X music. Adams and Taka start and it goes about as well as you would think. Adams busts out a fireman’s carry into a DDT. Funaki tries to come in and get tossed out of the ring. Clarke is tagged in and takes his turn on Taka, including some chops loud enough to hurt me. He then does the 80s trick of shoving one jobber of the team into the corner so he can tag in the other jobber.

Clarke then proceeds to take Funaki apart. Funaki tries for a crossbody and gets caught but Taka comes off and dropkicks into a cover. It earns Taka a tilt a whirl backbreaker and Funaki a Meltdown and a High Times. Taka then receives High Times and they pin him, even though Funaki’s the legal man. Whichever.

Post Match: Some mudhole stomping and celebration with Stevie.

Regal’s Office: They’re running tests on Kurt in the hospital, but his life signs. Austin comes in and starts screaming at Regal. Regal then tears into Austin, breaking out “Sunshine” and “Bloody Hell” in the same sentence. Hell yeah. Regal makes Austin/Tajiri for the WWF Title tonight.


Boot of the Week: Moppy going into the wood chipper. The best part of which was when the chipper got stuck.

Rob Van Dam vs. Raven for the Hardcore Title

Jericho comes out with some NICE PANTS!! It’s commentary time for Jericho. He thinks Austin went a bit too far. Jericho faces RVD for the Hardcore Title on Sunday.

Raven appears from the crowd and starts in on RVD. I guess Austin gave approval for this match now? RVD takes over with a stepover enziguri. Standing Moonsault. RVD gets a better chant than Jericho already he must be pretty pissed. Raven with a Million Dollar Dream, which gets reversed. RVD with the drape over the guardrail/legdrop thing. Back into the ring, and Terri gets raven a chair. Raven tries some of his chair spots, but RVD takes over with a VanDaminator. RVD with a pinfall, but Terri distracts the ref. RVD over to the ref Raven charges and hits Terri instead. RVD drops Raven, then a spinning legdrop. Then the five star frog splash gets the win.

Post Match: Saturn comes in and beats up Raven. Then goes for Terri, but Raven comes back with the Raven Effect.


And we come back to the President’s Speech. Smackdown is pre-empted on my cable.

In our lifetime, we will very likely never again see all the branches of government this unified. You’d have to go back to World War 2 to see this. Bush is getting a standing ovation for practically everything he says. Republican or Democrat doesn’t matter right now just American. How far could the country go if this was always the case?

Bush: “Great Britain is our Truest Friend.” The sound you heard following that was Washington, Jefferson, and Franklin rolling over in their graves.

We have not had a war on American soil in 136 years, minus one Sunday in 1941. The country that went to bed on September 11th was not the same one that woke up in the morning.

The people who attacked NY and Washington was are the same folks who sank the USS Cole. They’re a fringe movement of Islamic Extremists, who’s goal it is to take out every American. Their leader is Usama bin Laden.

A man can be jailed in Afghanistan if his beard isn’t long enough? I didn’t know that.

Bush demands the Taliban deliver to the US all leaders of Al-Kaita, release all foreign nationals, close down every terrorist training camp, give the US full access to those campsand turn over every terrorist supporter. The demands are not open to negotiation or discussion. This war will not be over until every terrorist in the world is gone.

He says they hate the US because of what we have. Freely elected, stable government. They want everything we have. Freedom and protection.

He knows it will not be a quick war at all. It won’t be like the Gulf War with a quick liberation of territory. It will also not be like Kosovo, which was all bombing. Most of it will be quick strikes, sometimes not even televised in success. What it finally boils down to, to every government in the world:

You are either with us, or you are with terrorists. No middle ground no Switzerlands. From now on, every nation who harbors terrorists will be considered hostile.

Bush is creating a new cabinet position, the Office of Homeland Security, led by Governer Tom Rich of Pennsylvania. It’s been a while since this has happened, I believe.

Bush has a message for the US military. “Be Ready.” The hour is coming when it will be their time to make America proud.

Does anyone else get the image of the Death Star vs Alderan? Does anyone else like what they see?

The video cuts out for five seconds, and I think holy cripes, someone just blew them up. The video comes back.

Phew


And back to Smackdown! The Rock is in mid-interview, talking about his “Great Balls of Fire.” Ah, it’s about Unforgiven. That was certainly a jump in public speakers.

To the ring, Booker T and Shane come out.

There’s a six man tag match next


The Rock and the APA vs Test, Booker T, and Rhyno

The best part of this match is maybe seeing the Rock sell a Gore. Rock and Rhyno start for about three seconds before Rock tags in Bradshaw. ROCK FEARS RHYNO!! Bradshaw beats the bejesus out of Rhyno for a bit until Rhyno takes over with a short clothesline. Tag to Booker, as he does some serious chopping to Bradshaw. Booker goes for a crossbody and Bradshaw catches him (!). Test breaks up the pin. Booker pins Bradshaw and eliminates.

Ah, it’s elimination. Bradshaw chases Shane from ringside. The Rock’s carcass gets tossed into the ring and Booker beats him for a bit. Test tags in and the Rock reverses an Irish Whip into his tossover thing. Tag to Farooq. Test gets a spinebuster, Booker T gets bashed. Farooq takes a Gore and boot to the face by Test for a pin. It’s now Rock vs three guys. Well, this was predictable.

Rock comes back with a diving clothesline. Test comes in and Rhyno goes for a Gore. Test gets Gored, Rhyno gets DDTed and gets pinned off the DDT? OK.

Booker T back to work on Rock. Pin only gets two. Scissor kick misses, Rock comes back, but Harlem Sidekick connects and gets two. Tag to Test. Problem Solver gets two. Hm does he get the Problem Solver or does Wrath get the Meltdown?

Rock punching out Test and a spinebuster. Rock getting up, Booker gets a right. Rock shakes off the Three Man Beatdown to go for a Rock Bottom, but Booker breaks it up. Booker back out of the ring. Test lining up for the Boot, Rock sidesteps and goes for the Sharpshooter. Rock ignores Test and goes for Booker. Spinebuster on the steel, and then Test breaks it up.

Test beats Rock back to the ring and rolls him in. Rock gets a Rock Bottom out of nowhere, and it’s down to Booker and Rock. Rock has shaken off the beating to give Booker T the bring it signal. Booker doesn’t look to sure. Booker’s leaving and gets counted out.

That’s fabulous. Make Booker T look like a pussy. Gotta love the booking.

Well, a quarter of the show was gone, but the part I saw was pretty good. The WWF is flagging again, though. The Invasion is pretty well over, and it’s becoming harder and harder to tell the difference between Alliance and WWF wrestlers. I don’t even think Vince has a long term plan for anyone at this point. People were saying they thought Nash had a bad idea by waiting out his contract I say the WWF is going to be banging down his door in January because they’re going to need SOMETHING by then. Maybe the Outsiders can actually be Outsiders and let us know that someone is being invaded. Otherwise, it’s just a bunch of obvious WWF wrestlers holding a whole bunch of different belts. I give Bush the strongest segment of the night.

End Transmission