Last week’s Smackdown, this week’s Raw I am now THE 411 voice for the WWF. Or, I could just be filling in for a sick PK. Regardless of the reason, you’re stuck with me for another two hours of RAW love.
I thought Unforgiven last night was pretty good. I expect the title change to be reversed and voided to keep Austin’s year-long reign intact, while making the people in Pittsburgh happy. Like I also said in the Roundtable, the heel in a tag team turn always goes farther in the feud. Christian will end up outshining Edge before this is all said and done. Also, they now have a perfect reason to turn Jericho heel with the crowd popping bigger for RVD than him last night. I doubt it will happen, but it was there.
I fell asleep during the Booker/Rock match. I didn’t know who won until I read Widro’s recap of it. Therefore, f-it, it couldn’t have been that good.
Also, Chris Benoit is making a personal appearance at a theme park near me, called the Great Escape. I think Six Flags owns it now. They had an Oktoberfest festival last weekend and it was damn fun. I’m going to ask Benoit to chop me as hard as possible. I intend to file a fill report on whether it actually hurts or not. This is assuming I can still feel my arms and chest after he’s done.
Now, we got Raw set right in between two episodes of Law and Order, so let’s get this stuff underway.
WWF Monday Night Raw ( c ) WWFE, Inc 2001
Aired Live: September 24, 2001
From: Columbus, OH
Recapped by: Daniels, exclusively for 411
Last Night: Angle won the belt, in case you didn’t know. His family celebrated, and probably anyone else from ringside who had a set of balls to run the ring. The completed the NWO-ish of the angle by having a celebration with all the wrestlers coming out to congratulate Luge I mean Sti I mean Angle on his victory.
Outside, they’re waiting for Angle to arrive.
Match: Brother’s of Destruction and Bradshaw(?) vs The Dudleyz and Test
Inside, we get the opening, and we start off with a match? Buh Buh is NOT wearing the belt around his neck and I am not a happy man. If they want to make people forget how much a jobber Test was, how about changing his music to something I dunno that doesn’t suck. Bradshaw and Test start, with Bradshaw in control with some Bradshaw Hammers the most annoying move in Wrestlemania 2000. Backdrop, and some fists to the head by Ã¢â‚¬Ëœshaw. Test reverses with a short clothesline and staggers around like a fool. Tag to D-von tries a high crossbody and ((surprise)) gets caught for a fall away slam. Super Slow No Sell Kane ((but only when he teams with Taker)) tagged in, down to only an elbow pad to cover infection of death. Takes down Devon and Buh Buh, before putting D-von down with a sidewalk slam. Test in Test down. Kane with the flying lariat thing. Pier six brawl ensues, and even I forgot who the legal men are. When everyone returns, it’s Buh Buh and Bradshaw.
Scratch that ref pushes Bradshaw out and Kane’s the legal guy. Kane playes Big Red Bitch for the heels. Test tagged in, does the Nash stomp/boot choke in the corner. Kane, fights his way out, Undertaker Style, and takes over with a powerslam. Hot Tag to the Undertaker who starts cleaning out the yard. Taker charging around the ring with big boots and clotheslines, until Test comes in with a boot the grill. Kane fights Test out.
Taker in with Devon and tries for a chokeslam, broken by Buh Buh. Three D attempt, stopped by Kane. Taker kick to D-Von and Last Ride which nearly goes horribly wrong. Pinfall takes place right in front of Buh Buh’s face who doesn’t try to break it up, even though no one is stopping him. Damn placement. In fact, even the replay catches Buh Buh checking it out, and then diverting his attention elsewhere.
Winners: Team WWF (big surprise).
Backstage, the WCW yaks start talking about Tajiri. Stacy wants to know what Torrie sees in him and says she’ll bring out a tall, dark, and handsome guy to show Tajiri what’s up. Well, the Rock is already booked, so the idiots in the crowd who popped were wrong.
Red Cross ad. Black limo arrives and Paul assumes it’s Austin but it’s Christian. He tells a security guard to escort him to his dressing room and be sure no crazy WWF fan touch him. Two people completely ignoring him get yelled at, and promised he’ll be back out to sign autographs for them.
Alliance Locker Room: Booker and Van Dam are talking about belts. Shane tells The Alliance they can’t have another night like last night, and then introduces the reversal angle by saying that Austin was grabbing the apron and he has the proof. Not only was Austin screwed by Hebner so were Booker and Shane. Shane says tonight is about revenge. Steph enters and reminds us all that it’s her birthday. Shane wants to know how she can be thinking about her birthday when tonight is about Revenge.
Steph says tonight is about leadership, and the biggest leader to emerge in the Alliance has been Rob Van Dam. And tonight, she’s giving RVD a shot at the Rock for the WCW Title. Booker is not a happy man until Shane reveals that Booker is facing Angle for the WWF title tonight as well.
But wait didn’t he just say that the tape will prove that Austin didn’t and the decision will be eh nothing like contradicting yourself in the same damn segment
I have not eaten a Twix since they hired Lil Bow Wow. I will not eat a Twix while this commercial continues. Nostalgic 80’s stars in telephone commercials I will deal with I will not deal with Lil f’n Bow Wow.
Slam of the night: Gore to Tajiri on the Smackdown Ramp.
Match: Tajiri (w/ Torrie Wilson) vs Tazz
Well then, this is Stacy’s Tall, Dark, Handsome new man? Hm one out of three ain’t bad? Stacy says it’s two out of three I disagree.
Tazz takes control with a shoulderblock. The crowd is completely dead. You know, they had a chance to get Tazz super over when he started to turn on Austin but they bitched him out now, they’re delaying it and delaying it until no one’s going to give a damn anymore. I like Tazz, I’d like to see them friggin do something with him. Tazz takes over with a head and arm Tazzplex, and then rips off the rib tape. Tajiri with a wicked kick to the jaw and his flip off the ropes thing then the Tarantula. Tajiri screams in Japanese and kicks Tazz in the face. Stacy up to the rope to distract Tajiri and plants a kiss on him. Torrie takes exception and pulls him down. Tajiri turns around into the Tazzmission and Tazz gets a win??? I’ll be damned. Possibly ignore the above?
Winner: Tazz via submission.
Nah, don’t ignore the above. They’ve given Tazz two angles, and then inexplicably buried him both times. I’m assuming this time won’t be any different.
Backstage: Shane talks to Booker T and tries to cheer him up. Tonight is Booker’s chance to become the first time first time first time WWF champ
Regal is disallowing anyone at ringside during the WWF title match tonight.
Rhyno vs Jeff Hardy for the WCW US Title
Lock up to start, until Rhyno takes over with a clubbing forearm and hair beal. Jeff turns it around and tosses Rhyno out. Rhyno tries to pull Jeff out, and succeeds, but Jeff turns it into a hurricanrana. Back in and Rhyno gives Jeff a VICIOUS spinebuster. Rhyno then tries to go to the top (??!) and the splash works about as well as you’d think.
Jeff takes over with a reverse mule kick and gets two. Some punches and Rhyno reverses with some kind of suplex. Rhyno stalks around the ring and then gets a jawbreaker. Jeff into the corner and a Whisper in the Wind, which takes entirely too long to set up to be an effecitive looking move I mean, the receiver just stands there looking at Jeff like an idiot for a good five seconds. Double legdrop to the nuts. Jeff goes for a Swanton, but Rhyno moves. Set up huge pop Rhyno misses the Gore, but pulls up. He turns around and goes for a clothesline. Jeff ducks, goes for a Feliner and gets Gored out of the damn air. Goddam. That’s enough for the win
Winner: Rhyno via pinfall
Backstage: Storm and Hurricane discuss strategy. Hurricane is my favoirite wrestler right now. “Hurritwin Powers, ActivateÃ¢â‚¬Â and “Form of a Hurricane Power of a StormÃ¢â‚¬Â that’s what I’m f-ing talking about.
Backstage: Kanyon comes to RVD for advice. Kanyon is afraid, when Austin arrives, he’s going to take his frustrations out on Kanyon. RVD says not to sweat it and to have that confidant “who better than KanyonÃ¢â‚¬Â attitude.
The Hurri-twins and Ivory vs Big Show, Little Show, and Molly Show
Damn 46 minutes into Raw, and there hasn’t been a segment long interview yet. I use “Little ShowÃ¢â‚¬Â for two reasons: 1, JR did and 2, Spike’s dressed exactly like Big Show singlet and all.
I wait for the spot where Hurricane tries to chokeslam show but they make it even better by having Hurricane do a test of strength with Show. Show drops his hands to the ground and steps on them. Hurricane tags out to Ivory, and makes it even more ridiculous. Show holds her back with one hand, and walks her over to the corner to tag Molly in. Molly starts with a dropkick and continues to she ((mistakenly)) misses a sunset flip, and Ivory takes over. Scoopslam reversed into a two count by Molly. Ivory tags in Storm and Molly rushes to tag in Spke. Hurricane trips Spike out of an Irish whip. Spike chases him and comes back into a leg drop by Storm.
Tag to Hurricane and he puts the cape on or triest to. It doesn’t go on. He flies off with a cross body anyway but Spike quickly takes over again with a leg scissor takedown. Tag to Big Show, who dominates both Hurri-twins. They try for a double suplex, and get a double headbutt instead. Ivory with a low bow, but Molly comes in to take her out. Hurricane sets up for a powerbomb . And doesn’t get it.
Tag to Molly, who stands on Show’s shoulders for her finisher and pins Lance Storm. There is so much wrong with that, I don’t even feel like getting into it.
Winner: Team WWF ((again))
Backstage: Hebner comes back to talk to Shane. Shane wants to know why Hebner screwed both Austin and Booker out of the title. Hebner admits that he only saw the left hand tapping, not the right hand under the rope. Hebner says it was an honest mistake, but his decision stands. I’m surprised, but they’re actually NOT reversing the decision. My prediction was wrong
Kurt Angle vs. Booker T for the WWF World Title
Well, nothing like jobbing the ex-WCW champ out to every WWF champ into exist. Way to give Booker some credibility. This is assuming, of course, that Austin doesn’t arrive to No Contest this match. Odd that Hebner would reverse his decision when he was wrong in HHH/Jericho, but not last night. Damn long-term memories.
Anyway, USA chant to start and Angle starts with a rear waistlock, and then an overhead belly to belly for two. Angle slugging away, into an Irish whip which turns into Booker giving an elbow for two Angle with a rollup for two. Headlock by Booker to slow the pace down two minutes into the match. Booker puts Angle down into the ropes drop toe hold into the Angle Lock. Booker makes it to the ropes. Angle tries to hold the leg, and Booker eventually gives an enziguiri.
Booker calls over Hebner to say his knee is injured then proceeds to forget about it. Booker starts clubbing the neck of Angle. Arm bar and kick to the face for two. Booker flips Angle over and drops a knee on the back of his neck. Feels the Spinarooni, but doesn’t do it. Drapes Angle over the top rope, and chokes him out. Paul E reminds us of Hebner’s record of questionable title decisions. Booker back to the center of the ring with a chinlock a very loooooong chinlock. Aaaaand, we’re still in the chinlock.
Ah, here we go Angle elbows out and starts a comeback which Booker promptly ends with a flying forearm. Only two though Booker pulls his best DMX by asking “What?Ã¢â‚¬Â Booker with some stiff chops. Angle punches his way out of the corner, starts a comeback couple of clotheslines and another overhead belly to belly for two. Angle pulls the straps down and the Angle slam fails. Booker pushes Angle into the ref, who’s out. Booker goes to get the belt and knocks Angle out with it. Cover and gets a very long two. Booker goes for the Bookend, which gets reversed into a bridged Northern Lights. Kickout by Booker, into a Spinaroonie. Axekick misses, and into a Angle Lock. Hey Booker T is now the Rock’s AND Angle’s bitch. Hey, who else wants to stroke the WWF’s ego by beating the WCW champ over and over? I see someone with three H’s in their name raising his hand.
Winner: Kurt Angle via Pinfall
Still coming up, RVD/Rock and Jericho/Christian.
Boot of the Week: Edge vs Christian last night.
Backstage: Lita is sitting in the exercise room. Kanyon hits on Lita but, for some reason, she doesn’t bite. She then makes fun of his lisp that’s nice.
Christian vs. Chris Jericho, for the WWF IC title
Edge got some stitches and a pretty good shiner after Christian beat him up last night. Christian takes the mic from Lillian. He says the world discovered last night who the superior brother was. Now, it’s the moment Christian has been waiting for his whole life his very first solo five second pose. Jericho’s music interrupts the dusted off “flash photographyÃ¢â‚¬Â line. Jericho walks out with an unusually serious expression.
Jericho straight to beating the crap out of Christian. Well, Jericho certainly isn’t winning the title since he’s the WWF’s jobbin bitch, so I predict a successful title defense. Jericho with chops and keeps control until Christian reverses with his inverted DDT to the knee thing. “Christian SucksÃ¢â‚¬Â chant as Christian pummels Jericho around the ring. Christian with chops of his own, and then a backbreaker that gets 2. It’d be nice if JR and Heyman would talk about the match, so those of us recapping could know what moves hit when we look away for a second.
Jericho comes back, hot shotting Christian, and then a forearm. Lionsault misses, but Jericho lands on his feet. Christian rolls out of the ring, and is on the receiving end of a baseball slide. Christian staggers over to the bell and grabs it. Jericho tries to do his dropkick from the ropes and gets the ringbell to the head. The ref calls for said bell, but it doesn’t ring idiot. Christian goes for the con-chair-to, but Jericho moves. Jericho gets up and puts Christian into the Liontamer until refs pull him off but all for naught.
Winner: Jericho via DQ, Christian retains
Backstage: In Regal’s office, Pac is on the phone. Oh yeah he has two belts still Lord. X-Pac complains to Regal about his lack of TV time Regal reminds him that he sucks and no one wants to see him on television much less with belts. He doesn’t really, but he was thinking it. To make a long story short, Regal says if Pac wants TV time, he can bloody well have it, but it will be Regal beating some sense into him. Hopefully, Regal rips Pac’s arms off and chokes him with them.
Last Night some folk singing yak butchered America the Beautiful. But, she’s won Grammies, so we were supposed to care. Hey watch the Grammies sometime and see why most people don’t give a damn who wins them.
Backstage: RVD stretches. Raven comes back for some advice from RVD. RVD tells Raven he needs to lighten up. Steph then comes back and tells him how impressed she is with his leadership skills. Steph tells RVD that, if he wins the WCW Title tonight, he’ll be the leader of the Alliance um what about that Austin guy?
Matt Hardy vs Kanyon
Heyman calls Lita Matt Hardy’s hand me down. Ha! That’s a good point how DID Matt score Lita? Two words: Ox C*ck.
Some exchanged offense until Matt gets the first pinfall with a moonsault. It gets two. Kanyon drapes Matt on the top rope from the outside and gets a stiff smack from Lita for hitting on her then Matt comes off the apron with a dropkick. Back into the ring, Kanyon takes over with a neckbreaker and some fists to the head. Kanyon makes eyes at Lita and then does a Kid Krusher type thing, which gets him two. Kanyon AGAIN goes over to talk to Lita, and gets a schoolboy for two. Kanyon sets up for a powerbomb, but gets Russian Leg Swept instead. Both men up, exchanging firsts, and Matt coems out on top.
Matt with a takedown, and goes to the top. Kanyon punches him down and tries for a super plex, but gets punched off. Matt with the shoot my self in the head legdrop. Kanyon rolls out of the ring, and gets a baseball slide, and then a Lita-canrana. Kanyon back into the ring and Matt tries for a Twist of Fate. Kanyon shoves him off into Lita, who’d gotten up on the apron. Lita bumps off the apron and Matt turns around into what passes for the Flatliner now, which wins the match.
Winner: Kanyon via pinfall
Backstage: The Rock paces around the backstage interview set.
Backstage: DDP has returned, and he’s looking into the camera with a mildly psychotic look. He reminds us that, last time we saw him, the Undertaker was kicking his ass. He pulls out the “it doesn’t matter how many times you get knocked down, it’s how many times you get back up Ã¢â‚¬Â He says he’s found the “real him,Ã¢â‚¬Â and he likes the “real him.Ã¢â‚¬Â He’s going to make all of us like the “real usÃ¢â‚¬Â too. It was only a head shot. That was disturbing.
This concerns me just because one stupid gimmick is getting over with Hurricane Helms doesn’t mean two are going to and this has all the making of a stupid gimmick and yes, I CAN tell from one scary promo.
To WWF NY, Al Snow is there with the five Tough Enough finalists. For what is, I’m guessing, their “live promoÃ¢â‚¬Â test. Once again, Maven comes off looking the best, but Josh is a hell of a lot better than he was for the one he taped backstage at Raw on Tough Enough. Chris is still really, really bad. Maven has the most to offer out of all of them. Neither of the girls were too impressive, but yaks don’t talk much on WWF television.
Backstage again: The Rock is being interviewed by Michael Cole. Your basic Rock Promo minus the “25 years ago this day, a terrifying product of Vince McMahon’s testicles spewed forth Stephanie.Ã¢â‚¬Â And if Steph “gets involved, he’ll smack her just like the doctor did after wiping the goo off her bodyÃ¢â‚¬Â eww. Then the Rock sings her Happy Birthday.
5 days of Star Trek: The Next Generation? Sweet, at least I’ll have no problem finding something to watch next week.
If anyone is going to see Corky Romano voluntarily and you’re paying look in the mirror right now you suck. Go have a beer and watch Major League and Spaceballs. THAT’s comedy.
That goes for anyone who thinks Zoolander looks funny.
Well, if the law of title balance holds up, it means Van Dam wins tonight. Probably with the help of Austin or loses via the interference of Austin but he wouldn’t have heard Stephanie’s decree of RVD winning and becoming the leader of the Alliance, because he wasn’t here all night but since when did common sense get in the way of a good storyline?
X-Pac vs. Commissioner Regal
Goddam it how does X-Pac merit a Saliva song? I mean, Uncle Cracker sucks, that was fine but Pac goes for the “coolÃ¢â‚¬Â rap image Good music should not be tainted with his his him. Here’s hoping Regal actually kills him.
Pac starts with a headlock. Regal counters into an armbar, tries for an armdrag, reversed, reversed again, and X-Pac with the flip over from the neck thing. Regal with a double kneelift to the face, then starts punching him in the grill. X-Pac takes over with ((surprise)) a spinning heel kick. Pac gets a suplex and a two count. Regal pushed into the corner and gets chopped on. Regal takes over with a European uppercut, but Pac takes BACK over with his flipping clothesline, which he barely does. Kick combo in the corner into the friggin Bronco Buster.
After the Bronco Buster, Regal hits the Besmircher and wins? Holy Jeez, that was quick. HAHA!!! YES!
Winner: Regal via Pinfall
Rob Van Dam vs. The Rock for the WCW World Title
Well, it’s five-to or two-to, depending on which clock I believe so this isn’t going to be any masterpiece. Steph, either the commentator or the valet, depending on how you look at it gets her own entrance after the Rock of course, she pinned him last week, too. Nice to be the head writer, I guess.
Staredown to start hopefully RVD doesn’t make the Rock look so bad they end up firing him. Lock up starts, Rock goes into the rope and shoulderblocks RVD down. A second shoulderblock puts Rock down. Rock tries for the Rock Bottom, but RVD elbows out and does a reverse heel kick. To the outside, RVD sends rock into the rail, and then takes a clothesline. RVD takes over and drapes the rock over said rail, and then does the twisting leg drop. RVD stomps Rock, tosses him int the ring, and comes off the top rope with a kick to the face. Rock kicks out on two. RVD stomps away, punches away, and Rock reverses into a Perfectplex ((??!!!)) and then into La Mahistral ((????!!!!!!)). I was so shocked I missed what RVD took control back with, but he got a two count.
Back to the outside, RVD takes Rock down and gets the announce table ready for a spot. Unfortunately, it’s the Spanish Announce Table they used last night, and it doesn’t break when RVD gets backdropped through it. Rock tosses RVD back into the ring. Spinebuster gets two. Rock punches away on Van Dam RVD comes out and knocks Rock out with a clotheline. Split Legged Moonsault misses, which gets the Rock two. Phew good stuff going on here.
Steph smacks Rock, and he staggers back into a small package for two. Rock with some block punches, mocks RVD’s thumb pointing, then a spit punch. Rock puts RVD in a Sharpshooter until Steph gets into the ring to break it up. Rock chases her up the ramp and takes her back to the ring. Tosses her in and grabs her by the hair. Sets her for a rock bottom until RVD breaks it up, which gets him his first heel heat. RVD goes up for the five star, but Steph shoves Lil Naitch into the ropes, which knocks Van Dam off the ropes. Rock gets up and ends the match with a Rock Bottom. Good match believable finish. Works for me.
Winner: The Rock via pinfall.
And we’re out?
Final Thoughts: Um, OK JR and Heyman waste most of the night talking about how bad and vicious it’s going to be when Austin gets there. They place a permanent camera in the parking garage so we’ll know “the second the Rattlesnake arrives.Ã¢â‚¬Â Heyman talks about how Austin beat up JR and bloodied him in front of his family. Heyman says he doesn’t even want to be in the building when Austin arrives.
But Austin never arrives.
Criminy, don’t build something up the entire show if it’s not going to happen. That’s very WCW-ish. You get everyone at home waiting for something, and then it doesn’t ever happen. Pretty dumb if you ask me.
It doesn’t take away from the fact it was a pretty strong Raw. There wasn’t a single full segment, in the ring interview. All the promos happened backstage, which managed to advance the storylines just fine, and left room for a LOT of ring time. That, I’ll never complain about. Nine matches, five of which entertaining and three of which were REALLY good. I’d give them star ratings, but then everyone would say I was a Scott Keith wannabe because, God knows, Keith invented the star rating system.
I’m assuming tonight was an experiment, to see how fans react to lack of interview time. I, for one, have no problem with it but would expect or accept one of them per night. I expected Austin to have a long promo tonight about being screwed, but I guess they’re saving it for Smackdown.
Overall, I’d give tonight a really good over all rating.