The Midnight News 10.10.01


Thanks to all of you who sent me e-mails requesting copies of the Funky Lobster Dance. I hope you enjoyed it.

Just because it doesn’t have anything to do with me, I hope those of you with young children on your laps right now as you read my news report together are the father’s of those children and not some stranger who likes to… ah, I’m not Hyatte. Why try?



Well, Sunday Night Heat looks like a really, really good show. Tajiri vs. Rhyno and Edge vs. Booker T. Should be fun.

Two returning faces on Smackdown. Kidman returns to take on the illustrious X-Pac, and after WWF Commissioner Regal is fired (come on, like I’m ruining the surprise) a familar face returns to fill his British shoes. I’ll give you a clue… if you believe this teaser, your ‘heart’ will be broken.

Hurricane Helms gives an open challenge to anybody. Maven faces Tazz again. Regal faces Angle, RVD faces Jericho for the #1 contendership for the WCW title, The Shows face the Dudleys and in the main event Essa Rios and Stone Cold Steve Austin take on the Steiner Brothers and Duke the Dumpster Drose.

Thank you Rajah’s WWF News and Rumors!: You continue to amaze me with you ugly site yet incredibly fast Smackdown reports.

On, a recent poll was put up by web master and Lord of the Dance Widro. Anyway, the poll asked if the recent RAW lived up to it’s hype, and the majority of people who responded to the poll said, “WHAT?” The WWF creative staff is changing all future bookings based on this poll. To quote Widro, “HAHAHAHAHAHA! I HAVE DONE IT! ME AND MY PHONY POLL HAVE CHANGED THE WORLD! LOOK AT ME MA! LOOK AT ME!” Widro then stripped naked and did three lines of cocaine off of a stripper’s nipple.

The WWF has implemented a rule that states that former WCW wrestlers and developmental wrestlers in the WWF’s developmental territories will no longer be allowed to go home on days that they are not booked. The WWF would like them to develop by being around the business all the time. It is being said that this is a way for the WWF to determine which wrestlers are committed enough to want to remain under WWF contract.I stole this fromLoRdsapain. They stole it from so it goes, and so it goes. And you’re the only one who knows.>


Actually, he opened up Angle and apparently got some backstage heat. Oh well. They punished him by putting him in the main event of No Mer…SPOILER ALERT!!!!!…cy.

Thanks 1bob. I love you.

WWF Raw Dark Matches/Jakked Spoilers

Posted By Widro on 10.09.01 by Donnie Delmonte


#1. The Island Boys beat Steve Bradley and Charlie Haas.

Russ Haas did not work the match for obvious reasons (i.e. he had a heart attack) so Bradley took his place it would seem. For the most part, the match was pretty good. Nervousness on the part of each individual was clearly evident but like I said it didn’t stop them from having a decent bout. Ekmo (of the Island Boys) pins Bradley with an impressive toss in the air followed by the DVD…and I’m not talking about Panasonic latest product line. (Ha, ha, lame joke of the night)

#2 Tommy Dreamer defeated Russ McCullough.

Awful, awful match. It may be too late for guys like Gangrel and Essa Rios but before the WWF decides to release semi-decent talent like K-Kwik and Tori to name a few, they should take a good hard long look at Russ McCullough. My god. It’s as if Kevin Nash had plastic surgery just so he could wrestle under a different identity while still collecting his AOL Time Warner multi-million dollar contratct. Oh yeah, Dreamer hit a DDT for the win.

#3 Brock Lesnar pinned Lance Cade.

Now Brock Lesnar, here’s a guy with potential. He pretty much dominated this match and finished Cade off with a fisherman’s suplex. Side note: I’ve always wondered why they called this move the fisherman’s suplex. I mean I know fisherman try every trick in the book to catch fish, but I’ll be damned if I’ve ever seen a fisherman try to German suplex a bass into submission. (Hi-yo! 2nd lame joke of the night!)


#1 The A.P.A. beat Mike Awesome and Chuck Palumbo.

Nothing much to report here. Standard A.P.A. match. They got a pretty loud pop if you ask me. Bradshaw hits the clothesline from heck on Awesome for the pin. I really do feel sorry for Awesome these days, I bet that “fat chick thriller” gimmick is sounding very good right about now isn’t it Mikey?

#2 Albert defeated Steven Richards.

Baldo bomb finishes Richards off.

#3 Billy Gunn pinned Chris Kanyon.

My god Billy Gunn got a big pop. What in the world according to Garp is up with that? Like Mike Awesome, I really feel sorry for Kanyon, here’s another guy who really benefitted more under the Russo regime. Gunn hits the fameasser for the win. However, afterwards Kanyon manages to gain some semblence of heat back by clotheslining Gunn to the mat.

#4 Hugh Morris beat Crash Holly.

Wow, an Alliance member scores a victory? This is shaping up to be the most memorable Raw is recent history (note the sarcasm). The match wasn’t much and if you’re a long-time Crash fan like I am, I’m talking about the Crash of APW fame, then you have to be disappointed by his performance in this bout. But can you blame him? Morris reverses a Crash splash for the victory.

#5 Steve Austin vs. RVD ended in a dq.


I am so damn lazy. Thanks Widro and Dominic.

Anything else to cover? Nah. Nothing important. Why don’t we plug it a little?


Tornado DDT 10.09.01: Top Ten Rock Promos Of All Time . Yes. The new guy (I’ve been here for about 3 months and already somebody else is the new guy) has posted what he feels are the best Rock promos in list form. #1? RIC FLAIR! If you don’t read his columns, you won’t get that joke. That’s 95% of you.

Have you ever had a question about, well, you know. That thing that none of us can talk about. That feeling down… there. Didn’t know who to ask? Well, Ask 411What does Ben Morse like about wrestling? FIND OUT HERE! | Columns | The Mean Special Edition 10.10.01: What I Like About Wrestling.

Flea is back, chewing on Hyatte’s glorydog with the excess report. | TV Reports | 411’s WWF Excess Report 10.06.01 . There ya go.



Thanks to LiNkInLoRa, the coolest goth chick I know, for showing me the way to the greatest poet/wrestler since Mark Henry. Ladies and Gentlemen… Jeff Hardy.

The Amazing Telephone

So many people are talking on phones across the world.

So many don’t even think about the amazing telephone.

You are so far away…but I can hear you just fine.

There is no face to face…

But I can see you in my mind.

Your voice is travelling beyond the word of speed.

My voice is reacting at the perfect time you need.

The phone is so amazing…I look at it and stare.

I wonder how you hear me…

I wonder why I care?

So many people are talking from Europe to Japan.

So many conversations between the U.S. and Iran.

So many people are talking…while they’re all alone.

So many people are using…

The amazing telephone…

Poetry by: Jeff Hardy

© Copyrighted in 1999 by:

What If…Again?

What if you were that overweight person sitting in the corner, thinking everyone in the room has looked at you at least once and had something negative to say?

What if you were one half of that elderly couple that was wanting so badly to be young again, but were still so cool?

What if you were that patient laying in a hospital bed not knowing if you were going to live or die?

What if you had a chance to save somebody else’s life, but you wussed out because you were too worried about your own?

Put yourself in other people’s worlds, experience the look through other people’s eyes, learn the territory, and make yourself at home. If you can truly understand and overcome this obstacle, then maybe one day we will all be equal, maybe one day we will all agree on decisions, maybe one day our worries won’t be problems.

What if again?

Our journey begins.

Poetry by: Jeff Hardy

© Copyrighted in 1999 by:

That’s the news. On a personal note, I made up with somebody today. Carlos, the feud is over. We’re both winners.

Joshua Grut likes oral sex.