The Midnight News 10.15.01

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How’s everybody doing? I got drunk last night at my cousin’s Bar Mitzvah. First time I ever met the bugger. Anyway, OH MY GOD! WHERE THE HELL AM I? IT’S ORANGE AND YELLOW AND PROFESSIONAL LOOKING! HOW COULD CYBER SPACE LEAD ME TO SUCH A… uh huh… okay… beautiful new design layout!



Honestly, I got a sneak peak before it came out. I liked it then and I like it now.



News!!!



DEAD MEN CRY. DEAD MEN BLEED. DEAD MEN LOVE. I KNOW. HE’S LOVED ME.



The Undertaker needed 13 stitches to close a wound in his head after he was struck with a chair by Booker T. today at a NYC house show. I didn’t go. I don’t like paying to go to matches unless I’m with my younger brother. I’m odd like that. Anyway, the Undertaker has made a point of stating that he will not miss any matches, just in case Test or Albert were thinking about taking his spot.



Fan say it looked like the Undertaker had a vagina on his head. Imagine if your mouth was on your crotch and your genitals on your face. Nah. I changed my mind. Don’t think about that.



Also, Regal got hurt. I don’t really care. I thought his character as a face was about a million times better then his heel character, which is still very good.



All except my stupid opinions came from WWF.com.



BOOKER T SAYS THE WORD SUCKA ON BYTE THIS, HINTS AT INCESTUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH STEVIE RAY.



No! Wait! I’m sorry. Booker T. said that Stevie Ray might be appearing in the WWF. Nothing about them having sex, sorry for the confusion.



Let’s see if anything else interesting was said…He likes teaming with his brother more then Test… He keeps to himself…Usual WWF is better then WCW (old WCW) butt kissing…He thinks Maven is pretty…Always loved Sensational Sherri, giving her away broke his heart and turned him bi-sexual for five months during which he indulged in many carnal pleasures which he could not discuss in the limited time that he had, but he’ll always remember someone named Bruce, and he’ll always remember the Turkish Bath… Benoit is good, he liked working matches with him.



My main man Joe Rivett came up with this one! Go Joe!



KURT ANGLE HATES PAUL E.



Okay. That I’m serious about. Check this out, from Jim Valley. I don’t know if he’s just a reader or a new guy. We have a lot of new guys. Anyways, I’m going to cut and paste the whole thing.



This past Saturday on “Total Chaos” an exclusive interview with WWF superstar Kurt Angle:



Among the highlights:



– He talked about his book, growing up in Pittsburgh and how amateur wrestling gave him the self-esteem to over come many of the obstacles in his life.



– What’s it like to kiss Stephanie McMahon? Angle says, “It’s a dream come true. She’s gorgeous…even more gorgeous in person.”



– What about his appearance a few years ago in ECW? Shane Douglas called him up offered to “pay him a lot of money” to come to an ECW show. Called it a “very bad experience”. Angle got up and left during the Raven/Sandman crucifixion segment. (he didn’t not mention Raven or Sandman by name) Kurt says he told Paul Heyman “If this makes it on TV, you’ll hear from my lawyers” because nobody told him that was going to happen. He doesn’t judge them but he was concerned because at the time he was “talking to kids for a living.” Kurt says Heyman still denies he had anything to do with it and Angle takes his word for it. Says he and Paul E “talk about it all the time.”



– Thinks Austin’s “What?” routine is “some of the funniest stuff.” Angle says its difficult to come out and perform after Austin when fans are laughing at Stone Cold. “It’s almost like he was turning himself good guy” Kurt thinks it’s a touchy situation because fans were loving Stone Cold too much because “Austin’s such an entertaining guy”. Angle says when you’re playing characters you have to make sure “you’re doing the right thing.” Kurt thinks “Good guys and bad guys need to compliment each other.”



– Angle thinks in the future the WWF and the Alliance will have their own separate set of shows and they will build to a “super PPV” each year “like another WrestleMania.” He’s not sure what they’re going to call the new federation but he hears they’re going to move away from the traditional three letter initials and call it “Resurrection”



– He says taking pride in your country and wearing red, white and blue “started to become hokey in the 90’s.” But since the tragedies of September 11th, people are taking more pride in their country and realizing that “we are the greatest country in world.” But, he says, it’s a shame it that it had to happen in the form of a tragedy. Angle says it feels good to have people cheer him as “Kurt Angle and a representative of the US.”



– Angle says he’s serious about an Olympic comeback in 2004 and the WWF has given him full permission to take the time off he needs.



I’d be willing to be that Paul E. still holds a grudge against Angle, and Angle still sees Paul E. as a piece of anti-religion garbage. Whatever. You could smell the sarcasm with the Stephanie comment. I think he’s getting a little jaded. I bet he still wishes he was Greco-Romaning. Oh well. He’s good at his job.



Can you catch the wind? Can you describe love? Can you give Smackdown a rating?



Yes. Caught it, love is when you feel a burning in your crotch, and PWTorch.com says that Smackdown got a 3.9 rating. It was up against the President again. Too bad.



HART’S MOMMA OKAY. JERRY LAWLER ALLOWED TO MAKE JOKES ABOUT HER AGE AGAIN.



Yeah, she’s getting better. Good. I’m glad. She’s dying at the same time as my grandfather, so I guess I know how Bret feels. It’s great when they get a little bit better. You know that they’re old and it’s almost their time, but hope is a good thing. I’m glad Bret has hope.



He’s still pissed about Goldberg. Go here and read the article. It’s honestly very, very good. SLAM! Wrestling: Bret ‘The Hit Man’ Hart’s Column.



Is that it? Yeah, that’s it.



PLUGS FOR GUNS PROGRAM!



Crap. I’m going to get a lot of guns.



Okay. Let’s start out simple. The 411 Spotlight is on the WWF Jakked Report by a young man named Pat Brower whom I do not have the AIM of. He seems like a nice enough guy… uh oh. He called up people to read Hyatte’s Friday post. Read the report, it’s good and you didn’t watch Jakked, but if you ever see him in the street run away.



And now I get to plug on of my favorite things at 411, 411’s WWF Excess Report by Flea. You think I’m joking. I’m not. The man is to the point and funny. You will not find a better Excess report on the internet.



Carlos’ 411’s WWF Sunday Night Heat Report is up. I thought it looked like a very strong show. Carlos disagreed. Poor cynical Carlos. He will never learn to love.



Tom Daniels has a new ratings up. I’ll spare you the suspense, RVD is #1. 411’s Official Rankings.

Daniels also provides his take on The Week In Wrestling. I’ll spare you the suspense, it’s getting better. In fact, it’s good. Go read it.



Sorry Screev. Nothing personal, but I can’t condone it. Ah, why not? Go here for 411’s e-fed 411Fed Friction. By, the way, five bucks to anyone who knows who Dan Comic is. Maybe I’ll tell you about it one day. It’s a dark chapter in my life.



Blake Norton is alive? I remember the pussy having a problem with him. Well, Norton’s back, and the quality around here has been given another shot it the arm. Here’s Norton’s Notes 10.15.01: How To Save The Entire WCW Invasion Angle. Apparently, we need Ric Flair. I do not disagree. Nice writing. He books well.



Closer time.



HYATTE VS. CW!!! (or, Gridro)



You all know what CW had to say. Now we wait for Hyatte’s response. Well, how does Joshua Grut fit in to all of this? Why did Hyatte use Joshua Grut’s name when saying I had nothing to do with the parody?



Simply put, Hyatte got me this job. He pissed me off afterwards, but he got me this job cause he likes my writing. But he wouldn’t talk to me and I got all pissy. Too pissy. I need to stop getting so pissy.



He asked me about the parody. I told him what I knew, which was next to nothing except that I didn’t really know what it was about and that S and M was involved. He knew everything else. Sorry Screevy. Didn’t mean to rat you out or anything.



So Hyatte takes it public on Thursday in which he refers to an unidentified 411 member who was writing the parody, and obviously, if you read yesterday’s news, you know that Hyatte was referring to Williams. Williams responded yesterday, stating what Hyatte’s job is, if that is Hyatte’s job. I haven’t asked him, and I don’t plan to. It’s none of my beeswax. Hey, Hyatte’s said some bad stuff about this kid. In order to give, you also have to able to receive.



How does this involve me? Well, finally able to strike back at his ‘tormentor’, CW gained a good amount of confidence and he and his wife are going to join the army. I believe their combined age makes them younger then Hyatte. That means that we are losing a webmaster, I think that’s his position. Hyatte seems to be on his way out also. I can’t speak for him, and maybe this will reinvigorate him, but recent comments from him leaning towards retirement coupled with this incident may be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.



SO HOW DOES THIS INVOLVE ME? Well, Widro is losing a featured writer and a webmaster. Widro feels abandoned, alone. Widro shouldn’t.



Widro has me.



Together, Widro and I shall take this beautiful orange and yellow website and transform it into a loving, peaceful Utopian website filled with butterflys and wrestling reports and news. As I type in my underwear with a busty hippie licking my toes, I shall espouse all the beauty that is the news from the newsboard. I shall dance with the Forumers and E-Fedders to the same song I dance with my readers. Blood shall not flow from the new grey wrestling ring in the corner. Rather, roses shall blossom from it.



We shall be happy, Widro and I! We’ll call our selves the Widgrut. No. Gridro! Yes! Gridro shall be the most powerful team in the history of the internet wrestling thingy, moreso then Scherer and Ryder, bigger then Ryder and Borash, bigger then Kieth and Shannon! We shall hold hand as we skip along the cobbled pathways of life’s beautiful sunny splendor as we sing songs of our happy childhood and recount adventures of which we have partaken. Imagine it Widro! Imagine… and believe. Believe in Gridro. Believe in us.



This isn’t a homosexual thing! It’s just that I’ve… I’m sorry. I should stop. The wine has gone to my head and made me feel… enough talk. The shepards who will soon tend our flocks of love sheep who munch on the love valley that is the new 411, they will be able to say the things that I dare not say now. That is all for now.



Thank you for reading the news. I am one half of Gridro. I am Joshua Grut(man).