Saturday Evening Post 10.27.01

Hello and welcome to Saturday Evening Post. I’m Flea. Tonight I have added a new feature from

Joey Styles and also have a special something for you on Page Six. Enjoy.

Let’s get to it .

TOP STORY

Doom and Gloom are teaming up again and their first item of business is the ratings for RAW and Smackdown. RAW received a 3.8 rating and Smackdown finished up with around a 4.0. Naturally on-line pundits are cutting the WWF no slack for Monday Night (even though the Eagles / Giants were playing and the Yankees were doing their thing) and declaring the WWF a miserable failure at the wrestling business. Even more interesting is evidently the WWF has posted a writing position on hotjobs.com as well as a position for “on-air talent”. THIS is totally unacceptable to many people that a company would actually be looking for talented people to join their organization and actually go to the extreme lengths of putting ads in the paper and on-line. Desperation has obviously set in, kids.

This earth shattering news has sent everyone scurrying to their keyboards again to opine on how to “fix” what’s wrong with the good ol’ fed. I for one am not scurrying but just HAPPEN to be at my keyboard right now, so forget about what al the “smart” people have been saying and listen to the REAL way to get back that 6.0 rating:

The first thing Vince, Paul E. and J.R. would need to do is

WE INTERUPT THIS NEWSCAST FOR NOT SO LATE BREAKING BUT NEVERTHELESS IMPORTANT NEWS!!!!

EXCESS has been moved from 10pm to 8pm on Saturday Nights. The WWF is saying this is only a temporary move but many “people in the know” are saying it is a valiant effort to improve ratings. The show will be taped on Friday, allowing more wrestlers the opportunity to appear “live” as guests.

I have it on good confidence from a source very close to the situation that WWF executives found out about my mission to garner more readers of my EXCESS report than viewers for the T.V show and are therefore trying to do what they can to boost the rating. Makes no difference to me, all an 8pm start time means is that I will have to get my “attitude adjustment” just a few hours earlier. And yes, kids, that may have been a veiled drug and/or alcohol reference.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled newscast ..

..and with Russo, then you would finally see what Smiley could do with the proper push. BAM! Rating and buy rates would SKYROCKET, I tell you!

HEADLINES

Popular Japanese wrestler Hayabusa is recovering from his recent mishap, according to one of BOB’s guys. He had been paralyzed after a failed attempt at a quebrada or as normal people call it “that move Jericho always f*cks up”. Evidently the paralysis is slowly declining but no word on whether or not he will regain total feeling. Remember, do NOT try this at home. Stick with the barbed wire and chair shots.

Eddie Guerrero was on Byte This and spoke of his upcoming return to the ring. He said, just like they teach you in rehab, that he is taking it “one day at a time”. Throw in a little Chavo and some RVD with a side of Five Star Frog Splash and you have your interview. I for one am looking forward to his return. Nobody likes to be the old fashioned sneaky heel anymore, something at which Eddie excels. Hopefully along with all the “cleansing” he has been through the doctors also exorcised the curse of Chyna.

Also on Byte This was Cactus, being his normal jovial self. By the numbers interview as Cactus promoted another book (Halloween Hijinks) and threw in a few shoot comments about the direction of the WWF. Do you think “This is Your Life, Rock” would draw a huge number now or was it just part of the golden years when the WWF could do no wrong in everyone’s eyes? THAT is what I miss most about WCW: there ain’t no one to kick around anymore so everyone turned on Vince. Mick should probably avoid biting the hand that feeds him. Ah, who cares, he’s rich now.

Also on the radio interview circuit this week were Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman and Bubba Ray Dudley. All appear to be down to earth type of guys and had some interesting responses to some nifty questions. Of course, I have not actually listened to the interviews so I am taking the word of the various re-cappers around the net. But then again, at this very moment, so are you. So there.

WWA had there first ever Pay-Per-View this weekend in Australia, titled “Inception” Pretty much everyone from WCW that has not be picked up by the WWF is there: Juvy, Buff, Disco, Jarrett, etc. Also there was the Road Dogg, who did the j.o.b. on the PPV for J-A (HA HA) DOUBLE R (HA HA) E- DOUBLE T (HA HA). Bret Hart, as mentioned last week is the playing the part of Commissioner and Jerry Lawler was there for commentary. But the most important part was Jeremy Borash of 1wrestling fame was right there, smack dab in the middle of it all helping the King out on the mic. Rumor has it that the PPV will be shown here in America soon, so all of you that were wondering if Borash still looks like Paul Shaffer, rest your minds at ease. He’s coming.

THE ROSS SAYS THIS

In his latest Ross Report, JR had the following items:

Scotty 2 Hotty will have some surgery done by the standard doctor in Alabama. Taka is in some pain as is Regal. Austin is also still a little sore after Booker T tossed him around at King of the Ring. Oh, so THAT’S why Booker is “jobbing out” to the Undertaker. You know, I wish you smart guys would tell me this shit, I just had to put two and two together myself.

WWF Rebellion is coming to merry ol England November 3rd for a PPV event. Also on November 3rd everyone’s favorite inanimate object TERRI is getting married. The Big Bossman is slated to give away the bride in lieu of Terri’s father but will hesitate at calling Terri a “bastard” like he did the Big Show. They are good friends and all.

The WWF Weakest Link shows will air starting November 12th. Plans are in the works for overseas tours and Ivory is out on the promotional bandwagon.

In a shocking development, JR confided that the Nebraska fans booed the shit out of him because he uses the “Oklahoma Fight Song” as his entrance music. Go figure. Hopefully Paul E. busts his balls Monday as JR’s precious Sooners got their ass handed to them by Nebraska today. Indeed.

JOEY’S NUMBER

In a continuing quest to bring you the most comprehensive weekend coverage. Here is what Joey Styles had to say in his recent “Hotline” report:

A lot of shit we already know, like Mikey’s retirement, Wahoo is sick and Chilly Willy is joining the Army.

Austin and RVD will headline a house show at the FU Center in Philly.

Whines like a bitch about the WWF making some money off of the ECW trademark. I’m pretty sure Joey must still be owed some dough. He also goes on about how the WWF’s success over the past few years can be directly attributed to them ripping off ECW. That’s funny, I never saw Val Venis break eggs over Mark Henry’s head, but there was a crucifixion angle. Still, all the accusations and analogies in the world don’t get you paid. It must kill him to see the ads for “on air talent” after all his years of service to Paul E. Life is such a bitch sometimes.

Hulk Hogan’s new promotion is the XWF and will have some television tapings (or as us insiders and smart people like to call it “TV”) at Universal Studios 11/13 and 11/14 right here in ORLANDO! I am THERE Widro! Can I be an on-site reporter? Who am I? I’m Flea, you know the guy from Ryder Fakin and that obituary thing. You know, your weekend reporter? Does EXCESS ring a bell? Nevermind, I know you have been a little busy and/ or star-struck lately, I understand.

Getting back to Hogan, naturally the Torch has already started fanning the flames of dissention and jealousy, saying the wrestlers are pissed that Hogan might be the center of attention. Sorry, but I don’t see any of them capable of putting a deal like this together. Face it people: if you want an alternative to the WWF, Hogan is your best shot. Learn to live with it. And don’t whine if he shows up at Wrestlemania. Oops, the Torch usually doesn’t break the “Hogan at Wrestlemania” story until February. Forget I said that, my bad.

ROLL THE DICE

Various bits of news bites here

Dave is reporting that moral in the WWF locker room just is not very good right now. No REAL reason behind the morale problems, it’s just not very good. He’s also gets on RVD’s case again for being late for the Alliance thing a couple of weeks ago and his subsequent explanation of said tardiness on WCW.com. Much to all of the RVD haters chagrin, he is going to be the biggest thing in the business over the next few years and RVD knows it. And he knows that deep inside YOU know that too. Marijuana gives you special powers like that, yo.

Looks like Rhyno is hurting as the same source’s site seen in the paragraph above is reporting that MR. Rhyno has a herniated disk or two. Hence the reason of the “indefinite suspension” storyline. No word on when he will be able to rejoin the meatwagon.

The Impact Players (Credible and Storm) may be reformed. This is what may have led to Michael Cole’s confusion on Smackdown the other night, when he mistakenly called Storm “Justin Credible”. Or maybe we just heard it wrong and Cole was saying Storm’s bump over the top rope was just incredible! Maybe I’m grasping at straws trying to defend poor Mike.

IN OTHER WORDS

Now available on 411

Ken Anderson has a nice little review of a Clash for you, right here

Scott Keith is at it again, giving us a review of the WWF’s Hardcore DVD. Check him out.

The REAL Big Boss Man, Widro is here giving us all a “Voice of Reason”. All of you should stay off his back for the recent additions to the site, If you don’t like the person, don’t read their columns. Quit being such bitches by whining and complaining to Widro, he is only doing what is good for the site. By the way YOU PEOPLE did not “run” Hyatte of the web, he died of natural causes. So shut the f*ck up. And if YOU are offended by the previous statements, maybe YOU damn well should be. Morons.

With that being said, I officially welcome arguably the most hated man here in the Internet Wrestling Community, Eric Szulczewski. Why everyone hates the guy is beyond me; he’s just another guy with an opinion, except he presents it in a way that goes over most people’s heads and therefore brings out there primitive behavior to naturally wish him dead. The way I look at it is live and let live. Of course it has been said that if you are not a liberal when you are 20, you have no heart. If you are STILL a liberal at 40, you have no brain. We still have time to bring you to the dark side, Eric. Of course, giving Bella Abzug a hickey on the nose would probably be an easier task. Don’t worry if you are among the readers that did not get the last joke; he will. I’m almost positive of it. So, Eric S. Welcome and don’t forget to plug.

PAGE SIX

One of the more arduous tasks if you are left Executor of someone’s estate is going through their personal papers. Writings, whether in diary or journal form or even just a post it note, are windows to the soul. Hence, the last week has been a tough one as I attempt to rummage through the writings of the recently deceased Chris Hyatte.

Apparently he gave most of his heart and soul to the material you see on the web and left very few personal notes. I did find this one tidbit that was written shortly before his death .

(Note: on the back side of this was scrawled “The REAL reason I left Scoops was because that cheap f*cking bastard Al tried to pay me in jokes from his ridiculous stand up act. Doesn’t he know I need money???”)

Well it appears my life may be coming to an end. All I can hope for is that the legacy l left on the web will be kept in tact. Widro always promised me he would keep my And Another Thing and Mop-Ups archive for posterity’s sake. I know he, of all people, would not let me down. I’m sure when I am gone he will have a hell of a tribute to me, seeing as I am an Internet Icon and brought this little 411 website to a level of notoriety and fame it could have never reached without me. In my dying days I can only find comfort in the fact that after all I have done for him, Widro will send me off in grand style with glowing words and praise. Not to mention all the other writers who have blatantly ripped me off but did manage to kiss my ass when I called them out. I’m positive they all will take at least one column to state how much I have meant to them, influenced them as well as brought them a certain level of fame, just by my association with the 411 site. And when I’m gone, I’m sure Widro will bring in a replacement to draw the readers that may decide to leave. At least it won’t be that f*cking arrogant prick Scaia, he’s pretty much locked into that paying gig over at Wrestleline.

Hi-8

This has been Saturday Evening Post and I’m Flea.