A Wrestling News Report 11.01.01

Archive

Welcome, boys and ghouls, to a very special Halloween edition of A Wrestling News Report! Want to hear something spooky? My grandfather died yesterday! Oooooh, scary! I bet I’ll see a dead body when I go to his funeral tomorrow! Booga booga booga! For Halloween this year, I’m dressing as a mourner who has to deal with his immediate family and distant relatives! SHRIEK! EEK! OH NO!

Well, he died after months of pain. He didn’t want to die this way. He wanted todie on a golf course. He was a great guy. He owned a candy factory. Can you imagin e growing up with grandfather owning a candy factory? He bought me the computer I’m writing this on right now. My grandfather never had a bad word for me. What a good man. He was such a good guy, I won’t do something stupid like dedicate a wrestling news column to him. Instead, I dedicate it to Widro, who would not give me the night off. He threatened to fire me if I did not do the news tonight. I don’t think you should e-mail him and tell him off, though. That would be as unfair as someone forcing someone to do a wrestling news report the day after his grandfather dies.

I’m going to pay for that one. Just for the record, JUST KIDDING! Widro did not make me work today. My grandfather did die yesterday, but it would be wrong to punish Widro. The bastard.

News!!!

UH OH. ERIC COVERED MOST OF IT IN THIS MORNING’S NEWS. WELL, WE’LL FIGURE OUT SOMETHING. WE CARRRRRRY ON! RHYNO NEWS! THANKS SHORTY!

Rhyno will be out for six months after a poacher cut off his nose and turned it into an aphrodisiac. No, I’m just kidding. That last statement was a trick because you did not give me a treat! HAPPY HALLOWEEN! BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA! He will be out for six months though with an injury similar to that of Benoit’s and Austin’s. At least he’s not dead!

The wrestlingobserver.com is the scairest wrestling site! Look at the snarling green man and run away screaming! SHRIEK! EEK! Hey! I found a fun wrestling news thing!

YOU DON’T WANNA PISS OFF CRAZY LUKE, BRET. THE MAN IS CRAZY!

All right. I got all of this from pwtorch.com and slamwrestling.com. Good. I’m glad that’s out of the way. Now let’s play HE SAID HE SAID HE SAID!

Let’s start with Jack Brisco. During an internet wrestling chat, Brisco had been asked by a fan whether anything comparable to the ‘Montreal screwjob’ that saw Hart lose the WWF title to Shawn Michaels in 1997 had happened during his day.

HE SAID: Not in the ring. They knew better! And by the way, I thought Vince McMahon did the right thing by taking the belt off him. Bret Hart owed it Vince McMahon, the other wrestlers and the WWF to do the time honored tradition. What does it mean, ‘I can’t drop the belt in Montreal because I’m from Canada?’ He’s from Calgary! That would be like me saying I couldn’t drop the belt in Florida because I’m an American!

How dare he put forth an opinion that many have expressed before him about the Montreal screwjob? Well, one Mr. Hart (not Owen, my grandfather is asking him what the hell is a Blue Blazer right now) had one of his little breakdowns where the comments become to much for him and he has to have a little cheese and wine.

HE SAID: In response to Jack Brisco’s misinformed comments of October 16th, I woud like to pose a question to him. When he was NWA champion if they’d have told him to do the job for Crazy Luke Graham and then add on top of that, Crazy Luke telling Jack Brisco that he would absolutely never, under any circumstances be willing to put him over, ever, would he still do it? (I use Crazy Luke here as a worst case example and mean to imply no comparison between him and Shawn Michaels).

It wasn’t a question of losing in Canada, it was a question of losing to somebody who had no professionalism and no respect for me, or for any of his peers in the dressing room.

I would like to say that Jack Brisco is wrong to suggest that it’s never happened before. It happened all the time and I imagine that he’s quite lucky that it didn’t happen to him. He also needs to understand that after all those years of wrestlers having no rights, I had achieved the legal right, per my contract, to refuse to put somebody over, which was intended to prevent purposeful devaluation of my “stock” and impact should the time come when I left the promotion; it could have been a major step forward for all wrestlers. It should be noted that in my entire career, up until Montreal, I never refused to do a job for anybody and lost many times in my home country and in my home town. Likewise, no wrestler ever refused to do a job for me – until Shawn Michaels – and that’s the point. It has nothing to do with losing in Canada. I made it clear to Vince that I would have no problem dropping the belt to Shawn, or to anybody else, in Canada, or anywhere else, after Shawn would do the professional thing and put me over at Survivor Series.

Jack Brisco shouldn’t pass judgement on things he knows nothing about without first hand info – other than that which he gets from his deceptive brother, Jerry, who, in fact, had a large part in orchestrating how to screw me, under orders from McMahon; no more than I should make comments about how Ernie Ladd beat the crap out of the Brisco brothers in a parking lot, stuffed them into the trunk of his car and drove all over town with them, eventually dumping them out lke trash at the promoter’s house. Or then again, maybe I don’t know enough about it so I shouldn’t say. At least Owen and I had more grit than that but then again Owen and I were certainly a much better class than the drunken, pill poppin’ Brisco Brothers anyway.

When I knocked out Vince McMahon no less than ten former world champions each called me on the phone to tell me they were very proud of me. I certainly never needed a call from Jack Brisco

Jack Brisco can kiss my ass.

Does it end here? No, somebody else had something to say, and that someone is CRAZY LUKE! Let’s hear what the man with the coolest wrestling name I’ve ever heard had to say.

HE SAID: Something here does not seem to make any sense. Possibly, Dad and I have misinterpreted the meaning of the statement made by Mr. Hart in his response to Mr. Brisco. We were unaware that Luke Graham had any place in the Montreal fiasco. So Bret, our question to you is “Why Luke Graham?”

If the inference or insinuation is that Crazy Luke Graham was not worthy of carrying a world title, or carrying the NWA title, we would invite Mr. Hart to first visit his physician to immediately ascertain the lingering incapacitation of his memory functions, then, go back to wrestling history 101.

We are discussing the same Luke Graham who was a recognized WWA World Heavyweight Champion at 25 years old, a U.S. Tag Champion in the WWWF, the first World Tag Champion in the WWWF. This is the same Luke Graham that has held major titles in almost every recognized territory around the world during a storied and illustrious career. This is the same Luke Graham that helped sell-out major venues around the world.

Possibly, you have forgotten, that others have been great in their time, as you have been in yours Possibly you do not remember that the “Tour of Champions” in Japan with the Brisco Brothers, The Funks, Harley Race, and others, also included Crazy Luke Graham. It would be easier, by far, to list the territories that Luke Graham DID NOT hold a major title in, than to try to remember the few that he didn’t. There were titles held in the old NWA (Tag and Brass Knuckles) that possibly you have forgotten.

If, as you state in your commentary, Luke Graham is considered the “worst case example,” then you fail to understand the wrestling business. You continually refer back to your “screw job” in Montreal with Shawn Michaels. Upon leaving a territory, Luke Graham, without exception, did the honorable thing for the business and the promotion that was paying him. To insinuate or infer that he would not have done the honorable thing for Mr. Brisco, or that Mr. Brisco would not have done the same for Luke Graham, is insulting to all mentioned, and ludicrous. Both are/were well respected by “the boys” and the promoters.

The Hart family has been well recognized and respected in the professional wrestling business, as have the Briscos. Bret’s accomplishments in this business are well documented, and he has his place in this businesses history. But, his accomplishments are not the only one ever attained. We have not known of any heat between the Grahams and the Harts, and are surprised by this apparent “cheap shot” or “jab” at the legacy of Crazy Luke Graham. Quite possibly, Bret assumed that Crazy Luke Graham was/is a safe target, retired, and away from the business. In that regard Bret, once again you were mistaken. Crazy Luke is standing tall and still actively involved in professional wrestling as the Executive Vice President of Galaxy Championship Wrestling, Inc.

The Graham’s have been and are, a well known part of this business, and have been for at least as long, as the Harts. When Luke Jr. and I spoke to your father and brothers at the Cauliflower Alley Convention, there was nothing shown but mutual respect for each family’s position in this business. For some unknown reason, you have chosen to fire this cheap shot in my direction, and I want to be clear that these comments are meant for you Bret, and not your family, your father, your brothers, or sisters.

Crazy Luke Graham


And Luke Graham Jr

YOU DON’T SCREW WITH CRAZY LUKE YOU LITTLE BITCH! The Crazy Luke’s will school ya! I would like to state that I am solidly behind Mr. Graham Jr. and Mr. Crazy Graham Sr. Bret’s a whiny bitch in pink tights. Maybe Goldberg’s foot is still stuck in your mouth!

By the way, if Goldberg released a statement condemning Bret for not visiting the workers at the WTC. He believes Bret to be the devil. He’s okay with Crazy Luke though. You don’t screw with Crazy Luke.

AND YOU AND ME ARE FREE TO BE SPOILER FREE

On Smackdown this week, absolutely nothing happens! Well, the Undertaker takes on Stone Cold for the title, Kane takes on Kurt Angle who gives what many have called the best interview he’s given in the past two days, Y2J and The Rock take on Test and Booker T, RVD faces Edge, and Maven and Nidia find true love with each other in the most graphic segement since Mark Henry played with hamsters.

SLUMMING FOR NEWS and


JUNK NEWS! HUZZAH!

Thanks to PWBTS for stealing all of the below news from other sources before I stole it from them.

Ring side seats for Survivor Series are still available. This is all the Undertaker’s fault! If only he hadn’t held back Albert…

The main event at Survivor Series will be Kane, UT, Rock, Chris Jericho and Vince against Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Kurt Angle, Stephanie and Shane. I would have put Stone Cold in there somewhere, but that’s just me.

Chyna was on Celebrity Fear Factor. So was Coolio and Donny Osmond. Uh oh! Joanie’s career is dead! I’ve got to admit, I’m just as shocked as you are.

Diamond Dallas Page is horny and looking for love with Eric Bischoff and his wife!

JUNK NEWS! HUZZAH!

Is that it? Yeah, that’s it.

THAT RED RED ROBIN KEEPS PLUG PLUG PLUGGIN ALONG!

diwrestling.8m.com. Go there. Flea wants me to plug it, although I asked the guy for a follow up letter which never came. I have no problem doing what Flea asks of me.

Benovitz is back with a spooky Halloween edition of the Tornado DDT. Danny, you don’t need to pad all your columns with letters. This week Danny covers the top ten Halloween Havoc matches of all time. #1? RIC FLAIR!

Steven Schwenke presents Schadenfreude, Army of Dorkness! I never saw the movie. Maybe I should.

Joe Rivett Takes out Time to Take a Time for a Take Take Time for a take time for a time at taking Time for the voices in my head oh time to take for a take or to take this time to take out the time for a time I can’t take this time for a take I take a time time take time time take take take time take take time on the Rock again. Lotso letters from the fans.

I did another Wrestling Tale finally. I got really pissed off about my life and turned it into a wrestling story. It didn’t work out too well. I hope to be back next week with a Wrestling Tale about wrestling stuff.

How should we end this? I guess I’ll tell you about stuff I like about Halloween.

NOTHING! I HATE THIS STUPID HOLIDAY! MY GRANDFATHER DIED YESTERDAY SO I CAN’T EVEN GO INTO THE CITY AND HAVE SEX WITH A NORMAL GIRL DRESSED UP LIKE A GOTH GIRL LIKE I LOVE TO DO! I HATE THESE LITTLE KIDS BUGGING ME FOR CANDY AS I MOURN THE LOSS OF MY LOVED ONE, I HATE THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD NOT GIVE ME A SMALL PART IN MY OWN PLAY TO DISTRACT ME FROM THE BS, AND I HATE YOU! YES, YOU WIDRO!

I can’t think of anything.

Joshua Grut loves you all.