Hello there! I Flea and this is The Monday Edition. As you may or may not know, the site has been down all weekend. So guess who get’s f*cked? ME! Now I know why, before he croaked, that Hyatte always said “The weekends suck, don’t get pigeonholed.†It’s really no big deal, I like the weekends and YOU the loyal readers can always find what you missed over on the news line. Right? Right?
And the ire from some of youse thinking I was picking on the Yankees, Diamondbacks, Canada or YOU personally last week! Good for Arizona winning. Good for the Yankees adding some drama and actually making the series worthwhile. If you are a fan of the Twins, bummer. I don’t think anyone was a fan of the Expos, so no real loss there. That will leave Toronto as the last bastion of America’s pastime in the Great White North. I think it was Scott Keith that pointed out the fact that the Blue Jays never “technically†lost the World Series Crown. I don’t know what that means or if anyone really cares, it’s just shout out to a few people that think I said Canada didn’t have tv sets or broadcast capabilities. How they got THAT out of last weeks news, I have no idea. Weird.
Come on, let’s go
FIRST OFF
It’s only a week to Survivor Series and the excitement is building for what should be the Pay Per View event of the year, one that is guaranteed to change the face of Sports Entertainment forever. It’s a good old “Winner Take All†and Vince has pretty much set in stone the fact that one of the Alliance members will turn, which will lead to the downfall of the WCW/ECW faction. Just take a look at this card .
Stone Cold / Angle / RVD / Booker T / Shane vs. Rock / Jericho / UT / Kane and / Big Show – plenty of dissention to go around in this one, folks. Who can you trust? With all the big names in this match, this should be a good one. Judging by his reactions lately, Vince has something up his sleeve and we will probably see a screwing that is common place for the Survivor Series, much like turkey is at Thanksgiving.
Besides the main event, look at what the fed has lined up for the rest of the card on “the most important pay per view in the history of the WWF!!â€Â
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As of this writing, NOT ANOTHER GODDAMN MATCH has been made! For about the fourth or fifth pay per view in a row, the card is not even close to being finalized the week before the event. Granted, this is Survivor Series and if the standard format is in place we will get some 4 or 5-man tag matches, faces vs. heels. Probably a WWF Tag Title match and a singles match or two with Edge, Christian, Test or whoever else is left over. With all the talent it will make for some pretty damn good matches but with no back-story or decent feuds going on the matches usually come off a little flat. It’s pretty obvious the fed is banking on the super duper main event and the swerve possibilities to carry the show and the buyrate. Let ‘em.
Also, I may not be the first to mention this, but I haven’t read it anywhere else. According to the WWF calendar, the pay per view Sunday is in Greensboro, NC. The following night’s RAW will be in Charlotte, NC and then the Tuesday Smackdown is just right up the road in Fayetteville, NC. In the wrestling world, who is the most popular figure from the Carolinas? Besides Jeff Hardy .and Matt Hardy .
Well, YOU know who it is. Could it be the surprise and shocking event we have been waiting for. The MAN who with just one or two promos will shoot the ratings back up into the 5 and 6’s? What do you mean he is still under contract and would rather sit home and collect his money? You’re telling me that he would not be happy with a commissioner /owners role and would not come back unless he could wrestle full time? With the sad financial shape Vince and his company is in, they could not afford to buy his AOLTW contract out AND pay him what he is worth. How do YOU know all this? Oh yeah, we am SMART!
That will not keep the rumors from floating and the mere possibility that he just might show up is enough to keep us hooked. At least me anyway. So lighten up and enjoy, we are the core audience that you always here about: the three or four million that will still watch no matter what. So there.
And I was talking about HIM, dammit. Not Goldberg jeez
HAVE YOU HEARD?
Over at Slam, Bret Hart is on another rampage as he takes the time from his mother’s eulogy to rip his sister Diana a new asshole. You see, Diana has a tell-all book coming out and says some really, really unpleasant things about the Hart family and Bret don’t like it. I still can’t make up my mind on this guy. I was a big fan of his ring work but not “The Hitman†character. He damn sure didn’t deserve to be screwed by Vince like that, but he brought a lot of it on himself and he had a huge contract with WCW to fall back on. The WCW ruined his character worse than Vince ever could, taking him from a surefire main event draw and putting him down amongst the mid card ranks. He gets a pretty good feud going (by sheer willpower and talent, I think) with that dumb ass Goldberg and gets his f*cking brains scrambled for his troubles. But every time I want to feel bad for the dude, he goes and blames all his life’s troubles on Vince, Montreal, the WWF and anyone else who may cross his path. Bitterness is a bad thing and can make you grow old way before your time. However, someday, I do see an angle out of this one way or the other, one that will draw huge ratings and money when the time is right. Feel free to disagree, but Bret’s whole life is wrestling and the payday and attention would get him out of his shell. Ah, that’s probably just a pipe dream for someone who is still a mark.
As mentioned yesterday, this is the premier week of a brand new wrestling federation, the XWF. Expect the news and rumors to be flying after the t.v. tapings. Still no word on the distribution possibilities but I’m sure something will be ironed out before to long. It’s Hogan, remember? So if you are there, stop by and say hello. I’ll be the one with the 411 signs, right Widro?
ANOTHER WEEK OF THIS CRAP
RAW will be in Bahstan, Mass. as the WWF continues to torture themselves with the uptight northeast crowds who sit there like a bunch of dummies and make the tv product look like shit. If you are going to the show, please cheer; it makes viewing a whole lot more enjoyable, yo.
Smackdown will be in Albany, NY just to further prove my point. I guess. At least the fed can mix in some crowd response noise by Thursday. Cheer and make some NOISE folks, it ain’t hard.
As mentioned earlier, live events take a turn for the better with Survivor Series in Greensboro,NC and then the NC tour. Now THOSE are some people that are rowdy and like some good wrasslin. Yee-haw!
THE LINKS ARE ON ME
I have no idea as the site has been down all weekend. What I CAN tell you is I do have the Saturday Evening Post out there somewhere. Go take a look-see, please.
No EXCESS report this week, sorry. Only half of the show got taped and I missed the Christian portion but got MICHAEL COLE so I decided to take the week off. Not that you would have been able to read it, Unplanned Scheduled Maintenance or something was happening here at 411. I’ll be back next week with the EXCESS thing, please attend.
If the rest of the gang wrote some columns, please visit them. Daniels is usually around with the Week in Review and Brian Cole should have some International happenings. There may or may not be an Indy report and I’m sure one of the writers has done an opinion column. Or maybe Widro gave everyone the weekend off except me. Check the news board for the latest.
Did you know that 411 has a forum where you can talk about stuff? Well, we DO and inside you will find out that other people that are thinking about the same thing YOU are, but they are expressing their views on the web, while YOU are arguing with your cat. Go see what’s up and tell ‘em Flea sent ya.
Look out for some RAW recaps / reviews and the news by Eric and Grut later this week.
PAGE SIX
Well, that about covers it. Business should pick up next week with a Pay Per View happening. And don’t forget the XWF. (XWF! XWF! XWF!) that just don’t sound right.
If you attend the show, drop me a line. I plan on doing something for next week’s column. Any opinions, good or bad. And don’t be a f*ck and make up shit; I will be there.
Speaking of response, because a TON of guys and gals like it, love it and want some more of it ( yee-haw #2)…
Ladies and Gentleman, by request ..
TAKE US HOME, HONKY!
You know the place
DDP–This Guy Will Do Anything—Hell, He IS Older Than Me!!!
I’m Damn sure not going to have all the reconstructive Bullsh*t done to me. Besides, He has a hell of a claim against the Doctor who did the F**ked Up face lift. You read this tell me who is kissing ass.
The following excerpts are from DDPBang.com in his own words:
It’s me D D P. (Insert long, uncomfortable annoying smile here) Vince McMahon came up with that smile idea, by the way brilliant! Let me tell you where this whole character is coming from. I’m watching trailers for the new show, Bob Patterson, who is played by Jason Alexander of Seinfeld. When I first saw the trailers, I thought to myself, “This will be an interesting show.†During that time, I was rehabbing my knee, which had just been scoped. I was looking for a way to take DDP through another evolution. I was on the way to my massage therapist when I saw a billboard with Jason’s face right in the middle saying “Bob Patterson Coming Soon.†On the top, it said, “Help me help you help me help you.†A big number three was stamped in the middle with the title “America’s #3 Self-Help Guru.†I immediately laughed and thought to myself that this guy would be a great character in professional wrestling. It’s never been done. Someone needs to do this character. Three seconds later, a light bulb popped over my head and I screamed, “I AM THAT GUY!†This could be great.
Stephanie McMahon was the first to hear me explain the idea. I was flown up to see Vince and the writers to see if Vince liked it. Well, obviously he did since it has been running for three and a half weeks. I’ve had a lot of people ask me where the character is going. All I can tell you is to sit back and watch. I am enjoying the ride and look forward to whatever twists they put on it.
As far as that new, bright, big a$$ smile, if you have been following the emails you know I had total mouth reconstruction over the last six months. Some of you probably still shudder at the story I told of the stitches in my gums coming out over the summer. That this enhances the gimmick is not a bad thing, it’s a good thing. 48 hours in the dentist chair and what you see is what you get. By the way, 250 needles in the mouth later, you get what you got.
Let’s talk about some people the WWF and company went out of their way to bring some happiness. The McMahons gave thousands of tickets to these firefighters, policemen, and their children so they could enjoy the show. I talked to Vince about this. I didn’t work the show at the Garden, but I stayed at the go position and watched the whole card. Vince and I talked quite a few times and you could tell by talking to him that being able to help like this really made him feel like he could give something back.>>
Honky’s final thoughts: “DDP, Why didn’t the Fu*ked Up Doctor do your sagging neck, chest, arms, legs, and ass? Is this Ass Kissing? Tell me.”
Till we meet again,
Adios
Thanks for reading THE MONDAY EDITION, I’m Flea.
