Remember, back in the 80s, when Andre the Giant pinned Hulk Hogan for the belt, and we found out about Earl Hebner’s evil twin brother Dave? Well, if Hogan had kept the belt then, I think he would still be in the WWF today, and very possibly Vince’s right hand man. And don’t ask me to just let it go, because… late at night, I still cry about it.
The Catholic Right is banning and burning Harry Potter books on the eve of the movie, saying it “lures children into the occult.” Well, I guess since they failed with both Dungeons and Dragons AND with Magic: The Gathering, the idiots need to find something else to whine about. I would go into how this disgusts me, and yadda yadda… but it’s been done to death. I lived through the whole D&D thing in the late 80s, and it was as ridiculous then as the Potter thing is now. I think it might be mildly more dangerous IF MAGIC ACTUALLY F***ING EXISTED. But, whatever floats their boat. You know you’ve made it when the Catholic Church starts burning your work. Next thing you know, people will be saying that Heavy Metal Music makes them commit evil acts…
What?
Raw Rewind
Kurt called out Austin on Raw, to which Edge responded, and then he beat Angle for the US Title. At this point in the week, I wasn’t quite sure who had the US and who had the IC title. Mick Foley didn’t either.
Next match Jeff and Matt won the W(something) tag titles from Booker T and Test.
Tazz lost to Austin in less than a minute. Good to see they took yet another perfectly good opportunity to build Tazz and blew it off. Kind of like the whole DDP thing.
RVD pinned the Undertaker in a hardcore title match. It only took the help of Booker T. Does anyone know what they’re doing with Rob Van Dam? Are they going to push him or job him to Edge?
Mick Foley came out and gave a pretty good interview which basically said some stuff about how there’s way to many belts on WWF television, so he signed two matches for Survivor Series. One to unify the WWF IC Title and the WCW US Title and one to unify the WWF and WCW tag belts. The first will be between Test and Edge (Two WWF guys) and the other will be between the Hardys and the Dudleys (four WWF guys). Because, since we’re burying one of titles, we couldn’t possibly have an actual, you know, WCW guy wrestling for any of the, you know, WCW titles. You know, like a DDP US Champion, or a Palumbo and O’Haire tag team or something like that. Foley also pretty much said he’s done with the company after Survivor Series which we also reported here on the newsboard.
The showed closed with Rock and Austin having one of the funniest, yet most non-sensical interview segments ever which involved singing and smiling and hugging. It ended with a Rock Bottom.
Smackdown Rewind
The WWF decided to try yet ANOTHER bad imitation of a Ravishing Rick Rude gimmick with Test. Stacy said she thought he was pretty hot, which led to him staring at himself in the mirror and saying “doot†like the Canadian he is.
I was on TV!!
Big Show busted out his old parody skillz for a parody on DDP. Page came out and attacked Show, then lost in less than a minute. I remember, back in the day, when Page and the Giant had pretty decent matches. Somehow, DDP could wrestle him back then. Somewhere between then and now, Page was robbed of all his skill. I don’t feel like going into why this pisses me off again.
Looks like Matt is getting the Heel push after the Hardy’s break up. I don’t think either of them is really going to end up on the top tier. Sorry to all you Hardy supporters, but I don’t think either of them has the mic skills to make it. I could be wrong maybe if they had a manager.
The Paul Heyman promo has been discussed at length, and shown over and over again. If you didn’t hear, I suggest you find it transcribed somewhere. I’m sure CRZ’s got it transcribed over at Slash. Read it. It ended when Tazz choked him out. So, I guess he gets squashed by Austin, so he can do something else to get him a big pop so he can get squashed by someone else ? Maybe someday I’ll “Get It.â€Â
Regal announced the Women’s title would be recreated at Survivor Series and put up in a six-pack challege. This was the amazing “mystery entrant†of the Series, which was gayer than gay. It might have been mildly cool if it was Chyna showing up, just to job the belt off. But it wasn’t to be
Angle pinky swore not to turn on the Alliance come Sunday, thus invalidating the sanctity of the pinky swear for all generations to come. I hope he realizes what he’s done to schoolyards across the country. When he went back to the Alliance, he was lame Kurt Angle again that we all loved. Now, I suppose, he’ll be badass Angle again.
Regal beat the holy hell out of Torrie. We were in prime position to look down her shirt when she was in the Regal stretch. That was worth the price of admission right there.
Ten man match at the end was typical pre-SS stuff, with everyone from the team ending the night in the ring and handing out finishers.
Other Shows (Including Survivor Series)
Excess had Hogan/Undertaker’s match from Survivor Series 1989. Damn, if they keep this up, I may have to start at least taping the show or making sure I’m in a bar when it’s on or making sure a boxing match isn’t on at the same time. By the Way, Lewis/Rahman was good. It was only 4 rounds, but it’s better than any of the crap Tyson’s been doing for the last 5 years save for his last match. Lewis is still going to own him when they finally have a fight, and so will Holyfield if it comes to them again. All Tyson’s proven in the last couple years is that he can beat scrubs. Put him in the ring with anyone good, and he can’t handle it. Now, back to other sports less fake than heavyweight boxing:
Well, for some odd reason, we had an Al Snow vs Christian match I only mention this because the point of it eludes me.
I realize that Edge/Test is almost Edgefest, and therefore I refer to this match only by that name. Stupid, yes but that’s OK because, according to Lord Master ‘dro, no one is reading this. Anyway, it’s not a title unification anymore it’s the dissolution of one of the titles. So, the WCW US Title’s lineage lies in the hand of two born and bred WWF wrestlers. Almost doesn’t seem right, does it? Especially with all the WCW guys backstage doing nothing with their lives. Anyway, Edge wins, which I guess means the WWF IC title is dissolved and the WCW US Title continues. Yet WCW is finished? Hmm.
The WWF and WCW Tag Titles also come down to WWF and ECW wrestlers. Also doesn’t seem right. Regardless, the Dudleys won the titles after Matt had already climed out of the cage. But, you say, the point of a cage match is to escape the cage. I say thee NAY! After Matt escaped, the Dudleys PINNED Jeff. Whatever works.
Foley will be on Raw tomorrow. Fine with me.
Test won the immunity battle royal. He can’t be fired for at least a year. Does this mean a huge push for him? I bet you think it does. So do I which means HELL NO! Actually, he’ll probably get fired on-air tomorrow, just to make our collective heads explode.
Jazz was the mystery entrant. Much to the shock of everyone, judging by the crowd’s reaction. I mean, they were shocked into complete SILENCE! Good show, guys. Trish is the new champ. I think a Chyna/Lita passing of the torch would have worked just fine in this spot. But that’s just logic talking. STOP THAT, DANIELS!!!
The end of the SS saw Jericho turning on the Rock, leading him into the Alliance’s waiting arms. Also, Angle was a spy all along, and proved it by smacking Austin with a title belt, leaving him as a simple pin for the Rock. Thus, the Rock celebrating by holding the WCW World Title high in the air. But, Daniels, WCW just got dissolved The WCW Title doesn’t mean anything anymore. SHUT UP, DAMN YOU! WE HAVEN’T THOUGHT THE BOOKING THAT FAR THROUGH YET!!! I guess that includes having a WWF champion who is out of a job in the WWF? YES IT DOES!!!
The Week in Wrestling
Overall, I thought SS was pretty weak. All the recaps and filler they had to throw in to stretch a six-match card to three hours was disgusting. It was like watching an off edition of Heat with way too much talk and not enough action. The end was predictable and expected, and negated everything they’ve done for the last two weeks with Angle. Even now, with the Alliance “out of jobs,†we still have the Dudleys employed as the “unified champs,†Test employed with the “Immunity Battle Royal†and no WWF champion. If Vince was planning on firing the WWF champion anyway why didn’t he just strip him, oh, as soon as he went to the Alliance? What happens to the WCW now? Do they take it off the rock? How about the WWF Hardcore Champ and the WWF European champ, who are both in the Alliance? What happens to those belts now? Discontinue? Do you think they even have any idea? Or, will Christian just come out on Raw tomorrow like nothing happened? Not even to get into the mess that is the Light Heavyweight Belts.
I see two possibilities tomorrow. One is: they scored Ric Flair, and he is revealed as owning half the company: the forgotten 50% that Shane and Stephanie sold to buy WCW and ECW. Which lead us into a Vince vs Ric feud for control of the company. This is just fine with me, and I think it would go off rather well. Since Flair owns half the company, he can bring in whomever he damn well pleases and use those guys to wrest the remaining half of the company from the McMahons. He can rehire any of the guys who just lost their jobs. Ric vs Vince would also be good because it doesn’t leave any room for Shane or Steph to be on television anymore, thus relieving us from the McMahon family saga for a while. Vince is still on, but Vince is fine. He’s good and people aren’t as sick of him as they are of the other two.
The second option is, come tomorrow, everything is actually forgotten, and they have WCW wrestlers coming to Vince and begging him for jobs, to which he can stroke his ego by “stamping out†WCW once and for all. This doesn’t seem like as good an option as absolutely no storyline comes out of this at all. But lack of storyline hasn’t stopped them as of yet.
Did it bother anyone else that Shane McMahon got to pin the Giant. THIS is exactly why these kids need to be off TV. Vince allows himself to piss his pants on television. Shane and Stephanie need to make themselves look important.
They have way too many dangling stories going on right now. We have no definition of what happens to the random WWF belts. We dropped two out of ten. That still leaves eight belts. The WCW World Title is in question and what happens to the WWF belts held by WCW guys? The better question is: if they were planning on firing the Alliance folks who held WWF belts, why didn’t they just strip all the belts off them in the first place and have the WWF commissioner not allow them any title shots? The whole thing has been a mess from the start. It would probably be better if they just put it out of its misery now, unless they took the typewriter away from the rabid chimpanzee high on angel dust who’s been scripting their shows for the last two months. If they could get someone who could write a cohesive story, that doesn’t invalidate itself from week to week, then maybe, JUST MAYBE, they might get this Invasion thing rolling correctly.
Scott Keith mentioned that DDP did something to piss someone off backstage. Could someone please let me know what this was? Did he forget to bring Undertaker his post-match tea, or something? Did he **gasp** try to fly first class, even though I’m sure he can afford it?
In a good bit of continuity WCW.com already redirects to WWF.com
Where do they go from Here?
The thing that pisses me off about the WWF right now, is they have so much they COULD do, yet they don’t DO any of it. They have RVD poised for a legit run at the top of the card. They have Tazz, who gets cheered loud and constantly EVERY TIME HE DOES ANYTHING. They have Chris Jericho sitting on mid-card, waiting to get a run as a heel. They have a semi-healthy Shawn Michaels sitting at home and collecting a paycheck. They have Scott Hall, who they can bring in and be an Outsider. And they have a small chunk of Ric Flair’s contract to take care of before they can bring him on full time to save this whole she-bang, and they’re actually frigging hesitating.
If Raw was mine tomorrow to write, and I could bring in Ric Flair, here it is, segment by segment.
Segment 1: Vince comes out to start the show with the five wrestlers who were on team WWF. He calls out Christian and RVD, strips them, and fires them. Then, publically fires Jericho. His rant is interrupted by THE MAN, who reminds Vince about that half the company which was sold back in April. He finally reveals it was he who bought it. The WWF is half his, and there ain’t a damn thing Vince can do or say about it. He welcomes Jericho, RVD, and Christian back at double their original contracts. He also welcomes back Stone Cold Steve Austin and tells us “tonight is just getting started.â€Â
Segment 2: Edge vs Anyone: Edge wins. With at least some description about what this whole “unified title†garbage is. Call it the WWF US Title or something. Backstage, Flair is on his cell phone with someone, asking if he can make it here before 11.
Segment 3: Dudleyz vs Anyone: See above. Backstage, Vince is in a panic with Linda and he’s trying to contact his lawyers, looking for some proof of the purchase by Flair ((which, by all logic, he should have done months ago but whatever)). He also realizes that, if Shane still owns WCW, and Flair lets him back on television, there’s nothing Vince can do about it. Foley is walking to the ring.
Segment 4: Foley’s segment. Letting us know just what in the blue hell is up with the Rock’s WCW Title and what will happen to the WWF Title. Calls out the Rock since there is no more WCW, there’s no more WCW and therefore, the Rock is stripped however, he will be seeded #1 in a tournament to crown a new WWF champion. Since Austin is no longer employed, there is no WWF Champion. He announces that a 16 man tournament will begin right here, tonight, in North Carolina. He also Declares Tajiri the Number One Contender to X-Pac’s Light Heavyweight title, since he has to strip him because there is no WCW anymore. X-Pac has until Smackdown to show up, or the LtH Title will be awarded to Tajiri. Vince can then come out and fire Foley, or not fire Foley, depending on what day it is.
Segment 5: Backstage, Flair tells Foley to hold up on his brackets that he has some new employees he wants to add. Foley says he can’t wait, but to tell him how many slots he needs, and he’ll work them in/leave them blank. To the ring, we get Kidman vs anyone. JR Announces Kidman has been hired back by Flair, just to keep with some damn continuity. Backstage, we see Flair talking to Justin Credible and Lance Storm. He says he knows they were fired last night, but the WWF needs some spicing up in the tag team division. He saw their work in ECW, and thinks it’s time for them to find that magic again. He gives them a match against the Hardys.
Segment 6: Hardys vs Impact Players. Let Storm or Credible have the mic pre-match. Give Justin his catch-phrase back and give Lance back “If I can be serious for a minute.†Finish sees Jeff hitting Matt by mistake, causing him to take the pin. Post-Match turn, or tease a turn. We all know it’s coming anyway. Backstage, Flair is on his Cell Phone again. He’s talking to someone and we find out that whoever he was talking to can’t make it tonight, but he can be in North Carolina by Thursday for Smackdown. Flair says “it’s a date.â€Â
Segment 7: DDP vs Kurt Angle, Round 1. We announce the brackets with four or five slots Xed out there’s are Flair’s entrants who “he has to retain under contract first.†DDP wasn’t really either Alliance or WWF at the end, I don’t think but whatever. DDP comes out and gets squashed by Angle in a relatively quick match. Backstage, Vince talks to Linda and wants to know who Flair was talking to. We need to see Paranoid Vince again. Cut to Flair waiting for DDP when he steps behind the curtain. Let him call Page a freak and ask him what happened to him. I know you’re better than this, you know you’re better than this. What’s the problem. DDP smiles and Flair belts Page one and says not to give him that “I like you†crap. You’re a champion, a former champion, not some second rate motivational speaker. What the hell happened. Leave Page thinking.
Segment 8: Jericho vs The Big Show. The end of the match sees a returning Triple H end the match by punking out Jericho, thus earning the Big Show a win via choke slam. Post Match: HHH punks out Big Show and then beats Jericho with the sledge hammer. Send the show off with JR asking if HHH will be on Vince or Ric’s side.
That’s it. We tie up most of the dangling story elements. I only have six matches on mine, but I’m sure you can slide another one or two in there somewhere. We give three cliffhangers, giving people a reason to watch on Thursday. 1) Who is Flair talking to? 2) Who’s side is HHH on? And 3) will X-Pac show up on Thursday? Granted, some are more important than others. It’s not hard to write a cohesive show especially with a committee.
Anyway that’s it for this week. E-mail me with your thoughts.
