I haven’t done this in awhile, but I am kind of upset, so let’s start with something you can do for me. I do a lot of free work for you and this week I’m going to be doing it three times instead of two, and I have something very simple to ask of you. Read my Wrestling Tale right now. I pour my God Damned heart and soul into a piece of work that manages to be compelling and funny and maybe even an accurate portrayal of two brothers from different worlds! But instead of reading that, you all read some nice guy who can’t be older then 11’s top ten list of which wrestler he’d want in backing him in a fight and about a million letter. Scott Steiner, who would have problems bending his arms to throw real punches, is #1. Personally, I would have gone with Daniel Benovitz. Before he’d fight, he’d rattle off what about 20 to 30 people had to say about his fighting style, making the enemy all bored and sluggish before the actual fight which isn’t that great anyway when all is said and done!
Nah, I’m just jealous of all the hits he gets. The man has become a sensation. Go read the Tornado DTT and then tell him what you think should be in the top ten. He’ll put it online. I don’t think there’s anything he doesn’t put online.
I’m sorry D.B. You know you’re my best friend
News!!!
REALLY, I HOLD NOTHING AGAINST DANIEL BENOVITZ
I like the kid. Really, he does the best top ten list on 411. Man, he’s never done anything to me. I’m just being a cock. He’s a talented guy and I just wish I could come up with a topic and then put ten wrestlers or matches or gimmicks in the form of a list underneath the topic.
SMACKDOWN IS VINCE’S ASS
Yep. It happens again, and this time to a girl. Vince, stop it. It’s not funny. It’s not cute. You’re going to make Scott Keith’s vain pop out of his forehead. Also, Stone Cold faces Regal in a strap match, there’s a touching reuinion, Kane and TBS face Those Wacking, I mean Wacky, Hardyz, RVD and UT set up an angle as do the Hardyz and more fun with Albert Scotty Edge Test Christian and DROZ WALKS! These were all received from second hand sources, so don’t blame me if one of these don’t come true.
PATTON CONQUERS CONNECTICUT AND
411 STAFF MEMBER WEEKLY PARODY
Vince used historical footage of General Patton during the Invasion PPV and had to pay his estate 100 grand. Here with a report is Art Martinez
Yo, my name is Art
I don’t like to fart
My favorite Simpson’s character’s name is Bart
Patton be dissing
While Regal is pissing
Defiling the dead WWF ain’t dismissing
I like to rap
I’ll rap all day
A hootie hootie HO and a hoetie hoetie HEY!
I dress like She-Ra
I dress like my ma
I run around in panties and a bra.
Thank you Art Martinez. Yeah, I was sick of that also. We got this from the torch.
OH NO. WHY ARE YOU IDIOTS WATCHING THIS CRAP?
Vince is justified for showing his bare buttox on TV again. The WWF got a 4.4 and that segment got a 5.5. Oh man. What’s wrong with you guys? Out of all of the stuff you could have watched over the two hours, why that? You should all be ashamed and sickened. It’s just not entertaining or shocking or funny. It’s just the bad kind of disgusting. Observer had the ratings. I had the opinions, but Keith had them first. Can you imagine your career, not your hobby but your whole career as an author to be dependent upon a guy who had JR’s face shoved into his bare butt a few nights ago? No wonder Keith is so bitter. I’m just kidding. I love you SK, you Silly Kangaroo.
Wow. I ain’t feeling the love today. JUNK NEWS! HUZZAH!
That whole Invasion thing? The whole Invasion idea? It was ALL KEVIN DUNN’S FAULT! The Torch had this. To complain about the poorly executed angle, you can e-mail Kevin Dunn at Widro@aol.com.
At the XWF taping, Roddy Piper had his own dressing room and trailer and kept away from the other talent. I hear he still hasn’t recovered from Morton Downey’s death from cancer which began a few years ago after someone sprayed him with a fire extinguisher. Piper brings flowers and a spare hip to Morton’s grave every day.
Rock gave an interview to TV guide. Surprisingly enough, he stays in character but talks for twenty pages about his love for Scarsdale, NY.
I’m sorry to be cryptic, but I have a measure for someone we’ll call ‘Young Man.’ ‘Young Man,’ there’s no need to feel down. ‘Young Man,’ get yourself off the ground, and just go there. I hope you understand and don’t get the abortion.
Junk News! Huzzah!
Is that it? Yeah, that’s it.
The Pluggy Mac Show
Joe Rivett wants you to be nicer to RVD and give him a manager in his Time to Take a Time for a Take for a Time to kill. It’s really good. By the way, Bobby Heanen isn’t old. He’s classic.
EC doesn’t like RAW and makes it know in his Mind Squeezin’s. Go read it or suffer the ultimate indignity of death via forced ingestion of donkey dung.
You’ll have a big love doctor thing tomorrow. Go away. I have a lot of work to do. I guess I’ll leave it up to you.
