Yes, it’s already Monday again. I’m Flea. How are you? That’s just great. Did you have a chance to read EXCESS? How about Saturday Evening Post? Not yet? Well after you are finished here, go back and do so. When the Boss walks by just hit the little “minimize†button. If you are unemployed you probably didn’t get that joke.
Come on, let’s go
FIRST OFF
The Big Japan Wrestling PPV (or It Ain’t Sumo) just ended and well I’ve done worse things with $15. I have a feeling this show may get ripped to shreads by some folks, but I ain’t gonna do that. Good effort at least to get PPV and these guys promoted the hell out of this. I question their choice of matches, even after reading the interview Brian Cole did with the guy that is running the show. “Hardcore†was selected because it’s the easiest thing for people to follow (guys killing each other, no storyline so they say) but I’m pretty sure wrestling from Japan could be better represented.
Joel “Six Times She Came Before She Told Me Her Name†Gertner and Missy ” I only came TWICE, you f*ck†Hyatt were your hosts. Joel did a pretty damn good job in his first “play by play†job, holding the thing together. Missy didn’t. And I’m being very nice in not saying that she ruined every damn match with her commentary and general attitude. I wouldn’t say something like that. I also won’t say how ragged out and skanky she looked, cause that wouldn’t be nice either. Gertner rules. Here’s what went down (heh) ..
Abdullah The Kobayashi vs. Tomokai Honma for the Big Japan Heavyweight Championship
Big man match here. Abdullah hangs around with the other Abdullah, says Joel. Honma is not very good. Many spots are missed, as in just about all. He does manage to redeem himself by being on the receiving end of a top rope-on the outside-sit down chokeslam-through a barbed wire table. Blood all over the place as the florescent light bulb in a very popular weapon of choice tonight. Abdullah does one the funniest things I’ve seen in a while: He carelessly throws a ladder outside the ring and wipes out the fans! Bringing said ladder back into the ring, he then unintentionally cracks Honma right in the head. Ha ha and OUCH! Finish comes when Honma plants a couple Drivers by TAKA on Abdullah then scales a ladder on the outside. Now, you be the judge:
Or
I say the dude blew the f*cking move. He blew everything else so, unless that’s his gimmick, why not that?
Post match speech is translated via subtitles with the word “DEATH†censored. That is too weird for words. If you have an explanation, please let me know. I’ll accept anything.
Ryuji Yamakawa vs. Kintaro Kanemura for the WEW Hardcore Championship.
Kanemura we know from ECW. Gertner does fantastic on commentary here, bringing up the time Kanemura choked him out. Missy think the ref is cute. Nothing really innovative here, but a decent match. Tables, chairs, lighbulbs, etc get used. Yamakawa takes it home with what is alledgely a Tiger Driver but I don’t think it was. Good match.
The Winger vs. Trent Acid for the CZW Junior Heavyweight Championship.
Flying around etc going on here. Big spot was Winger diving from the balcony. Only problem is he missed Acid by a mile. Acid sold it anyway, which means he rules, I think. Winger bled like a stuck pig for some reason. Pinfall reversal sequence leads to a rollup win by The Winger!! He grabs the mike and proclaims that THIS is the spirit of Big Japan. Kinda of like the stuff Tommy Dreamer use to say in ECW. Hey, who stole from who here?
Kiyoko Ichiki vs. Misae Genki for the Big Japan Women’s Championship.
Wow. This will wake you up, and how. Stiff, stiff shit. Lightbulbs a-cracking across some skulls. Barbed wire antics, including the full shot of the “It Ain’t Sumo†ad Genki has Ichiki in a Boston Crab (sort of) belly first on the barbed wire! Yikes. Ichiki is just as cute as a button until she starts getting violent. More light bulbs across the head of Genki (who in comparission, is big and butch). Blood everywhere from both participants. Ichiki finishes her off with a 360ish senton through a barbed wire table! Genki, by the way, way also covered with light tubes. Oh yeah, the moved missed, for the most part. Pinfall, even though Ichiki pulled her up at two, the ref counted to three. I think they might have gotten the International sign for “go homeâ€Â. It could have been part of a storyline but storylines don’t count here, remember? Fun match.
Shadow WX vs. Mike Samples in a Florescent Light Bulb Match.
Worst match I’ve seen in a long time. All lights are off, save the bulbs in the ring. Except when they leave the ring, I guess. Samples appears to be a poor man’s version of the Sandman. Missy cuts him to shreads the whole time, some of which was extremely cruel but very funny. Joel pretty much comes out and says he‘s writing her lines which would be cool if Missy would actually READ them! These guys do a lot of walking and very little fighting making me wonder the point of including the match on the PPV. Oops, I spoke to soon as Shadow lights HIMSELF on FIRE and tries to splash Samples through a table. That is quite possible the stupidest thing I have ever seen, including Jeff Hardy. The guy stays on fire for around 15 to 20 seconds then has the nerve to no sell the whole thing and gets back in ring. Samples finishes him off right quickly though. Man that was rotten. But THAT is why we got this match, fire RULES!~. Whatever.
Again, not a bad way to spend some dough. I would stay away from the “shock†attempts as there was a lot of “been there done that†feel to this stuff. Rumor has it there is some good shit happening in Japan. For some reason, I don’t think this was it. Joel Gertner says expect another PPV and I would not doubt it for a second. Curious to see if they stay with the “Hardcore†stuff.
I would also say get rid off Missy, but everyone else is going to say that, so why bother. Might as well keep her around, just please give her a bath and write her some notes. Thankya Verymuch.
HAVE YOU HEARD?
Scott Steiner returned to action over in England with the WWA. Looks like when can start the countdown for Big Poppa Pump. A good heel never hurts anything. When he gets healthy, he’ll
be here, so say the experts. Not so for Hall and Nash though. AGAIN we are being told that the offer is being withdrawn for their services. I will say it one more time: BULLSHIT! They will be here. We are being worked. Remember the little educational piece form last weeks Monday Edition?
The XWF has a couple of house shows lined up for December 28th and 29th in Wisconsin and Indiana. I question the sanity of ruuning the shows where it’s bound to be SNOWING but who am I to judge. I’ll be poolside providing we don’t get another ice age down here in Florida. Global warming my ass.
ANOTHER WEEK OF THIS CRAP
RAW will be in Milwaukee, WI for RAW on Monday Night JR pimped this show big time so we may get some good stuff to take us home for the PPV. I’m sure we will heat the word “VEGEANCE†about 10 thousand times. Please watch!
Tuesday will be in Chicago where Ric Flair is the MAN! to the extreme. He should get some face time as this will be the Fed’s last chance to sell us on the PPV. Unless you count EXCESS, which I do because I LOVE that show and Heat, which I don’t because I don’t watch it.
THE LINKS ARE ON ME
Speaking of EXCESS, I have a report available for all you folks that have better things to do. Be a pal and read the thing. It’s right here for you.
Carlos helps you out on the Heat side of things, right here.
Pat Brower JAKKED us around with his teaser yet again. Go check him out.
Indy News is a specialized endeavor and Nason is your man. Read his latest when you get done reading EXCESS.
Daniels has a review of the Week in Wrestling. He didn’t have much to work with but then again, yes he did. Go see him.
Also, go back and read Saturday Evening Post if you have not already done so. Thanks in advance.
It’s Eric and Grut for the rest of the week. Maybe. I’m usually the last to know.
PAGE SIX
I’m glad this week is over. With the exception of the women hardcore match this evening and BOB’s column, I can’t think of anything worthwhile that occurred in the Wrestling world or in our little Internet Wrestling Community. But then again, I’m not trying very hard right now.
OH YEAH! How could I forget? Someone made his return to the online world yesterday and you’ll never guess who was. No, not HIM! He’s dead. This target=new>guy.
As I mentioned yesterday, Honky is no longer with us. So until we get a better offer, its time for a little more education
TAKE US HOME, RSPWFAQ!
For further education, go here
How do wrestlers throw fireballs?
Through the wonders of flash paper. A substance called nitrocellulose is formed into a very brightly burning paper called flash paper. It also does this very, very quickly. When lit (usually with a lighter concealed by the referee and given to the wrestler at the appropriate time) the paper with burn rapidly and produce the dramatic flash associated with a fireball. The wrestler throws it immediately after lighting, and if timed right, it will “explode” in the other wrestlers’ face, without doing any damage.
There is minimal danger to the other wrestler. No one has ever actually been “burned” by this method of fireball throwing, to the author’s knowledge.
A more dramatic and realistic method is used in the “garbage” federations of Japan — real fire. Wrestlers will often spit a mouthful of kerosene at an open flame to produce a real fireball. But then these federations will often have entire rings of fire so they are not an important consideration to North America’s more conservative and safer fire-making.
How do wrestlers blow mist?
One of the stereotypical Japanese heel traits (in North America) is the “evil green mist” which blinds virtuous American wrestlers. Great Muta made a career of it. Here’s how you do it: Mix some food coloring in with normal water and fill a small balloon or baggie. It has to small enough to fit in your mouth. Put the baggie in your mouth and at the opportune moment, bite down on it to release the mixture. Spit it out as dramatically as needed. Try not to swallow the baggie. Sometimes the wrestler has it already in their mouth, sometimes the referee or another plant will conceal it until the proper time. Alternative method: Bulk fruit drink crystals. Put a few tablespoons of them in your mouth, spit them out at the opportune time. Looks less dramatic but produces a better “mist” effect.
How do wrestlers color their tongue?
Kool-Aid. Food coloring. Blueberry Slurpees. As any 8 year old can tell you, there are a million different things which will change your tongue weird colors. George “The Animal” Steele preferred lemon-lime Kool-Aid, by the way.
How do wrestlers hit each other with chairs without it hurting?
Depends on the chair and the wrestler.
Notice how the steel folding chair is the standard these days? That’s because the structure of those chairs allows it to absorb most of the force of the blow. You can generally whack someone over the head as hard as you like without doing much damage to the other guy. More inexperienced wrestlers will use their hands to block the chair, but in proper hands, the force of the chair directly on the head isn’t much worse. A shot to the back barely hurts at all, relatively speaking. That’s why baseball players always “turn into” a pitch thrown at them — because the back absorbs the shots almost painlessly.
Don’t be stupid enough to try it at home. Regular kitchen chairs will NOT absorb the impact and could cause serious damage to someone trying to act out a wrestling match.
Kevin Sullivan is notorious for booking matches using “breakaway” chairs made from balsa wood, which shatter on impact. This generally looks ridiculous and fake.
How do wrestlers throw powder in each others’ eyes?
Two words: Baby powder. Looks dramatic and doesn’t do a bit of damage to the eyes. Any “evil powder”, including Mr. Fuji’s ceremonial salt, is baby powder.
What is a Tiger Driver?
Also known as Ahmed Johnson’s “Pearl River Plunge”, a Tiger Driver is a double-underhook powerbomb. Place your opponent in powerbomb/piledriver position, hook both of his arms, and powerbomb him. The move was invented by Mitsuhara Misawa, the second Tiger Mask, and is thus named for him. The Great Tiger Bomb Debate has also left many announcers (most notably Mike Tenay) calling this move a “Tiger Bomb”.
[Note: The next two questions are the subject of MUCH debate in the wrestling world, so please do not consider this definitive and use it as the supporting evidence in an argument on the matter.]
What is a Liger Bomb?
Often called a “Tiger Bomb” by Joey Styles of ECW, a Liger Bomb is a powerbomb-into-pinning-combo. Powerbomb your opponent, and in mid-air, hook your legs over his shoulders as you come down. Usually results in a pin.
What is a Tiger Bomb?
Current usage of the name Tiger Bomb applies to three moves: The Tiger Driver, the Liger Bomb and the Black Tiger Bomb. The first two are as described above (and rendered into “Tiger Bomb” by a mistaken call from a wrestling announcer) while the third is Eddy Guerrero’s finisher in Japan: A slight variation on the “Outsider’s Edge”, where he turns the move into a sitdown powerbomb.
Other sources have stated this move does not exist.
What is a Tiger Suplex? What is a Dragon Suplex?
A deadly move in Japan, a Tiger Suplex is a reverse double-underhook bridge suplex. Stand behind your opponent, hook both of his arms from behind, and suplex him back, holding on for the bridge. Will almost always result in a pinfall in Japan.
The other deadly suplex is the Dragon Suplex, which is a full-nelson into a bridge suplex. Again, will almost always result in a pinfall when performed in Japan.
What is a Space Flying Tiger Drop?
The elusive Space Flying Tiger Drop is a handspring plancha. Usually done by Great Sasuke exclusively, toss your opponent to the floor, then run to the opposite side of the ring. As you come off the ropes, do a handspring (cartwheel) the length of the ring, and then backflip over the top rope, onto your opponent. Takes incredible timing on the part of both guys.
What is a backdrop driver? How come no one else uses it?
In Japan, a backdrop is what we call a belly-to-back suplex here in North America. The backdrop driver is Steve Williams’ finisher in Japan, whereby he executes a backdrop, and drops the opponent right on his head instead of his shoulders. It is an insane bump to take and can result in a broken neck if not done absolutely correctly by the person being driven. Hence, it is not done in North America.
What is the difference between a tope and a plancha?
In 1996, the mexican terms “tope” and “plancha” were transported to North America by Joey Styles, Jim Ross and Mike Tenay in order to bring a more authentic and professional feel to calling the matches. However, two years later, they have completely lost their original meaning and are now pretty much interchangeable with regards to what we see here in North America. Any dive over or through the ring ropes, to the floor can safely be called either a tope or plancha. Techinically, a tope is a dive from a standing position on the top rope to an opponent on the floor, while a plancha is a dive from a running position through the ropes to an opponent on the floor. Most announcers simply call everything a plancha for simplicity’s sake.
What is a tope con hilo?
Tope is a dive, “con hilo” is “on a thread” in Spanish, so it is literally a “dive on a thread.”, supposedly meaning that the wrestler is suspended on a thread from the heavens. Commonly called “Air Juvy” as practiced by Juventud Guerrera, the wrestler tosses his opponent to the floor, then runs from the opposite side of the ring and dives over the top rope, without touching the ropes, and lands on his opponent. A mid-air somersault is often added for extra effect.
What is an Asai moonsault?
Originated by Yoshihiro Asai (El Ultimo Dragon), the idea behind it is fairly simple. Opponent is on the floor, you are on the ring apron. Jump onto the second rope and backflip off, onto your opponent. Add a somersault or mid-air twist for extra effect. Also known as a quebrada in Mexico.
What is a urinage?
Another term only now becoming common because of the influence of mixed martial arts, a urinage (pronounced yur-in-a-jee) is a shoulder throw. Two examples are the “T-Bone Tazplex” or Rocky Maivia’s “Rock Bottom”. It is not a suplex as such, because the move is started by holding onto the opponent’s shoulders rather than the waist.
What is an enzuigiri?
The easiest description is “Owen Hart’s kick to the head.” A kick to the back of the opponent’s head from a standing position. Or any kick to the back of the head, for that matter. Also called a “Ghetto Blaster” and used as a finishing move by Bad News Brown.
What’s the difference between “reverse” and “inverted”?
Think of it this way: Reverse refers to the motion of the move, while inverted refers to the position of the wrestlers. Or at least in theory. This rarely holds true in the “real world” however, as announcers call things on the fly and forced to make up a name on the spot. A DDT, for instance, is a standard move, and if the opponent is facing up instead of down during the move, it’s inverted. But a suplex done the same way is called “reverse”. It should technically be called an “inverted suplex”. A reverse suplex would be the move known as the gourdbuster, where the opponent is driven face-first instead of on their back.
As always, use your own judgment.
Thanks for reading THE MONDAY EDITION, I’m Flea.
