My God. So much news. So much to do. So tired. So sick. Must report news in somewhat humorous fashion. Must get to it ugh.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Instead of reporting the news, Joshua Grut has died. Wait, not died, but become violently ill. Oh, he just sneezed. He’s okay. Sorry. He promises to put almost no effort into this tonight.
News!!!
AND IT SEEMS TO ME YOU SPENT YOUR CAREER LIKE A BURRITO IN THE WIND
Remember all those guys I reported fired? Add Essa Rios to the list. It’s weird, but he never really recovered from losing Lita to the Hardyz. Once she left, the fans just seemed to stop caring. I bet that if Essa had learned English the WWF would have given him a high profile feud with D-Lo in the OVW. Instead, Essa is fired. It’s unfair! It’s wrong! It’s bad! It’s from WWF.com.
Also, Jericho stole the red hair from Essa. They had potential heat! Well, the WWF killed that angle.
JUNK NEWS! HUZZAH!
See how little I’m trying? We’re already at Junk News. All this comes from the newsboard. You can find the proper links and credit there.
The WWF is going to films some public service announcements for the troops. The superstars who will film the announcements will be Vince McMahon’s ass and Jazz.
A lot of news from Ashish today, who officially has found his smile. Congratulations Ashish. Let’s see what he has:
Triple H is not being rushed back. Val Venis and D-Lo and Bull Buchanan may be back on tv soon. Mike Sanders may be brought in as a gay character. WWF is going to lose money and be sued over stocks. Other stuff. I need to puke. Go to the newsboard. I just threw up. I know that it doesn’t seem like minutes to you, but it is. Anyway, whatever. Watch me get lazier tonight.
Junk News! Huzzah!
CUT AND PASTE PICK O THE WEEK!
WWA Report – Wembley Arena, London
The show was late starting off but when it finally did we where presented with a highlight package which
really impressed me. The Steel cage match in Australia looked really brutal.
Jeremy Borash introduced himself and Konnan. The crowd was eager for the show to begin. Bret Hart’s music hit and he came out to the pop of the night. He cut a promo about Rock, Austin and Benoit never beating him. Said Vince McMahon was a piece of shit and that the British fans where the best there is, best there was and best there ever will be.
(1) Psicosis pinned Juvi
Nothing special from either of these guys. They got the crowd alive but could have done so much better.
Scott Steiner’s music hit and he came out with Midajah, he cut a very heated promo and demanded a
title match later that night. After he assaulted a “plant” fan with a chair he posed and went out to the
back.
(2) Gangrel bt Luna.
Imagine how bad this match could be, then double it and you’ll be close. It stunk. Luna has a big butt and
not in the J-Lo sense. Gangrel won with a DDT.
(3) Buff Bagwell bt Stevie Ray.
Buff came down saying he was going to get us all on television and asked we cheered as he did his lame
posing. Stevie Ray came out to a chorus of boos and went to his Heels 101 textbook for generating heat, he
insulted London. Damn him and his huge gut.
This match was a lot longer than it should have been and featured way to many rest holds. Stevie used a
foreign object that looked like a cross between a fish and dildo to score the pin. Then the Ref saw the dilfish and ordered the match continue with Buff scoring the pin. Thankfully it was over.
(4) Grand Masta Sexay bt Disco Inferno.
I didn’t have very high hopes for this match all but was pleasantly surprised. Both guys worked the crowd
excellently.
Grand Masta wins with a Hip Hop Drop and then invites Konnan, Borash and a teenage fan in the ring to dance with him and the Ref. Crowd was going crazy and I honestly don’t know why, it was embarrassingly bad.
Whilst the dancing is proceeding Disco gets back in the ring and tries to join in the dancing and receives
a battering and is thrown out the ring by GMS and Borash. GMS gets on the mic and informs Disco he not
only sucks but he also swallows. At this point Steiner charges from out the back and clears the ring.
He lays into GMS with a pipe and applies the Steiner Recliner, he calls out Bret Hart and demands a title
match.
Bret comes out to another huge pop and says Big Poppa Pump can have his title match in a three-way dance with Jeff Jarrett and Road Dogg.
Intermission, I have to wait 10 minutes in line to pee. Life rules.
(5) Konnan and Nathan Jones beat The West Hollywood Blondes Lenny & Lodi.
After the break Disco was on colour commentary. He asked if the fans had come to see him dance. They
replied WHAT! This was genuinely funny as every single thing he said was followed by WHAT! He kept repeating his self and really got into it. I’ve never been a huge fan of his before but after tonight I’m a Disco
mark. He’s a wasted talent, get him on Smackdown instead of Tazz, he has so much charisma as a heel
that it’s unbelievable.
Lenny and Lodi come out and really play up the gay gimmick. The match is nothing special and The West
Hollywood Blondes have to carry Nathan Jones for much of the match. Konnan isn’t in much and when he was failed to impress. The match ended when Jones choke slammed Lodi and Lenny one after the other and pinned both of them at same time.
(6) Norman Smiley w/Father bt Crowbar in a Hardcore Tables match.
A solid match. Crowbar looked great and worked really hard, he deserves a shot with a WWF developmental group. Norman the home town boy was escorted to ringside by his father. It was the usual hardcore nonsense and finished when Norman power bombed Crowbar through a table.
After the match Smiley dad used a garbage can to hit Crowbar and then father and son did the big wiggle.
Happy happy joy joy.
(7) Jeff Jarrett bt Road Dogg and Scott Steiner.
All three guys got a great reaction. Started off with Steiner and Jarrett both double teaming on Road Dogg
who eventually fought them off with his punches. Steiner soon took control and dominated with suplex’s.
Whilst Jarrett was tied up in the corner ropes the Steiner Recliner was applied to Road Dogg. Before Road
Dogg could submit out came Grand Masta Sexay who hit Steiner in the head with a pipe.
At this point Midajah entered the ring and was grabbed by GMS who bent her over and spanked her. Steiner recovered and began brawling with GMS who went out to the back leaving just Jarrett and Road Dogg.
The match goes downhill from here ad the crowd begins to die. There are a few nearfulls and then Jarrett hits Road Dogg with the guitar for a predictable finish. As Jarrett is displaying his title Bret Hart comes out. Since the Ref didn’t see the cheating he applies Jarrett in a Sharpshooter for the pop of the night. Even though the heel won the crowd goes home happy..
All in all a great show with only a few low points. For me Disco and Steiner stole the show and I’d love
to see both in WWF very soon. When WWA comes back in May I’ll be there.
– Jimmy Reject of RandomWrestling.org. I deleted the cheers and jeers thing. Go there for the cheers and jeers thing..
WHAT I LIKED ABOUT SMACKDOWN
The main event, except the ending. UT’s hair cut. Other crap. That’s it. Plugs love doctor go home. I am so sick.
pluuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGS!
Say the above like Kirk says Kahn. It’s still not funny!
Have your MIND SQUEEZED HERE! Unless of course you’d rather have your body hurt then your mind. Then you should join a FIGHT CLUB! Where do you find this Fight Club? ASK 411! If 411 makes fun of you, you can tell 411, “You’re THE MEANest person I’ve ever met! TIME FOR A TAKE! THE MAIN EVENT! THE MARK UP! Good enough. That’ll do.
LDJSG
Love Doctor Grut:
Serious problem: I have a knock-out girlfriend. Heck, she herself has a girlfriend and they both have sex. Mostly with each other. At first it was pretty cool, they would let me watch, then eventually I started
joining in. All fun and games till they started treating me like a tool!!!!! I can’t take it much more, it’s starting to hurt, dammit !!! See, it got all shriveled-up just thinking about it. Thus here I sit at home plugging away at the keyboard, sending out an electronic S.O.S.. Hoping they decide to stay over at her friends house and not come here. Winding-up with two damn nymphos is a sad realistic ending to a naive
dream I used to have of being in a threesome with a blond and a cute asian girl. Oh the horror the horror. Please help. It’s shriveling up again.
I just want a normal woman.
I’m too sick to deal with these people. Dump her and date a nerd. Trust me.
Enjoy Flea. I’m sorry. I need sleep.
