Ow! I jammed my finger when somebody threw me a basketball. Remember that for tomorrow.
News!!!
JUNK NEWS! HUZZAH!
Stacey and Torrie are going to go with Howard Stern and some of his boys to a strip club. They look forward to seeing Mr. Bischoff and his wife again.
Bob and Co. report that Rick Steiner has been signed by the XWF to work shows in Port Huron, Toledo and Battle Creek. Wow! Welcome back to the big time Rick.
Heat did a 1.2, the replay did a 0.4 and Excess did a 0.8 rating. It is being reported that Carlos and Pat Brower were the only people to watch Jakked. That was from Bob also.
Sex with animals is still illegal. Keep sending in those letters!
Junk news! Huzzah!
RAW SCORES STRONG RATING. ALLY McBEAL TO STEAL TALENT AND GIVE AWAY WWF MAIN EVENT INFO.
411 WRITER WEEKLY PARODY
Raw did a 4.7 with a 4.3 in the first hour and a 5.0 in the second hour. Here with a commentary is Ben Morse.
Thank you, Joshua. Aristotle said a bunch of stuff. Blah blah blah Politics. Blah blah blah Plato sucks. Blah blah blah I like having sex with other Greek men. He also said there is a mean to everything or something, so I do it like Aristotle. Mark and smark. You know the deal. This week, we examine the Raw rating.
THE MARK: 4.3.
THE SMARK: 5.0.
THE MEAN: 4.7.
This has been Ben Morse.
Thanks Ben! Insightful as always.
THE WWF: IT AIN’T SUMO
The WWF may be planning a show in Japan according to the Observer.
NO!
I’m sorry for the interruption. The WWF may hold a show in the Yokohama Arena on March 1st, 2002.
OVER MY DEAD BODY!
Listen, It Ain’t Sumo Banner Ad, your guys aren’t the only people who can wrestle in Japan.
WE ARE! IT MUST BE SO! JAPANESE HARDCORE WRESTLING IS HARDER THEN HARDCORE AND WE SHALL KILL ALL INTRUDERS! Except for Tajiri. He shall be welcomed home by his abandoned wife and mistress. They and they alone shall kill the wench Torrie.
Thank you. The It Ain’t Sumo Ad everyone!
HOGAN AND STING IN TALKS TO JOIN XWF! In reaction to the news, Rick Steiner barks like a dog
1Bob reports that Hogan and Sting are in talks to join the XWF. I thought Hogan owned it. I thought Sting retired. I thought headliners like Buff Bagwell and Hacksaw Jim Duggan were doing fine. Oh well. I honestly could give a crap about the XWF. That WWA thing looks much more interesting. That tour really came together well from what I read.
DOWN YOUR SMACK WITH A BOTTLE OF RUM
I really go out of my way to avoid major spoilers. Don’t bitch.
Regal Angle face Ass Edge, Tajiri faces Crash Holly with post match shenanigans, the non evil Hardy faces Test, Lance Storm gets another chance, Vince insults firemen (real smart), the CD’s face T.A.S. (try to figure that one out if you haven’t read the spoilers), the evil Hardy faces the Big White One, Stone Cold and Booker T. go shopping and RRVD face JUT. Enjoy.
Is that it? Maybe not, but I have another night tomorrow.
I AIN’T HAPPY, I’M PLUGGING GLAD
Gamble tells us what the World is According to Him and brings us part one of The Mark Up series finale. I’m going to miss those kids who didn’t really know how to write well.
Ken Anderson inspired me this week with his Over the Edge ’99 report. Read it now and remember. Don’t like what he has to say? Tough. It’s well written and a fair review of the show.
What is love? Baby don’t ask me. Don’t ask me. No more. What is love? Baby don’t ask me. Just Ask 411 OH HO! OOOOOOOH OH OH OH OH! OH OH OH OH OH! OOOOH HOOOO!
If my readers are to be believed, I returned to the quality you were used to with my earlier A Wrestling Tale’s with I Killed Owen Hart. Read it and then send me your favorite memory of Owen. Nobody is sending in Love Doctor questions anymore, so I’m done. Instead, tomorrow I’ll publish your favorite Owen Memories.
Let’s end with a new thing I like to call:
ME AND FLEA! (I’m VPJG. He’s Ryder Fakin.)
VPJG: Flea! How are you?
Ryder Fakin: good enough for me…wazzup
VPJG: Not much. How’s your life going?
Ryder Fakin: it’s christmas and it’s the most wornderful time of the year, Mr. Grutman. Oh sorry. Ryder Fakin: happy hanakah
VPJG: That’s okay. I’m not shy about my name. The holiday season is a lovely time of the year. It’s Hanukah, but I guess the goyem don’t take the time to learn the proper spelling. I’m not insulted.
VPJG: Merry Chrissmas.
Ryder Fakin: i can’t spell yamaka either, so thanks. Goy is not bad. Cause i can’t spell kefelta fish as well. thanks why it’s retitled X-MAS. like x-box. Six Dgrees of Bill Gates Achin.
VPJG: Oh! Anyway, what do you think of Chris Jericho as champion?
VPJG: No, wait, I have a better question.
VPJG: Why won’t you return my calls?
Ryder Fakin: cause you don’t have my phone number and therefore can’t call, genius
VPJG: So much for playing along. I was trying to make this thing funny!
Ryder Fakin: are we still on?….I didn’t return your calls because i have been way way to busy. I apologize.
VPJG: It’s too late now!
VPJG: The whole thing is ruined.
Ryder Fakin: fer what?
VPJG: I try to be innovative, and you ruin it!
Ryder Fakin: are you high again?
VPJG: You know what? Just forget it. Forget the whole damned thing. You ruin everything Flea!
Everything! Talk to you again next week.
Ryder Fakin: tell me how “On Excess, you should turn Coach into a Beaver!”…yeah…good one
Well, that’s it for today. Send in your Owen Memories for tomorrow. It’ll be all sad and stuff.
