Saturday Evening Post 12.15.01

You’re on invalidation isn’t living your own life.

Vicarious existence is a f*cking waste of time

– Axl Rose, Don’t Damn Me

Happy Weekend. It’s Flea coming atcha once again as we move closer and closer to the end of the year. Doesn’t it feel like we were partying like it’s 1999 just yesterday? And have you done your Holiday Shopping yet? No? What the hell is wrong with you? Do not wait until the last minute. Ah, do whatever you want. If you want to get ME a gift, I have the perfect suggestion located in the report below.

By the way, I tell my kid X-Mas is on the 28th so I can get her gifts at the half price after X-Mas sales. She’s smartened up to wrestling but I can still get away with this, at least for one more year. I suggest you try this if you have youngins.

Let’s get to it .

TOP STORY

Tough choice today between Some Other Guy’s title win followed up with a SmackDown job to RVD ( Har Har and Har) and the whole hazing issue, which has thrown the net into a tizzy. I think I can get more mileage out of the hazing story so here we go.

As you have read, former ref Billy Silverman spilled his guts about alleged (ALLEGED) incidents of hazing that take place in the WWF locker rooms. Silverman experienced some “harassment” when he upgraded to first class and then had to..

Aw, f*ck it. You know the story. I’m gonna talk about the reactions around the net. It seems as this whole thing has jump-started the pissing contest between the usual suspects Dave (yes him, not the smart one) and BOB vs. Keller and his band of goons. Not to mention the Message Board Madness that has ensued. BOB and Dave are even saying that their own WRITERS are shit suckers if they do not fall in line and go along with the “WWF is evil and this must be STOPPED STOPPED STOPPED.” The other side of the coin is yes, although hazing does occur, most times it is warranted and in the long run no one gets hurt and it makes everyone involved better people.

Each of the above are valid points but in the end, who really cares? What happens in the WWF locker rooms is not my concern and should not be the concern of anyone not currently employed by the Fed. All this is showing me is a bunch of people are trying to live vicariously through the rumors and innuendos of some pissed off ex-employees and the good ol “unnamed source.” Silverman has (or had) been in the business for many many years. You mean to tell me he had never witnessed, been part of or been subjected to any of this until he met the evil “Bradshaw?” Bullshit. And everyone of these people wrapped up in this story are buffoons for even going along with any of this. THIS is why I miss WCW the most. If they were still around we could be talking about cool shit like how much of a moron Russo is and how Nash is holding eveyone down. Ah, the good ol days.

But Flea?, you say. What if a bunch of lawyers get hold of this and take the WWF to court for sexual harassment? That could mean the end of the WWF? What would we do?

– Ha! Vince is bulletproof, as much so as O.J. Ain’t nothing going to happen. Nobody takes wrestling serious anyways cept the Internet Wrestling Community.

But Flea?, you persist. What about the poor souls that have to go through this treatment? What about them? What about Raven?

– Their choice to be there and it should not have that much of an affect on your life. Remember, we are only FANS (some of us anyway), we are not employees. Are folks just as worried that customers at the McDonald’s drive thru just got “special sauce” put on their Big Mac’s by a disgruntled, drunk cook with nothing better to do? Of course not. As long as it ain’t YOU don’t worry about it. Same goes for hazing incidents in the WWF.

Regarding Raven, the same sources that are judging the WWF’s behavior have also spread the rumor that Raven would not be opposed to a little “shower lovin’ from the boys” himself. That should tell you something right there.

So take Axl’s advice folks. Live your own life and do not live through the lives of others. And if I see another comment about how “tough” someone is for having experienced “hazing” in their own lives, I’m gonna puke. You f*cks are the same bunch that cry like babies over what Netcop, Eric S. and The Rick write. Jerk-offs. And dat is dat.

HEADLINES

In real news, the WWF had reported that OVW developmental talent Russ Hass has in his sleep at the age of 27. He had problems with his heart over the last several months but was very close to returning according to JR. Eulogies on WWF programming may or may not occur. Correct me if I’m wrong (and I’m not in the mood to go look this up) but wasn’t he one of the Dupp Brothers from ECW as well? I do remember seeing the Hass Brothers in dark matches last year when the Fed came to town. Condolences to someone much to young to die.

Also in the Fed’s minor leagues, it appears Rikishi went ape-shit the other night on Russ McCollough after allegedly getting punched in the eye for real (McC did NOT stomp his foot on the mat, sources say). In retaliation, Rikishi sat on the dude (HA! HA!) and then clobbered him all stiff like with a chair. No action will be taken on Rikishi because (a) most involved said McC deserved it and (2) that dude is getting released anyway. Besides the Fed always has a place for big fat guys that can dance and shove their asses in people’s face. Providing he is not TOO FAT and is properly “conditioned”, BY GAWD!

Hey! Good segue into

THE ROSS SAYS THIS

In the latest Ross Report, Good Ol went over the standard laundry list of injuries. Regal had nose surgery to remove all the blood capsules he has been using lately. HHH is slated to return 1.4.02 in house show action (don’t hold your breath). Test copied DDP and went and chipped a tooth. Edge has PLENTY of teeth but did not damage them – he hurt his arm pointing at someone’s hip or something.

Ugh. Here is a direct quote from JR: Russ Haas will be seeing a cardiologist next Tuesday for an evaluation. His situation seems to have cleared up, but Ross said they want to be “doubly and triply” sure.

Spooky, in retrospect.

JR thinks Some Other Guy is doing good so far. He also says the HBK still gets good gas mileage and that Big Show is still a big fat bastard. Damn, they just won’t lay off him, will they?

According to JR and the Fed’s standards RVD is not quite the “Whole Fucking Show” just yet. He is more like the match just after the one where you went to piss and get a beer: Nothing spectacular but you feel pretty good about it being freshly relieved and a little buzzed. Look for big things from RVD if he gets his shit together, says Good Ol.

And here it is folks. With the net reeling from all this hazing bullshit, JR took the time out of his schedule to rip the Internet Wrestling Community a new asshole for their attitude and rumor-mongering. Oh boy, watch the EGOS EXPLODE! What was really funny was the reaction to this line:

It is interesting that, out of all the reports that I’ve read, no one has called my office to get an official statement. No one has called where they should call — our communications department, Gary Davis and Jayson Bernstein

Oh, watch the Internet Wrestling Community go BONKERZ because when they do call, all they get is “no comment” or a “none of your business”. Go figure. The Fed don’t want us to know what’s going on. I say all these people with the “inside sources” reveal who the “sources” actually are. Of course they CAN’T because that person just might get fired. Nice position to be in ain’t it? A critic who can’t handle criticism and always has an “out” or “explanation” for irresponsible behavior. But Hey! JR acknowledged our existence so we bad, we bad, we bad. Aw f*ck this bullshit.

RADIO GA GA

Many of today’s wrestlers choose to express their opinions and gripes on various radio programs, be it the standard AM/FM stations or the up and coming Internet talk shows. Here is a run down on who said what

Jerry Lawler was the guest on Byte This. Go check out E.C. when the report becomes available.

Jimmy Hart was on the radio promoting the XWF and crowing about how Vince still remembers him. See, Vince got Lawler back cause Hart was able to finagle the deal. So it’s HIM we have to blame. Now I know.

Lita was back around to let us know what’s going on with her. She’s single, travels all the time, plays “bass” (I will go out on a ledge and say that is the musical instrument, not the fish or the she-male Nicole.) She also cringes at some of the bumps Jeff Hardy takes. Yeah, but it ain’t like she is getting that idiot psychological counseling. Some friend.

Light week for the radio stuff. Of course the real goody was Silverman. Hopefully he does a follow-up to take his foot out of his mouth before a boot ends up his ass.

ROLL THE DICE

The WWA is going to the land of PPV in Las Vegas in February. This is the group that has been tearing up the English countryside with such luminaries as Bret Hart, Jeff JE-(HA HA) DOUBLE R( HA HA) E DOUBLE T(HA HA), Scott Steiner, Road Dogg, and Disco Inferno. Seems as this group will also try to lock the talent into contracts to keep them from jumping around to other companies. I thought this was cool but really no that big of a deal until I surfed over to Da Meltz’s site, where Dave (and yes, THIS is the smart Dave, for those of you who have asked) goes off BIG TIME on the monetary esoteric ramifications of the PPV universe. Since Eyada shut down, I forgot how much I missed his commentary, seeing as his website is nothing but a tease for his newsletter. Good Stuff, go read it.

And if you want to give me something for X-Mas, the Observer would be perfect. That way I can be like the schmucks who do columns based on the newsletter vs. having to visit 6 or 7 websites for column content. Let me know if you can hook me up. If not, I understand. According to the paper, people do not have that much money right now.

IN OTHER WORDS

Now available on 411

Scott Keith has his SmarkDown Report available. God forbid the WWF take the title off Some Other Guy or Netcop’s head might explode. Anyway, go read him.

Joe Rivett research about the failure of the Invasion angle has come to this conclusion: Blame E.C. Ostermeyer!!!!!!!!! strike that. Blame E.C.W!!!!!!!! ..witness Joe try to back up that statement right here.

Nason has some Indy News for you in the Saturday Indy Report. Find out first hand that there is more to wrestling than the WWF.

And a first class, Gomer Pyle THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to Grut for plugging that freak Art Martinez and his rhyming. When I checked the sight and saw the burn out’s new “Lyrical Stunt” was up, chills went down my spine knowing I would have to promote his herb-induced stylings. Read him at your own risk. And don’t get high!

HEY! Wake up out there! Now is your big chance! You, yes YOU can DESIGN A T-SHIRT FOR 411! I read over the fine print and all you have to do is come up with something original and it may be used when we get around to selling shit here. As an employee I do not think I am eligible nor was I even consulted on this. I would have gone with the “sweater vest” vs. a t-shirt, but that’s just me. So put your thinking caps on a do some DESIGNIN~!. Fame and Glory awaits! Don’t look for any dough, though. Chump.

Come back tomorrow around noon for my EXCESS Report. The one and only HBK will be there and hopefully will f*ck Trish on camera. RATINGS, BABY! Anyway, if he does, I’ll do play by play, just because I LOVE EXCESS!

PAGE SIX

With the exception of the DVD Top 500, my favorite “props and awards” is the RSPW awards tallied and published by CRZ over at slashwrestling. These awards go way back to the days before everybody had a website and is a good gauge of the pulse of the “smart” crowd, so to speak.

Big winners this year were Austin, Benoit and the WWF in general. Big losers were Angle (who got screwed by Benoit worshippers), Buff Bagwell (who received the rewards reserved exclusively for Hogan for many many years) and anyone who hates the WWF. No japs, no indys no lucha. It’s Vince’s world now, folks.

Anyway, go check it out, especially if you have never done so before. Just remember to pack a lunch cause’s it’s one long mutha. Mad props to CRZ for having the patience and dedication to do this. Although he is the guy that transcribes EVERY FUCKING DETAIL in his recaps so I should not be surprised.

Here’s the link, in case you don’t know the place.

This has been Saturday Evening Post and I’m Flea.