A Wrestling Tale 12.29.01: The Moving Violation Is Not Just A Traffic Citation

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The Moving Violation is not just a traffic citation. The Moving Violation is a persona that lives deep down inside of Pat Burns. The Moving Violation was everything that Pat Burns was not, everything that Pat Burns wanted to be. This is the story of The Moving Violation.

Pat Burns lacked confidence in himself before The Moving Violation came to exist. His friends would make fun of him for being fat, even though he was only kind of chubby. The reason his friends made fun of him about it was because they knew how much it got under his skin. Pat knew that his friends were only making the comments because they got under his skin, but under his skin the got anyway. He felt fat. He felt unattractive and overcompensated for his feelings of somewhat self-hatred by doing weird things. We won’t talk about the weird things he did, but he did them nevertheless. Well, I will mention that he showed his balls from time to time without provocation.

Pat Burns had a problem expressing himself. He didn’t speak with confidence, like he believed what he was saying. He spoke sotto voce, with a soft voice. When his silence did not erupt into loud noise through his odd things, you wouldn’t even notice that he was in the room. He was a member of the Greek Chorus in the lives of his friends who would turn into the scary comic relief from time to time. Maybe he believed that he had to take out his balls or he would disappear entirely.

Pat Burns loved wrestling. Pat Burns loved the Rock. The Rock didn’t take crap from anyone. The Rock got what he wanted without having to give anything in return. The Rock didn’t ask for anything, he demanded it. Millions of people hung onto the Rock’s every last word. Sometimes when he was alone in his room, Pat Burns would say the Rock’s lines to himself. Well let me tell you this. The Rock says this. The Rock is going to lay the Smackdown on your candy ass. The Rock was the spotlighted egomaniac who every guy secretly wants to be. The Rock would never disappear. The Rock was good.

One day after school, Pat Burns took out his balls and chased his friends around. They barely noticed. It wasn’t having the same effect that it once had. Pat Burns looked down at his hand and grimaced as it faded away to nothing.

Pat Burns hung out with the theater crowd. No, he wasn’t gay. He just hung out with the theater crowd. They were nice people, and the girls were hot. However, he barely had anything to do with the shows and the theater crowd, while accepting him, didn’t really acknowledge him. He was there but he wasn’t. One day, after a show, Pat Burns went out to a diner with the actors and actresses. He tried to get involved in a conversation, but nobody really listened to what he had to say. Pat Burns’ other hand disappeared.

Pat Burns began to fade away. It is the scariest thing in the world to not be acknowledged, to be a supporting player in your own life. It is so frightening when no one you care about seems to care back. People do desperate things. People let things grow inside of them. People let personas grow inside of them.

The Moving Violation began sometime during Pat Burns’ senior year, sometime around wintertime. Pat Burns had desperately tried to end the fading, and in doing so had secured a small part in the play The Crucible. Being on stage gave him some recognition, but he was only one of many actors with small parts in the play. He was not a star, never felt like a star, never believed that he would be a star. Most of Pat Burns had faded away by now, and he was basically just a floating head. No one really noticed. After the performance of the play, about 50 people crammed into a small diner, taking up most of the tables, making noise the way that high school kids will. The owner, having other people in the diner who did not appreciate the ruckus caused by 50 loud high school students, went nuts. He started to yell at the students, “Be quiet! This is my restaurant!” The owner went over to one student who was causing the same amount of noise as the others and said, “You! Get out! Too much noise! Too much!”

The rage built up inside of Pat Burns. It was the rage of being ignored, the rage of being one of the many students yelled at by the owner, the rage of being who he was. Pat Burns stood up and approached the owner. With great anger the owner turned towards Pat Burns and screamed, “YOU! OUT!” The Moving Violation was born.

“HOW ABOUT YOU GET THE FUCK OUT, DICK?”

The Moving Violation got right in the owner’s face in front of about 50 students. His body suddenly reappeared. As The Moving Violation talked to the owner, he got closer and closer as the owner bent farther and farther back. The Moving Violation was spitting in the owner’s face as he spoke.

“YOU’RE A FUCKING DICK! YOU’RE ABOUT TO LOSE ALL OF THIS BUSINESS RIGHT NOW, AND BECAUSE OF WHAT? BECAUSE 50 KIDS WANT TO COME IN HERE AND HAVE SOME FUN?”

The Moving Violation was about to break the owner’s nose when somebody grabbed The Moving Violation and dragged him outside. The other students followed and there was a low chant that started as a joke but then built up. “Pat Burns. Pat Burns! Pat Burns!” Soon, all 50 of the students there were chanting his name. That wasn’t Pat Burns in there though. Although this new person whom everyone knew and everyone cheered for did not yet have a name, he was definitely not Pat Burns. Pat Burns had been called a violator for showing his balls to people among other things. He had violated from time to time, but as a person he had stood in place. Now he was moving. The violator in him would be known as The Moving Violation. Maybe it wasn’t the best thought process to come up with a name, but it was a thought process.

The Moving Violation spoke with confidence. The Moving Violation spoke with pride. The Moving Violation sounded suspiciously like the Rock. Soon, he was saying, “The Moving Violation says this ” If he didn’t watch wrestling, Pat Burns believes that the persona would have come about anyway but without the Rock influence.

Most of his friends just thought it was funny. The Freshmen and Sophomores loved it. Some of the people who had already hated Pat Burns hated The Moving Violation so much more. The Moving Violation fed off of all of the reactions to him equally, because at least it was a reaction. They noticed him and cared about what he did.

The Moving Violation would walk into a room where people he knew were chilling out. Without looking at anyone in particular, The Moving Violation would ask the crowd of people, “WHAT’S MY NAME?”

If someone enjoyed it, they’d say, “THE MOVING VIOLATION!” If someone hated it, they’d say, “The Moving Violation, Pat. Happy?”

The Moving Violation would then say, “WHAT DO I DO?”

If someone was into it, they’d respond, “YOU VIOLATE PEOPLE!” If someone just wanted it to end, they’d say, “You violate people.” That was his routine. That was The Moving Violation’s routine.

Sometimes The Moving Violation would pick someone at random and jump on them and ride them while shouting inspirational slogans. When a friend of his was going to drop out of school, The Moving Violation chased him down, jumped on top of him and began to ride him while yelling, “DON’T BE STUPID! STAY IN SCHOOL! THE MOVING VIOLATION SAYS TO STAY IN SCHOOL!” It got Pat Burns in trouble, but The Moving Violation didn’t get into trouble. He did what he wanted when he wanted and didn’t have to suffer any of the consequences.

The Moving Violation began to work out. The Moving Violation began to lose weight.

The Moving Violation viewed women as sluts. They all wanted him, no matter what they said. He was the best damn person is the whole damn world. The sluts didn’t want him? IT DIDN’T MATTER IF THE SLUTS DIDN’T WANT HIM! The Moving Violation hooked up with more women than Pat Burns ever did.

One day, the Moving Violation was gone. He just disappeared. It happened gradually, but it’s always sudden when someone goes away. As The Moving Violation dropped the weight, Pat Burns began to build more confidence. The better parts of the Moving Violation became a part of Pat Burns over time, and soon Pat Burns just didn’t need The Moving Violation anymore. Pat Burns was now good looking. He was funny. He was noticed and liked by some, noticed and hated by others. Pat Burns had done what do many of us wish we could do when he became the exact opposite of who he was for a time. He became the person he wanted to be while still maintaining his own identity and grew as a human being because of it. Today, Pat Burns is on his way to becoming a successful actor. He still craves the attention that he received as The Moving Violation and still has some of the same confidence, but he doesn’t view women in the same way. He realized what was wrong with his persona and came up with a new one, Burny Love, to correct his problems with women.

It seems to me, the one person who never let The Moving Violation talk to me, the one person who wanted to talk with Pat Burns, that Pat Burns is not hiding behind personas. Rather, he is inventing and discarding them based upon the person who he most wants to be. Once he had taken from the persona what he needs to be a better person, he goes back to being Pat Burns. He is not the Rock. He is not a smooth operator. He is neither, and he is both. He’s my friend Pat. I can’t hope for any more.