The Monday Edition 12.31.01

Hello out there and Happy New Year (almost). I’m Flea and today’s Monday Edition will deal with the latest happenings in the wrestling world! Or that was the idea going in truth is not much is happening as everyone is gearing up for the 1.7.02 show. I can’t wait until next week when not only do I have so cool shit being laid down but I think there should be a pay per view preview for the WWA. I think. I haven’t heard a thing since early in the week. I will keep my fingers crossed.

But I do have a whale of stuff for you today! Thanks for joining me and try not to be too much of a drunk prick tonight.

Come on, let’s go

FIRST OFF

Where do we start today? For the second week in a row I’m kinda stuck as no new developments are taking place. You guys know about the impending return of Big Daddy Cool and the jury is still out if the Internet Wrestling Community’s New year’s Resolution will be: “Hey, let me just kick back and check out what’s going on from now until Wrestlemania before I rip the Fed a new asshole about

· Kevin Nash is a power hungry, lazy no working piece of shit who has more luck than O.J. Simpson. Imagine! This is the second time in his career where his timing has been PERFECT to be in high demand and contract-sinign’ ready when a major shake-up is needed.

· HHH is coming back when the glass ceiling has been shattered and will regain control by holding down all the young and upcoming talent.

· X-Pac, HBK and Hall are primed to reform the Kliq with the two backstage politicians above and will rule the Fed with an iron fist concerning angles and pushes.

· Poor Some Other Guy is going to get screwed like a $10 whore on the receiving end of a whisky dick by all these power hungry, self serving pricks.

And so on and so forth ..

For some reason I doubt that resolution will come to fruition but I will be optimistic here.

So in lieu of an actual FIRST OFF news story I will appeal to your better nature to start the New Year off with no preconceived notions and just sit back and let the Fed provide some entertainment.

And while you are using that better nature

I will be the first in your Ferris Wheel of “News Reporters” to ask your help and appeal to your generosity.

“Hey Flea” you say “What the hell are you talking about?”

Well, the fine folks here at 411 have used their creativity to bring you at item that will NO DOUBT change the way you feel about yourself and how others feel about you.

An item that will revolutionize merchandising in the Internet Wrestling Community! An item that will turn the best f*cking independent site amongst the shlubs here in the Internet Wrestling Community into a profitable, money making machine and will keep us from fading into obscurity much like The *****. Wreslt****, Scoo**, etc.

An item that will keep all those annoying piece of shit pop-up ads from clogging up this site to help explain, here is an expert opinion on the subject of pop up’s

TESTIFY, BOB!

Thank you Flea and great job on all that RYDER FAKIN shit brilliant

Flea: Well thank you BOB! I appre-

BOB: Shut Up and Listen

I want to explain the reason for pop-up ads. They’re annoying, intrusive, etc etc….but they’re necessary for survival. The internet ad market totally fell apart in the last year, and many websites didn’t survive. I’ve seen sites like Scoops, iWrestling.com, IGN, and others disappear. Even supposedly well funded sites like Eyada and Wrestleline couldn’t survive the downturn in internet advertising. Pop-up ads generate the income needed to operate a site as large as what you hope to put together here at 411.

Or you can start charging readers to read. Like THAT will happen. Who do you think you are? Me?

Thanks BOB for your input. And know I’m NOT you I’m RYDER FAKIN. Stop by and say hello anytime!

But the brains behind 411 have come up with an even BETTER solution! BOSS and some guy named Hashish (I don’t know him, never had any contact with him or even received as much as a “Hey Flea? What’s Up until the email that’s prompting this breaking news story. I hear he’s in charge, same as BOSS, but you would think he would at LEAST drop me a line as I faithfully do weekends here. Never missed a column when the site wasn’t down. Yes, acknowledgement would be nice.)

Sorry, I got sidetracked. It’s possible that Hashish is the alter ego of that burn out Art Martinez, which I find scary because well it just frightens me. By the way, Mr. Spliff has a new Lyrical Stunt up. Go check it out after you get done here. And can’t that freak write his shit during the week so I don’t have to plug him? For crying out loud, I get a contact buzz every time I type his name.

Anyway, what I’m trying to tell you is the instead of a premium site, a site filled with pop-up’s or even worse NO SITE AT ALL! the fine folks in charge around here bring you this:

THE OFFICIAL 411.COM “GET YOUR F’N 411” T-SHIRT!

Right HERE is where you can get all the details about ordering and availability.

The cost is nominal, especially considering the price of fashionable garb nowadays. ($40 for THAT! Fuck YOU Tommy. Hugo Boss? Eat my ass. I got your GAP right about HERE sure I’LL pay $50 for a pair of your jeans! Why don’t you just give me a reach around while you’re f*cking me? Fashion?! Baloney!)

C’mon kids! $15.95 plus s/h ain’t that big of a deal. Gas is only about a buck a gallon (at least here anyway), you got all sorts of GIFTS for Christmas! Give a little back to the place that gives you some entertainment and reading pleasure while you sit there and pretend to work.

And don’t even let me hear you say “Oh, I could NEVER wear a Wrestling Website t-shirt! What would people say?” Open you f*cking eyes and pay attention. You think some f*ck with his pants hanging around his ass has the gall to goof on YOU? If you think that, just hang yourself right now. You’re hopeless.

Make me proud and show your support for us here at 411. And all you fellow columnists out there, fall into line and plug this item. The most important part about a bunch of these t-shirts selling is this:

We’s gonna get paid! Or at the most comped a t-shirt! Light at the end of the tunnel! And no, that light is not a TRAIN, Art. Smoke another one.

PAID! PAID! PAID!

HAVE YOU HEARD?

Japanese sensation Hayabusa is doing a little better after being paralyzed by falling on his head attempting a Lionsault. Doctor’s cleaned out his heart and doctors are optimistic that he will conquer the paralysis plaguing his body. For more details check out the International Report by Brian Cole.

The XWF has cancelled 3 shows already. Nothing to worry about, they say. The purpose for the house shows was NOT to generate interest in the product. The house shows were only for FILMING purposes so that they can go on TV and generate interest in the product. (?) I think this gang has a screw loose or maybe I just read things wrong. Lemme doublecheck.

Nope! That what they said! Weird. Anyway the shows are off, but be on the lookout for some infomercials!

Terri is now the co-host of my favorite show, EXCESS, replacing Trish, who is supposedly concentrating too hard on her wrestling career to host a rinky-dink recap show. So the solution is throw Terri out there. Guess what guys? She does a damn fine job. Better than Trish, in my opinion. I should know, I RECAP the f*cking RECAP SHOW! The following is from my EXCESS report, which you should definitely go read:

About midway through the show

This all segues into some Big Show impressions! Show does some Shrek and Fat Bastard. Not bad. I’m about to blow this segment off when

No shit. Coach and Show go into hysterics as Terri plays all innocent. Damn. To think, Dustin is now cutting his forehead to shreads for a couple hundred rednecks every night. I love Terri.

EXCESS! The best damn WWF recap show going. And Terri brings two of her friends.

ANOTHER WEEK OF THIS CRAP

It’s the 3 Hour Best of Show for Monday. I hope they just let the matches PLAY instead of the herky jerky recaps set to some shitbag music.

Smackdown will be LIVE from Washington D.C. Should be a good show building up to the shenanigans that are bound to take place 1.7.02 at MSG.

THE LINKS ARE ON ME

As mentioned above Brian Cole brings the International News to you.

We have a Sunday Indy Update available by Josh Nason.

Guess what Pat Brower went and did?! He looked at his calendar and said “Well ! Now would be a PERFECT TIME to pull out a lame New Year’s joke!” The only problem is the esteemed Mr. Brower put the punch-line in the FUCKING TEASER~! thereby ruining the suspense. Go read his JAKKED report. Except for THAT brain lapse, he tells you what’s what.

Joe Rivett gives his latest Take. Hey Joe! (HA! I crack myself up) I was POOLSIDE today! It’s about 72% so I did have to turn on the HEAT in the pool. I’m sure you understand. Maybe not.

And know who has a new you know what available. Here is a hint – it rhmyes.

Don’t forget me. Flea. I have Saturday Evening Post and EXCESS for you! Just for you! Everyone but YOU and especially YOU!

PAGE SIX

Well that should be enough to ring in the New Year for ya! I was going to do some top 10’s but I think I will save that for a day when people read the net. To all of you out there Happy New Year!

Oops I almost forgot. Here is a new design for and old website favorite for one and all.

And to you guys over there. Put a link into 411wrestling.com. Thankya Verymuch!

Thanks for reading THE MONDAY EDITION, I’m Flea.