The Week In Wrestling: 1.06.02

Welcome back to the latest version of The Week In Wrestling. Rather short column this week considering there was really only one show… Smackdown… which wasn’t all that impressive in all honest.

First order of business is a minor rant, which you can all feel free to skip. If you don’t care about non-wrestling opinions, skip down to the line of stars.

Basically, I’m going to take a second to whine about cops, in general, and how much I hate New York State. I was recently reading an article in the newspaper about why young adults leave Upstate New York in droves, and New Year’s weekend for me, defined it better than anything else could. The basic reason:

Upstate cops.

These asshole, pieces of dirt cops who have nothing better to do with their time than hassling people. Cops who pull you over because your tint is too dark or because you have license plate cover. They don’t care about these things. There big thing is to hassle anyone under the age of 30 who may have possibly had something to drink. County Sherrifs who set up DWI checkpoints “In the Interest of Safety” when all they want to do is make a name for themselves by arresting as many people as possible. I also found out about “Implied Consent” laws in New York, which means that, when you sign up for a driver’s license, you are giving police officers consent to pull you over and give you sobriety tests whenever they feel like. Basically, forcing you to give consent for cops to harass you so you can drive, which gets around that Fourth and Fifth Amendment.

No, if anyone is thinking it, I didn’t get a DWI over the holiday, but 500 other people in Albany county did… up from 90 last New Year’s. Why… because you’re not F*CKING intoxicated at .08 BAC. The A-holes in this state are not going to rest until it’s zero tolerance for everyone… until not a single person can go out on any night, have a couple, and drive home. Because, goddam it, they know what’s best for me. They know that I shouldn’t trust myself driving after I’ve had a few, even though I still think I’m a better driver, half in the bag, then half of my friends when they’re sober. And I’m sure most of the general population agree with them… because all you see on the news is the one or two accidents that happen involving drunk drivers. But you don’t see the news anchors volunteering any information about the 6,000 other people who got home on New Years just fine driving themselves after a few. Why? Because they don’t want to give you that information. If they give you that information, then people might realize that DWI laws are already out of hand.

Young adults leave Upstate NY because they want cops who actually protect generally law-abiding citizens, not ones that go out of their way to give it to as many people as they can up the ass, as hard as they possibly can. Cops who aren’t cops as a power trip.

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Now then… if any of my readers want to vote me as their favorite writer, feel free to write me in. Not that I AM anyone’s favorite writer… but if anyone feels enough pity, write me in. I don’t know if you would consider this column a recap or a column… but it’s posted as a column… so I guess it’s columnist. I get left off, and people who don’t even work for the site anymore are included. Go figure.

Raw

Raw this week was a three hour, “Best of” show. It made me remember how many good things the WWF has done this year. I had forgotten about the Benoit/Jericho match from Royal Rumble last year. That was a damn fine match. Otherwise, it was a bunch of highlights from this year. If you didn’t see it… wait till they put it out on video and give it a rent. It’s worth a watch, at least.

Smackdown

Jazz made her (I think) Smackdown debut this week to an overall apathetic reception. People don’t care. The women’s division in the WWF is a joke. The three people who can actually pass as wrestlers (Lita, Molly, Jazz), are made the bitches of fitness models and cheerleaders who can’t even make a body slam look believable. I enjoyed watching Randi Rah-Rah vs Patti Pizzazz more… because at least they really didn’t try to take themselves seriously.

Stephanie was back, thus throwing to hell the entire point of Vince kicking her out of the WWF a few weeks back. But see, Steph is annoying, which makes her heel… and Vince has flipped back to heel again for, approximately, the 244th time this year, so he has no problem with her being around. And, well, Steph is one of the head writers again, so she can just stick herself back, storyline be damned. I mean, after all, we’ve pretty much forgotten about the last six months anyway, so why remember the whole McMahon kids leaving thing. My girlfriend says it best: “Why did they have to bring her back and not Shane.” I don’t know, dear… I don’t know.

Jericho is forming the Candian Horsemen, I think… which him, Test, Storm, and Christian. Unfortunately, I don’t think any of the higher ups will ever take them seriously… especially when H beats Jericho at their first meeting… because, God Forbid Jericho beat anyone besides the Rock.

Undertaker has a new finisher called “Takin Care of Business.” Apparently, ‘Taker is so old now, he’s channelling Dusty Rhodes.

Steph told Ric Flair he had no business sense at all, even though he had enough to buy half of a wrestling company. Steph will be BACK on Monday, with her husband H. No one cares. Steph is riding in on the coat-tails of H, just so she can fantasize that someone in the crowd will be popping for her when H makes his triumphant return at 10pm.

Booker T futhered his level of ownage by starting “who?” as his new catchphrase. Watch it catch on, inspite of itself. Booker was trying to “be ‘da numbah 1 contendah and essablish his new catchphrase” in one night. WHO?! This had me rolling.

Rock took time out of his busy schedule to be a prick to someone else in the federation. Most people find this funny, I find it ass-y. Yeah… Rock’s a tough guy and cool cuz he can pick on announcers. Yep… something like that.

Which about covers it for the WWF this week.

The Week in Wrestling

Not much… the WWF needed to remind us that they actually had a Monday show, since it hasn’t been on in two weeks, and remind us they did… in every damn segment. Smackdown really didn’t further anything we didn’t already know. Jericho is scared of H coming back, and he’s trying to establish himself with a little stable of people. He and Kurt Angle are friends now because… well… uhmmmm… they’re both heels, I guess. Also, with the end of Smackdown, I can see that Austin and Rock are probably going to end up being in a tag team, because that’s what the WWF does. Because: tag team matches are the way to go… and damn logic all to hell.

Test is still trying to hit on as many yaks as possible… because that’s what you do with a 6’10” guy who can actually wrestle. See, you stick him in the mid-card doing stupid shit, because then he can’t be a legit threat to any of the old men.

Booker T is still everyone’s bitch. This hasn’t changed, just in case someone was trying to keep score.

Steph is gracing us with her presence again, because if she’s not constantly on TV, then the breast implants were for nothing. I don’t know whether she writes herself into every story because she thinks she’s that popular, or just because she really wants to be on TV. Basically my question is if she’s deluded or needy.

I haven’t been this disgusted with the WWF, as a whole, in a long, long time. In fact, last time I was this disgusted was in 1992, when I stopped watching for three years. It was quite refreshing actually. I feel it coming again.

Where Do They Go From Here?

Wll, the only one saying Nash isn’t going to be on Raw Monday is Nash. I’ll still believe it when I see it. Not for a minute can I see Nash completely turning his back on any federation offering him a light schedule and booking power… especially when he can be getting in on the ground floor of the “next big thing.” Unless something drastic happens, the “Next Big Thing” isn’t coming out of the WWF. It’ll be one of the smaller feds, that are trying to get themselves off the ground.

In a perfect world, H would have been watching Steph throw herself at every guy from Test to Chris Jericho in his absence, and he would also throw her out of the arena. But, that all depends on whether he’ll be coming down on the heel or the face side. If he’s a face, he’s gotta kick Steph out of the building… because no one wants to see her with him… but since Steph is in charge of what Steph will be doing, she’ll be sticking around on him for a while.

What would I do with an entering H? Well, assuming I have Nash at my disposal, which is probably… and Michaels at my disposal, which is definate. H would come out on Monday and tell us all how disgusted he is with the WWF in general. He would tell us that, without him, the WWF can’t survive. It’s boring, it goes no where. “I may have been an asshole,” he would say, “but dammit, at least I kept it interesting.” He would run down Jericho, make fun of Austin’s “What?” and the like.

“And,” he’d tell us. “I’m here to make it interesting again-ah. I ran roughshod over this federation for months. I beat all there was to beat. I destroyed everything I could destroy. And now, I’m going to do it again. But this time… I’m not going to do it alone. No, when I hired Rikishi to run over Steve Austin, I learned that having people on your side is a good thing. People to make sure no one is sneaking up behind you to bury a knife in your back. That’s why… I got myself a bodyguard.”

Introduce Diesel here, or hold him off. People are tuning in to see H, there’s no reason to do two major returns in one night, or even the same week. In fact, hold Diesel off to the Rumble. Then, slowly bring everyone back. Michaels makes an appearance… then Hall, then Syxx, then Justin Credible. Let them form a powerhouse faction. Christ, let them be the N.W.O. It may have been done before, but at least it would be interesting to see how the WWF creative team did it.

You know why it’s interesting? Because it doesn’t involve Vince, Linda, Steph, or Shane. It focuses the damn story on the wrestlers for once.

This week can be one of those turning points that makes it all interesting again. I’m looking forward to seeing what happens.

Till next week.

End Transmission