Happy Saturday or whatever day you are joining me. I’m Flea and I’m with you all weekend. Is it cold where you are? Do you know that it was 35 here in Florida last night? What the f*ck? Feel free to send me hate mail if you think that “Wow man!. 35 is WARM compared to where I live†I don’t care. Maybe I will tell you why later in the report. Keep reading. Besides, I have plenty of stuff today as we finally get back on track after an extended holiday break.
And did you know that when you type 411 on CAPS in comes out $ ! !
PAID PAID PAID ! All the signs are there!
Let’s get to it .
TOP STORY
After the holiday break, things seem to be shaping up quite nicely. Smackdown was a pretty good show (regardless of what you may read) and unless your head is in the sand you should know that HHH is returning to RAW this coming Monday. The big question is who is coming with him? Predicting shit is BORING so how bout we lay some odds on this and BET! .if you are a new reader here is a little background on oddsmaking by Flea:
I pulled this out for the Vengeance Pay Per View and did very well, as I expected. I had Jericho the odds on favorite to walk with both belts and a good money line on Vince sticking his nose in everyone’s business. Speaking of noses, the only thing I got burnt on was making HHH better than even money to show up and clobber somebody. My fault, but jeez, every PPV promo HAD HIM IN IT! I thought I was crazy until I typed up the news that night and listened to the replay in the background. THE SAME FUCKING PROMOS! HHH: “Vengeance is MINE!†And note: this is AFTER the PPV was on! Then, of course, all the “experts†were telling me what a dumb ass I was for expecting the guy. THEN the same experts TODAY tell me that it’s so FUCKING obvious Nash is returning because they are featuring his Royal Rumble performance over at WWF.com. Logic would dictate that it would NOT be false advertisement if Nash doesn’t show up anytime soon. THE video playing is just a coincidence much like the HHH ads. But I’m stupid if I don’t know the difference between the two situations. How in the World did the term “smart†ever get attached to any of this?
Sorry, I segued a little bit there. Anyway here’s how things should shake out next week.
HHH returns : no bet. That is a given.
Nash returns : 7 – 1.
HBK returns : 12 – 1.
X-Pac returns : 3 – 1.
Hall returns : 50 – 1.
I just don’t see them ruining HHH return by blowing their wad with EVERYONE showing up. But then again, it would spike some rating and lead to a monster buyrate for the Rumble. I like X-Pac’s chances of returning in some fashion just to set up future angles. I know is I am in the mood for some serious marking out and it looks as though the Fed will provide it in one way or another in the upcoming weeks.
By the way, I have been writing for months now that Nash and Hall are coming back. It just seemed like a no-brainer to me. Good thing other people have “sources†to do their thinking for them. Now, just please just hush about saying how great you are for bring the truth to us unwashed masses when the Fed does nothing but LIE to us. LIES, LIES ALL LIEESSSSSSS! HA HA HA! Where are we Germany 1939?
HHH was warming up last night at a house show in Bingamton, NY. Tag match where he busted Some Other Guy’s nose up just to show that the GAME is back in the saddle. According to all the reports that I read, HHH got monster pops by all in attendance. Good for him and give him the f*cking belt asap. As a heel. Please.
I just thought of something .Wrestlemania is in Canada, eh? I mean RIGHT? How is Some Other Guy supposed to get booed out of the place if he is Canadian? Common sense would say that he would be a HUGE babyface in his home area. That in itself blows building him up as Mr. Superheel 2002 straight to hell as WM is the Fed’s biggest and most prestigious event of the year. Any thoughts on this? I have a ton of news here and don’t want to get stuck on this right now .but it should be interesting how the Fed ends up getting to WM.
If I have a point here it would be this: It’s a good time to be a fan sit back and relax for a couple months. It won’t hurt.
HEADLINES
I think two people may know about this: Me and now you. The WWA is having a PPV tomorrow night and here’s the line-up:
Juventud Guerrera vs. Psicosis
Road Dogg vs. Konnan (Dog Collar Match)
Norman Smiley vs. Crowbar (Hardcore Match)
Jeff Jarrett vs. Nathan Jones
Road Dogg vs. Leni vs. Lodi
Jarrett vs. Buff Bagwell
Vampire Warrior (Gangrel) vs. Luna
Jarrett vs. Road Dogg
Bret Hart will be there .no suspense for this show as it already happened a couple of months ago. Still, this is the WWA’s debut PPV in what should be a string on events as someone attempts to put the “TWO†back in “Big Twoâ€Â
For more information, check out this site right here. Cool little video is available as well.
The cost is $20. Up to you if you buy it or not.
The “Nature Boy†Ric Flair will be on EXCESS this evening proving that someone up there (the WWF, not Heaven) likes me. If you have something better to do on Saturday Night, then by all means go and do it. Come back tomorrow and read my EXCESS report. I’ll make the sacrifce.
THE ROSS SAYS THIS
In the latest Ross Report, JR returns from vacation and regales us with his views. I normally like JR’s column, but to quote Joey Styles (who was quoting South Park) OH MY GOD! JR is so full of shit this week that his head actually turns into one big solid turd. Just look at the following items
JR denies the rumor of Kevin Nash signing with the Fed. Yeah right .I read BOB you know.
JR also says the Hardyz / Lita thing was blown WAY out of proportion by the usual suspects. As a matter of fact they are back on the road as we speak. Again, C’MON JR!!! Who are you trying to kid? I ain’t no dummy, you know. I know the whole story about Lita’s website and the Hardyz burnout and shitbag match at the last PPV. I are SMART! So don’t bullshit me, Good OL.
Come to think of it, those are two very valid news items. See, we like to jump to conclusions and think we know more than Good Ol’ JR. I’m here to tell you, we don’t. JR is trying to keep just a little kayfabe and suspense going at the expense of people running around and ruining the surprises for everyone. Would you guys just please chill the f*ck out?
Damn I’m sitting here defending JR and look what he goes and writes .
I like the progression of Y2J and feel very confident that he will continue to evolve into one of our best all time antagonists. Flair may have been the best in this role I ever saw in person and Jericho has the same work ethic.
Some Other Guy and Flair in the same breath. Bullshit. JR should be ashamed. He also sez the crusierweight division look like it has potential from “where he sitsâ€Â. How are we supposed to take JR seriously on the first two topics when he blindsides us with THIS crapola.
Someone please get Good Ol’ an editor. BY GAWD!!
RADIO GA GA
Many of today’s wrestlers choose to express their opinions and gripes on various radio programs, be it the standard AM/FM stations or the up and coming Internet talk shows. Here is a run down on who said what
Val Venis was on Byte This. Check out E.C. When the best damn Byte This report appears on the best damn website in the Internet Wrestling Community! .wait a second E.C. posts that report to like 17 different sites E.C. most definitely does NOT stand for ” E.go in C.heck!â€Â
Wow .no one else is out doing interviews? NONE of the wrestlers on the upcoming WWA PPV are pimping this thing? Weird.
ROLL THE DICE
Hey! All you Role – Playing freaks! All you armchair bookers! All you E-Fed maniacs! Here is something for you
GO HERE NOW! WELL, AFTER YOU GET DONE READING THIS REPORT, THAT IS .
And they go all out for the Grand Prize. How can you go wrong?
IN OTHER WORDS
Now available on 411
McCluskey looks at Smackdown right here.
Netcop ruined my morning with his Smarkdown report. I’ve been a fan of his for years but damn was that a negative report. Someone get him his book contract STAT!
Josh Nason has the 411 Indy Report available right here.
Rivett is back with his latest Take. Hey Joe (HA!) sorry I bragged about the warm Florida weather last week. Seems as though the worm turned and it was 30 f*cking degrees here. And before all you northerners get all “Flea quit being a pussy it’s 20 below here†I will say this. Cold weather is part of the deal when you live up north. Florida ain’t supposed to be like this. At least that’s what they said on the postcard.
And don’t forget, place your orders for the 411 t-shirt. With the money I stand to make off this I can retire and move to Florida .wait I already live here. Well ONE of our staff my be able to retire. Buy the SHIRT is the point I’m making here.
PAGE SIX
By now I’m sure you have seen or have participated in the various polls rating the Internet Wrestling Community’s columns and writers. Every site has one and 411 is no different. Go check it out when you get a chance.
My opinion? I voted the way I saw fit. I will not ask you to vote for me because
A) I recap EXCESS and do the best job of anyone in the IWC. I know that and if you read the report you know that as well. Save your votes for someone else. (Hey J.K! no slight to you but I do have a little more leeway to f*ck around. Besides, you get perks! Right? Right??? Don’t break my heart and tell me no! Nature Boy tonight! WHOOO! )
4) The revolving door of news reporters each have their own style and opinions. It’s up to you to vote who is YOUR favorite.
I do want to give two plugs and mentions to what I consider top notch around here .
By the way, do NOT cry the blues when your name is not mentioned. I like every one of the writers here at 411 and think we have the best thing going, hands down. Everybody except one person, that is .
Without further ado here we go .
Eric S. – his Opinions are one of my favorite things to read, wrestling content or not. I have followed him from site to site and consider it to be as cool as sliced bread (?) that he is a part of 411 now. Yeah most of you guys hate him but you read him, don’t you? Don’t you! You ain’t foolin’ Flea. And please, please keep flaming the guy; I need to be entertained dammit! Message to Tom Boy – I think you may want to check that mailing list the next time you are looking for a pimp. That was kinda like jumping into a lake full of alligators with a chicken flavored bathing suit. Dope.
So Eric gets one of my props. Who gets the other?
Well .I bust this guys balls every time I have to plug him. But it’s not my fault that his ganja impaired brain cells only work on the weekends. In case you don’t know who I’m talking about, come along with Flea and light a fatty for my fav pimp daddy
Art Martinez. And no I’m not blowing smoke up your ass. You have to hold then “hit†IN to catch a buzz.
Art’s Lyrical Stunt is far and away the most creative thing on the IWC, Six Degrees of Ryder Fakin notwithstanding. If you have never read it, go do so pronto. So even though I give him a hard time, it’s my pleasure and honor to give mad props to him right now. Keep up the good work Art.
And to all you kids out there: If you are going to do drugs, make sure you don’t tell your parents. They are liable to be hippie rejects and bogart your stash.
This has been Saturday Evening Post and I’m Flea.
