The Monday Edition 1.07.02

Hello again. I’m Flea and I hope you have voted in the 411 awards. Lot’s of stuff for you today so I will not keep you waiting

Come on, let’s go

FIRST OFF

The WWA had their debut PPV on this evening and here’s what went down

As a prelude I have a feeling this show is going to be panned by everyone. I know why but I’m not exactly sure why. Everyone has been bitching and moaning about an alternative and I didn’t see a damn thing wrong with this.

Jeremey Borasch of WCW Live fame and Jerry Lawler were the announcers. Borasch did a pretty good job being the lead announcer and King is the same King as always. They meshed well together.

Bret Hart is the Commish. He started the show by badmouthing just about everyone he could think of and putting over the promotion. Before you go preconceiving them there notions, ECW started the same way. Remember? Shane who? Tod who? What? Who? Oh yeah.

One quick note. There was TON of homoerotic references in this show for reasons unknown. 6 occurrences of simulated anal sex, “Fruits in Suits” (something I still don’t under stand) and Leni and Lodi, the West Hollywood Blondes debuting the single most disturbing move I have ever seen. If this kind of stuff bothers you, go watch New Japan or something.

Winners of each match would continue in a tournament to crown the Heavyweight champeen.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Psicosis

Ladder Match for the “Small Persons” belt. Vicious bumps and blading by Psicosis, who ain’t wearing his mask. Juvy gets in a sunset flip power bomb of the top of the ladder and a 450 splash. That’s good enough to win although Juvy is too banged up to continue in the tournament. Good match to start. Juvy did the pre match spiel of “Rock imitations” which are only funny cause Juvy can’t speak a damn bit of English.

Road Dogg vs. Konnan (Dog Collar Match)

Quick and to the point. Konnan is da bad guy here, showing his intelligence by removing the dog collar and pulling a CROWBAR out of his pants. Lawler speculates that you can’t trust a Mexican. Konnan does little to disprove this an does the same thing again! Road Dogg fights back and creams Konnan with the crowbar and the puts him on all fours and f*cks him doggie style. This would start a trend of copycat dogsytlers. Road Dogg wins and advances.

Norman Smiley vs. Crowbar (Hardcore Match)

Crowbar is back to being Devon Storm and now hails from “The Other Side of Sanity”. Cool. Norman is still Screamin Norman, quite possibly my favorite gimmick. Hardcore action featuring chairs, tables etc. Crowbar starts bleeding after a chair shot. Norman takes control with the “Smack My Bitch Up Fuck Your Ass” move, being a trendy guy and all. Up the ramp and through the curtain with more chairs and violence. Smiley cracks me up when he sells a super-kick by proceeding to SCREAM like a baby! Ha Ha Ha. Crowbar does a splash of the set to Norman, taking out two tables with him. Norman gets the win as Crowbar gets knocked cold by his own daredevil tactics.

Battle Royale (w/cheese) includes everyone who ain’t nailed down. We start with Buff and Disco and then add Stevie Ray, who is nice enough to leave his backstage announce duties to join the shenanigans in the ring. Lawler jumps in and drags Borasch with him. Referees Slick Johnson and the other ref say what the hell and include themselves in. Don’t forget the camera man. and the two “Fruits in Suits” who are some kind over TV stars over there. Hey don’t laugh: we have Trekkies here. Crowbar revives himself and him and Norman come to the party. Crowbar turns his misfortunate elimination into self serving promotion and JUMPS ON COMMENTARY! Yee-hah! Cue the dead-on (no offense) Gordon Solie imitation. Crowbar, still bleeding from the Hardcore match even calls his own “Crimson Mask!” Funny. Look out, it’s another simulated anal sex act. Enough. Buff wins the thing.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Nathan Jones

Guitar on a pole match

Nathan Jones is Australian and accompanied by some dude that’s a star over there, Rave. A radio guy they say. Jones is huge but moves pretty quick. Jarrett comes out and insults everyone and then gets his ass kicked by the hometown hero. The tide turns when JJ clobbers Rave with the guitar and uses The Stoke to get the win from Jones. Another Good match. JJ moves along to the semi finals.

Road Dogg vs. Leni vs. Lodi

Needing a substitute for Juvy, Bret commissions Leni and Lodi to fight the Road Dogg. The West Hollywood Blondes were in the ring for a little tete-a-tete with the “Fruits in Suits” doing a little gay banter and other alleged “ambiguous” things. More Greco Roman dogstyle maneuvers and Road Dogg wins the match when L and L end up in a 69ish position.

And get this .the move that will give you nightmares. It’s called the “Bob in the Corner”. Leni sits on the top turnbuckle with his legs spread. Lodi smashes Road Doggs head into the top turnbuckle with the old “count along to ten” move. Meanwhile, as Doggs head is bouncing up and down, Leni does the ole RIDE EM COWBOY and feigns orgasmic pleasure. Disturbing. Don’t be surprised if this move doesn’t show up in prime time, though.

Jarrett vs. Buff Bagwell

Standard match, JJ wins.

Vampire Warrior (Gangrel) vs. Luna

Black wedding match. Luna beats the snot out of Gangrel but makes the fatal mistake of thowing her wedding ring down and spitting at her hubby. No dice. Gangrel nails her with the Implaler and wins the match. He leaves her lying too. Bitch.

Jarrett vs. Road Dogg

Steel Cage match for the title. Good action that leads to JJ bleeding like a stuck pig. Puddles of the stuff. I can’t even remember the last time I saw JJ bleed. Each of the men go for the Sharpshooter, which Bret (sitting at ringside doing commentary for this match) promptly vetos. JJ eventually wins the match with the Stroke on the belt and then tries to get into Bret’s face. Bad decision as next thing you know JJ is on the wrong end of Bret signature move. And that’s all, folks.

Damn. Everyone should go into shows without preconceived notions. Rumor has it that the ax is already being sharpened to cut this show to pieces but that’s just not smart (har). Good entertainment tonight and none of the matches dragged. This was a hell of a lot better than the majority of the PPV’s WCW put on over the last couple years and miles ahead of It Ain’t Sumo.

Not sure of the replay schedule but I would have no hesitations in recommending this show. Go ahead and spend the $20.

Proving that you have already spent $15.95 plus S/H on the 411 T-shirt that is.

HAVE YOU HEARD?

This isn’t really wrestling news but you may be interested to know

Joanie Lauer, who used to known as Chyna now appears to be the host for the Robot Wars show that follows EXCESS. How do I know that? Because I watch and recap EXCESS that’s how. I let the tape run and as I was putting the final touches on the report WHAMMO! It’s CHYNA! I would have broke this story first but I figured you could get by Sunday without knowing about it

This is from my EXCESS report

Wrapping up some more Raw preview and next week’s guest will be Spike Dudley!

And just for me, Terri makes sure to let her tits almost fall out .what a nice way to start my morning.

So long until next Saturday, thanks ..

FUCK FUCK AND FUCK

As I am wrapping things up here I was letting the tape run and guess who is the new host of Robot Wars?

Her name is Joanie

It once was Chyna

But that was earlier this year

Say goodbye to her career

So there you are .the irony of this is that stupid robot show draws better ratings than EXCESS. My fear is that they will replace EXCESS with a Saturday Night show with fresh wrestling content if and when the “split promotion” angle takes place. I have grown to love EXCESS and am very comfortable with

Ah, who am I kidding? Although the show has grown on me and is something I love, the very reason that I ever offered to do EXCESS was to get my foot in the door here at 411 with the very real possibility that a new show would eventually take it’s place. When the time came I could then be an established Saturday Night presence and quite possibly the preeminent Saturday Night Recapper in the Internet Wrestling Community.

Sick ain’t it?

Anyway this may be a moot point. I doubt the split will ever happen and if it does every one of the “names” around the web will JUMP on the new show. No matter to me I’ll still be available and I will continue to provide weekend fun just for you.

While we are on the topic of delusional behavior Mick Foley has plans for another book, this one will be a fictional story of a man with one ear. After his last temper tantrum do you think he will return to the Fed to promote the thing. Do you think Vince will let him back? The answers to both of those questions is yes, I believe. After all Mick can’t very well go on Robot Wars to promote it, that’s Chyna’s show now.

And now that we are on the topics of both delusional behavior AND books, I though I would let you now I am reading “Pure Dynamite” by the one and only Dynamite Kid. I am about half way through it and unless things get really really happy at the end this dude is one sick f*ck. I have read reports about how great Dynamite is for being so honest and help him this /support him that, well f*ck him.

It was the Honky Tonk Man who said that we shouldn’t shed a tear for him and after the things he did he deserves to be in the wheelchair. Honky got raked over the coals for that and I am really not sure why. Dynamite was a vicious prick and his story about what he was going to do to Brutus Beefcake will give you chills. Mind you, Brutus did the “worst thing in the world” by not signing an autograph for one of Dynamite’s friends and for this heinous crime Dynamite has serious intentions of hurting this guy harsh, even premeditating the massacre to occur not immediately, but several days later in a steel cage. Where Brutus “couldn’t get away”.

You know what saved this from happening? Dynamite’s back went out the day before, pretty much ending his career. I’ll finish the book in the next couple of days but I doubt it will change my opinion. Not as harsh as Honky’s but I do not feel a damn bit sorry for the guy. Read the book for yourself.

ANOTHER WEEK OF THIS CRAP

Big week, to say the least. Back to Back shows at MSG and the return of somebody special. I think this has been promoted enough.

THE LINKS ARE ON ME

As predicted, E.C. is here with the Byte This report.

Carlos gives you a double shot of love with Heat and a nice little flashback to a tremendous match. That ain’t enough Carlos for you. Go to the message board, he will give you all that you can handle.

Brian Cole International Report is available. Rick Steiner finds gainful employment! Guess where?

And patronize my contributions this week, Saturday Evening Post and EXCESS.

Have fun with Eric and Grut. One of them drinks too much and I know it’s not Eric.

PAGE SIX

Just to revisit a thought from yesterday’s news, I posed the question “How is Jericho supposed to be this “super heel” when the Fed’s numero uno show is Wrestlemania, which is in Canada this year? Jericho’s home country, for those who didn’t know. All Canadians are babyface by divine fault or something. Do you think he will be booed? How is the Fed going to get out of this? Try as they might to turn him heel, UT is getting mad pops and he ain’t even been back to Texas yet! I just can’t seem to think how this is supposed to work with Jericho as champion. Which means he probably won’t be champion, which goes back to what I mentioned last week when I said he was a only a temporary thing until the Fed gets a better offer. I don’t know. Any opinions on this? I think this is a better story than Nash, Hall, etc. No choice but to push Jericho back down the card and possibly turn him back face, which would suck. The face turn, not the de-elevation. Unless I am wrong about the Canadian audience, that is. Serious, are you going to boo the guy? I doubt it.

Seems to me, this is may be a good topic of discussion.

Thanks for reading THE MONDAY EDITION, I’m Flea.