Saturday Evening Post 01.12.02

But have you bought a t-shit yet? Go! Go ! Go !

Hi Ho! What time is it? Well it’s time that you fine readers get some NEWS after certain people shirked their duties this week. I won’t keep you here plenty of hapennin’s a happenin .

Let’s get to it .

TOP STORY

N.W.O. Let me repeat that .N.W.O. You know and I know what that means. BOB has put his ass on the line and dropped the bomb that not only Nash but Hall and Hogan(!) are on there way back to revise the angle that revived wrestling. This rumor has spread like wildfire as Dave (him, not the smart one), Dave (the smart one), Keller, oh the list goes on and on have jumped on this one. And goddamn, I can’t find one person that thinks this even remotely resembles anything close to a good idea. “Cancer” is a word I’ve seen as well as “old” “unnecessary” “what the f*ck” and Vince must be smoking crack” in response to this latest attempt to spike the ratings and rekindle interest in our little wrestling program.

I think this is a great thing. Nash and Hogan want one more run at the top. Hall is a f*ckup. This gives all three of them a built in angle without getting involved with anyone else. The “Outsiders” and the original N.W.O angle was one of the coolest things ever and it was only when it became the focal point of every f*cking thing that things turned downhill. I don’t see that happening in the WWF just because Vince has too big a chip on his shoulder to let these guys run roughshod over him. Not to mention HHH, Austin, Rock and UT have there “spots” lined up. See you can’t have it both ways here; it defies logic to say that the top tier guys are holding everyone down and then say these new guys are going to come in and run the show. That just ain’t gonna happen.

The Fed needs Rock and HHH. Both are cross-over sensations and in their prime to go for another 5-10 years, barring injury. Austin is winding down but is still the best performer match wise and promo wise in the business (please don’t argue with that, Austin rules. Think about it). UT is in the twilight of his career but can still pop a crowd and has rejuvenated himself in this new angle. Given the right opponent he will do just fine. Angle is the next on deck and if the Fed would team up Paul E. with Benoit, then you have your next big thing. Don’t forget RVD and lest I forget Some Other Guy. Add the developmental talent in to the mix and the fed is all set for the next big wrestling boom.

And what will cause this next big boom? The return of “names’ like Nash, Hall and Hogan. Something needs to be done to get the 3-4 million people back to wrestling. You and I will be there cause we is the “core audience”. People can say this is “desperate” and “hot-shoting” but I disagree. This will be a revitalization of a redefined WWF. After the failure of the Invasion this is needed to recapture some magic, or for lack of a better term, shake things up a little bit. That is the reason I’m all for it. Its not like these guys are going to kill the WWF. The Federal Government and the largest media company this side of a monopoly couldn’t do that. What makes you think Nash, Hall and Hogan can?

I know what you’re thinking and your right. Yes these guys DID play a part in the downfall of WCW but if you check your history WCW was always f*cked up. The N.W.O. was the pot of gold that saved them from going out of business 5 years before they did. Mismanagement and bad booking are what killed the WCW, not Hogan, Nash or Hall. That and the fact that they never pushed Disco, but don’t get me started on THAT!

So I’m hoping this happens. The WWF is back to a late 97ish-early 98ish position where something BIG needs to happen. The N.W.O. and those three men can do it for them. Remember what finally put the Fed over the edge back then and back into the mainstream’s conscience?

The Montreal Screwjob? Nope? Only the “smart” crowd really gave a f*ck about that.

Austin? He helped and it was his character that the Fed rode to stardom, but he was the cure, not the spark.

The evil Mr. McMahon character? See above. They jumped on the spark that was lit and laughed all the way to the bank.

So what was the spark? A move that was called “desperate”, at the time. A move that the Internet Wrestling Community DESPISED and as a whole said “how the f*ck can you bring THAT guy in?” You are going to ruin what’s left of your business. THE DOWNFALL OF VINCE AND THE WWF!!!!

It was a move that put the WWF back on the front pages on every paper in the country, just in time for the biggest showcase of them all, Wrestlemaina.

It is my opinion that the N.W.O. angle, if it happens, will re-ignite the WWF and makes at least those of us who are fans happy. Much like the angle that was done before WM XIV.

And who was the guy that brought “wrasslin” back to mainstream?

Mike Tyson.

N.W.O for life!

Fell free to disagree. You know where to find me.

HEADLINES

The Royal Rumble, meanwhile, is shaping up to be quite an event. “Surprise Entrants” are rumored and already confirmed are Perfect, Goldust(!), Godfather and Val Venis. Some people are thinking that Nash will return but the people in charge (the Fed) is saying no way. I agree with that. Why waste Nash on the Rumble when he would have to do the J.O.B. on PPV right out the gate? I say that HHH wins the Rumble and we hopefully get a strong two month build to WM.

In a recent interview, Good Ol’ JR said that the split promotion thang will happen Sooner (ha!) rather than later. Seems as folks are getting tired of all the delays. JR refrained from saying that “rat prick Bagwell ruined this whole f*cking thing”. Which is good. I never blamed Buff anyway. It was all Lance Storm’s fault when he missed the “superkick” by a FUCKING MILE in the first ever WCW run-in. Remember?

Speaking of Good Ol’ .

THE ROSS SAYS THIS

In the latest Ross Report, JR starts off with the standard list of injuries. Of interest Benoit is expected back around or a little after WM, while Rhyno is about 6 months for returning. X-Pac should be back soon as well. Steve Blackman is alive, contrary to rumors going around. His back is hurt, that’s all.

Rock will layeth the Smackdown on Howie and Terry’s candy asses for the Super Bowl Pre-game show.

Ross likes HHH, Slaughter, Spike, Tazz, Jazz, Angle and Autsin. Dreamer, Richards, Chack and Chuck also get props.

Vince has all the rights to the WCW library. Do you ever feel sorry for Ted Turner? Now there was a guy who was a MARK. If he would have been smart like us Internet folks, he could have had the “inside scoop” of WCW’s sale and what a creep Jamie Kellner was. Poor Ted.

JR also gets his laughs at the Internet’s expense again. No wonder why some people are so bitter.

All in all a pretty boring report this week. But, as always I do like JR’s picture. Much better than Da Meltz’s. Oh yeah, that jerkoff Alverez’s picture is up at Dave site as well. C’mon!

RADIO GA GA

Many of today’s wrestlers choose to express their opinions and gripes on various radio programs, be it the standard AM/FM stations or the up and coming Internet talk shows. Here is a run down on who said what

Booker T made an appearance on BET to introduce the videos of the week. All reports are positive from what I have read.

Ed Ferrara was on the radio here in Orlando talking about the normal “Russo was a genuis and the WWF burnt us out so we shoved it up their ass and switched companies but WCW was so political Russo could not get his ideas on film and therefore the whole thing failed” spiel. Whatever. It looks like he may get involved with the WWA. But not as Oklahoma, just writin’.

D-Von finally put the rumors to rest that racism is the reason that he always has to get the tables. Seems as though Bubba is just too fat to get his ass out and do it himself. Fat people should be offended, I think. Some people are saying that D-Von , in fact, just could not remember the catchphrase. But I’m not one of those people.

ROLL THE DICE

The Pillman Memorial 2002 will be here sooner than you think. The idea for a main event that is being tossed around is Eddie vs. Malenko vs. Benoit. Have I told you lately how much I wish the Fed would bring back Eddie? Maybe it will work out. After all, a strong showing here is what rejuvenated Regal’s career.

Superstar Billy Graham needs a liver. As in like yesterday. I swiped the “things you gotta consider” from Dave’s site (not the smart Dave, the other one):

Here are a few things for any potential donor to take into consideration:

– The donor would need give Billy 60% of his liver

– The remaining 40% of the donor’s liver will grow back to its normal size

– The recovery time for the donor (i.e. how long it takes for his liver to return to its full size) is just four weeks

– The donor needs to be approximately 225lbs (or more) in order to match the size of Billy’s liver

So if I give Billy 60% of my liver, that means I would have 40% left. Right? Supposedly, my liver would return to normal size.

Just think, I could be saving a man’s life. But on the other hand, if MY liver starts failing, do you think Billy would return the favor, i.e. give me my FUCKING LIVER BACK? Or would any of YOU pony up to save my life. I don’t think I’m gonna risk it. Good luck to the dude though. Everybody wuz Kung-Fu fighting!

IN OTHER WORDS

Now available on 411

Netcop has his Smarkdown Report available as well as a Retro Rant (Beware of the Dog) where he has the perfect opportunity to give me shout out. I mean it’s not a far stretch to go from dog to flea, you know. I saying this like he even knows we have other people here at 411. Hey BOSS! What do you think about packaging a 411 t-shirt together with Netcop’s pending book? Seems like a winner to me! I leave a spot here for an editor’s note if you like

( )

Reader’s out there, if the parentheses are not filled in by BOSS you know that he’s probably going to steal that idea for himself. Him or Ashish. Not that I’m paranoid or anything.

Changing the subject, McCluskey has a Smackdown Report report up right here

E.C. did a nice job explaining that he is in fact NOT an egomaniac and pimps his Byte This Report (availablenotexclusivelyrighthereat411) to their sites just out of the goodness of his heart. What is exclusive to 411 is Mind Squezzin’s, the most reason of which takes a look at the downfall of AOL. Good read.

OY VEY! there is another Top10 list out there as well!

Gamble is starting Mark Up II where you (yes 9YOU) can get a shot at stardom. Hey all you Message Board People! Leave Carlos and BOSS alone! Now is you chance to get on the front page!

And because Grut did a no show I will plug Mr. Top 10’s live MSG live report and Craig’s Ask 411 column.

PAGE SIX

I want to give a quick shout out and a plug for JJ Botter of at the Smarks and his band / website burstmusic.com.

I checked out his band’s music and it is a good listen. Look for a review (if not here over at thesmarks.com) coming to a theatre near you soon. Good luck to the guys and if they ever dome to the Orlando area I expect to be comped.

Also, for any of you fans of porn, I highly recommend getting EVERYTHING that Tracey Adams did in the 80’s. With my girlfriend out of town and our lid at Grandma’s house I have got to play “bachelor” for the past week and have rediscovered the joys of watching porn by myself. (it’s normally watched as a couple thing, not with the child, sickos). 80’s porn did not have quality stories, editing, etc, and therefore is not “couple based entertainment”. For that, I highly recommend anything by Nenn or the likes from the last 6 or 7 years. And for you conoseurs, yes I know Paul Norman did some good shit but I exclude him from the stereotypical 80’s porn as he was light years ahead of his time. You want to be freaked out? Track down Bi and Beyond. “Salmasius”.

Anyway, I went to the archives and found some old stuff. Needless to say I fell in love again with Ms. Adams, who was Christy Canyon before Christy Canyon was. Long legs and beautiful blode hair, a hard flat belly (rare for 80’s unless the chick was on coke, but then it was a “sick skeleton” look.). But not Tracey. This chick worked out and had a humongo set of 38c’s natural and everything. Beee-u-ti-ful. She likes to f*ck too.

Go check her out. Compilations are easily found nowadays.

Honorable mention goes out to Ashyln Gere and Torrie Wells. But I’m sure I don’t have to tell YOU that.

So to all you married guys or guys with girlfriends, like me, who are just WAY to f*cking smart to get married (!), do yourself a favor and try to get so time alone. I got lucky that business trips are an excuse but if it costs you a grand or so to send her (or him) on a look at it as and investment in sanity.

Just some free advice from your pal Flea .

This has been Saturday Evening Post and I’m Flea.

Flea