Damn. That guy is hung like a horse.
– My girlfriend Desi, chiming in with her first opinion of Mr.Perfect
Welcome home baby .
Fuck Hennig. But a Hi and Hello to you. Royal Rumble just wrapped up and if you missed it, well that’s just too bad. Great show from top to bottom with some twists and surprises that YOU just would not expect.
Quick note before we get started. Dynamite is waiting until next week. Big, big thanks to everyone who sent their comments and reviews. It’s coming, just not this week cause, quite frankly, I have a PPV to fill space in this column and I would rather save that for a week when I have nothing better to talk about. Surely you can appreciate the honesty.
Or maybe the irony. At least one or two of you can appreciate irony right?
Come on, let’s go
If you are not familiar with the format, here’s the story. I rip off MYSELF and pull the preview (the shit in italics) from my OTHER weekend news report (Saturday Evening Post) and then fill in the blanks with them there results. Go back and read the report if you like. Good stuff, if you ask me and where else can you celebrate Patterson’s birthday in style?
Royal Rumble with the winner moving along to a title shot at Wrestlemania
Al Snow, Albert, Big Show, Billy, Booker T, Boss Man, Bradshaw, Christian, Chuck, Diamond Dallas Page, Faarooq, Godfather, Goldust, Jeff Hardy, Kane, Kurt Angle, Lance Storm, Matt Hardy, Maven, Mr. Perfect, Perry Saturn, Rikishi, Rob Van Dam, Scotty 2 Hotty, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Test, The Hurricane, Triple H, Undertaker and Val Venis.
Of note are the returns of gimmicks past, not to mention the Hardys. We need to have an Ironman, per stipulation for Royal Rumble rules, and that should be Kurt Angle, in my opinion. Kurt thinks the same thing, which you may or may not know depending if you checked out Byte This. This should be good enough to keep your attention for an hour and a half, with the thing boiling down to HHH vs. Austin one way or the other. Again, no problem with that. It would be cool to get some mileage out of RVD as well as Booker and Hennig, and be on the lookout for a variety of comedic spots. Think they will make anything of Chuck, Billy and Goldust? Think Godfather, DDP and Hurricane will look at each other and laugh hysterically? Think Bossman and nevermind. Excitement galore!
Top notch and well booked, with the exception that Maven, who of all people was not eliminated. You may or may not see follow-up to that story. No real “iron manÃ¢â‚¬Â although Perfect did a great job of hanging (ugh) in till the end. RVD didn’t do shit. Neither did Booker. HHH and Austin carried the last 20 minutes or so, with Angle and Perfect playing the normal “hang around and do shitÃ¢â‚¬Â role. Godfather had a dozen ho’s. Val Venis is HUGE! As mentioned, Maven was the star of the night, getting a fluke elimination of UT then promptly getting his ASS KICKED, bladejob and all. He never did get eliminated but did manage to end his night face first into a popcorn stand, courtesy of UT. HHH ended up winning after an elimination of Angle. Not really all that surprised on the results this should build nicely to WM if they stay true to the stips and keep the belt on
WWF Championship Match Ã¢â‚¬â€œ Rock vs. Some Other Guy
According to Smackdown and the promos Rock appears to be the dead nuts lock to win. But wait! That’s what the WWF wants us to think and therefore Guy should be able to cheat his way to victory, maintaining his heat and getting himself over as a credible champion. But wait! Maybe we are too smart for our own good and Rock is really gonna win the thing. But wait! It makes no sense to out the belt on Rock right now because Guy needs it more than he does. But wait! My head hurts. All I know is now is Some Other Guy’s chance to turn me into a believer by making his “in ring workÃ¢â‚¬Â match up to his promos. Will he do it? I doubt it. Will it be a great match? Yes. Rock has a proven track record on PPV. Will folks scream that Guy “carriedÃ¢â‚¬Â the Rock? Probably. Will they be right? No!
Not a classic or even an “early Match of the Year candidateÃ¢â‚¬Â (although you will probably read that somewhere or other) but definitely a solid match with an ending that makes perfect sense. As far as Guy’s in ring work .damn. The motherf*cker hit TWO of the best Lionsaults I have ever seen him do and the Rock kicked out. Eric, have a field day with that if you like. Rock put on a good show and Guy kept up, even when it turned into a brawl. Canadian folks ran in ( Storm and Christian) but it didn’t matter. Hebner got murdered and substitute ref Nick Patrick refused to count the pinfall for Rock, but that don’t matter either. What matters? The finishing sequence: ballshot, head to the turnbuckle (conveniently exposed by Guy earlier in the match) and a pin with the feet on the ropes. Beautiful. Not that I’m a believer in Guy or nothing but a damn fine match. A buildup, rematch and another “tainted winÃ¢â‚¬Â by Other Guy at No Way Out would be awesome. Someone tell Rock not to kick out of the Lionsault unless Guy misses it by a mile, please. What a waste.
Vince vs. Fair Ã¢â‚¬â€œ Street Fight
This one should be fun. People can complain about Vince all they want but he always takes great beatings in his PPV matches and this one will be no exception. And it’s Flair, folks. The “dirtiest player in the gameÃ¢â‚¬Â. Look for eyepokes, ballshots and BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! I’m wondering if Vince has the balls to rip of the “Flair FlipÃ¢â‚¬Â or “Flair FlopÃ¢â‚¬Â just to be a dick. The psychology should be good enough to make up for the ages of these old goats, not to mention BLOOD! I love matches like this.
Yes, yes and yes. Critics pan this match if you want, I don’t care. I may not be the first get this opinion out there (depends on when BOSS post this..but here is what I was thinking at 11:05pm est (actually earlier if you count the thoughts during the match): Vince Rules. This is what the blow-off match between Flair and Bischoff should have been like. Except Uncle Eric was too much of a dickface to put Fair over on PPV. Flair takes a beating and bleeds like a stuck pig. Vince gets his comeuppance and bleeds as well BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD! Flair hits the low blow from hell and makes Vince sumbit via the Figure Four to win the match a blow the roof off the joint. Good stuff all around and for sure not definitive enough to end this feud. Maybe another match at WM?
Edge vs. Regal Ã¢â‚¬â€œ Intercontinental Championship
Should be another good stiff match. Edge has been looking good lately, retaining his title against all comers but having Regal commit severe acts of nefariousness via brass knucks. I’m cool with Regal cheating to win and then Edge chasing him for a while, eventually getting the belt back at WM. Of course if anything else happens, I’ll be cool with that as well. THUMBS IN THE MIDDLE!
Don’t ask me why, but I’ve always wanted to type that.
10x better than the last PPV match. Slow build with some good stiff shots by both guys. Regal managed to drop Edge on his face TWICE, but that did not play into the ending of the match. What did? Brass knucks, of course, even though ref Nick Patrick stuck his hand down Regal’s pants and pulled out a set (of knucks, you sickos) at the beginning of the match. Regal obviously planned ahead and had a second set hidden between his balls and asshole (hey, his tights weren’t that big). Regal wins the Brass Knucks Punch To The Face Cheatin MoveÃ¢â‚¬Â.
Duds vs. Tazz and Spike Ã¢â‚¬â€œ Tag Team Championship
Spike is going for the “The Jeff Hardy “Man Does This Dude Do Some Stupid ShitÃ¢â‚¬Â award and is doing a damn fine job of it. A 3-D on concrete? Ugh. Rumor has it this is Paul E.’s pet project for the moment, which should be for a good old fashioned ECW-style tag match. I.e. a bunch of shit happening and breaking. What is to be gained with another Dudley run with the belts? Nothing. What is to be gained with a Tazz / Spike extended run with the belts? Umm
5 minutes and it’s over. Spike and Tazz win. Nothing more to say. Really. I’m not kidding. Really.
Jazz vs. Trish Ã¢â‚¬â€œ Women’s Championship
Have I told you that Terri is the new host of EXCESS? I like it like that.
I should have given this more buildup. Match of the f*cking night. Non stop action and a great effort by both girls. Jazz rocks and Trish is obviously using her time previously delegated to EXCESS to learn some rasslin. Sure, this will get panned but I don’t care. This was the best match of the night, maybe because I went in expecting nothing and Jazz and Trish delivered something good. In a related note, my daughter said that she has a teacher that looks “just like JackieÃ¢â‚¬Â (who happened to be the special ref for the match). Guess who is the chauffeur to school tomorrow? Not that I’m looking or nothin’ just curious. 😉
This show sounds pretty good, huh? I’ll be watching it and hopefully YOU will be too if not 411 will have plenty of content pertaining to the show available. Cheapskates.
Fucking A it was a good show. Not to mention that HBK made an appearance from WWF New York. Nary a bad match, with the exception of the Tag Match, which didn’t suck but just got no time. Go check the newsboard for “BOSS’S GOOD TIME REALTIME PPV COVERAGE!Ã¢â‚¬Â and buy a f*cking t-shirt while you ain’t doing anything else.
HAVE YOU HEARD?
Reports are all around that Goldberg played golf. Whhop-dee-f*cking-doo. I reported it AS IT HAPPENED ,as the golf thing was going on when I wrote the Saturday News. Only reason I didn’t finish the story of Bill throwing his caddie in the lake was that the caddie missed the two big rocks while doing a dumb ass swan dive that wouldn’t rate a “2Ã¢â‚¬Â from the judges. Trust me, if Goldberg would have blown the move just like when he kicked Bret Hart’s HEAD into the next zip code, you would have heard it here first.
I would talk about the letter from Scott Hall’s brother but f*ck it I have an easier time believing in the Tooth Fairy.
ANOTHER WEEK OF THIS CRAP
RAW and Smackdown take a trip to South Carolina this week for hat is sure to be some red-hot Southern crowds. Be sure to watch. Some dude named Nielson is counting on you.
By the way, WWF.com is pimping a picture of the Babe of the Year Trish Stratus. Sexy but it would be 100x better if she had her hair down. Just an opinion from someone who doesn’t even own a Black Reistol Hat.
THE LINKS ARE ON ME
Brower and Jakked are like two peas in a pod. Go visit him.
Steven Scwenke returns with fsomething fthat fwill fdelight fyou. Trust me, you will get the joke if you go here.
Carlos is the Patron Saint of Heat not to mention the King God of the 411 forum, where something is going on, but it would behoove you not to be an Outsider. Go and blend in, just wisely choose your poison. It’s hierarchy, yo.
And me, Flea, comes off a double shot of love, with Saturday Evening Post and EXCESS. Thanks for reading in advance.
Hey! Where is Art and the Lyrical Stunt?
Oh yeah .Rasslin Roundtable. Go visit before those you hold in high regard change their story.
All apologies, but no Dynamite this week. As I mentioned, I have to save stuff for non-PPV reports on account of I just ain’t that creative.
In lieu of that I will give you something each and everyone of you should be familiar with.That is if you claim to be a ****** member of the Internet Wrestling Community. Below are opinions that can easily be compared to when you had to read Shakespeare in school. Required shit that goes over your head but on second or third or fourth reading you realize it’s classic
For those of you who may not know, this is the man upon which 99% of the IWC base their existence on, with the exception of DEAN, who walks to the beat of his own drum and someone who is dead, who made up a different set of rules.
Ladies and Gentleman ..
TAKE US HOME, HERB!
Flea note: I pulled this at random. To get the full effect, go to www.twconline.com/herb/
Away we go ..
The WWF had Vengence on PPV this past Sunday, 12/09/2001. In the weeks leading up to the show, the WWF’s fortunes continued to decline, with the predictable response: hot shot booking, vulgarity and soft porn. Hey, those things have been credited with the last business turnaround for the promotion, even though it is unclear just what true effect they had. I’ve become enough of a non-serious fan to not want to bother with the analysis of historical data, at least this time out, but even if those numbers showed that any of these three elements of the product played a role in the previous recovery the longer-term effect has to be considered. The profanity and semi-naked women helped make WWF TV a lightning rod for negative media attention, much of it deserved upon careful analysis of the company’s attitude, which started the exodus of TV advertisers, hurting an essential revenue stream. In the long run, the hot shot “what will happen next” booking led to unprotected wrestlers being used up before they should have been; part of that problem is due to the incredible number of hours of TV product that the company produces, but the accelerated rate at which up-and-comers become yesterday’s stars is further exacerbated by frequent turns and a lack of respect for basic character traits and history.
You know, the WWF and Vince McMahon, in particular, have been credited for an amazing track record for hitting the pulse of what the audience wants and for making stars out of guys that were wasted elsewhere. None of that legendary prowess has been dsiplayed in recent time. Even guys like Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho have not really advanced beyond the point they were at in WCW. In both promotions, the fans were conditioned quite quickly to know that these guys were not going to win the big match. It became such common knowledge that “not winning the big one” is the story line that led to Chris Jericho’s current push to main event status, har har. Of course, that “push” is hardly a push, unless you consider being treated like a loser at every turn on TV as a push. Compare the treatment of Jericho, some of it quite subtle and all of it designed to set him up to fail, with the way that HHH was elevated. The sad thing is that, just like WCW, there is a club of top guys — Austin, Rock, Undertaker, and the soon-to-return HHH — who protect their spots at all costs, losing in the most strategic ways, always making sure that there are at least some key moments where they make it clear to everybody, in a match or in an interview or in both, that the other guy isn’t really in their league. So Benoit, Jericho, Angle, Booker, Rob van Dam, and all others, are cut off a few times, just long enough for the fans to know that they shouldn’t give a shit about them. Equally bad, guys that did mean something in WCW, like Big Show or DDP, when absorbed into the WWF product never seem to mean as much any more. Where is the brilliance?
And we’ll probably never know exactly what happened to totally kill the whole Invasion angle. It was seemingly the easiest angle in the world to turn into a huge money machine for the company, but instead it is dead at a point where it really should have been in the early building stages. Was it Vince’s inability to promote the team of his greatest competitor in the wrestling war as being on the same footing as his own team? Linda has said that they were concerned about diluting their brand name. Was it the egos of WWF wrestlers that led to them not being willing to work with the WCW guys, who hadn’t paid the same dues?
DDP had something hot going with his stalker angle, but then a couple of key players reported that he “can’t work.” And, bang!, he’s history, ironically replaced by the workhorse team of Kronik, who lasted all of one match with the company because they “can’t work” either. Then Rob van Dam gets cheers even though he isn’t positioned to get those cheers. As he starts to gain popularity, what do we hear from backstage reports: he “can’t work.” In all of these cases, “he can’t work” actually led to an “I don’t want to work with him” dictum from the key players, which just goes to show you how great the WWF locker room environment really is. We can say what we want about Hulk Hogan over all of the years, and he is far far far from what I consider to be a great wrestler, but he ended up drawing a shitload of money from guys that we all saw couldn’t work. Two words: Ultimate Warrior.
So, where are we? HHH returns shortly after this PPV, no doubt adding more harmony to the locker room, cough cough. He wants to be top dog, and that would require him to be a heel, which he is more comfortable playing, but it also takes away the obviously hot program built around revenge for his leg injury. I guess they could still promote that, if they used some care. Chris Benoit returns in the new year, with zero expectation that he’ll ever get the respect he deserves. And we surely needed Rock to pull Rikishi back into the upper echelon.
The company did a complete restart after the last PPV. They nonsensically announced that Shane & Stephanie had sold their shares in WWFE to a “consortium” to drum up the money they needed to build WCW nad ECW. Now, I guess that means that Vince and Linda were 50% owners of the company from that point on. Well, the rabbit pulled out of the hat turned out to be Ric Flair, who claims to be, I guess, the full consortium since he says he owns 50% of the company. Are we really supposed to believe that Vince McMahon is worth $1-billion on paper, then the kids and he are actually each worth half that, then the kids sell their half to run WCW and ECW only to lose it all, then Ric Flair apparently pulled together a half-billion bucks to buy half of Vince’s fortune? And Vince, who was just a week or two before reconciled with his wife, seeking counselling, is now openly flaunting a fictional affair with Trish Stratus while getting her to kiss his ass.
Going into the show, the results seemed at least partially clear. Rob van Dam can’t work, or s the Undertaker would surely convince us. And who in his right mind would bet on Angle or Jericho in the unification match?
- Instead of hitting us with a hot opener, the new revamped WWF PPV product opened just like a Monday Night RAW show: with a lengthy interview segment. Vince McMahon bitched a bit, and Ric Flair came out to cut him down.
- Albert & Scotty 2 Hotty beat Test & Christian: Jim Ross announced that this was a “bonus” match. Now the word “bonus” to me implies the obtaining of something one actually wants, so I’d like to call this an “added” match. Heat segment on Hotty. They mentioned that Test cannot get fired by the WWF for any reason in the next year. Test himself has jabbered on about this on TV. It then makes perfect sense that he is content to muck around in half-assed opening matches. Not that I want to see it, but shouldn’t Test be screwing up all of the main event stuff because he wants to be at that level? On TV on Thursday, Ric Flair had to point out that if anybody saved Vince from his ass-kissing punishment that person would be suspended. In the old days, it went without saying that interferers risks suspension; now it merits special mention on one rare case. If that stipulation really made things run more smoothly, why not make it the standard again? Anyhow, given that idea, why wouldn’t Test farm out his services to anybody, since Test can’t possibly be suspended without pay, right? Just as typed that, Albert pinned Christian with the Baldo Bomb. It was clear that this would be the result since the thrown-together team surely wasn’t going to win. Lame-ass opener.
- Edge beat William Regal to retain the IC Title: Jerry Lawler joked that Regal couldn’t have his new trademarked brass knuckles with him since he wouldn’t have been able to get them past airport security. Which makes you wonder how he brings them anywhere in the large travel radius that the WWF tours. Back and forth. Edge scored a two after a rana off the top. Edge hit a sloppy Northen Lights suplex for another two. Regal took a bump to the floor. Edge tried a flying shoulder block onto Regal on the floor, but Regal moved, so Edge ended up nailing the stairs. As the referee was looking after Edge, Regal pried his brass knuckles out of the ring assembly. Edge scored a few two counts before Edge hit an enzuigiri. Regal hit two powerbombs for a two count. Just as Regal pulled out his knucks, Edge nailed a spear for the pin.
- Jeff Hardy beat Matt Hardy: Lita was assigned as referee. It’s like they want to blow the whole wad in one match every time, instead of slow-brewing the story line with matches. Match had the expected structure, starting off sort of scientific before heat of the moment stuff. Of course, Jeff scored the pin, with Lita counting it on her boyfriend. Matt ended up storming away later that night. Boy, I sure hope they don’t switch her into presumed sexual relationships with both brothers. Wrestling bookers sure hate women.
- Dudleyz beat Big Slow & Kane to retain the WWF Tag Titles: This is as good a time as any to ask: okay, the Alliance titleholders kept their jobs after the last PPV. But do they continue to stay on the WWF payroll even after losing the title belts. The whole match was built around Big Slow spanking Stacy, based on TV the previous week. Watching these four while being in the middle of Dynamite Kid’s book makes one realize how important and generally underappreciated the bumptakers of the business are. Everybody in this match pretty much stinks at taking good bumps (and I don’t mean stunt man death-defying bumps). After the spanking spot, they built to this totally contrived spot where Kane clotheslined Slow, leading to those two arguing. The match continued, but those two dorks miscued again. Slow ended up taking a flapjack into the exposed turnbuckle, with Jim Ross calling it a 3D in the turnbuckles. Hey, if this leads to a Slow vs. Kane match at the next PPV, I’m all for it. We need some more truly bad wrestling. Sadly, the two stiffs just lumbered around the ring instead of brawling with each other.
- Undertaker beat Rob van Dam to win the Hardcore Title: Undertaker bumped a bit for a couple of high spots after clobbering van Dam on the first spot. That first miss led to the commentators completely criticizing van Dam’s style, which a cynic might say was the point of the spot. Undertaker has the same hairdo as Steven Richards. They brawled on the floor, and Undertaker again just sort of swatted van Dam out of the air during a high spot. RVD always went to high spots, ’cause that is his style, and Undertaker only took or sold half of them. They walked. What would an Undertaker hardcore match be without some walking? They ended up at a staging area. RVD used a fire extinguisher and a garbage can before climbing up to the balcony. A cross body off the balcony onto Undertaker onto a staged area only gave him a two count. Still, Undertaker seemed to be walking around before RVD. They went backstage, ending up behind the Titantron. Hey, I wondered if a Road Warrior silhouette would fall from the roof. They ended up out on the platform. UT torpedoed RVD into the Titantron. He signalled for the powerbomb instead of going for the pin. RVD grabbed the Titantron to avoid the powerbomb. A chair came into play. RVD missed the Vandaminator a few times, but UT hit some chair shots. UT threatened a tombstone, missed it, RVD missed a Vandamintor, UT hit a chokeslam on RVD through some tables. Bingo, exactly what one expected coming in. That finish totally sucked; it’s tough to be RVD. UT was walking around afterwards and even rode his motorcycle away a minute after the pin. The commentators sputtered that UT took a hell of a beating from RVD, but the final minutes told the real story: Undertaker barely sold the accumulated assault of the match, riding off into the sunset, while RVD lay on the tables in a heap as we cut away to the next segment. Well, you know, compared to UT, he “can’t work.”
- They aired a video on HHH. It was the usual slick, slick production, but I just don’t get HHH’s mystique. Made into a name by a garbage wrestler who is arguably the most believable brawler of this modern era, HHH somehow has been given this reputation of being a great worker. He might have a great work ethic and a love for this business which is transcended only by his love for his own position in this business, but he doesn’t even come close to being on my top 10 or top 20 list. As this video aired, I kept wondering how they could possibly have the nerve to air the first two matches of the three-match title unification mini-tourney immediately before the unification match.
- Trish Stratus beat Jacqueline to retain the WWF Women’s Title: Okay, is it T&A or is it pseudoathleticism? The bookers can’t decide. The women’s division really needs Jazz, who for some reason is in doing backstage interviews. Oh, hell, the women’s division needs so much more than just Jazz. Anyhow, this was just about as bad as expected. They tried, but it was so sloppy that I couldn’t look at it in anything except a comedic light. Trish missed her bulldog spot, but ended up winning with the patented Dusty Rhodes backslide. They even shook hands afterwards, smiling at each other.
- They aired high(?)lights of Vince McMahon’s stinkface from Smackdown. Jeez, how much filler can they jam into this PPV? Apparently a lot. I went up to the desktop computer to do a few things that my wife needed for work. I was gone literally ten minutes, thinking I’d missed some great action, but strolled back into the family room to see Austin just making it into the ring. Yes, they tournament matches air back-to-back. I have to think that the PPV could have had a wonderful structure if they aired the first two tourney matches as the openers and the final match as, well, the final match.
- Steve Austin beat Kurt Angle to retain the WWF Title: Tremendous heat. Angle had American flag knee pads on, which I don’t remember from other matches. Good heated action. Angle hit the ankle lock, but Austin made the ropes. The commentators pushed that the accumulated damage might leave the winner unable to compete at full capacity in the final. Then again, the winner might shrug off the damage in ten seconds and ride off on a motorcycle. Austin’s leg met the ringpost. Angle’s chops drew a Ric Flair response. Angle did the Bret Hart figure four around the post. At this point, I was expecting an injured Rock to fight an injured Austin in the main event, with that result being questioned to build up WrestleMania which would feature a rested Austin against a rested Rock. Punches. Match was mostly Angle. German suplexes. Angle went up for his amazing moonsault, but missed it, of course. Austin did a series of German suplexes. They didn’t look like Angle’s or Benoit’s is all I can say. Angle hit a low kick. Angle slam for a two count. Angle tried for a stunner, but Austin hit it instead for the pin. I can’t believe that they only went 11ish minutes. The historic point of the evening really merited splitting up the tourney matches and making them all 30 minutes, so the guys in the final would wrestle an hour in total. Instead it looked like we had two ten minute matches and a half-hour final on tap.
- As between-match comedy, Test decided to explain that the way in which he was going to flex his “can’t fire me” muscle was by sexual harassing Trish. Well, she didn’t want to kiss Testicle, instead forcing him out of the room.
- Chris Jericho beat Rock to win the WCW Title: Jericho has dyed the tailend of his hair red. He also seems a lot thicker on this push than he did, oh, a year or two ago. Jericho hit a spinkick right off the bat for the fast three count. Ha ha, sorry, couldn’t resist. The commentators actually tried to convince us that there was some question about what the result to this match would be, heavily putting over Jericho. Jericho bumped a lot. Lawler said that Jericho has beaten Rock twice, but didn’t mention that neither win elevated him because they were both bullshit. They brawled on the floor. Some nice exchanges. Nothign elaborate, but nice. There was an odd spot where Rock played possum but the comentators missed it. Jericho hit a sleeper, which is a tremendously over move at this point in the WWF, so the heat was tremendous. Oh, bullshit, Jericho hit the sleeper and the crowd knew that the match had no chance of ending with that move or that result. Jericho hit a lionsault and Jim Ross actually said “should be all.” Nobody believed that. Jericho crotched himself on top. A minute later, Jericho plummetted to the floor off the ringpost. Jericho slingshotted Rock into the ringpost, more or less. Jericho took apart the commentary table, because everybody always makes those table spots as safe as possible. I find that so annoying. Jericho Rock Bottomed Rock through the table, no, Rock countered with a DDT through the table. Rock tossed Jericho back into the ring. Rock Bottom countered into a face first russian leg sweep of sorts. Senton. Jericho did his version of the people’s elbow, but Rock grabbed him and put the sharpshooter on, but Jericho countered with the liontamer. Everybody expected Rock to tap. Ha ha. Rock seemed to black out. As his hands moved lightly on the mat, Jerry Lawler called it a tap. Rock suddenly went from sleepy to fully awake, just like Bob Dole on viagra, and grabbed the ropes. Rock Bottom. Vince McMahon ran out to distract the referee. Rock had the cover, but Hebner wasn’t counting. Rock belted Vince. Sidewalk slam in the ring. People’s elbow. The storyline was that Vince didn’t want his two enemies to be fighting for the title. Oh, so Jericho was going to get another lame win that isn’t really a win. Jericho hit the low blow. Rock Bottom by Jericho. Three count. He was announced as “winner of this match and new world champion.”
- Chris Jericho beat Steve Austin to unify the WWF and WCW Titles: No rest period. 20 minutes in PPV time. Kurt Angle ran in to lay out Austin. Rock laid out Jericho. Rock chased Angle to the back. Not sure where McMahon was. “Undisputed championship match” said the graphic. Jericho scored a two count on Austin. All Jericho, who recovered before Austin did. They went to the floor. All Austin. Personally, I would like to see a Jericho vs. Benoit program for the world title. They ended up on the Spanish commentary table. Jericho tumbled to the floor. Jericho tried for a submission off an armbar. No luck. Just as I was thinking “time for a referee bump,” Hebner bumped to the floor. Austin was hitting his comeback. Vince came out, calling Nick Patrick to the ring. It’s all about Montreal again. This time, though, Ric Flair canme out to stop the screw. Vince attacked Flair, posting him, with Flair making it look better than anybody on the active roster does. Austin laid out Vince. Thesz press with no ref. Elbow. Boston crab on Jericho, with Chris tapping. Booker T ran in and belted Austin before running off. “He doesn’t work here!” Vince tossed Hebner in. What a total mess. Jericho scored the three count. I think my problem is that when I think about the result of a PPV match I never take into account twenty million interferences. Vince laughed in total overacted fashion. Well, at least they tried to make things fresh, but they’ve now got a champion that nobody believes can really beat anybody. In the old days, the heel champ was a heel because he cheated or was in some way a prick, but we still believed he was tough enough to beat anybody. Flair cheated his way through title matches and often screwed the other guy, but we all believed that he was tough enough to win. Unless they actually put Jericho over somebody cleanly, this experiment is never going to succeed.
My love, the pleasure’s mine .
Thanks for reading THE MONDAY EDITION, I’m Flea.