Saturday Evening Post 02.02.02

PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. (Feb. 2) – Six more weeks of winter were predicted Saturday by Punxsutawney Phil as 40,000 people celebrated Groundhog Day at Gobbler’s Knob.

In a related story, I picked up some new lounge chairs today for the Super Bowl Pool Party tomorrow evening.

Hello everybody. It’s Flea and welcome to the weekend. Big weekend if you are a sports fan, cause it’s the SUPER BOWL BAYBEE and if you don’t like the SUPER BOWL, well you just ain’t right. Feel the HYPE! I just hope it’s a decent game, only because the party always gets crazy when the score is 50-0 at halftime. Nothing against the whole party scene, it will just be nice if everyone is into the game in lieu of other shenanigans. I gotta work early Monday morning, you know. So if you are going to any parties tomorrow, behave yourself and enjoy the food, drinks and game. Save the wild party behavior until Valentine’s Day weekend, where for whatever reason, it’s always more pleasant to be as incoherent as possible. If you have a significant other, you know what I mean. If you don’t and are alone, you can relate to that as well. For Saturday evening you can try subway breakfast which is delicious.

Plenty of reading material for you here, so print this out, grab a seat on the old toilet and enjoy! If you think it’s necessary to wipe your ass with my words, go for it. I usually shell out the money for Charmin, but if you think it’s appropriate, by all means knock yourself out. And file that whole saying in the “analogies that just don’t make sense” category.

Let’s get to it .

TOP STORY

I think I’ve said all I’m going to on the whole N.W.O. thing at the moment. To recap, I’m all for them coming in, think it will be good for the WWF business wise and all the political stuff will be made into one great big, super-duper, killer angle. Whether or not the rating hit the 6’s or 7’s makes no difference to me. And in regards to everyone you think will be held back, down, buried, etc. I think they will be just fine.

So today’s Top Story will be the so called HEINOUS crime that the WWF is about to perpetrate on all our candy asses: An increase in the cost of a PPV purchase.

As it stands, most months are about $30 bucks, with the exception of Wrestlemaina which was usually around $35. This will all change effective WM X-8, which will be $40 and subsequent PPV’s after that will be in the 35 dollar range.

This news came out with the side notes of WM X-8 will be a FOUR HOUR EXTRAVAGANZA and expect the Hulkster to be a “centerpiece” of action. Wouldn’t it be great, just for shits and giggles that Hogan wins the WWF belt at that show? Oh man, what I would give for that, just for the sheer glee of the Internet Wrestling Community’s mass meltdown. Oh well. But a boy can dream can’t he?

I have absolutely no problem with the Fed raising their rates. I for damn sure have no problem with them splitting up the promotion and doing 2 PPV’s a month. It used to be 3 about every other month when ECW was running shows. I bought em all and will no doubt continue to do so. I have been told that makes me a “sucker” but picture this:

Boxing events charge $50 for a flyweight match, a woman’s match and a main event that is usually hyped with no hope of a decent payoff. Which may or may not be fixed. And which damn sure is a waste of money 10/10 times. The replay is on cable, normally the next weekend. Here’s a good tip for you guys and gals that get harassed by people calling you a schmuck for ordering “Wrasslin PPV’s”. At least when Vince and Co. put on an event, your gonna get roughly three hours of entertainment, whether it’s “off the charts” “a piece of shit” or even the dreaded “thumb in the middle”. I have NEVER felt ripped off, even with some of the stuff that WCW put out while on their deathbed. I refuse on general principle to pay for a Boxing Event ever again in my life, just on account I know I will leave the show with the overwhelming feeling that I just got f*cked with my pants up. Boxing as a sport at this time has about as much credibility as a

30-1 old gray nag at the Derby. Boxing fans, if you disagree, please keep those opinions to yourself. I would elaborate on the whole thing but this is a wrestling column and I know how worked up certain people get when you don’t stay on topic.

I look at the WWF jacking the PPV rates as a cost of living increase. No skin off my back. And I have expected the Fed from day one to use the return of Hogan as a selling tool for the “casual” fan. Kinda like Mike Tyson was. Which if you remember begat the whole popularity thing in the late 90’s.

No, the HEINOUS crime here is not PPV or Hogan. It’s this little news item that Ashish put on the Newsline:

Gene Okerlund is in talks with the WWF about a potential return. Okerlund confirmed that the negotiations were taking place on a recent radio appearance.

Just when Lillian was bringing her “A” game. Bummer.

Wop Bop a Lula a Wop Bam BOOM!

 

HEADLINES

The WWA made all sorts of news this week as none of the usual suspects could agree whether or not the promotion was bankrupt (as rumored) or if the planned PPV of Feb.24 would be cancelled or not. To add to the confusion the Big Bad Booty Daddy / aka Big Poppa Pump / and in certain circles aka Scott Steiner first posted on his website that the story of him being their was BULLSHIT and he doesn’t know a damn thing about it. Someone must have cleaned the GHB out of his hears because he later retracted that statement and plans to be part of the promotion. That is if Vince doesn’t be a prick and throw some dough – rey- me at him.

BOB was the one who set the record straight as he picked up the phone and made a call to the RIGHT DEPARTMENT, who confirmed yes in fact, the Vegas PPV is planned and ready to rock and/or roll. The only catch is tickets were supposed to be available today, but for reason not disclosed, you will have to wait till Monday.

In a side note – I wish that ESPN would just stop playing that f*cking Bobby f*cking Knight commercial. If you watch or listen to ESPN you know what I’m talking about. I usually have ESPN on here in the office when I’m doing the news reports and have been bombarded with that f*cking commercial with that piece asshole Knight 4 f*cking times. Give it a f*cking rest already. Damn, and I had made a promise that I was gonna tone down the language this week. Sorry for the segue, just something that’s been bugging me.

As I was typing in a side note, it look as if Chyna is not, I repeat NOT!, going to be a part of the WWA. Neither is Joanie. She appreciates the thought but wrestling just ain’t for her at the moment. Jeff Jarret is most likely relieved that he will not have to do the old j.o.b for her. Then again he did pocket a whole lotta scratch for that j.o.b. But on the other hand, he pretty much burned his bridges with Vince. But going back to the first hand, Double J was never all that good in the Fed anyway. I think he’s better off with the promotion he’s in. Top of the card and wrestling (no bullshit), whether that’s by default or not. At any rate, don’t look for Chyna. Can you tell how much that story interests me?

For those of you in NJ, go check out the Russ Haas Memorial Show over in Bayone. Good cause and all the popular Indy talent will be there to pay respects. Sounds like fun, attend if you are able.

And now, the man that puts the “fun” in functioning with a 50 year old pervert sitting next to him .

THE ROSS SAYS THIS

In the latest Ross Report, JR didn’t have a whole lot to say. I think everyone is staying pretty tight mouthed about things just to keep the whole now angle under wraps. But here are some interesting items of note

Test apparently will be winning a match of some sorts at Wrestlemania. As if being Canadian wasn’t enough, according to JR Test will be celebrating his BIRTHDAY that Sunday (March 17th) as well. Now who has the heart to job a guy not only in his hometown but on his “special day”? So here is your magic 8-ball spoiler of the weekend: Test will be involved in WM and will WIN his match, regardless of who he is facing. For shame if he don‘t.

Good Ol is also a big fan of Chuck and Billy. That explains that. Cruiserweight division my ass.

DDP will be having tea at Yale. JR does not elaborate so I am not sure why that is news. I’m sure it may possibly by some chance maybe have something to do with “motivation” but how much more “motivatin’” do the people at Yale need? Unless it’s a sports team worth a shit.

JR names drops Bischoff meaning he will probably end up on a TV near you sooner rather than later. Of course it’s thinking like that that usually gets the net crowd in trouble. I think it’s just JR being a prick and taking a shot at someone, just cause he can. Hey, he who laughs last last laugh laugh last. I can never get that right.

Also named dropped was Dusty Rhodes. Actually JR just mentioned the “American Dream” in reference to what Goldust is up to. If they bring in Dusty eh better not put my ass on the line that much. That’s how bad things happen, If you weeeel.

And that is all from JR for another week. Expect business to pick up next week, that is if Good Ol feels like telling us stuff.

RADIO GA GA

Many of today’s wrestlers choose to express their opinions and gripes on various radio programs, be it the standard AM/FM stations or the up and coming Internet talk shows. Here is a run down on who said what

Kurt Angle has an interview up at WWF.com. Personally, I’m hoping he doesn’t do the whole Olympic thing in 2004. I consider that to be a no win proposition, unless of course he wins the gold medal. The guy has the talent, no question about it, but if would happen to lose to some Bulgarian goofball, there goes his gimmick. Then again, if anyone could make that into an “angle” it would be Kurt. Prodigy, that’s what he is. And the year off might keep him from being “buried”, if you are someone who goes for all that backstage stuff. On second thought let me change my opinion to “undecided”. That was easy enough.

Arn Anderson was the guest on Byte This. Hey E.C.! That’s YOU, baby! Tell us the dilly! Look for his report in the next day or so. And for those of you who don’t know, Arn rules. This is one of the few times I went out of my way to listen to the show, in lieu of just reading the recap. I thought about doing my own recap, but that would be gimmick infringement and I might find out the hard way that “E.C.” stands for E.at your f*cking liver with a nice C.hianti. YIKES!

The Nature Boy was also on a radio program, but Fair is still coming to grips with this whole non-kayfabe era of Sports Entertainment. Personally, HHH has this down to a fine art, as his interviews brilliantly weave real and fake together with conviction. Check out the Cactus DVD or video “Hard Knocks and Cheap Pops” as H comments on the whole “Return of Cactus” angle. Great stuff. As far as Flair, he is still the man, but his out of character interviews leave a lot to be desired.

ROLL THE DICE

According to reports, Eddie Guerrero is planning on doing the Japan thing while he gets his life back in order. I can’t tell you how much I wish it was HIM in the role Some Other Guy is playing. Although Guy has impressed me with his matches lately, especially the one with Maven. Methinks he has been watching some HBK videos and maybe has come to grips with his shortcomings, i.e. making his offense look, you know, THREATENING! Hope he keeps it up. Contrary to what people think, I have nothing against Guy and think he will be one of the best around if he just puts some effort into his craft. Like HHH did. And have I told you lately how much Austin rules? Good luck Eddie and hope to see you back soon.

Tonight on EXCESS will be Sgt. Slaughter, for reasons I’m just not sure of. But I like Sarge and he did a kick ass interview on the WM2000 eight hour pregame show a couple of years ago where he went into detail what it was like to be an “turncoat against patriotism”. Hopefully he gets the same amount of time this evening. Grut may or may not be joining me, I haven’t asked him yet. But I promise not to step on his jokes this week, providing they are, you know, funny! And no, I have no problem of being the “butt” of the joke, it’s just

Fuck! It’s the Bobby Fucking Unless Asshole Knight commercial again! Who can I talk to about this?

EXCESS is my column and it makes more sense for me to be in control and you (Grut) play the part of the dude that’s .aw f*ck it. I can’t explain the concept because according to those in the know I’m not that good and the whole “humor” thing.

VOICE FROM THE GRAVE

Ain’t that the goddamn truth.

 

Yeah, whatever.

IN OTHER WORDS

Now available on 411

Rivett gets in touch with his machismo, and wonders “Where have all the Hispanics Gone”. You know, I would expect Carlos or Art to have more of a problem with this than Joe, but it’s still a very good column and brings up some damn good points. Check it out.

Nason has got an Indy Spotlight for you right here

E.C. poses the question “How the hell does that old hag Ann Landers stay so young looking in her picture?” umm because they haven’t changed that picture in 30 f*cking years maybe? Well at least that’s what I got out of his column. Go read it for yourself and see what you think. I liked it.

Smackdown gets the normal dose of love first from McCluskey and then from Netcop.

Which leads right sweetly into this weeks Page Six

PAGE SIX

In the latest “let’s work our audience for some unknown reason” Netcop decided to do the whole “mystery hacker” thing, which was revealed to be his former (but not really) employee Scotsman. Ugh. When will these guys learn that shit is lame with a capital L.A.M.E. not to mention Netcop has his audience worshipping him like a Frisbee in California and just shot himself in the foot credibility wise. I mean, damn, from the response he got on his Boards, you would think Jesus himself rose from the dead and kicked his disciples in the balls. That was actually the funniest part of the whole thing. Not that Netcop cares. His response was pretty much “if you didn’t get the joke then you suck.” Amazing.

Don’t look for stupid gimmicks here at 411. And if BOSS or Ashish is reading this: if any of us come to you with a brilliant plan to “work” everyone, please make sure that person is made a moderator over on the message boards. Or maybe that’s being a little harsh. Just tell them to “f*ck off” instead.

This has been Saturday Evening Post and I’m Flea.

Flea