A Wrestling News Report 2.07.02

Let’s get to work, shall we?

News!!!

Shizzmackdown Shizzpoilers

Everyone had these. I don’t think Rajah was first this week. No one gets credit.

Rock fights the scourge of Wendy’s, an NWO thing plays, Triple H and Stephanie talk, an NWO thing plays, Kurt and Triple H talk, a Scorpion King thing plays, Regal and the Dudz fight Fat High and Blond, an NWO thing plays, Chris Jericho and Steve Austin and the fat guy from Mad TV talk, Jericho and Flair talk, Maven battles the Undertaker for the hardcore title killing a very nice build up to a Wrestlemania match between the two where Maven could have become the first person to defeat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania in the ultimate upset, this week maybe the homosexual stuff (gay and lesbo) may actually happen, Goldust kind of fights the Godfather, Vince and Triple H talk, the Undertaker stops the Rock from going home early (I tackled a slacker at work), Angle and Jericho and HHH have a party at the end, and they seem to be going the Terri Runnels rout with the baby. Mmmm. Smackdownliscious.

JUNK NEWS! HUZZAH!

Stephanie’s baby angle is right now scheduled to culminate in her delivering pictures of Sean Stasiak. They will be covered in mucus.

E! has backed out of filming a True Hollywood Story on the life of Vince McMahon. E was all for it, but the exclamation point is a firm PTC member. Look, they all can’t be funny. Most of them aren’t.

The Raw rating remained a 4.5 for the second week in a row according to 1bob. Executives have stopped throwing themselves off the roof of Titan Towers, but they’re also not living extravagantly.

Scott Steiner is going to have a physical with the WWF either today or yesterday. If he passes, he could be offered a job as a member of the NWO. I can’t wait to hear him yell and scream as a barely intelligible interview flows through his lips right before he explodes.

As of right now, the WWA PPV looks like it’ll be the Roaddog rapping and smoking joints for 2 hours with the Banana’s in Pajamas.

And now, a little note to all of the people on the message boards. Leave Eric S. alone. What do want from the guy? He’s not going to stop being himself because you want him to. Once again, all of the news he posts is available on the newsboard and other places. It seems that some of you read him just to get pissed off when you know beforehand what he’s going to write. It would be like reading me and not expecting a bad joke every three lines.

Junk news! MABAH!

noW THAT’S WHAT I CALL BACKSTAGE REACTION 8!

Hulk Hogan, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash apparently made some very different impressions the other night backstage at Smackdown.

Hulk Hogan – Most of the wrestlers gave him a thumbs up except for Droz, who can’t raise his thumb. Stone Cold said that he couldn’t wait for the sagging superstar to job to him.

Scott Hall – Many were put off by his attitude, except for Dustin Rhodes. He was SO happy to see Razor again. He had an usher send Hall a box of golden roses. Hall kicked the crap out of the usher before getting drunk.

Kevin Nash – He was called the quiet one, keeping mostly to himself. He did ask how all of the other wrestler’s wives were.

MORE NWO STUFF!

Wanna hear which site had the most honest interview with a WWF superstar about Hall, Nash and Hogan? WWF.com.

X-Pac gave an interview with WWF.com in which he was brutally honest about the whole Kliq thing. He basically admitted all of them were jerks, but they’re jerks who know how to make money. He then added his name to the list of people the other superstars would be lucky to work with. So congrats to Scotty, Tajiri and Billy Kidman, you lucky bastards!

It is impossible to make fun of X-Pac since Edge said, “Hanging out with cool people does not make you a cool person.” He said it right to X-Pac, yet he didn’t get the message. Put this message on signs. Bring it to shows. Let the man know how you feel.

ALL RIGHT, NOW STOP BASHING ME ON THE MESSAGE FORUM!

A WELL-LIGHTED COLUMN

TheJinxedFink

Hi Mr. Grutman:

Nice to see you take your real name online. Writers don’t have anything to fear anymore you know. Don’t you get those cool, “find out anything about anyone emails”? I bet this played a part in your decision making process. Oh yeah!

Been a while and honestly I could have written you about more than a few things. I had a really good column on the false glass ceiling going but a couple of ham ‘n eggers beat me to the punch on that one. I had a old school column shifting around and BAM the WWF brings back Mr. Perfect and Golddust to squash that idea. I have been trying to discover where the leak is coming from on my computer, as I feel this may be tied to the endless penis enlargement emails I have been getting also. I didn’t even know I had a webcam on my computer either, I must have because how would those companies know to send me email regarding penis enlar…..oh nevermind.

However, never fear, I do have something to squawk about. This NWO thing has really got the kids and the smarts in a buzz lately. As for me, well, what can they really do? Do the names Hogan, Hall and Nash even translate to buyrate in the WWF fan pocketbook. Do they bring in different fans? Do they really cause new viewers? I don’t believe they do. They do nothing for me and the thought of seeing them job or others jobbing for them just repulses me.

You see, the NWO angle worked for WCW because those wrestlers were still a believable “can’t be beat” group. They just ran over everybody, and I mean everybody for a solid period of time. When a face would score a moral victory over them, hence a sudden (usually by the next broadcast) beat down would ensue. The NWO was just awesome at utilitizing the “we are good and we are united” beat down theory, circa The Horsemen 10 years prior.

Time passes though and the NWO isn’t believable as an indestructable force any longer. Especially in the WWF, whose motto should be “you will job and like it”! Even if they attempted to make it believable that the NWO was a force, are they any of them more of a badass that Austin or Rock or Taker or Benoit or HHH? I am at a lost as to what to do with them, and I bet the WWF is as well.

They is only one force, who hasn’t really wore off his badass persona. This person could spark interest and bump a buyrate. He is truly the internet’s bitch, however his aura and ring presence can’t be denied. That person is still Goldberg.

Yep, Goldberg. Bring him in as a take no prisoners badass. Very little talking, lots of ass kicking. Goldberg still has the burst of energy that the WWF style dictates, Hogan, Nash, and Hall don’t have it. Goldberg still has the wonder of what he would have been had not Russo booking took over. Goldberg really has that unfinished business angles that fans want to see:

Did Goldberg really rip off Austin’s persona? How will that score settle?

Does Goldberg’s never say die attitude equate to total domination, how that he has quality opponents?

Can Goldberg run over the WWF like he did WCW?

The booking would have to be centered around a slow, dominate climb for Goldberg. He would have to beat all or almost all of the WWF elite. The WWF elite shouldn’t mind, they love to job. No matter the final outcome, the take no prisoners Goldberg would be far more interesting than the slow motion, long pointless interview train that we will encounter for the next few months.

Feel the joy!

MY RESPONSE

First of all, quit bashing me and sending me stuff. You’ve had two columns posted, and Widro has read them both. If he wants to offer you a job, he will. To be perfectly honest with everyone, I’m more in favor of Dino getting a job here. You’ll see his new column up tomorrow and you will disagree with it like it was written by a PTC member. It bashes Razor/Shawn Wrestlemania X ladder match. It’s something different. I like his style, I like that he has a different opinion about things, I like his easy going personality. Unlike some people, I explained to him that he shouldn’t give his column a name because it wasn’t going to be a weekly thing and he listened to me. He didn’t run onto the message board and scream about what a jerk I was. As far as my job at this site goes, I got everything I was after pretty quickly based on the quality of my first two Wrestling Tales, the second of which is probably the most powerful piece of writing about wrestling on the Internet. The closest I’ve seen to a very high quality column I’ve posted was the Kurt Angle T-Shirt one by Badboy something, but then he disappeared.. Dino’s column last week was great, his one tomorrow is okay, and he seems to be a nice chap. Hire Dino!

Oh, this one. Goldberg is a jerk who hates the wrestling business and refuses to be a heel. He used 9/11 as an opportunity to bash the WWF. Screw Goldberg and the horse he road in on. Let his fifteen minutes run out. He retired Bret Hart, he ruined Russo and Bischoff’s new NWO, and he just seems like an unpleasant guy all together.

Mark boy, Goldberg is not a wrestler. Goldberg is a former celebrity who hurts people. Why don’t you just write the same article, but replace Goldberg’s name with Vin Diesel or Shaq? It’s the same damn thing. The NWO won’t help, you’re right about that. All that could help would be for Vince to get back on the pulse of America. Whatever. I care more about quality then ratings.

PLUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS (Brought to you by G.L.A.D.)

Ron Gamble will never stop writing articles, including this one.

EC comes back with a column Eric S called brilliant, proving that everyone likes a different flavor of ice cream. Man, they paid for the seats. What do you care if they acted like jerks? People like to be on television. Relax yourself.

MY END IS NEAR.

Here it is. See you tomorrow.