Here’s the deal with the Steve Corino interview and wrestling tale. Flea told me this great story. I honestly do not doubt the truth to it, but Steve Corino said it never happened. So I was going to write it anyway and put a disclaimer at the bottom, but God am I lazy lately. So instead I’ll publish it at the bottom as a simple interview with a wrestler. It’s not that it’s not special to have a wrestler answer my questions, especially someone like Steve Corino, but it’ll be just as fine in my report as it would in A Wrestling Tale. In fact, more people will read it this way. I hope this doesn’t piss off Flea to an extent.
Thanks to Dog, Ape and Man for filling in for me. I talked to him, resisting urges to vomit or mock him or actually physically attack him, and he was such a success that we decided he’d start popping in sporadically. We’ll see. I forwarded him your email, but you can reach him at DOGAPEANDMAN@yahoo.com.
Big news to report from the Grammy’s, as Pink looks like the Red Rooster and Christina Aguilera looks Gwen Stefani. Actually, that’s it. The Simpsons has said everything there is to say about the Grammy’s. John Stewart is putting up a valiant losing battle, though.
Hey! I liked putting that non-wrestling content in my report. Wanna hear my take on Enron? No? Oh. It’s just that look, it’s simple fine! Fine.
JUNK NEWS! HUZZAH!
The WWF released a poster for WWF Backlash in April which features HHH. But No Way Out featured RVD, meaning that the PPV will be headlined by DDP or the NWO.
Roaddog may have been arrested, which may be why he did not show up for the WWA PPV. The inmates did horrible things to him, repeatedly asking him how Billy Gunn keeps getting pushed.
The WWF Fear Factor did a 7.8 rating, losing to CBS for the night. Who would have thought more people would want to watch Ray Romano than Matt Hardy drinking spleens and pig brain?
The Big Show is very happy with his NWO friends backstage. “What the hell,Ã¢â‚¬Â the president of the JR fan club remarked, “I wasn’t getting a push anytime this millennium anyway.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Scott Steiner is close to being in in-ring shape and the WWF is very interested in him. Steiner was jubilant when he heard the news, remarking, “I live in constant pain.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Coming soon to an English Court Room near you, the WWF vs. the WWF! It’s kind of like when the WWF took on the WCW at Invasion. The other WWF has an NWO of it’s own, with Horse Hogan, Panda Nash, and Scott Hall, who got drunk and thought he was an ostrich.
Major changes are being considered for Sunday Night Heat, which will become a combination wrestling show/sitcom about a single dad who seems to be incompetent but gets the job done. It will star Michael Cole as the single father and Tazz as his whiny rebellious daughter.
Raw had a 4.7 this week. I don’t think it’s getting any better then that until the WWF lets Edge cut loose. You either think I’m kidding or don’t understand. Well, I don’t have the time now.
Billy Joel looked pissed off when he sang the Daily News part of his song. Baby.
JUNK NEWS! HUZZAH!
I GOT A SMACKDOWN PREVIEW FOR YOU! I am so alone
The Hardlyz HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and Lita face the DUDZ BONZO GONZO and Jazz, Flair and UT talk, Austin uses the most ridiculous weapon in wrestling ever when he talks with HoHaNa, Regal faces the president of the JR fan club in a non title match, Booker and Tajiri talk, Chris and Steph talk, Maven faces Goldust, UT face Al Snow, Flair and UT talk, Billy and Chuck and Farooq and Bradshaw party in what looks like a Wrestlemania preview unless they’ll blow it off here, Goldust checks to see if Maven is ok, Booker faces Scotty and a Wrestlemania match is set up, DDP and Christian talk, Steph and HHH talk, and HHH and Kane face Jericho and Kane. Looks awesome! Best Smackdown ever, except for that better one.
STEVE CORINO INTERVIEW
1. First of all, how’re you doing?
2. Personally, I can’t believe the WWF or WWA haven’t picked you up yet, especially with the split coming. Anything new on that horizon?
I am busy wrestling for multiple organizations not just in the US, but Canada, England, and Japan so there is no WWF, WWA, or even XWF in my future.
3. This one fat idiot kept bashing ECW at the site formerly known as wrestleline. He’s now a distant memory. Any last words for him?
Nah. Why put him over?
4. What’s the difference between working with Justin Credible and Dusty Rhodes?
Apples and oranges. Two different styles. Everyone has their own style and I try to adjust to it. I enjoyed wrestling both of them.
5. What’s happening to the normal looking guy in professional wrestling? It seemed that the line was crossed with Shawn’s success, but since then people like HHH had to blow up in order to make it to the top spot. Is Jericho the exception or the rule?
So what you are saying it’s wrong for HHH to have an awesome body? I never understood why people are so stupid that they think that since a guy spends years working on his body he must be jacked up on something illegal. Pro Wrestlers are different types of people. What is normal? The 21 year old, 110 pound college kid that wears sandals in December?
6. Who’s the sexiest Internet journalist? My sources tell me it’s Ryder.
You might have to ask Nova that question.
7. If you were in NYC, and we went to a bar and got a drink, and two hot women walked up to us and were all like, “Hey! You’re Steve Corino! Ditch your friend and come party with us!” You wouldn’t ditch me, would you?
1- I don’t know you so that chance that or us hanging out is pretty slim.
2- I don’t like going to bars
3- If I was in the bar and 2 girls walked up to me and asked me that I would not only ditch you, but tell them you were gay so they wouldn’t even look back.
8. Okay, I don’t know how close you are with this guy, but how can Eddie be such an idiot? I mean, he drives drunk while on rehab leave? I understand that wrestlers have more problems then most people, but it seems pretty self destructive. In the same vain, I’m not asking for any names, but is the drug situation getting better or worse backstage?
I don’t know Eddie very well so I don’t know his mind set. If he has a problem I hope he gets help. And I don’t think it is fair to call someone an idiot for a mistake that they made. Last time I checked no one is perfect. If he would have hurt someone or God forbid killed someone, then he would have been an idiot. Since that didn’t happen, he is just a guy that made a mistake.
And I couldn’t tell you about the “drug” situation in a locker room because I don’t use them or do the wrestlers that I would travel with. Are there drugs in pro wrestling, hell yeah but are there drugs at the naval yard, hell yeah. Drugs are a universal problem not a pro wrestling problem.
9. Question you’ve heard a billion times before, who’d you really like to work with?
I would have loved to wrestle Ric Flair in his heyday.
10. See any good movies lately? John Q was cause of Denzel, but the plot sucked.
The plot sucked? I take it you don’t have kids. I enjoyed John Q very much.
11. I told my friend I’m writing this interview. He told me to be all like, “You rule man!” Mark. Hey, there’s a question! More fun to work in front of, marks or smarts?
Smarts? What makes a “smart”? Because you pay $24.95 a month for AOL and read the “sheets”? That doesn’t make you smart, that makes you interested in knowing the insides of the wrestling industry. The “smart marks” were the ones that actually got into the wrestling business. We are the ones making the money and are still fans, doesn’t that make us the “smart marks”?
12. You have anything you want to plug?
13. I’ve got a toughie right now, and one that’ll probably have you delete this thing. In what kind of business can a technically sound wrestler who gives great interviews go from being the champion of one of the big three federations to an indy worker again. What was that like, and how do you deal with it?
You make it sound like a bad thing. You tell me, would you rather be the World champion of an organization that had money problems and couldn’t pay your salary or wrestle all over the world for smaller companies and get paid? Seems like a no brainer to me. I am not a young boy who makes $20 on the independents. I make my living working independent shows and a very nice one at that. I pick and choose who I wrestle for and also get to watch my son grow up. The uninformed think that the independents are there for people like myself, Sandman, Nova, Bundy, Honky, etc., to make our living and for kids that are breaking in to learn from us and make it to the next level.
14. Anyway, thanks for your time. Anything you’d like to leave the readers with.
Yeah, pro wrestling is a sport and entertainment. Don’t think about it 100% of you day. Watch it and enjoy it. Don’t over analyze it.
Figures, ASK 411, the Main Event and Games get plugs. Congratulations.
Whoops! Just got some e-mail from Dog, Ape and Man. Apparently, he went to a special premier last night of 40 Days and 40 Nights and sent in a little review. Well, I need something to close this up with anyway, so enjoy.
DOG APE AND MAN GOES TO THE MOVIES!
I AM DOG, APE AND MAN! DOG, APE AND MAN! I HAVE THE TAIL OF A DOG, WHICH WAGS WHEN I AM HAPPY! IT HAPPENS SELDOM!
But it was wagging like a Nun’s finger at a two dollar whore last night when I saw Josh Hartnett in 40 Days and 40 Nights. I was lucky that they were showing it in a theater which is directly above an abandoned subway tunnel. I have cut through the tunnel and made myself a small hole through which I can watch the movies they show in that theater. How I would love to venture upwards and watch movies with other people, but even in the dark my appearance is too hideous for others to tolerate. They would chase me out, beating me with their Milk Duds and Popcorn as if I were Scott Keith at a Wrestlemania party during an Undertaker match, for I am DOG, APE AND MAN!
Anyway, Josh Hartnett showed that he had IT, and that girl from A Knight’s Tale has beautiful lips. If I were still only man, I would stop eating garbage and dwelling underground and ask her out on a date. Why do I dream? Why do I allow myself such pain as to think that I may allow myself to think of me as I once was? How I would love to rip these ape arms off, to pull my cold wet nose off my face and rejoin society! WE COULD BE FRIENDS! YOU WOULD BEFRIEND ME, BUT I AM DOG, APE AND MAN! ARGH!
That guy from Road Trip was okay. So was most of the cast. Do you want a plot synopsis? Go ahead. Ask for one. Ask for a plot synopsis from Dog, Ape and Man, but look in me in the eyes when you ask. What’s wrong, CAN’T BARE TO LOOK THIS GENETICALLY ALTERED FREAK IN THE EYES? You disgust me. You may be all human, but I have more humanity than all of you combined inside my freakish ape back hair.
Still, HERE IS YOUR PLOT SYNOPSIS! I AM DOG, APE AND MAN! Matt (Josh Sullivan) swears off sex for lent because sex has become meaning to him and he thinks his ceiling is cracking. This includes all kissing and real physical contact. There is a funny scene after he swears off the sex, where he sees the Virgin Mary wink at him and Jesus gives him a thumbs up. I especially enjoyed that because I think that God hates me, and it was nice to see religious figures acting kindly.
Anyway, his coworkers set up a site that explains Matt’s predicament, and allows people to bet on when he will crack and start having sex again. Matt’s predictament worsens when he meets Erica (Shannyn Sossamon), who is the girl of his dreams, as well as mine. We see her naked! We see two girls kiss, but she is not one of them! I AM DOG, APE AND MAN, AND I MUST MASTURBATE! I have finished quickly. Although I despise them more then anything, I thank the scientists for allowing me some of the positive qualities of a dog.
Anyway, for some reason all of the sultry secretaries in Matt’s office try to sleep with him, and he must overcome all kinds of odds to keep his vow to God. Does he do it? NO HE DOES NOT! I TIRE OF THIS REVIEW FOR A MOVIE FILLED WITH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WHO WOULD SPIT ON ME AND THEN LAUGH IF THEY EVER CAME UPON MY HIDEOUSNESS! I RETURN TO MY UNDERGROUND HELLISH EXISTENCE! I AM DOG, APE AND MAN!
Thank you, Dog, Ape and Man. You can reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org, and he sometimes signs on AIM. I’ll see you tomorrow.