Saturday Evening Post 03.02.02

Hello again! I’m Flea and I will once again be your guide for the Weekend. Glad to see you too. A lot to cover today, but everything ties together quite nicely if you hang with me.

We are just getting our toes wet as we start dipping into the pool of March Madness! Screw the basketball tourney (not really, I love that thing) we are ON THE ROAD to Wrestlemania! Get hyped already will ya? Damn the net is depressing .

Let’s get to it .

TOP STORY

I can admit when I’m wrong. Not that I am, but I’m just letting you know that I can. As much or more than anyone I trumpeted the return of the N.W.O as a breath of fresh air into a relatively stale WWF product. Well so far, so bleh. Outside of Hogan’s facedown and subsequent beatdown of Rock-E, the angle as a whole has stumbled out of the gate. I’m a big of fan Austin but even he cannot carry this thing by himself. Scott Hall looks scared to death to just come out and talk, as his promos get s-l-o-w-e-r by the week. Don’t know what the hell is going on with Big Sexy but the whole thing just seems odd. These guys should have come in as KILLERS and just created holy havoc on everything and everyone. Much like the Invasion should have or the whole ECW angle in general. I have enjoyed many aspects of the products over the last few weeks but am confused to why we are stalling here. Not to mention they have turned Smackdown into another version of EXCESS, which is not a good thing. I recap EXCESS and one show like that is enough, that’s for sure. But anyway, I will continue to follow my New Year’s Resolution and just sit back and see what Wrestlemania brings me. But I would like to see things kicked up just a little over the next 3 weeks.

Speaking of Wrestlemania, it looks like Bret Hart was offered a role in this year’s show. According to Da Meltz, Bret was offered a spot at WM to be the “unannounced special guest ref” for the HHH / Some Other Guy main event. In addition, he would have most likely punched Vince, much to the delight of the Canuck crowd and probably most everyone watching. Bret of course, turned them down, but I would not rule an appearance or future angle out of the question. I have said all along that Bret will be back, the circumstances just have to be right.

As a follow-up, I went over to BOB’s site to see if there was any more on this story, but nope. Dave (yes him, not the smart one) was only crowing that BOB broke Bret Hart’s possible return LAT YEAR and promptly got raked over the coals for it. Somehow Bret’s recent announcements validate BOB “story” from last year. Good Lord, some people just have no shame. HEY GUYS! Keep it up! It only took Wade Keller 6 years to get the “Hogan at Wrestlemaina” thing correct. REACH FOR THE SKIES AND DREAM!

Anyway, we have 3 weeks until the big show and business should pick up as we get angles angled and matches matched. I personally am looking forward to the Kane / Angle match – the potential for that one to steal the show is very strong. As I was typing that last sentence I just remembered that the majority of the Fed’s WRESTLERS are currently in the f*cking Orient. Damn, RAW is gonna drag with no wrestling action. Maybe they will cart HBK out there for me. Now who’s dreaming?

HEADLINES

Other than that it’s pretty slow out there. As mentioned the WWF is over in Japan and getting good results as far as turn out and fan support. Not a single word about the WWA since about mid week. It looks like the much-anticipated match up between the APA and Billy/Chuck is off, in favor of a four way – same two teams I just mentioned, just add a handful of Hardyz and a dash of Dudleyz. Works for me. But what about Spike and Tazz? Oh well – according to InDemand the show is going to be four hours long.

And while we are on the topic of InDemand, look like their promos for Backlash are letting a pussy out of a purse: LOOKOUT for Split – promotion goings on as Flair and Vince battle for control!! And just to confuse us even further they put HHH on the poster! Those cads. By the way, remember WM2000 when the heel (HHH) won and then the face (Rock-E) got his comeuppance on the next PPV (Backlash 2000)? Think they have the balls to let Some Other Guy go over at WMX8? With Steph in the mix that could just damn well happen. I have no problem with that, as long as Guy gives me a good f*cking match. I know I can count on H. So anyway, InDemand is you source for the latest “insider” wrestling tidbits. Just hit the “Guide” button on your remote.

I have InDemand as part of my Time Warner Digital cable. Not that you care about that. What you may care about is what is on channel number 411:

DIGITAL MUSIC!! – R & B Hits of the 80’s and 90’s

To the best of my knowledge we don’t even have a black writer on the staff. A couple of Mexicans and several Jews, but no brothers. Moral of the story – don’t trust the InDemand spoliers.

Wrapping up the Headlines, according to my WWF Calendar, today is DEBRA’S BIRTHDAY! You know, THE PUPPIES!!! Debra. Stone Cold’s Old Lady! Yeah, her! And I quote:

The lovely Debra blows out her birthday candles today. More than just a beautiful woman, Debra is also a skilled actress. She studied at the famous method acting school opened by the renowned Lee Strasberg, who was nominated for an Oscar for his role in The Godfather Part II and trained such modern masters of the screen as Dustin Hoffman, Robert DeNiro and Marlon Brando.

So take that, Chyna!

And speaking of a man who could double for Luca Brasi (remember the dude’s face when they killed him – egegehkhekheehjhhhegghhhh – then look at JR. Right on) here’s Good Ol JR!

THE ROSS SAYS THIS

In the latest Ross Report, JR continues to phone it in. This is becoming a trend as well as his continuing downslide as the top play-by-play man is the business. The only reason Ross is still on top is lack of promotions and play by play announcers out there. But have you listened to him lately? He barley calls a match anymore and when he does he can hardly keep the names of the wrestlers correct much less be bothered with learning the names of their moves. When times get tough watching the show, I usually fall back on the announcers to at least make it interesting. I personally liked Heyman better, but Lawler when he’s not screaming like a 12 year old it pretty damn good at getting angles and wrestlers over. He has also been covering for JR a BUNCH over the last few weeks, much like John Madden has been doing for Pat Summerall for the past decades. What’s JR’s problem? Couldn’t tell you. All I know is the quality of his work has diminished and I hope he gets in gear leading into WMX8. So while the Ross Report has nothing of note, JR did snap off this at he end of his column:

The business owes none of us anything, and I’ve always looked at being a part of sports entertainment as an honor and a privilege not meant for everyone.

I have seen the future and his name is Michael Cole. Before you bitch and moan at me about that, go back to 99ish and listen to Cole when he had to do the “emergency substitution” when JR’s got sick. Cole was painful to listen to; overbearing and cliched. Fast forward until now and he has vastly improved to the point that I think his work on Smackdown in someways has surpassed Good Ol’s on RAW. So be on the lookout JR and get back on your game. This time next year we could very well be reading “The Cole Confabulation” and eating Good Ol Mike’s Tasty Tar-tar sauce.

RADIO GA GA

Many of today’s wrestlers choose to express their opinions and gripes on various radio programs, be it the standard AM/FM stations or the up and coming Internet talk shows. Here is a run down on who said what

Scott Hall did Byte This. Look for E.C. and his world famous and soon to be the “latest addition to the Pentagon’s security website” report, appearing sooner rater than later, I’m sure.

And that’s it. Unless you count Hawk telling stupid Jesse Ventura story. I don’t.

Slow week for Radio Ga Ga. Another One Bites the Dust. Killer Queen. Stone Cold Crazy. Tie Your Mother Down. Hello Glory Dog!

ROLL THE DICE

. And on March 1st Hogan will wrestle Rikishi over in Tampa. I might go just for the possibility of Hogan getting stinkfaced. Nah, ain’t no way Hogan is going for that unless Rikishi has agreed to be a living trampoline and general play toy for the Hulkster’s children.

– ME! Last weeks’ Saturday Evening Post

Shows what I know. I guess I should have gone because according to all reports I read, that big fat dancing bastard befouled the face of Hulkamania with that big fat dancing ass of his. Do you think this will shut all the crowd that cries “Hogan ain’t a team player, wah wah wah”?? Well, probably not, cause it wasn’t televised. And therefore it didn’t happen. Smark Logic 101.

IN OTHER WORDS

Now available on 411

E.C. currently has up a “what the f*ck” column about the bloodthirsty fans. It’s titled “Holy Sh*t!, Holy Sh*t!), I have no qualms about profanity but I understand.

And E.C. rules by the way (in case you didn’t know). He would rule even more if he plugged me, but he still rules anyway.

Brian Cole has the International News.

Nason has the Indy scene. Also check out his Indy Spotlight with Mike Quackenbush. Good stuff.

OY VEY! It’s a new Top 10 list!!

And may I be the first of the News Reporters to welcome Miss Galatea, from http://www.missgalatea.com as well as many respected wrestling publications and websites. I just wish the Fair Maiden had not started off with a Some Other Guy column, actually comparing him to HBK of all things. But I don’t want to start off on the wrong foot here (even though she is dead wrong) so, WELCOME to 411, Ms. G! To balance things out can you give us a “Rock- E is God” column, just to make Eric S,’s HEAD BLOW OFF! See, he’s the bad guy around these parts, not me. So WELCOME! (SomeOtherGuysringworkblowschunkshowdareyoucomparehimtoHBK) WELCOME!

And I will have EXCESS for you tomorrow. Grut will join me as well as another special guest (this one of the feminine persuasion, for all you studmuffins out there). You will enjoy it, I promise!

PAGE SIX

That wraps it up. I do want to touch base on one thing, seeing as I got a ton of emails asking my opinion and wanting me to do this/say that

Rob Black

First of all, big props to Jay Bower and Zach for their proactive approach to what they deemed to be offensive and untolerable. Depending on who is telling the story, the whole “puppy thing” was one big hoax to begin with, or changed into a “work” once the authorities got involved. I think it may be a little of both, but at any rate, Bower and Arnold played some role in exposing the matter to a larger majority of the public than Rob Black cared for.

My opinion? Who cares. I have seen PLENTY of con men, pimps, hustlers, starf*ckers and bullshit artists in my life. Whatever Rob Black does or doesn’t do is no concern of mine. Unless it directly affects my family. Not indirectly (his movies and website can be ignored) but direct harm to my family. Other than that I don’t give a f*ck about him or his ilk. People like that go away if you ignore them. And then the next one comes along. And then fades out. and then another one comes along and you know what happens to him?

He gets attention. He gets censored. He bastardizes the meaning of the First Amendment a forces the courts to take his bullshit seriously, all the way to the Supreme Court, who rules on his behalf.

Which produces even more people that push the envelope of what is “obscene” and what is

“offensive”. It’s a vicious cycle. That’s why it’s best to ignore it.

Smoking marijuana is more fun than drinking beer

But a friend of ours got captured and they gave him 30 years

Maybe we should raise our voices, ask somebody why

But demonstrations are a drag

Besides we’re much too high

And it really wouldn’t interest, anybody

Outside of a small circle of friends

Phil Ochs – “Small Circle of Friends” (from the sixties protest era, kids)

Words to live by. Just ignore things until they get better. Except for the smoking ban, that is. Please vote NO to the ban. Help your fellow smoker.

This has been Saturday Evening Post and I’m Flea.