Wrestling News, Opinions, Etc. 3.05.02

Have you asked your kids today why they feel dissatisfied? – Minor Detail, Ask The Kids

Minor Detail created one of the great lost albums of the 80s (didn’t sell very well, was never released on CD, etc.). It’s almost definitely the second-best album that came from Ireland in 1983, and definitely the best one to have a Jesuit priest co-write lyrics. Unless Bono takes holy orders in preparation for the sainthood which he thinks he so richly deserves, that is.

And it’s a glorious Tuesday here at 411 as we continue the gear-up for our yearly collective orgasm known as Wrestlemania. Like every mating season for every animal, the males of the Internet Wrestling Community are losing the ability to think clearly with the scent of WrestlePheremones wafting through the air as we prepare for our three-hour-plus rut. Fortunately, my sense of smell has been dulled by age, so I can continue to provide you with clear-headed, rational reasoning through this trying time. This year, though, I’m not alone. It appears that Flea and Mister Norton have proven themselves immune to the siren song as well. Thank God for that, and welcome to the club, gentlemen. Maybe our combined forces can prove to them that T. S. Eliot was one month early.

Yeah, this hasn’t been a very good past ten days for me. First Chuck Jones passed away. Then, last Wednesday, a very close friend of mine had a massive heart attack and passed away as well. I’ve been busting my ass at work, since this is a busy season for the company, yet strangely enough, I’m still interviewing for other jobs. I’m under time pressure to get a response from a very large company somewhere else in Wisconsin, and have it done ASAP since my lease runs out at the end of this month and I need to know where the hell I’m moving. Then the weather decided to play havoc on Saturday with a half-foot of white shit dumped all over the Chicago metropolitan area, thus placing the Commute From Hell that I’m currently doing straight into the Eighth Circle. On Monday morning, I found that my garage door had frozen shut due to the combination of wet snow and bitter cold. So, I’m in a very bad mood at this moment. I immediately call the Garage Doors Sydney, to fix my door. And with there quick service, my garage door got repaired just in few minutes. It hаѕ bееn stated іn mаnу depositions thаt thе operations procedures оf mаnу stores simply dо nоt include thе daily regiment needed fоr properly verifying thе safe operation оf commercial automatic door systems. But аt AutomaticDoorSpecialists.com website уоu саn gеt аll thе features. Garage doors саn bе operated manually (by hand), аѕ wеll аѕ automatically (by power assisted motor). In bоth cases, thе proper operation оf thе garage door іѕ determined bу thе proper balancing оf thе garage door weight, springs аnd related component hardware.

An automatic power assisted motor саnnоt overcome аn improperly balanced garage door. Thе weight оf аll garage doors іѕ normally deceptive. Duе tо thе fact thаt a properly functioning door appears easy tо open аnd close, mаnу users dо nоt realize thе combined overall weight untіl springs fail tо assist thе door іn іtѕ operation. In аll cases, regardless оf thе type оf garage door, thе entire ѕуѕtеm оf hinges, track, hardware, аnd door opener work аѕ a team. Problems wіth misalignment, shifting, оr jamming саn lead tо problematic operation оf a door. Counter forces imparted tо a garage door, nоt engineered іntо thе components, саn lead tо injury. If you are looking for ADS Automatic Door Specialists visit us today.  Inappropriate maintenance оr complete lack оf maintenance hаѕ lead tо severe bodily injuries. Forcing thе operation оf a garage door, whеn оnе оr mоrе components hаvе bесоmе damaged оr broken hаѕ lead tо ѕеrіоuѕ bodily injuries. In аll cases, maintenance іѕ a crucial аnd important aspect оf proper operation оf аll door systems.

Doors аrе gеnеrаllу a vеrу important соmроnеnt оf a building. A hоuѕе оr аn оffісе premise іѕ not ѕаfе unless you hаvе a рrореr door іn the соnѕtruсtіоn. It ѕеrvеѕ mаnу purposes, рrіmаrіlу рrоtесtіng the іntеrіоrѕ оf thе buіldіng from natural fасtоrѕ lіkе wind, ѕtоrm and rаіn. Alѕо, a dооr is an important раrt fоr gаrаgеѕ, аѕ it еnѕurеѕ that your vehicle stays wеll рrоtесtеd. A gаrаgе door іѕ rather lаrgе in ѕіzе and саn bе ореnеd еіthеr mаnuаllу оr thrоugh special openers. Yоu mау gеt these аutоmаtіс dооrѕ from аnу furnіturе utіlіtу mаnufасturеr – but, ѕоmеtіmеѕ (if nоt саrеful) уоu mау end uр making a wrоng іnvеѕtmеnt. Sо, уоu have to bе саrеful аnd сhооѕе a garage door ѕеrvісе рrоvіdеr who has gоt some сrеdіbіlіtу іn thе mаrkеt!

Here аrе a fеw ѕuggеѕtіоnѕ whісh саn help you іn hіrіng ѕеrvісеѕ in thіѕ саtеgоrу:

* Yоu should ѕtаrt the rеѕеаrсh bу asking уоur frіеndѕ, family and асԛuаіntаnсеѕ аbоut good garage door repair services рrоvіdеrѕ whо are operating іn уоur region. They wіll (probably) nеvеr mіѕguіdе you.

* Yоu ѕhоuld аlѕо lооk fоr a соmраnу that nоt оnlу іnѕtаllѕ but аlѕо рrоvіdеѕ mаіntеnаnсе ѕеrvісеѕ after installation оf thе gаrаgе dооr. Council Bluffѕ is a рlасе whеrе furniture іnѕtаllеrѕ have a rерutаtіоn of mаіntаіnіng еxсеllеnt relationships wіth their clients thrоugh рrореr after ѕаlе services.

* Alwауѕ look fоr lісеnѕеd соmраnіеѕ that are rеgіѕtеrеd аnd have thе required work реrmіtѕ. Mаkе ѕurе thаt the organization has іtѕ rераіrmеn оr еmрlоуееѕ іnѕurеd, bесаuѕе уоu nеvеr knоw what mіght happen whіlе ѕuсh automatic gаrаgе dооrѕ are bеіng іnѕtаllеd.

* Ask уоur ѕеrvісе providers (bеfоrеhаnd) whеthеr thеу would be іnѕtаllіng gаrаgе door ореnеrѕ. Gеnеrаllу, іnѕtаllіng ореnеrѕ іѕ a frustrating task аnd mоѕt ѕеrvісеmеn lіkе аvоіdіng it. Also, hаvе a сlеаr understanding about the рауmеnt ѕtruсturеѕ, so thаt уоu dоn’t еnd up wasting money.

 

I think I’ll do some quickies from the World Outside Wrestling this week…

COUPLE QUIT JOBS TO SUPPORT HIS ELDERLY PARENTS, NEWS AT 11…

Thank you, Your Royal Highnesses the Earl and Countess of Wessex, for providing the biggest bullshit excuse to quit one’s job ever created. Yeah, my mother’s an aging widow on a fixed income whose investments have taken a nasty turn with the downfall of the market. I’d love to be able to quit my job to provide for her needs. However, she isn’t forking out four hundred large a year to help support me, so I can’t quit. All I can do is wait for the bitch to die so that I get the house and the SUV…actually, that’s what they’re probably waiting for too (not the house and the SUV part; they already have those). Princess Margaret did pretty well for herself being the sibling of a monarch, after all.

THE HOLES ARE THERE FOR A REASON

On Sunday, the Swiss voted to join the United Nations. Yes, it’s 2002, and the Swiss have just voted to join the UN. However, the voters insisted that their major contribution to UN efforts will be to provide the Blue Berets with cheese, chocolate, cool-looking fall camos, and functional multipurpose knives.

Actually, I shouldn’t joke about the Swiss. When I was in Switzerland doing the tourist thing, the local reserve militia were on fall manuveurs, and these guys keep themselves really, really well-trained. They could kick the shit out of any army in Europe if they chose to get involved. Plus, they have everyone’s money, and they can turn off the spigot if they so choose. Now they’re starting to scare me, a lot. Boycott Nestle!

SLITTING YOUR OWN THROAT, DIGITAL STYLE

How many ways can KaZaA f*ck themselves over? Let’s count them. First of all, there was the imbroglio a few months ago where they declared it “necessary” that all FastTrack network clients push ads down users’ throats. This caused a break in functionality with the giFT open-source FastTrack client, losing views for the KaZaA-provided ads. Then they went for the total greed move: KaZaA added spyware to their client, without which the client wouldn’t run. Its FastTrack rival Morpheus started trumpeting their “no spyware, ever” policy, causing most FastTrack users to migrate to Morpheus. There seemed to be no problems with that on KaZaA’s end. Until last week, that is. You see, KaZaA was sold from Dutch ownership to Australian, mostly because the Dutch courts put out a judgement against KaZaA in a suit brought by the RIAA for movie piracy. At the time of the sale, KaZaA was ignoring the court-ordered 50K euros per day fine. The new ownership decided that Morpheus wasn’t playing fair by not imbuing its client with spyware, so last week, KaZaA broke functionality with Morpheus. This caused Morpheus to produce a rapid transmogrification. Morpheus got off of FastTrack and on to Gnutella, and quickly put out a new interface based on the open-source Gnucleus client. So now FastTrack is mainly served by KaZaA only (I think Grokster’s still around, but it isn’t much better than KaZaA as a client), and has become almost as deserted as Napster. Gnutella, despite almost being killed in its cradle by AOL, has become the sole survivor of P2P networks. It’s a good feeling to know that the good guys win one once in a while.

A TRULY SAD DAY FOR ME

On Sunday, xFX Software said that they’re going to discontinue Pop-Up Killer after six years due to intractable bug situations with Internet Explorer. Everyone knows that this is the program that I recommended to f*ck over 1bullshit and other sites that insist on opening windows that you don’t want opened, so now I have to shop around for a replacement. I don’t like the pop-up blocking capability of AdSubtract, so I’d rather run a stand-alone program. PUK was easy to configure and use, so it’s going to be difficult finding as good a replacement. Recommendations will be accepted.

OH, CHRIST, IT’S BASEBALL SEASON AGAIN…

Spring Training has started, and this gives me yet another good excuse to start concentrating on golf. So, what happened at the Genuity…oh, shit, not Ernie. I can’t talk about Ernie Els for a full paragraph. The man has the charisma of rotting pork. Well, at least Tigger was able to make it close. Considering the results of three certain majors in 2000, it would have only been appropriate if Mistah Woods had won it.

CATFIGHT!

The real Mania takes place a week from tomorrow, as Paula Jones (replacing Amy Fisher) and Tonya Harding square off. What is wrong with this world that I’m more excited about this match than anything on the WM card except for Trip/Jericho, and even that’s a foregone conclusion? And how did Vince not get in on this one? The old man’s slipping, I tell you. As for whom I’m rooting for, Tonya over that traitorous bitch all the way.

YOU’RE A MORON: THE OLDEST CHARGE IN THE BOOK

Jacob Owens, who is obviously no relation to Charlie, unless Charlie really did get all the brains in the family, opines:

Just one question: If you know so much about how to run the WWF or any fed
for that matter…………WHY THE HELL AREN’T YOU DOING IT.

Because I don’t have the five years of soap opera writing experience that Steph requires in her job listing for the booking position. And the fact that she couldn’t afford me even if she wanted me. I’m a very high-priced whore.

My grandfather taught many lessons before he passed on,

One of which was obviously not “Don’t write hate mail to Eric S., because he’ll print it in his column and make you look like a complete ass.”

and this one has served me well for 41 years: THOSE WHO CAN……DO, THOSE WHO
CAN’T……………CRITICIZE!!!

Your grandfather was a moron too. The phrase is “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach.” George Bernard Shaw, if I’m not mistaken. Your grandfather was also a sheep if he believed that, and he must have passed that on to you through your alleged bloodline along with his stupidity. However, his advice just might apply to you. Where’s your column, Mister Owens? Obviously, you can’t do one, therefore you critcize those of us who do. Now go off into your corner and wait for me to say that you’re released.

THE PIMP SECTION

PK has his Raw stuff up.

Daniels, by thunder! And I’m glad to see that you’ve also realized what a force for evil Steph is.

THE SHORT FORM

Match Results:

Steve Austin over Booker T (DQ, NWO-ference): Apparently, Fan Appreciation Night is also Suck Up To Texas Night as the curtain jerks with two upper-card Texans facing off against each other. Lots of energy, and I was getting really enthusiastic about the match until the realization kicked in that this was going to be an NWO run-in. Isn’t mixing “Whooo” with “What?” for Austin’s chops slightly…well, sacrilegious? Not really considering Austin’s position vis-a-vis Flair in 1994, but still. Also, a Raw tradition is maintained, since Hall’s incoherent ramblings over Austin’s body count as the Opening Promo considering the source.

Curt Hennig and Test over Scott Taylor and Albert (Pinfall, Hennig pins Taylor, PerfectPlex): My God, Perfect got a clean pinfall! Will miracles never cease? Maybe it really is Fan Appreciation Night, and the fan they’re trying to appreciate is me…no, in order to do that, my Beautiful and Beloved would be knocking on the door right now dressed only in a French maid’s outfit carrying a pizza. Wasn’t it nice finally seeing Taylor and Rikishi finally reconcile, thus closing that particular open angle?

Goldust over Tazz, Jackie as Special Guest Ref, Hardcore Title/Tough Enough People Stick Together Match (Pinfall, garbage can lid shots to the head): Just as a reminder: your Hardcore Title holder was the loser in the one and only King of the Road Match. But they’re not going to bring that one up.

Jazz over Trish Stratus, Women’s Title Match (DQ, disregarding of ref’s instructions): My goodness, is that actual workrate I’m seeing in a women’s match in the WWF? Dueling STFs, stiff forearms and clotheslines…woah. I’m going to have to get used to this. I think that I will like the new tough Trish, though. This match might justify giving these two ten minutes at WM.

Rob Van Dam over Lance Storm (Pinfall, Five-Star Frog Splash): This would be the ECW Fan portion of Fan Appreciation Night, I believe. BTW, let me explain it now since I really haven’t had a chance to do so considering that Storm hasn’t had a win with the move on Mondays in God knows how long: my name for his half-crab is Testicle Ecstacy. This comes from a spoonerism from That Fat Fuck Mark Madden. During Storm’s first victory on Nitro, he pulled out the half-crab for the win, and Madden at that moment attempted to say “This match is technical ecstacy”. Unfortunately, it didn’t quite come out that way. I liked what Madden actually called the move and decided to keep it. Hey, it’s better than the Spinaroonie.

Scott Hall over Spike Dudley (Pinfall, Razor’s Edge): Looks like the NWO found their new lawn dart. As for me, it’s going to take a while for me to get used to the incongruity of typing Scott Hall’s and Spike Dudley’s names in the same match results.

Kurt Angle over Trip, Steel Cage Match (Angle escapes through door): Great match until that psycho bitch got involved. Damn her. Not a good way to close a good Raw.

Angle Developments:

Memo To The Guy In The Third Row: On behalf of the rest of Chicago, let me say hello back to you. Now put down the f*cking sign.

David Flair’s Return To Monday Night TV: All I can say is that UT made a good selection to go after David. After all, we know what David can do, and he isn’t much of a threat to anyone. Now if he went after Reid, that’d be another story. Reid would kick UT’s ass. And on top of that, we also had Mark Henry’s reappearance as well. Exactly which fans are being appreciated here?

Non-Comedogenic My Ass: Does anyone else have this frisson of fear running through them that hand cream is going to be the key element in the Trip/Jericho title match at WM?

The Benefits of Tape Delay: I got to fast-forward through the Flex Desire video. Lucky me.

AND IN OTHER WRESTLING NEWS…

1bullshit, in its effort to bring you the obscure and trivia-oriented, listed the workers in the David Flair vignette. Other than Doctah Tom, appearing were Tom Marquez, Jay Briscoe, Chris Divine, and Joel and Jose Maximos (aka the SATs). Except for Flair, none are currently under any sort of WWF contract. They were recommended to the video segment’s producer, Paul Heyman, through Heyman’s ex-employee Mikey Whipwreck; most of them have worked for Mikey’s QWA promotion. However, while the workers were there, they did do some try-outs for Pritchard. The SATs supposedly did a match against UT and the junior Flair for their try-out. With the roster split supposedly coming up, the WWF is probably looking for some more guys to fill the developmentals after the Lesnars and Constantinos of the world are brought into the big leagues, so it would only be natural for these guys to try out while they were at TRAXX anyway.

Nothing else that Ashish hasn’t mentioned and I want to comment on, so I’ll bid you adieu until tomorrow.