Hello and Happy weekend! I’m Flea and it’s Saturday when I’m writing this but most likely Sunday when you are reading this. As long as you are reading this is what matters the most to me.
Writing this today, I think today’s report qualifies as my “favoriteÃ¢â‚¬Â. Nothing special, but I realized when I was writing it how much fun I have doing this. Hopefully you guys and gals out there get the same kind of feeling for something as well.
Let’s get to it .
Duh. It’s Wrestlemania time! Let’s get READY TO ..get ready. It ain’t until Sunday Night. But to quench your insatiable appetite here’s a nice little preview for you.
Quick note – I’m not going to discuss the backstories to these matches just because with the exception of UT and Flair, the buildup was just not very good. What I will do is give some thoughts on the competitors and what the matches mean to me. It is my $40 being blown on this show, you know. And I’m looking forward to the WWF coming through in spades, ending exactly a year of mishaps and general laziness on many occasions.
Rock vs. Hulk Hogan
Being a mark, this is one of my dream matches naturally. When WCW folded (before that, really) I always had a feeling that the Hulkster would make a final run through the WWF. I didn’t think it would happen this fast or this way but here he is – first match back – headlining Wrestlemania. I guess that Hogan realizes that he has limited time left and he wants to get he moment in the sun while he is still able. Actually, that’s no a guess, Hogan said it himself in several interviews this week. He’s fifty, sees the writing on the wall and wants to go out big, but not necessarily on top.
Rock – E is like the kid in the playground that finds a five dollar bill – in the right place at the right time. I would be every dollar I have that if Rock did NOT have a big Hollywood movie coming out we would be seeing Hogan vs. Austin. I don’t mean that in a bad way because business is bizness. I’m into seeing Rock in this situation because I think he always puts on a top flight show. Whether or not you like his “workrateÃ¢â‚¬Â or what not, the crowd doesn’t fall asleep during his matches because Rock-E won’t let them. He knows how to work a crowd and that is, without a shadow of a doubt, what this match needs.
Why? Technically speaking this is not going to be your standard “five star matchÃ¢â‚¬Â. Easiest I can compare it to is the same vibe and legacy history wise as Hulk and Andre. Forget about how Jerry Lynn should be in there because “he knows how to workÃ¢â‚¬Â and just let the match happen. This is one for the ages and a match that will be talked about for decades. You are about to see history being made right in front of your bloodshot, beady eyes so kick back and enjoy it. History ain’t painful, kids.
Some Other Guy vs. HHH – World Title Match
Before I get into this allow me to toot my own horn, if you will. For months I have been calling Jericho “Some Other GuyÃ¢â‚¬Â and look what happens. He becomes just Some Other Guy in a silly feud amongst H and Stephanie. Ain’t I Great? Booking the WWF from the comfort of my own home, gotta love it!
But enough of that. Another match I’m psyched for, seeing as H is one of my favorite in ring performers. As usual, the jury is still out on what kind of match we will get out of Guy. He was on a major roll there for a few weeks until that last match with Austin. Rotten. But I’m still giving him a chance to win me over, I just hope he leaves that stupid lionsault move in the back. Here’s an idea! Do the “1Ã¢â‚¬Â “2Ã¢â‚¬Â COME ON BABY~! arrogant pose! Can’t blow that one and I laugh like an idiot when he does it. Hopefully they give these guys about 35-40 minutes to make something special happen as I have a funny feeling this one will end up in screwy fashion. But before all the crap, this one should be top flight if Some Other Guy can hold himself together.
Steve Austin vs. Scott Hall
For the grace of God goes a career in movies. With Rock-E getting top billing, Austin gets bumped to working with some one who has a TON to prove, not only to everyone who watches wrestling but to himself. I know Stone Cold is going to be ready – after all it is Wrestlemania and regardless of the fact that it’s not the main event, Austin will come out fired up and ready to give us everything he’s got, which is plenty enough to give me a good to great match. Hall should be just fine out there, doing his thing and letting Austin control the show. One thing I would like to see is Hall to blow a couple of moves and Austin SNAP and start stiffing the shit out of him legit. Wouldn’t that be fun? Again, this is not going to be a “technical masterpieceÃ¢â‚¬Â but for my viewing tastes I don’t really care. I love to watch Austin work (especially the big shows) and am glad to see Hall back in the thick of things. As far as Nash goes? He’ll be at ringside looking to throw his two cents in. No problem, let him. Another match I’m ready and waiting to see and mark out for .dude.
Let’s see. We are 3 for 3 so far. From where I sit, this card looks pretty good. Lets keep going!
Ric Flair vs. Undertaker
Oh yeah, we am 4 for 4. Flair, arguably the best performer in the history of the business against the Undertaker, who is an icon in his own right. Vince declared this “No DQÃ¢â‚¬Â which translates to “No Shit, SherlockÃ¢â‚¬Â in Flea’s vocabulary. It’s not a secret that these guys are not spring chickens but I have no doubt that Flair and UT have a plan to make this match work out just fine. BLOOD is what I like and BLOOD is what I’m going to get. I’m thinking we may see a “David Flair turn to the darkside angleÃ¢â‚¬Â here, but I think they may counter that with Arn just beating the f*ck out of the little punk. All of the above is choice viewing and did I mention that I like to see BLOOD?
William Regal vs. Rob Van Dam for IC title
Hello out there! Remember when we all thought (well not everyone) that RVD walked on water. “why the hell ain’t he in the WWF and stealing the show at Wrestlemania?Ã¢â‚¬Â Well, here ya go. RVD’s chance to shine and it’s against .Regal. On the plus side, RVD WILL let Regal beat the hell out of him, which means we are off to a strong start right out the gate. Only question is have is how much time these guys will get. I think on a four hour show, if they cut these guys to 8-10 minutes, it will be a shame. Shittier matches have been given 20 minutes, which is what these guys deserve, if not more. Too long, you think? Then you have no confidence in your boy RVD. He can hit a high spot, pop the crowd and pose (with the crowd going ape-shit for him) for an hour if need be. And that’s what this match is going to be all about – it’s RVD’s coming out party and we are all invited.
5 for 5, indeed.
Kane vs. Kurt Angle
Make that 6 for 6. I spoke about his match a couple weeks ago. I enjoy watching Kane when he’s in there with someone worthwhile and who could ask for anything more in Kurt Angle. I expect this match to be an excellent contest with Angle playing the conniving chickenshit opposite Kane’s performance as a seemingly unstoppable monster. However, this one will get lost in the shuffle when compared to the rest of the card but at least it wasn’t based on a “Japanese Shampoo Contrac –
Edge vs. Booker T
Wait a second. Oh hell what the hell 7 for 7. It is Booker after all, who always gives me a good match and Edge, who is quickly ascending that Stairway to Stardom. I look for a solid affair with Edge getting POPS from the crowd in the Rock-E / Austin range. Hometown boy and he’s looking to impress that young kid in the 6th row, who may just follow his own dreams and become a WWF Superstar. Stranger things have happened, you know.
Billy & Chuck vs. APA vs. Hardys vs. Dudleys for tag titles
Not going to give this one a bad mark so I’ll just say “pushÃ¢â‚¬Â. Been there / done that feel for this match but if the plunder (tables, ladders and chairs) are included then I’ll be entertained, I’m sure. Paul E.’s grubby little hands will be all over this, which means a wild ECWish type brawl. Drinking game of the night should be keeping track of the legal man – every time you or your friends get it wrong, DRINK UP! What the f*ck, 8 for 8.
Jazz vs. Trish Stratus vs. Lita for Women’s title
Expect all three women to put in a solid effort in their quest for the women’s gold. And yes, that’s it.
DDP vs. Christian for European title
DDP is another one I like to watch – solid matches and he always gives 100%. Christian always is fun to watch so I think the Fed did wise to include these guys in the big show. Unlike RVD and Regal, these guys don’t need all night to make their point. 10-12 minutes with a (semi) clean ending should do the trick.
Rikishi & Scotty 2 Hotty & Albert vs. Test & Mr. Perfect & Lance Storm
Recently added and will give a guys a place on the card. I made this prediction several weeks ago – Test wins whatever match he is involved with, he has that Canadian thing going for him. And it’s Lance Storm for christsakes. Good to see Perfect back around these parts as well. He could be a nice guy and wear BLACK trunks so I don’t have to be bothered with his COCK on display but knowing Hennig, ain’t no way he’s not putting that thing on exhibition for 70,000 and a PPV audience. Look for the florescent green tights.
Maven vs. Goldust in a Hardcore match may be added. Okay but where is Al Snow? Whichever, the hardcore matches are always fun to watch so sounds like a good way to round out the card.
And there you have it – Wrestlemaina X8 – Toronto, Ontario, Canada – Skydome – 70,000+ for the event of the year. This is a must see event: all wrongs will be set right and the Fed will blow us away with a show of all shows. That’s my prediction. Shame on you if you miss the Big Show!
Speaking of which, where is the Big Show? Damn.
This could have very well gone in the Radio Ga Ga section but I decided to include it here. After all, HHH has been downtrodden and abused enough lately, obviously being held back by Rock-E and Stone Cold, who think their little project with the n.W.o should take precedence over the match for the Championship. What am I talking about? H’s appearance on TSN’s Off The Record, of course!
H reflected on his time as a gimmickly restrained “blue bloodÃ¢â‚¬Â as well as his role and punishment in regards to the infamous “MSGÃ¢â‚¬Â incident. Yes he got the worst of that one but doesn’t say when he had a chance to f*ck Shawn over, he did. (This was the Smackdown show where Shawn got sent home for being “in no condition to perform.) H says that ANYONE would have done the same thing because, well Shawn was a mess.
As far a Chyna is concerned, good riddance and she needs to get over it already. On the other hand, H and Steph are getting along famously and see no foreseeable end to the relationship in sight. But in case it doesn’t work out HHH has no worries. He’ll kick Vince’s ass if he tries to punish him for that. Hey! Look what punching Vince did for Bret’s career! Is it possible that Bret f*cked Steph. And when Hyatte disappeared for all those weeks a year ago, do you think he was in jail? If the last two items are rumors don’t blame me.
Real life WWF bad asses? H name drops Angle, which I can believe. He also says UT, which I can also believe. But when it comes to Big Show? Pussy. Everyone in the locker room could beat his ass legit and would have a good time doing it. Methinks the big guy doesn’t have to many friends.
As far a Some Other Guy is concerned? He’s pretty good but not that damn good. H thinks Guy is missing a “piece to the puzzleÃ¢â‚¬Â. Hey! Where have I heard THAT before! Big shout out to HHH! Thanks for reading and agreeing with me, pal!
Expect H to blow the roof off the joint at WM. Good interview, go check it out at the TSN site.
The “World’s Most Dangerous ManÃ¢â‚¬Â Ken Shamrock showed his Cro-Magnon looking face in Toronto, where he spoke promisingly about a return to the WWF after spending the last couple of years “shoot fightingÃ¢â‚¬Â. Know what shoot fighting really is in Ken’s eyes? “Shoot!Ã¢â‚¬Â “I should have stuck with that FAKE shit!Ã¢â‚¬Â Ya think, Shammy-boy? Anyway, he has his eyes on Kurt Angle but only in the most manly of ways – he wants to beat him up. I’m no expert, but I say Angle murders him in a real fight. Feel free to disagree.
THE ROSS SAYS THIS
In the latest Ross Report, talks up Wrestlemaina huge, as well as he should. He expects nearly 70,000 fans for the big show and comments that AXXCES has done good business.
Also mentioned was the impending roster split. One group will be RAW and the other Smackdown, with Jim Cornette and Les Thatcher assisting Good Ol in the details and proper planning. No names dropped but JR has high hopes for the “developmental talentÃ¢â‚¬Â, which means my main man Rico Constantino will get some face time. For some odd reason Ross uses the term “brand extensionÃ¢â‚¬Â a whole bunch. All I can make out of that is it must sound better to the bean counters on Wall Street to phrase it that way. Don’t quote me on that.
JR and the Fed still have an eye on Big Poppa Booty Daddy’s foot. I think Booty Poppa would fit right in, especially with the impending roster split. JR thinks the same thing but is worried about Poppa’s foot, which “dropsÃ¢â‚¬Â now and then. Once they can determine that Daddy Booty’s healthy enough to raise some hell they’ll use him.
And in the first time I have seen someone address this (on JR’s level anyway) is that the crowd is going to be in that building for over FIVE hours, which is the BEST reason I can think of to have Rock / Hogan last. Hate to say it but H and Some Other Guy would just KILL the crowd that late in the evening.
That’s all from JR but he promises to get back to normal next week. and I’ll be here to transpose his doublespeak, I’m sure.
RADIO GA GA
Goldberg was on the Fox News Sports show and had the most horrendous things to say about HHH and Scott Hall. At least I thought he did when I read all the teasers around the net. Turns out all Billy Boy really said was that he would like to kiss HHH and Hall’s ass in real life. What I would like to see is Edge come out and remind Bill that it’s no longer 1982. People KNOW this shit is fake! By the way, Goldberg still ain’t coming back anytime soon. Good. Who needs him?
On a more interesting note, Vince McMahon did an interview for the Toronto Sun where he discussed in detail his trials and tribulations dealing with The Himtan, Bret Hart. Couple of quotes from the Vin Man himself:
“One of the public things that my character (Mr. McMahon) says is that I always do everything I do for WWF fans,” McMahon said in a wide-ranging interview with The Toronto Sun earlier this week. “The reality of it is, that is the case. Despite the way I would feel personally about someone, if it’s the right business thing to do, I’ll do it for our audience. So, I went through the right diplomatic channels to invite Bret and, quite frankly (!!!!!!! He even says that term OUT of character!!!!) , I thought it was on a confidential basis and agreed that it would be. Unfortunately, I, like a few other people, read his diatribe in The Calgary Sun.”
And the source of said diatribe? Bret wants his archival footage (tapes) of when he was in the WWF. To this Vince says this:
“I don’t know how inside you want to get on this stuff. It sounds like you do,” McMahon said sternly. “It sounds like you want to dwell on this stuff and it’s like, please, don’t make me have to get into this thing with Bret in terms of being a crybaby — in terms of maybe someone, I believe, who needs psychological help and everything else.
“I’m trying to do the right thing business-wise and for our fans and then I read about some sort of (library) crap. I don’t know of any performer that’s worked for MGM or any other major studios who thinks he has, in some way, some right to ownership of films he’s done. So, I don’t know why Bret would think that he should have some right to ownership or right to usage of videotape, which is no different than any actor who performs in any sitcom or television show. Unless it’s written in the contract, there is no ownership.
Call me silly but I think these two really don’t like each other. One more quote from the man himself:
“Only a few inside people remember the Bret-McMahon incident,” McMahon said. “You’d probably have to ask the Montreal fans. Probably the only way to determine that is if you come Monday to Montreal and do a survey of some kind. I would suggest they are there to be entertained just as they were entertained that night as well (in 1997).
“I don’t think it’s a real big deal.”
So no, all you people out there with websites, chatrooms, insider newsletters and opinions of the Montreal screwjob do not matter. NO ONE CARES! And you suck. That’s from Vince himself.
Jerry Lynn was on the radio in Rhode Island (coincidence? Or ironic?) discussing his problems with anyone who cares to listen. To make thing interesting, Bill Alphonso was the special guest host. Pretty much the same thing as with every other interview with Jerry, he gets f*cked and feels likes he got f*cked. All I can make out of his career is something must really turn people off about his guy. No doubt he is talented but for some reason no one wants him around. We will see what happens in the WWA, I suppose.
And would you like to hear about the WWF non stop. As in all the time? Well, it’s too late. All the media stuff in Toronto happened LAST WEEK but check the archives of any news source or website and you are guar-an-teed to get your belly (and ears) full. Hop to it!
ROLL THE DICE
Have you ever been to Niagra Falls? I haven’t. As a matter of fact I have never been farther North East wise than NYC. But it looks like I have a reason to go – the WWF looks to open a “theme parkÃ¢â‚¬Â which would include a big ass roller coaster called the “PILEDRIVERÃ¢â‚¬Â. Color me there, guys and gals. Also, you may see other news reports that say “heh wish they would throw (insert wrestler or personality here) over the waterfall.Ã¢â‚¬Â but I will not insert your intelligence with a cheap attempt at humor. In my opinion if you are going to throw ANYONE over the ledge, it should be GRUT!
IN OTHER WORDS
Now available on 411
Rasslin Roundtable is in three part harmony here, here and here. Or three part misery, I don’t know. Ain’t read the thing yet. But I will and you should to.
E.C. takes the week off but it ain’t his fault. No Byte This. But being the stand up guy he is, E.C went into his archives and brings us a doozy. Go see.
411’s very own Femme Fatale, Miss Galatea returns and has to eat some crow. Remember when she sung the praises of Some Other Guy only to find out that he is, in fact, just Some Other Guy. Should have asked me, been saying that for months. All that aside, Miss G’s latest looks at WMX8. Good stuff. And you are definitely most welcome, Miss G. I’m the KING of plugs around these parts but there is only a select few I really enjoy.
Speaking of which, Nason is back with his look at the Indy’s. As usual top notch and all inclusive. Hey Nason! If you are reading this what’s up with Mr. Ooh La La? Ain’t seen hide nor hare of him. Developmental contracts and “brand extensionÃ¢â‚¬Â is coming up. Can you make sure he knows!?!?!
And on the other end of the enjoyment spectrum Danny Birdwell has Tough Enough available. Don’t get me wrong, Birdwell does a great recap and it’s no knock against him. I just don’t like Tough Enough and refuse to mention it. But not in this case, where a fellow member of the site needs a plug. KING of plugs, I tell ya!
And come back for EXCESS, which just like Kane / Angle will most likely get lost among all the columns pertaining to WM, like the recaps of said show. Don’t despair, I will have it available for you, so please set aside a few minutes for your pal, Flea.
And as far as PPV Coverage – well look no further than BOSS’S REAL TIME PPV COVERAGE! Matches will appear live as they happen so be sure to check that out.
Netcop will most likely have his report up post haste, so be sure to check that out as well
And also be on the lookou
Nevermind. I’m done plugging for now. If anything else appears go click on the link.
Tell you what I’m gonna do. Just because it’s WM and we have the biggest showdown in the history of Sports Entertainment, let’s go back in time to the one of the BIGGEST FEUDS in Internet Wrestling Community history .
Once upon a time there was a website called the NWWWO.com. Filled with commentary by some of the most prominent members of the IWC, this website hoped to be the future of Internet Wrestling writing. Alas, it was not. Partly because it’s Indian Chief was a whacko. Anyway, here is a small example of the one of the biggest IWC net feuds in history, without a doubt the feud of 1998. Here you go
(FLEA’S NOTE: This is published as-is. For the full effect check out one of my favorite all time websites, nwwwo.com. Also, I’m not doing italiacs for all this because they are too f*cking hard to read. It’s all for you, baby! )
***** ***** *****
My Last Words For Chris Hyatte
By “Slymm” Sean Shannon
This past week following his Mop-Up, Chris Hyatte asked the question of his readers, are the feuds between different wrestling sites really necessary.
Well, I can safely say that as far as my readership is concerned, the feud between myself and Hyatte has already grown stale.
But still I’m going to write one more column about this little feud. Why? Well, Hyatte did bring up a couple of his points in his Mop-Up that deserve a response. And I didn’t make some things clear in my first comments towards Hyatte, in retrospect. But this will absolutely be the last space in my column that I spend dealing with Hyatte. As far as I’m concerned, Hyatte can carry out the feud as long as he wants from this point on, he’s not going to get another mention from me. Call me all the names you want, make all the claims you want, Hyatte. When you see my e-mail address below, that’s the exact point where you no longer matter to me. So enjoy this free press while it lasts.
I suppose the biggest oversight in my last column was that I forgot to mention that everyone’s entitled to like what they want to like. (I thought that was obvious … oh well.) If you think Howard Stern puts on an entertaining show, by all means listen to the damn thing! If you think Hyatte’s Mop-Ups are cool, print them out and stick ’em to your refrigerator! As someone who was laughing his ass off at Degeneration X’s antics last November and December while everyone else was still pissing and moaning about how That BH Guy got screwed, as someone who likes Gallagher, as someone who (gasp!) owns a Spice Girls album, I would be the first to say, “If you think something is entertaining, watch it!”
And you know what? I also read Hyatte’s Mop-Ups! (How did he think I found out about all the disparaging comments he made towards us? ESP?) And, shock of shocks, some of Hyatte’s stuff gets me to laugh! When and where did I ever insinuate otherwise?
But for one thing, I am certainly not the “big fan” of Hyatte’s he fancies me as being. I probably have read … seven Mop-Ups at most. And most of them were recently, waiting for his response to the nWWWo’s charges against him. But Hyatte seems to think that since I knew all about Z-Smooth, Johnny Rodz, jokes about Pat Patterson’s sexuality and his ex-girlfriend, that I must have had all his past Mop-Ups tattooed on the inside of my eyelids so I could memorize them in my sleep. Nice try, Hyatte. One mop-up is more than enough to have the Z-Smooth, Rodz and Patterson stuff packed into your mind. As for the crack I made about you “really [being] the dickless wonder your last girlfriend told me you were,” that insult has been around longer than Larry Zbyszko. I inserted that into the end of my column as a dig on the relative age and predictability of Hyatte’s jokes. It’s called parody. Look it up. Anything Hyatte’s ever said about his ex-girlfriends, I’ve missed out on.
Also, like I said above Hyatte’s material does occasionally make me laugh. As I’m sure most anyone who can get past Hyatte’s barrage of homosexual jokes would as well. But my point was that Hyatte’s material only really works on that one very base level. Let’s face it, when you get done reading the Mop-Up, how many of Hyatte’s jokes remain in your head past your next piss break? Compare that to some of these recent nWWWo gems:
- Group Therapy by “The Canadian Nightmare” Sean Boulton
- Wrestling With Your Money by Michael “Canyda” Jenkinson
- It’s The Contracts, Stupid by “Macho Mac” Jeff McGinnis
- Iron Mike Tyson – Only The Beginning, Baby! by “The Even Worse Guy” John Petrie
- WarGames ’98 by “The Heart-Murmur Kid” Kevin J. Podsiadlik
(or, for that matter, damn near any of HMK’s columns)
There’s a real difference between these columns and Hyatte’s Mop-Ups. The five columns above (which are only a representative sample of nWWWo comedic work; this isn’t even getting into any of our “serious” stuff) are intelligent comedy, stuff that makes you think, stuff where the path to the laugh takes a little brainpower. It’s not anywhere near as easy as Hyatte’s low-brow brand of humour to write, but when you get it to work, and the audience gets the jokes, they’re going to remember the jokes for a long, long time.
Why do I even bring this up? Well, this whole thing really gets to the root of this whole stupid feud: Hyatte’s recent assumption that the nWWWo was “long-winded, pointless and unnecessary.” Hyatte seems to think that his comment isn’t something for anyone to be getting their panties into a bunch about. Well, I’ve always been a briefs man myself, but excuse me while I go wad them up. I take pride in what we here in the nWWWo have accomplished. I take pride in getting our counter over the 100,000 mark. I take pride in how so many of us took Mark Madden down so many notches in so short a time. I take pride in all the fan mail we get. And when someone comes along and says that we’re “long-winded, pointless and unnecessary,” damn it, I’m not just gonna let it slide!
We here in the nWWWo are providing the kind of no-holds-barred commentary on wrestling that, quite frankly, you don’t get anywhere else. If you’re looking for low-brow wrestling humour, though, there are thousands of sites you can find it on. Hyatte may be the best at low-brow, but there are a whole lot of others who come damn close. And many of them are on GeoCities, and while GeoCities wrestling sites in general may be pretty bad, I’d trust something I read on GeoCities before I’d trust something I read on Scoops. My point was that between the nWWWo and Hyatte, if either one of us is “pointless and unnecessary,” it’s Hyatte.
But like I said, this feud has been pretty stupid from its beginnings. Hyatte’s already admitted he likes my work, I’ve admitted I like his. He and I have spoken via e-mail, and there’s absolutely no bad blood between us. As a matter of fact, Hyatte’s problem seems to be more with “Big Daddy Who?” Rick Scaia, whom Hyatte claims has no sense of humour. That’s the most ludicrous statement I’ve heard in recent memory that wasn’t on WCW television. I won’t even bother submitting evidence to the contrary regarding that statement, since it’s so obvious how wrong he is.
The consensus seems to be that if anything has been long-winded, pointless and unnecessary, it’s been this feud. And I’m not going to participate in it after this column.
Before I go, though, some more quick takes on things Hyatte said earlier this week:
For one thing, Hyatte made a claim that I’m just doing to get attention and a response, just like I’ve been doing with Herb Kunze. Well, duh, of course I’m trying to get attention! You think I’m writing this just because I like the sound of my own fingers hitting the keyboard? Or that maybe I’m on one of those weird ISP’s that says I have a minimum of storage space and not a maximum? I spoke earlier about how proud I was that we’ve had 100,000 hits on our homepage in the last seven months. Scoops gets more than 300,000 hits a day. As such, I think it’s safe to assume that Hyatte’s Mop-Up is the most widely read Monday night review on the Internet. And thanks to this feud, Hyatte’s given me some free press. Sucker.
As far as my feud with Hyatte being similar to my feud with Kunze, it’s not. Hyatte seems to think that my hatred for Kunze stems from the fact that he has a different opinion than me, and that Kunze has yet to respond to anything that either I or my alter-ego has said about him. For one thing, I’ve never had any problem with someone having a different opinion than me. My problems with certain people recently have been because they have claimed that their opinion is the only right one, that if I don’t see wrestling exactly the way they see it, then I’m either a stupid WWF mark or I’m suffering from some serious mental illness. That kind of thinking I do have a problem with, and I make no apologies for that. My problem with Kunze is that he’s a hypocritical little f*cksponge. (See, I told you I’d come up with another creative use of the word “f*ck” to describe Kunze this week!) He blasts the WWF for any number of things, most of which hold no basis in fact, then conveniently ignores all of WCW’s problems just because they have wrestlers like Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko – no matter how much WCW misuses them. Then Kunze turns around and says that we all hold the WWF to a lower standard than WCW! Go back and listen to Kunze try to explain why Eric Bischoff’s challenge to Vince McMahon was better than Degeneration X’s antics with WCW, or how WCW’s alcoholism angle is better than the WWF’s alcoholism angle. He makes absolutely no sense. (Herb, as someone who has alcoholic relatives, let me tell you something – you don’t stumble to the ring one moment and then pull off a move as complex as a crucifix powerbomb the next. It just don’t work that way.)
And in terms of getting a response from Kunze, I don’t particularly care if I get one or not. Fellow nWWWo members have shared with me Herb’s responses to e-mails they sent him, and they’re just as irrational as his TidBits. As if that weren’t enough, he seems to think that because he has all those college degrees, and because he’s Canadian and not American (go back and read his TidBits from this past summer’s World Cup for evidence of that), he’s smarter and therefore his opinion is better. That’s bullshit sandwiched between rampant ego and some pretty undeserved stereotyping. And pardon me if I want to take Kunze to task for that, but damn it, he deserves it.
Oh, and Hyatte said something else that was interesting: “Sean is 300+ pounds, he still lives with Mom and Dad, he doesn’t drive, and he has a speech impediment…..how many girls do you REALLY think he talks to?” That would have been a cruel, cutting statement against me, Hyatte, if it weren’t for the fact that I told everybody all that stuff months ago! I told you Hyatte’s material was old. And as far as me talking to girls, if you ever saw the kind of women who live in Toledo, you’d realize that quite frankly I wouldn’t want to talk to them anyway! You should come to Toledo sometime yourself, Hyatte; if the sight of Toledo women isn’t enough to make you go gay, then maybe I was wrong about your constant stream of homosexual jokes being indicative of your latent homosexuality struggling to get out.
One other thing: is anyone else starting to think that Hyatte’s pervertedness may be a gimmick? The man didn’t even recognize an enema when he saw one this last week on Raw! I’m starting to think all those “Edited By Scoops For Your Protection” lines in the Mop-Up are just cover-ups for the fact that Hyatte can’t come up with a real joke.
In closing, both to end this column and my involvement in this feud, let me agree with Hyatte on one statement: that I am the ballsiest commentator on the ‘net today. Can’t say that I disagree with that. But Hyatte thought that I should extend my ballsiness by saying that I actually liked his work. Well, I already did that, but that doesn’t take balls. Let’s see how much “testicular fortitude” you have, Hyatte. Do you have the guts to do some intelligent writing? To put some real thought behind your words for a change? The nWWWo is looking for good writers, Hyatte – you got the balls to send in a membership application?
Or will you admit that you don’t know how to write quality material?
****** ******* *******
Ain’t that something?
Enjoy Wresltemania and I will see you Monday .
This has been Saturday Evening Post and I’m Flea.