The Monday Edition 03.18.02

Hello again and Happy Monday! I’m Flea and I just happen to have my Hushpuppies on. Well, I never claimed to be glitter rock and roll anyway. I’m sure it will still be alright. Thank you for joining me and I certainly hope you managed to watch Wrestlemania last night. I know I did and I loved it. I haven’t has a chance to surf around and see what everyone else thinks, but anyone who trashes this show has a f*cking screw loose. Just my opinion.

Message to someone – HELLO! And washing an animal cage at the f*cking car wash is disgusting. So is mural painting you you you ..HELLO!

Come on, let’s go

FIRST OFF

Wrestlemania dealt all aces last night match wise, the only times I wasn’t interested was during the live musical performances, but that’s only a matter of musical taste. If you’re going to have ANYONE there for the Canadian audience it should have been Geddy Lee. Rush would have torn the house down but Saliva and Drowning Pool really ain’t THAT bad. I just think they need to practice a little more.

On to the matches. My stuff from Saturday Evening Post is in italiacs.

Rock vs. Hulk Hogan

Being a mark, this is one of my dream matches naturally. When WCW folded (before that, really) I always had a feeling that the Hulkster would make a final run through the WWF. I didn’t think it would happen this fast or this way but here he is – first match back – headlining Wrestlemania. I guess that Hogan realizes that he has limited time left and he wants to get he moment in the sun while he is still able. Actually, that’s no a guess, Hogan said it himself in several interviews this week. He’s fifty, sees the writing on the wall and wants to go out big, but not necessarily on top.

Rock – E is like the kid in the playground that finds a five dollar bill – in the right place at the right time. I would be every dollar I have that if Rock did NOT have a big Hollywood movie coming out we would be seeing Hogan vs. Austin. I don’t mean that in a bad way because business is bizness. I’m into seeing Rock in this situation because I think he always puts on a top flight show. Whether or not you like his “workrate” or what not, the crowd doesn’t fall asleep during his matches because Rock-E won’t let them. He knows how to work a crowd and that is, without a shadow of a doubt, what this match needs.

Why? Technically speaking this is not going to be your standard “five star match”. Easiest I can compare it to is the same vibe and legacy history wise as Hulk and Andre. Forget about how Jerry Lynn should be in there because “he knows how to work” and just let the match happen. This is one for the ages and a match that will be talked about for decades. You are about to see history being made right in front of your bloodshot, beady eyes so kick back and enjoy it. History ain’t painful, kids.

Writing more eloquent and verbose than I will try to do this match justice in the written word. I will only say if you missed it, get the replay. “Once in a lifetime” is a phrase that is used and abused quite often but in this case it applies. THAT’S how you work a crowd and THAT’S how you pass a torch. Bravo Hogan. Tell your kids about this match someday, guys and gals.

Some Other Guy vs. HHH – World Title Match

Before I get into this allow me to toot my own horn, if you will. For months I have been calling Jericho “Some Other Guy” and look what happens. He becomes just Some Other Guy in a silly feud amongst H and Stephanie. Ain’t I Great? Booking the WWF from the comfort of my own home, gotta love it!

But enough of that. Another match I’m psyched for, seeing as H is one of my favorite in ring performers. As usual, the jury is still out on what kind of match we will get out of Guy. He was on a major roll there for a few weeks until that last match with Austin. Rotten. But I’m still giving him a chance to win me over, I just hope he leaves that stupid lionsault move in the back. Here’s an idea! Do the “1” “2” COME ON BABY~! arrogant pose! Can’t blow that one and I laugh like an idiot when he does it. Hopefully they give these guys about 35-40 minutes to make something special happen as I have a funny feeling this one will end up in screwy fashion. But before all the crap, this one should be top flight if Some Other Guy can hold himself together.

I was shocked as hell they gave this one top billing but it worked out just dandy. Some Other Guy impressed the hell out of me and HHH looked great. Plenty of Stephanie involvement but not enough to ruin the match or the end result. The crowd got to see not only Steph get her just deserts but a happy ending with H walking with the gold. We all know where H goes from here but does Guy get lost in the mix? Hell, let him play around with RVD for a little while, I think that would work out better for him than anything Guy could do with Rock, Austin, Hogan or HHH.

Steve Austin vs. Scott Hall

For the grace of God goes a career in movies. With Rock-E getting top billing, Austin gets bumped to working with some one who has a TON to prove, not only to everyone who watches wrestling but to himself. I know Stone Cold is going to be ready – after all it is Wrestlemania and regardless of the fact that it’s not the main event, Austin will come out fired up and ready to give us everything he’s got, which is plenty enough to give me a good to great match. Hall should be just fine out there, doing his thing and letting Austin control the show. One thing I would like to see is Hall to blow a couple of moves and Austin SNAP and start stiffing the shit out of him legit. Wouldn’t that be fun? Again, this is not going to be a “technical masterpiece” but for my viewing tastes I don’t really care. I love to watch Austin work (especially the big shows) and am glad to see Hall back in the thick of things. As far as Nash goes? He’ll be at ringside looking to throw his two cents in. No problem, let him. Another match I’m ready and waiting to see and mark out for .dude.

Let’s see. We are 3 for 3 so far. From where I sit, this card looks pretty good. Lets keep going!

Never thought it would take seven million stunners to finish off Scott Hall but there you go. Austin came out blazing as normal and I haven’t seen Hall move that quick in 5 years. The match told a good story (with strong help from JR and King) about Austin having to overcome the odds. Definitely not the end of this feud. I thought Nash looked pretty damned good out their and he played the “ominous outsider” role to a T. Only negative comment is I think Austin should stay away from putting the “stink” on them there stunners. They don’t seem to have the same effect.

Ric Flair vs. Undertaker

Oh yeah, we am 4 for 4. Flair, arguably the best performer in the history of the business against the Undertaker, who is an icon in his own right. Vince declared this “No DQ” which translates to “No Shit, Sherlock” in Flea’s vocabulary. It’s not a secret that these guys are not spring chickens but I have no doubt that Flair and UT have a plan to make this match work out just fine. BLOOD is what I like and BLOOD is what I’m going to get. I’m thinking we may see a “David Flair turn to the darkside angle” here, but I think they may counter that with Arn just beating the f*ck out of the little punk. All of the above is choice viewing and did I mention that I like to see BLOOD?

Match of the night (not counting Hogan/Rock, which was more of an experience). UT went above and beyond to make Flair look credible and Flair showed flashes of old with his ring prescense and selling of said abuse. Doesn’t it just seems that much more realistic when Flair takes a hard shot, bounces up and yells “you son of a bitch” and then collapses in a heap? BLOOD all over the place as expected and a well time run in and then subsequent beatdown of Arn. UT winning keeps his “Wrestlemania mystique” alive and Flair can move along into his front office battles, having fought the good fight but coming up short. If this is indeed Flair last competitive match at this level I think he did a fine job of going out with a bang. And hopefully every wrestler in the back was standing around and taking notes. Mastery of craft is something that should not be taken lightly.

William Regal vs. Rob Van Dam for IC title

Hello out there! Remember when we all thought (well not everyone) that RVD walked on water. “why the hell ain’t he in the WWF and stealing the show at Wrestlemania?” Well, here ya go. RVD’s chance to shine and it’s against .Regal. On the plus side, RVD WILL let Regal beat the hell out of him, which means we are off to a strong start right out the gate. Only question is have is how much time these guys will get. I think on a four hour show, if they cut these guys to 8-10 minutes, it will be a shame. Shittier matches have been given 20 minutes, which is what these guys deserve, if not more. Too long, you think? Then you have no confidence in your boy RVD. He can hit a high spot, pop the crowd and pose (with the crowd going ape-shit for him) for an hour if need be. And that’s what this match is going to be all about – it’s RVD’s coming out party and we are all invited.

5 for 5, indeed.

When I wrote this I didn’t envision that it would be the opener and if there is ANY glaring mistake on this show, this match was it. I can understand RVD being in a hot opener but a match with Regal does not exactly qualify in the “hot opener” category. Still, strong, STIFF match with RVD getting the win and his first taste of “top tier” gold. Not exactly the “coming out” party I expected, but RVD has a long career ahead of him to impress and wow us at the big shows. Regal I hope will move back into a “commissioner role”, as his in ring work, while solid, is just not the modern fans cup of tea.

Kane vs. Kurt Angle

Make that 6 for 6. I spoke about his match a couple weeks ago. I enjoy watching Kane when he’s in there with someone worthwhile and who could ask for anything more in Kurt Angle. I expect this match to be an excellent contest with Angle playing the conniving chickenshit opposite Kane’s performance as a seemingly unstoppable monster. However, this one will get lost in the shuffle when compared to the rest of the card but at least it wasn’t based on a “Japanese Shampoo Contrac –

Was just a good as I thought it would be. Kane is more talented than people give him credit for and Angle made him look great. I’m not sure what happened with the pin attempt at the end of the match, but Angle cheated to win which makes perfect sense. Get the hell out of there before Kane lays in an ass kicking. Smart heel tactics always impress me and I think this feud has some legs to it if they let it develop. Not sure why, but these guys seem to click together in the ring with not only the in ring product but the “storytelling” aspect as well. Not the match of the night as I had thought it might be, but goddamn, they had some pretty stiff competition.

Edge vs. Booker T

Wait a second. Oh hell what the hell 7 for 7. It is Booker after all, who always gives me a good match and Edge, who is quickly ascending that Stairway to Stardom. I look for a solid affair with Edge getting POPS from the crowd in the Rock-E / Austin range. Hometown boy and he’s looking to impress that young kid in the 6th row, who may just follow his own dreams and become a WWF Superstar. Stranger things have happened, you know.

Good strong performance by both men. Edge looks to be a top level superstar in the making and I think and extended feud with Booker would do wonders for both men. I’m a big fan of Book’s ring work and he, as usual, did not disappoint me. Not sureif you caught it but Edge did give props to the section that he sat as a kid. Brief moment standing on the turnbuckles at the end of the match, but the moment was there. And I’m always a sucker for a happy ending.

Billy & Chuck vs. APA vs. Hardys vs. Dudleys for tag titles

Not going to give this one a bad mark so I’ll just say “push”. Been there / done that feel for this match but if the plunder (tables, ladders and chairs) are included then I’ll be entertained, I’m sure. Paul E.’s grubby little hands will be all over this, which means a wild ECWish type brawl. Drinking game of the night should be keeping track of the legal man – every time you or your friends get it wrong, DRINK UP! What the f*ck, 8 for 8.

I hope like hell you didn’t take my advice and do the little drinking game mentioned above. I would hate to have an alcohol related O.D. on my conscience. Besides that, Chuck and Billy did limited work as Jeff Hardy got slung around like a rag doll for a majority of the match. And damn did that boy look sick. I mean drugged out physically sick. Lita’s not to far behind him but far be it from me to speculate. Star of the night in this match was Bubba who kept the whole thing going while Chuck and Billy looked on from the sidelines. And in the surprise of the night, Chick and Billy retain. Odd, but still a good, entertaining match.

Jazz vs. Trish Stratus vs. Lita for Women’s title

Expect all three women to put in a solid effort in their quest for the women’s gold. And yes, that’s it.

This match went on right after the Hogan / Rock contest. Good place for it. Jazz wins.

DDP vs. Christian for European title

DDP is another one I like to watch – solid matches and he always gives 100%. Christian always is fun to watch so I think the Fed did wise to include these guys in the big show. Unlike RVD and Regal, these guys don’t need all night to make their point. 10-12 minutes with a (semi) clean ending should do the trick.

This one reminded me of a WCW PPV match. They did keep it short and to the point. The point being that DDP wins but tells Christian to stay positive which at the time directly after the match he did not. However Christian did manage to find another fish to fry before the end of the evening which would end up being a mad scramble for the

Hardcore Title – Maven vs. Goldust.

Okay but where is Al Snow? Whichever, the hardcore matches are always fun to watch so sounds like a good way to round out the card.

Maven did not in any way shape or form look ready for primetime. Goldust hit some trademark “hardcore” spots, including something original – the “hit the head of the shovel and knock it into the other dudes neck”. It would have been a hell of a lot funnier if they had used a RAKE but I don’t think they were going for comedy here. See, the comedy would come later because SPIKE DUDLEY ran in and pinned Maven, procuring the Hardcore strap and starting a running gag for the rest of the evening. Before the night is through, Hurricane, MOLLY, the aforementioned Christian (who swiped the belt from Molly with the old “kitchen door trick”. Despite being a “cartoon character”, Molly must not watch them – that’s the oldest trick it the book!), and then finally Maven again. Circuitous route to keep the strap on Maven but I would rather see skits like this than the fumbling around in the ring.

Rikishi & Scotty 2 Hotty & Albert vs. Test & Mr. Perfect & Lance Storm

Recently added and will give a guys a place on the card. I made this prediction several weeks ago – Test wins whatever match he is involved with, he has that Canadian thing going for him. And it’s Lance Storm for christsakes. Good to see Perfect back around these parts as well. He could be a nice guy and wear BLACK trunks so I don’t have to be bothered with his COCK on display but knowing Hennig, ain’t no way he’s not putting that thing on exhibition for 70,000 and a PPV audience. Look for the florescent green tights.

This one didn’t make prime time but was shown on Heat instead. Hennig did not wear the green trucks but instead his “baby blue” which, well you know. And he did the JOB! But not before blocking the stinkface with his towel. Ha Ha!

And there you have it – Wrestlemaina X8 – Toronto, Ontario, Canada – Skydome – 70,000+ for the event of the year. This is a must see event: all wrongs will be set right and the Fed will blow us away with a show of all shows. That’s my prediction. Shame on you if you miss the Big Show!

Speaking of which, where is the Big Show? Damn.

And a blow away show it was. I thought every match on the card was a winner and well worth the price of admission. The Rock/ Hogan match will go down in history as predicted as damn well it should. The crowd turned on Rock something harsh, which I think was more of a “thing to do at the moment” which made the dynamic of the match even MORE larger than life.

If you didn’t see this show, order the replay post haste. Two very big thumbs up. Hopefully the Fed can use this to jumpstart a product that was gone stale. I’ll just be curious to see how the “face” turn of Hogan plays to middle America. But then again, a majority of us are sentimental saps and would love to see the guy go out as Hulk Hogan, not Hollywood. Give the guy one last ride in the sun, after last night, he damn well deserves it.

And as far as the Big Show himself? Star attraction at WWF NY. How appropriate.

HAVE YOU HEARD?

Yes. Have you heard that Wrestlemania was the only thing going on this weekend? Oh and you guys and gals out there are about to get a nice surprise. Nuff said for the moment.

ANOTHER WEEK OF THIS CRAP

RAW is in Montreal and hopefully will use last night’s show as a srpingboard to prosperity. Much like they did in 1998. The one thing that the two situations may have in common? The return of X-Pac. Just a premonition.

Smackdown will be in Ottowa as the WWF wraps up another Canadian swing without an appearance by Bret Hart. Also expect developments in the “split rosters” or “brand extension” as JR likes to call it.

THE LINKS ARE ON ME

Daniels has the Week in Wrestling

Double shot of Carlos with heat and The Main Event.

Brower has JAKKED for you.

BOSS’s REAL TIME PPV COVERAGE is available.

Netcop will have his version of the WM PPV up soon.

And there is something else what was it? Well, whenever it appears just click on the link.

PAGE SIX

How may of you remember October 17th 2001? I most certainly do. On that day is when I wrote an obituary for Chris Hyatte. Some of you may know him. Others may have just heard about him. Still others couldn’t give two shit less about the guy .anyway lets flashback in time so I can refresh your memory

October 17th 2001 (and again I will spare you the italics)

******* *******

HYATTE JUNE 17TH 1997 – OCTOBER 17TH 2001

Where to start .how about this

Eat me

This is Hyatte

And this is NOT a “work”

Welcome to Obituary 411. I speak to you tonight of in loving memory of Chris Hyatte. I have been appointed Power of Attorney, or F.LEA Bailey, if you weeel, to preside of this momentous, albeit, long awaited for occasion; the death of one Chris Hyatte.

Many of you in attendance this evening may have been long time readers of Mr. Hyatte. I myself have been reading his work since he was a young lad, just getting his feet wet as an “Internet Wrestling Personality” with his “Mop Up’s” which could be read on Scoopswrestling.com. I laughed when he thought everything in the world revolved around the Villanos and I cried when he posted Bob Ryder’s ICQ number. Through the trials and tribulations, whether it was placing a hit on Tony Schivone’s daughter or thinking of vile ways to defile Mark Madden’s mother, Hyatte always stayed true to his craft; i.e. a stream of conscious thought regardless of the repercussions.

Let us take a moment of silence to remember Sean “Slymm” Shannon, who if he we not dead and buried and hiding behind his mother screening his calls, would be dancing in the streets at the news I bear today. That is if his spinobifida has been cured.

Let us also remember Dusty “the fat and bitter” Pussy for his vain attempt to conquer the mighty Glorydog, only to be left with memories, all alone in the litterbox.

As not to take his name in vain, Dusty did give Hyatte a home when the he was an “Exile on Scoops Street”. Before I continue a hearty “FUCK YOU, YOU EDITING PIECE OF SHIT” to Remy. Voices from the grave are a bitch, bitch.

The home that Dusty provided was Scoopthis.com. Hyatte was free to say what he wanted and do what he pleased, providing you did not mind reading Hyatte as a 17 part serial novel. SOMEONE’S bright idea was to break the report up into more pieces than a jigsaw puzzle, but at least we got our dose.

For reason and issues that have be mentioned elsewhere, the relationship between Dusty and Hyatte disintegrated. Young chaps at a fledging website named 411wrestling came calling and agreed to publish Hyatte. Urban legend says it was for “star power” but people close to the story say “promised fellatio” was more in line to the facts. Notwithstanding the rumors, Hyatte once again had a home.

As time passed by, Hyatte was appointed the news column, which, in his own way, redefined the way wrestling news is presented on the Internet. His style has been imitated not only by other websites, but at the site he called home: 411.

We now pause to pay tribute to Mr. Williams, who is leaving us for the military. If he manages to pass the PYSCHOlogical exam and keep from getting anally raped, he will have a fine future ahead of him in his trailer as his wife screams at the four lice infected children.

Eventually the burden of not only the Mop’s Up’s, but And Another Thing and the MidNight News caused cracks in the armor of the once mighty Hyatte. The syndication deal of “And Another Thing” slipped away and the Mop Up’s, once his calling card, slowly faded into memory. All we had left was the MidNight News.

Another moment of silence must be given for Greg Dillard. Mr. Dillard once was Hyatte’s “voice”, providing an Internet Radio show, which was hopefully the ticket out of Nowheresville. Sadly, this did not occur. Dillard, if you are reading, I know you missed you’re chance at Survivor 2, but you would be perfect at Survivor 3. Just vote the Black dude off and you win. You know what they say; them people’s got an extra bone in their foot anyway.

Once again being revolutionary and having a vision, Hyatte decided to dedicate a portion of his MidNight News to Message Boards. A whole new generation of fans was created: the sort of people who were proud of Hyatte stealing their “material”.

BWWWAAAAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAAAA

Fuckin’ voice from the grave!

Another moment of silence must be observed for the following people:

Scott Keith: congrats on your new book deal. Good chunk of money you pocketed there. Hope you don’t get sued. (dude). And you have Hyatte’s blessing to run the Internet Wrestling Community as you damn well please.

Gagnon: you were funnier when you were drunk.

Rick Scaia: who cares .

CRZ: If it’s a hippie, hippie, hippie on the label, label, label, you won’t let that scumbag sit, at you’re table, table, table.

After many news columns where his readers were educated not only on wrestling, but on how to pick up women and do things to them in bed (hey baby, I read somewhere you bitches like something called a “Filthy Sanchez”), Hyatte got tired. Tired of watching wrestling, tired of writing about wrestling and tired of a large score of readers who would claim to hate him, despise him and wish him dead!!!!!!! all the while clamoring for the next morsel of text Hyatte would bestow upon them ..

Well, you bastards, you finally got you’re wish; Hyatte is dead. Kaput. No More. Finite. Or in wrestling terms, is taking it home and has done his final job.

Gone.

How is it going to feel without an actual honest voice amidst this piece of crap you call the Internet Wresting Community? You can read negativity in volumes everywhere on the net, but with Hyatte, somewhere inside all the Patterson jokes and maliciousness was a true wrestling fan. Remember that the next time you complain about the Undertaker.

Today, as we gather here, we must remember Chris Hyatte for what he was: crude (sometimes), honest (all the time) and never, ever scared of a fight.

It has been mentioned that Hyatte’s true occupation was a janitor. I can attest to the fact that this is not even close to the truth. He makes a very good living doing work that is well respected and appreciated. I will not say what that is, out of respect for the dead, but I will say that many of you could only hope to be so lucky. Take that and speculate however you wish, you cocksuckers.

In closing, I would like to give special word of thanks to the man that made this all possible .BOB Ryder .without him I would not be where I am today. Oh yeah, thanks Hyatte for posting Six Degrees of Ryder Fakin.

Somewhere in New York a comedian is crying,

Everywhere on the net I hear laughing,

However, in a remote part of uncharted America (some people dare to call it a state: Rhode Island) is a town called Cumberland. In this town tonight, I hear a faint voice. A voice that is about to have the final shovel full of dirt tossed upon it this voice says:

FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON!

Hyatte is dead.

Any tributes can be made to the following AOLIM:

HYATTE1COM

Any feedback can be sent to me, Flea RyderFakin@aol.com

“Hey, Flea”

“Yeah, man”

“Did you write that without your pants on?”

“Yeah, man”

“Homo”

Tie Your Mother Down

***** ****** *******

Wasn’t that neat? And seeing as I am F.LEA Bailey and power of attorney I will now ..

Well, just prepare to be surprised

Thanks for reading THE MONDAY EDITION, I’m Flea.