Saturday Evening Post 3.23.02

Hello Out There! I’m Flea and welcome to the weekend. Don’t worry about the teaser, 411 is NOT becoming a pay site. But maybe my column will. Details are on Page Six, which happens to be at the END of this column, for those of you joining me for the first time.

My News Year’s Resolution came and went with Wrestlemania. That resolution was to “sit back, relax and enjoy the Fed buildup to the Big Show. At times I was disappointed but I was happy at the end result. And now, we are about to get around to the year in the making “split” (brand extension) which should liven things up a bit. So am I going to start pissing and moaning about things. I doubt it. It’s not my nature. So if I can’t convince you to do the same based on a “New Year’s Resolution” I guess months leading into SummerSlam will now be considered a “Spring Fling”. Or how about a “Tiptoe Through The Tulips” ? If you have any other catchy phrases for the next several months of me being no cynical free to contact me. And no, “bullshit” and ” go f*ck yourself, you jerkoff” do not count. Although getting mail, good or bad is always nice.

Let’s get to it .

TOP STORY

Well acrimony and incivility has supposedly set in backstage in the WWF. The workers are bummed about the lack of TV time and the man himself who carried the Fed on his crippled carcass over the last several years, Steve Austin, has walked out in a snit over “creative differences.” Not surprisingly, the brunt of this discontent has been blamed on the n.W.o, specifically Hall and Nash. Hogan has managed to distance himself from the blame but in his place is everyone’s favorite whipping boy, X-Pac. “Why are THEY getting all the attention and we ain’t” cries the mid card contingent. “Where is our TV time” wails the undercard that thinks they are getting the shaft. Um, here’s a newsflash guys. Brand Extension is on the agenda and lest you want to be replaced by developmental talent, you had best take the attitude of someone like Lance Storm – be happy you are there and not headlining an Auction Barn. At the moment the landscape is very limited to gainful employment opportunities so one would think that it would behoove the employees to behave and just go along with things. Complain about a monopoly all you want, but that’s the way things are. And speaking of the current champion of malcontent, we have the RattleSnake walking out in a huff and going back to Texas.

In case you missed it Steve Austin is pouting? What more does he want? He was asked to do a finish at WM that would make some sense of the upcoming brand extension and he pretty much said “nothing doing”. I think that’s unprofessional and unacceptable. Naturally the on line community is going to take his side because it validates what we think of Hall, Nash and the n.W.o in general – they are backstage politicians and all around scumbags. But think of it this way – if it was NASH pitching a bitch about the direction of an angle the cynics/critics would cry the blues.

Come to think of it, that happened this week. Nash was none to happy re: the Rock’s cheap heat tactic of calling him “Big Daddy Bitch”, which was nothing out of the ordinary really and simply a tactic to get some much need cheers after getting blown out of two building with Hogan chants. But Nash didn’t like the ad-lib and made it well known that in a normal environment he would have taken Rock’s insult, shined it up real nicely, turned it sideways and You Know? First Off he would have told you something first, but Rock would have got his ass kicked, no doubt.

So Big Daddy Cool complained. And as per usual the net went rabid, even calling him “unprofessional” when he asked the rock “who’s the bitch now?” on Smackdown. Jeez, guys, we wouldn’t want to actually pout some EMOTION in the match would we? Nash ain’t allowed to talk some shit? He can’t have control over how his character is perceived? Sure COACH can be made to look weak but damn, why should Nash be subjected to such treatment?” If I were him I would refuse to go along with the planned finish of the match and walk out. That’s much less professional than just asking Rock not to trash talk in an inappropriate manner.

And while we are on the topic of professionalism, Austin may or may not be on TV again this week. It all depends if he likes how the draft goes. Somewhere Dusty Rhodes is DYING to use the term “constanent professional” but can’t find the right circumstance. Not that anyone’s calling him. Yet. But I’m sure the 300 people that attend Dusty’s Turnbuckle Championship Wrestling shows do in fact know how to say “WHAT?”

HEADLINES

Big week for the Rock as promotion will begin for his starring role in The Scorpion King. You name a talk show and Rock will be on it, flashing that million-dollar smile and that action hero physique. Like him or hate him it is nice to have someone with Rock’s verbal ability and general charm out there representin our wrestling hood. He’s a natural when the camera is on and will probably NOT nearly kill the talk show host with a front face lock OR Jap-Smack as reporter that asks “Is wrestling fake”. Maron. Damn I’ve seen some stupid shit and never even bother questioning why the general population thinks Professional Wrestling is ridiculous. But I pay no mind to what the unwashed masses think because I like it. That’s what matters to me. On the other hand, it is always nice to see Rock out there, he can handle himself and never fails to charm the audience. As far as the movie? Well, a lot may be riding on this one as it’s the WWF’s chance to get their foot in the door and have a main stream blockbuster. I predict $100 million easy, but no consideration for an Oscar. I will go out on a limb and say the Rock will follow this up with some kind of lame “Buddy – Buddy – Good Cop – Bad Cop” piece of shit but still maintain his status as a wrestler. Surely Rock is to level headed to go “Hollywood” on us, right? Damn, the dude already speaks in Third Person, how much more egotistical can you get? A trophy wife does not count. Not that it would happen. Nope. Never.

Enough of this fake shit for a moment. There is a young man from Iowa State University by the name of Cael Sanderson. His claim to fame? Well he is a college wrestler who just happens to have never, I repeat NEVER lost a match at the college level. That’s right, boys and girls – 4 years and an unbeaten streak of 159 matches in the 197-pound division. Definitely impressive. I watched it this afternoon when they cut to it on ESPN live. Emotional and the crowd was eating it up with a spoon. I’m not really a fan of “real” wrestling just because, well I don’t really have a reason, I just don’t watch it. Until today. As I am typing this, I’m watching the replay of the entire event on ESPN2. While surfing for additional comments about this, I noticed that everyone is making a big deal about this kids match going on LAST, which is against whatever traditions Amateur Wrestling follows. Seems as though the “powers that be” thought that this match would be a “better main event” than those big fat heavyweights. On the one hand you have to give credit to the bookers for pushing the light heavyweight division, but you have to wonder how much backstage stroke this kid has to not only not do the J.O.B. for 159 matches, but to get the main event slot at his whim. You know, it’s all about the game and how you play it, brother, And that’s the bottom line.

What, this is really, really real? Then why does that Coach keep screaming WORK WORK WORK?

THE ROSS SAYS THIS

In the latest Ross Report, JR pretty much stayed to the business at hand. In fact , here reverted back to his basic format for his report. Actually I should not be that surprised because JR himself said last week it would be “business as usual” after Wrestlemaina. In other words, it’s kayfabe JR while Rome burns.

Injuries news features HHH (his leg), Hogan (his ribs) and Farrooq (his tooth). Good Ol’ also breaks everyone’s hearts when he discloses Steve Blackman has a headache (migraines) and may no longer be able to compete. “Not tonight Honey, I have a headache” is not something I thought I would ever hear from wrestler, much less one of Blackman’s “toughness” but there ya go. At least he has the “Head Cheese” program he worked with Al Snow to remember as a career highlight.

In more upbeat news, Benoit is still on schedule to return sometime in May. Mike Awesome and Kanyon are not that far behind him. Rhyno too.

In promotional news, JR reminds us once again the time card has been punched and Rock E is now on the clock to get out there and make us buy a ticket for his upcoming movie “The Scorpion King”. All Rock – all the time.

And just to keep things balanced and in the proper perspective, RVD and as yet unnamed but just as unimportant “superstars” will be at a 7-11 near you soon. No joke there, it’s all part of a promotional deal that the WWF has with the undisputed KING of the place to buy overpriced beer and cigarettes. And shitty hot dogs, plastic pizza and the worst coffee around. On the plus side, they normally have pork rinds and cheap beer but then again I can’t get rolling papers there so I normally just go somewhere else. But Vince is a marketing genius, right? I’m sure he’ll change my mind.

To even further blow my mind, that idiot Al Snow will be prowling around Wal-Mart headquarters in Arkansas, no doubt making a good impression as usual. I hope. I have a ton of Wal-Mart stock and don’t need some mid-carder pissing the wrong people off. Those action figures and videos sell like hot cakes at Christmas time, leading to increased sales, good quarterly numbers and more money in my pocket. I’m sure the Fed will send someone with some common sense to make sure Al don’t f*ck things up. Right –o.

Good Ol just LOVES the way that Spike Dudley kills himself for our enjoyment and also gives mad props to Eric S.’s dreamgirl Stacy Keibler for taking the Bubba Bomb. He doesn’t say he wishes Austin had the two stellar performer’s attitude but probably only because he and Austin are friends.

And finally, JR has his normal high hopes for the upcoming brand extension as Brock Lesnar and my main man Rico Constantino have already made an impressive impact on the product. The draft is next week so expect BIG THINGS from the Fed. This is the epitome of “business picking up, folks” so be sure to watch. And don’t forget to go watch Rock’s movie.

I hope JR knows how I feel seeing as his Ross Report was easily passed by on WWF.com for about a dozen other articles. I have the same problem with my EXCESS report.

RADIO GA GA

Byte This had a “fantasy draft” which made for a “lighter mood” and “fun” show as opposed to the last live show, where Vince and Kevin Kelley caused a stir. Check out E.C’s omnipresent ad best on the web Byte This Report at a website near you. Preferably this one, as usual.

No one else is talking. At least not to radio or media outlets. This is probably due to burnout after Wrestlemania as opposed to the “media blackout”, I believe. After all there are plenty of wrasslers out there not affected by all of this hub bub. Where has Big Vito been? Or Disco? Or well the Big Show did an interview but he’s hardly a blip on the radar anymore.

As I type this I flipped over to MTV to watch Rock’s hosting of some kind of spring break show. Rock looked good but I can only take about 40 seconds of MTV anymore. Oh – “Most Outrageous Spring Break moments and LOOK it’s Jerry Springe-

“click”

ROLL THE DICE

One of the funniest thing I read this week (and trust me, there was a shitload of competition) is that Some Other Guy is coming up for contract renewal and may be looking up the ass end of a goat. Hard to believe that it’s been THREE years since he was “the hottest free agent in wrestling” but here we are. He got his push and he got the top belt (both of them, in fact) but failed to run with that there ball and did indeed just become “Some Other Guy”. Blame the bad booking if you want but, well do whatever you want. I gave him chances to impress me with in ring work and step up to the main event level and he failed me every time. He did shine though a couple of times but as a whole, it just didn’t work out. I said last week I think a good feud for him would be RVD for the IC Belt as RVD could carry a majority of the “high spots”, if you will. Without the main event pressure, Guy may be able go though an entire match without falling to pieces. Nah, but the feud would be cool to see, I think.

IN OTHER WORDS

Now available on 411

E.C gets busy with his rebuttal to the “Open Letter to the Internet” that the WWF published. I guess I better throw my two cents in and write something up on Page Six. Thanks a lot E.C !

And now with a very special plug I will use the assistance of the site http://www.ac7il.org/morse/morseform.html

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Jeez

Also come back for EXCESS and then Monday for The Monday Edition. I will have a special look at addiction and Scott Hall.

PAGE SIX

Once again Vince and Company poked a sharp stick at the caged monkey while chastising the Internet Wrestling Community. And OH MAN did the CAGED MONKEY do the same predictable shit. But does this ever get boring. Not to me. I’ve been laughing at this shit for years but now have the esteemed pleasure to be a member of the IWC and can now add my comments to the situation. Weird how things work sometimes

So in typical net fashion and just because I NEVER do this because it’s cheap and shows that you put no thought into things, this will be a RANDOM THOUGHTS SECTION!!!

The topic? The WWF vs. The IWC.

Is it really necessary to cry like a baby whenever the Fed says something derogatory towards the IWC? It’s the classic example of being able to give criticism but not being able to take it. The IWC can bitch all they want but if the Fed says one cross word about the dirtsheets or websites, wah wah wah wah wah wah. There is an easy word for the IWC to follow: ACCOUNTABLITY. Or in this case, a severe lack of. It’s easy to hide behind “anonymous sources” and cry like a bitch

when the Fed says “no comment: to rumors and innuendo. Why not simply type just ONE time:

The pyro guy (Jeff HisNameIsSomething) told me that he overheard Lance Storm talking to a friend in Montreal about a guy he knows running into Bret Hart restaurant an overhearing him say a waiter asking Bret “Are You Coming Back To The WWF?”. Bret said “You can look for me there”, of course He may have said “You can cook my meat rare” but I know what I heard. Bret’s doing a run in on RAW!”

And therefore Bret Hart will be back in the Fed before you can say “sharpshooter”. And that’s a fact!

And while we are on the topic of said “unnamed sources”, why is the Securities and Exchange Commission NOT looking into this? Forward statements that affect business decisions that are not company approved and lead to a possible “buy” and or “sell” of publicly traded stock is illegal. It’s known as INSIDER TRADING! Being a stockholder and having someone on the “inside” say “Austin may not come back to the WWF” and then SELLING SHORT your stock based on the info is against the law. I think. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.

And what’s with the hard on to break a story? Reviewing the shows is not enough evidently. We HAVE to know the whys whats whos and hows about the backstage goings on and are damn sure not satisfied at the “company line” being towed by everyone who will speak on record. Personally, that’s why I do not read spoilers – I like the suspense. And I could care less that Some Other Guy’s might not get a hefty raise. I also do not care that someone wouldn’t job to someone because of something the first someone said to somebody else. I’ve been reading the net for almost 10 years now and have yet to be intrigued by a “breaking story”. Hell, I’ve been saying since NOVEMBER that Hall Nash and Hogan would be back and WM would involved a match betwixt Hogan and Rock. Not to mention that Some Other Guy is and always will be Some Other Guy. I don’t need a backstage source for that type of stuff, it’s just and educated, albeit inebriated guess.

And what if I did have a “backstage source”. Some one on the inside (in a very prestigious and advantageous position to get some good gossip) that would give me the whos and whats that so many people crave? Would that increase my hit count? Would it make you respect me more? Would my name be all over the Net as the ultimate insider and the source for the latest breaking news? Would you PAY to read me? Hell, would BOSS or Hashish pay me to write on the weekends? Would it really, really matter?

More importantly would I have the balls to name my source? Place your bets now.

This has been Saturday Evening Post and I’m Flea.