Hello and thanks for joining me. I’m Flea and I hope you haven’t fallen prey to any stupid acts by people who think they are funny. If you got to work and found some fake vomit don’t freak out. It’s some dickhead’s idea of a prank, just make sure you tell his wife that he’s f*cking the redhead in Legal at the next Happy Hour. That’ll teach him. However, if you got to work today and received a pink slip, don’t rush to judgement. It might not be a joke, especially if the eggheads in systems found out you spend your time on the clock reading WRESTLING WEBSITES. Yeah, explain THAT one at the Unemployment Office. But hopefully if you are getting fired the last words you read were mine!~!!!!! seeing as I went to the trouble of bringing this to you for your Monday pleasure. And be sure to plug me on the way out the door Ã¢â‚¬â€œ I could use the hits.
By the way, hope you guys had a wonderful weekend.
Come on, let’s go
Do you ever feel like you are in a time warp. I don’t mean some drug induced flashback for those of you that partake (or have partaken in mind altering substances) I’m talking about some serious dÃƒÂ©jÃƒÂ vu. Think about a few years ago in WCW when their was so much backstage turmoil that:
– Goldberg walked out because he wasn’t happy with the product and
– Buff Bagwell, you may folks thought had potential to be the “next big thingÃ¢â‚¬Â was pissing and moaning about life in general and his lack of attention from the people in charge.
Fast forward to 2002 and here is what we get:
– Quite possibly the most popular figure in the history of wrestling, Steve Austin took his marbles and went home after what he considered to be a “substandard productÃ¢â‚¬Â being presented leading up to Wrestlemania and
– Rob Van Dam, the next “big thingÃ¢â‚¬Â is pissing about his role in the WWF and feels people in charge are NOT taking seriously his talent.
Well jerk me off. Austin I can’t understand even though I’m trying really hard, seeing as Austin is my favorite as far as both promo work and his in ring abilities. RVD? I’m lost on his rational. What the hell is his beef? Back to him in a second, I feel like venting my spleen about Austin first.
Anyone who has read anything that I’ve done knows I’m a first class dyed in the wool Austin mark. I dug him back in WCW when he teamed with Pillman, I watched (both live and on tv) his antics in ECW where it appeared the dude legit lost his mind. (Note to anyone who was not watching or attending back then Ã¢â‚¬â€œ you just didn’t see that stuff anywhere, especially from the “Big Two)Ã¢â‚¬Â I was then kept on the edge of my seat when he first became a “RattlesnakeÃ¢â‚¬Â against Bret Hart and rode that into the biggest feud in the history of the business. When Owen dropped him on his head I sat there and thought “Magnum T.AÃ¢â‚¬Â And that’s the f*cking truth. I thought the wrestling world lost the next big superstar just to a careless mistake from a normally perfect wrestler, Owen Hart. And goddamn did I despise Owen for that, I guess you could say from a “smartÃ¢â‚¬Â point of view as I knew that shit was not an angle. On a side note I always wondered what was going through Austin’s mind on Owen’s tribute show, when the last scene was Stone Cold toasting the video screen with a “SteveWeiserÃ¢â‚¬Â. Was that emotion genuine or faked? Not that I’m accusing Austin of anything detrimental to Owen’s memory but I always questioned if Austin was saying “who had the last laugh now, Owen?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Which is why I wonder what is going through Austin’s mind right now. He has never been known to express his true feeling publicly in the manner as that’s occurred over the last few weeks. He did bitch about Bischoff, but that was after he was safely away from any kind of repercussions that may occur from an “off the cuffÃ¢â‚¬Â statement. By all accounts he did protest after Owen nearly broke his neck that he would not submit to any “piledriverÃ¢â‚¬Â type maneuvers, but I don’t consider that to much to ask, it’s more of a professional courtesy and a looking out for you fellow man type of thing. Never mind the program he refused to work with Jeff Jarrett Ã¢â‚¬â€œ that dude’s guilty of impersonating someone who is “overÃ¢â‚¬Â. But to the best of my knowledge Austin has never thrown a fit over something, especially to the point of walking out of a job.
And there is my beef with him. So f*cking what if he didn’t main event WM? He’s been in three out of the last four. The hard sell this year was Hogan and as far as I’m concerned let Hogan have his proverbial ride off into the sunset. So Austin has to work something with the n.w.o. Things could be much worse. He could be..well where he could be is not the issue it’s where he is that matters.
And where is he? At home. Hopefully on the phone with Vince talking about how this angle will revitalize a stale product. Because I am hoping it’s an angle. Steve Austin is the best in the business bar none. No one can cut a better promo (especially when he ain’t f*cking around) and NO ONE has better high profile, balls to the wall intense main event matches on the planet. I’m sure some of you will disagree with that (Benoit, Muto, pick your poison) but a fact is a fact. Austin is a cripple and no matter who he is working with, you are going to see someone bust their ass and show you somethin somethin every time. Which is why I think it’s a shame if he is really pissed and does decide to leave.
But if he does? Fuck him and the horse he rode in on. The time has come where wrestlers are expendable and Stone Cold Steve Austin is no different. If he comes back he can feud with anyone on the roster and make it work, that’s a given. But if he does fade off into the sunset? Sure I’ll be bummed but I will get over it. After all, Kurt Angle is the best talent out there and he just needs a few more years of experience before he can do absolutely no wrong. HHH still sorta does it for me, and I figure he will get off his ass sooner rather than later and get back to 2000-2001 form. I think Rico Constantino is going to rule the Earth one of these days but that just may be some sick perversion. The point is Austin is expendable, not only to the Fed but in the eyes of one of his biggest fans.
So the latest “inside reportÃ¢â‚¬Â (and the “official wordÃ¢â‚¬Â as well) is that Austin is going to be on RAW Monday Night. My thoughts is that Austin should be a maniac and just start beating everyone’s ass on both shows, including from HHH (the champ) all the way down to the women and announcers. A real mercenary, no shit giving RATTLESNAKE who is only in it for himself. Sure it ain’t original, but all the current “originalÃ¢â‚¬Â ideas suck, so why not go back to a time honored classic. Make him a wild card that could show up at ANY time and at ANY show. It ain’t like the dude can’t bring in ratings. So that’s what I want.
What will happen? Well that’s why we are going to have to tune in Monday Night. And that’s what Vince and Company wants Ã¢â‚¬â€œ a little mystery in what has become a less than mysterious Sports Entertainment world.
And if he decides to play hardball and cry like a baby? Good Riddance and let him go hang with Foley and Bret Hart. Three legends that blame the misery in their lives on the man that created them Vince McMahon.
For my enemies speak against me;
those who wait to kill me conspire together.
They say, “God has forsaken him;
pursue him and seize him,
for no one will rescue him.”
Be not far from me, O God;
come quickly, O my God, to help me.
No matter what is said or what is done, those who are created always come back to the one who created them.
Damn. I went somewhere I didn’t expect with that. And it went a little longer than I thought. Hope that came out okay because I don’t proofread. And I just remembered that I had something to say about RVD but I think I’ll save that. Maybe for Page Six if I don’t do what I had planned.
HAVE YOU HEARD?
The Second Ring of Honor show took place in Philly over the weekend and I’m jealous. See, I lived near Philly during the early stages of ECW and was a faithful follower until I came to my senses and moved to a state where I didn’t have to shovel snow. But if I were still there, I’d be all over this Ring of Honor stuff. Here are some results
Waitwaitwait I would be remiss from stealing the results from a fellow 411 columnist who happens to do the only Indy Report I read Ã¢â‚¬â€œ Josh Nason. He has results for you right here
And while I’m on the topic of praising other people work, there is a great interview over at the Torch with one of the founding (if not THE founding members) of the Ring of Honor shows, Gabe Sapolsky. Go check it out. I would reprint it here but the Torch might sue me or something. Ha ha ha. Now THAT’S funny. Well to me anyway.
But do check that interview out. As opposed to organizations that shall remain nameless, these guys have a plan, some goals and have no problemo keeping their feet in the ground. I’ll check them out the next time I go North. And no, this mini pimp was not to get free tix. I’ll go and pay my way. Besides it would be my luck whoever would hook me up with tickets would do it just because they really thought “Hey that Flea guy is HYATTEÃ¢â‚¬Â and just get me there to try and kick my ass. I think I’ll stay unanimous or something.
In case you didn’t notice, there is another Japanese PPV coming up and It’s Ain’t Sumo. No, really, it ain’t. Yes, I KNOW the last one was called It Ain’t Sumo but this one, it ain’t sumo! I’m serious. The first one WERN’T sumo because it had some chicks doing a hardcore match a some asshole lighting himself on FIRE. And I should know, because I’m the only motherf*cker that recapped the show for 411. Couldn’t find NETCOP that day with a f*cking search warrant. So yes, I no It Ain’t Sumo and this new stuff? Well it ain’t sumo.
Check this out Ã¢â‚¬â€œ
wK MEDIA is proud to announce that Michinoku Pro will start JHW II. The match will be The Great Sasuke, Tiger Mask IV, Gran Hamada vs Gedo, Dick Togo, Tomohiro Ishii for the Apex of Triangle Championship.
Now, Michinoku Pro, I don’t know too much about it, but I can guar-an-damn-tee you , IT AIN’T SUMO~! That’s the real Jap shit, the ones that everyone talks about. I think. Or maybe that’s New Japan. Who cares. The point is It Ain’t Sumo and it will be on PPV soon.
ANOTHER WEEK OF THIS CRAP
Albany, NY is the location for RAW, which will feature a new set, new music and a new direction. Be there or sit back and watch it on TV.
Smackdown will be in Rochester, NY in what will be the premiere of the Vince McMahon side of things. Let’s see where they go with this, shall we?
THE LINKS ARE ON ME
No plugs. No one plugs me so that’s the end of that. I will tell you that 411 is hiring. Somewhere in this text a link will appear and if you click on it, it’s your chance to be famous. But you can’t have my job. EXCESS is not available. Neither is ANY news report, which means Saturday Evening Post and The Monday Edition is off limits as well. Which means that you can’t spend your weekends doing recaps of a recap shows that no one reads and being the only schmuck on the web that submits weekend news on time like clockwork. And has never missed a weekend. So no you CAN’T have that job but you can recap something or write a column or two. Go check it out.
The Austin thing went long and I’m out of gas for the RVD thing. Next week, somewhere, I promise. Anyway, Mr Bong has a three year contract so he ain’t going nowhere soon. Next week.
So for Page Six, I will wish all you a happy week and hope to see you next week!
Thanks for reading THE MONDAY EDITION, I’m Flea.