Saturday Evening Post 04.06.02

Hello again and welcome to another weekend. I’m Flea and I’m about to lose an hour’s sleep thanks to a bunch of farmers and joggers. I used to feel guilty about being in a bar a 7pm and it still be light out but I have learned to compensate by sitting on the DECK and just enjoying the view. Anyway, don’t forget to “spring forward” as mismanagement of time is no reason to miss church. Or work Monday Morning especially. By the way, if it IS Monday when you are reading this HELLO! Hope you HAD a nice weekend. I know what I was doing!

Heck of a week in general but specifically here at 411. Some housecleaning has taken place and hopefully all of you aspiring writers and re-cappers sent in your samples. But as Grut mentioned there is a ‘glass ceiling” around here. But then again Grut is on thin ice and you might be able to score some mid week news if you try hard enough. As far as my job? If you have any aspirations do the weekend trifecta of Saturday Evening Post, EXCESS and then The Monday Edition, you should probably have your f*cking head examined. Or check into a rehab program because you just can’t handle whatever you’re smoking or drinking. But lucky for you, I have no qualms about the weekend duties. So I guess you can consider that “job security”. I suggest the Heat Report, it’s YOURS for the taking.

And you new guys, don’t forget to plug me in your reports. Give and take, give and take.

Let’s get to it .

TOP STORY

What did you think of RAW and Smackdown! this week? Except for a few notable (normal) exceptions, the reviews were mainly positive with RAW maybe coming out ahead in the whole deal. The ratings were solid for both shows, with RAW coming in a tad lower, which I attribute to the Final Four game more than anything. I have said all along that the WWF can live with a 5.0 RAW and 5.0 Smackdown!. Anything higher than that attracts unwanted and unneeded attention form the mainstream media, i.e. the PTC and folks of that ilk. Fly below the radar and everything is just dandy. Besides, RAW is still the #1 cable show and Smackdown! continues to be the top performer over on UPN on a regular basis. And I’ve also said before that a 5.0 show can be 20 times more entertaining than a 6.8 or 7.0 show (think Austin vs. Angle from last May or the Some Other Guy / Benoit vs. H and Austin matches) vs. the Rock and Sock bullshit. I liked both Raw and Smackdown! this week – both shows featured good solid wrestling (although the matches were a little shot) and the Some Other Guy / Rock segments continuing to be top notch. Eddie coming back and tangling with RVD is the best thing I saw all week, just because I’m a huge fan of Eddie’s and am glad to see him back. Especially be a first class, dick heel.

But here was where I got confused. They had a perfectly good angle between H and UT and flushed it down the toilet. UT wants the belt, they have a history together as well as good chemistry in the ring. So how in the hell did we end up with H vs. Hogan? Supposedly, the crowd pop wasn’t quite good enough for H and UT so Vince and the gang pulled out the Hogan trump card sooner rather than later. Hey, it worked, and will no doubt lead to a big Backlash buyrate but damn – do you think there is a chance is hell they are going to give Hogan the belt? Eventually Hogan is going to have to beat SOMEONE but I guess that all depends on how long he is going to hang around.

Other than that, the Dudley Boyz Bubba and D-von seemed to get the most attention this week. In Bubba’s first “real” singles match (i.e he ain’t got a partner anymore) he won the Hardcore title in a fabulous match against Raven. D-Von got his props over on Smackdown! getting the “Vince pep talk from Hell” which usually means you are in line for a decent push. I think it’s a good angle but will I question how long they will keep it going before reuniting the tag team. Bubba and the Hardcore matches will be fun to watch but for D-Von, it’s tough to say. I guess it depends what kind of gimmick he wants to play. I say now’s a perfect time to make D-Von into a “New Jack” style character and just have him outta control, gangsta style. Why not? We damn sure don’t need anymore “comedy” characters.

And yes indeed, we have Stone Cold Steve Austin back and he is going to be on RAW. More thoughts on this on Page Six. But right now I will say good choice and glad he’s back.

And everyone’s favorite action here, Rock-E passed the torch BACK to Hogan as Rock is actually the culprit behind this whole Hogan vs H matchup. See, Rock-E is sensitive to the needs of the “people” and Hogan’s nostalgia trip is for the benefit of the “people”. “People” “People” “People”. You know how a lot of folks on the net write that Vince and the WWF’s problem is that they don’t “listen” to the people enough, because WE could tell him how to fix what’s wrong. Well guess what. Vince DID listen to the people and this is what we got – HOGAN. Hogan Hogan Hogan.

Still feel smart?

HEADLINES

EXCESS begins a new era tonight as Terri is out and the format changes to the first hour being a Smackdown! recap with Michael Cole (ugh) and Marc Loyd (the new guy) and hour two hosted by Raven and Coach, featuring a recap of RAW. Motherf*cker. See I recap EXCESS here at 411 and was hoping EXCESS would evolve into an original program instead of a full blown recap show. I guess that means From the Vault is out the door as well along with the fun interviews with the guest of the evening. But if you don’t watch it you can count on me to provide the best recap of a recap show available. Speaking if which that show is coming on in about an hour so I better get things moving along here. Not that I do the show live anyway – I tape and recap early Sunday morning. To hell with that “15 minutes after the show ends” report submit bullshit. Although you new guys better not f*ck around with BOSS and bust your ass to get that report in MINUTES after conclusion. That is if you know what’s good for you.

And speaking of someone who’s been known to disagree with the Boss (but only when it’s part of an angle), everyone’s favorite country bumpkin, Good Ol JR!

THE ROSS SAYS THIS

In the latest Ross Report, JR is back to his normal self after a couple of weeks of mailing in his stupid reports. Like us Internet folks don’t know what’s going on. Starting off with Injury News, JR is a little more positive and understanding about Kevin Nash’s torn bicep than the rest of the known universe. Big Sexy has gotten ripped over the coals for having the nerve to get injured, especially when he doesn’t do a damn thing anyway. Hey, so the dude is hurt, so what. Just because it’s him doesn’t mean the injury is fake. Good Ol thinks the same way and says so. Other than that it’s the normal litany of injured staff, including Hulk Hogan, who is still carting around some crack ribs.

JR gets into some random thoughts, which is normally the lazy way of doing Internet Report writing but I will cut JR some slack. He not only attended to his normal personnel duties, continued his stellar work on RAW but also produced, yes PRODUCED, Michael Cole and Tazz on Smackdown. He thinks they have good potential as an announce duo and was glad to help them out. Obviously JR does not watch other WWF programming or he would have known the MC and Tazz have been doing Heat for the PAST FUCKING YEAR. It ain’t like it was their first time together. But like I said Good Ol is a busy man.

Do you think that the Undertaker’s biker-chick old lady Sara’s REAL last name was “Taker”? You know, they always called her “Sara Taker”. If that is her real last name, then that is f*cking stupid.

He starts the buildup to the HHH and Hogan feud, going out on a limb and proclaiming the match will be “physical”. Some Other Guy and Eddie Guerrero get props. New announce Marc Loyd also get a shout out, with JR even saying that Loyd will enjoy the relocation from Orlando to Connecticut, especially the part about the weather. What a f*cking load of shit. Ooops I mean, yes anyone in their right minds would rather live in Stamford during the winter in lieu of Orlando. They must be paying that guy a TON to get him to go along with that. Ha Ha HA.

Normal good thing about the developmental talent, continued planning continues to be continued to both the RAW brand and Smackdown! product, that idiot Nova is on his way and LOOK OUT for JR’s BBQ Sauce, which is back to life, so sayeth Good Ol. He even says INTERNET in his column, which makes me hot and heavy, which JR predicted and everyone else will deny. Connecticut winters my ass.

RADIO GA GA

Hulk Hogan was all over the place this week both on radio and TV, not to mention the ever prestigious Byte This program on WWF.com. Hey! Did we get anyone to recap that show yet? Can believe E.C is being replaced but then again I ain’t the BOSS. Hogan is now is his “humble” mode, which is how he keeps all of us suckers cheering for him. Interestingly enough, he considers himself to still be the “WCW Champion” seeing as he never lost the belt and as a matter of fact still HAS the belt at home. Further proof that Russo wasn’t that bright. I doubt they will turn this into an angle because we would have to see video of HOW Hogan never lost the belt and that would just bring back a flood of bad memories viz a viz (?) The Hulkster. I am looking forward to the H / Hogan match. JR says “physical”, I say ”restholds”, but that’s fine with me. Hell, even Bubba Ray Dudley hits his “high risk” maneuver (second rope senton) so why NOT go back to some mat stuff.

Rock E was also out and about. But look out this week as we will get full court press promotion for the Scorpion King, which I will probably go see. I suppose it counts as family entertainment and I hope it’s not rated R. I always get hassled for taking my kid into “R” rated shows. But she knows how to say “f*ck off” which is both amusing and ironic at the same time. But it does end any argument and let’s whoever’s hassling us to go back to whatever the hell they were doing. And I’m looking at YOU. I think YOUR kid needs more prozac, mind you own business.

Over in Australia there is a television program called “The Footy Show”. I normally wouldn’t be telling you this but it is my obligation as Big Bad Poppa Daddy, Midajah and Brian Christopher showed up to raise some hell. Some items I should just leave on the Newsline.

Also, go back over to WWF.com and check out the X-Pac interview from earlier this week. Choice stuuf as X-Pac ruffled some feathers. Not with his fellow wrestlers but with the Internet Wrestling Community! And Joey Styles. If you remember correctly, X-Pac said last summer that he could become the “biggest heel in wrestling” if he wanted. He’s good at pushing buttons and I love it. But I can understand that many folks don’t like him, but I’m always surprised that his in ring work gets knocked. Maybe I’ll come back to that topic some time. But for now, let’s keep rollin rollin rolllin

ROLL THE DICE

Continuing a story from last Monday news here is some more info on the Jap Harcore PPV, the one that ain’t “It’ Ain’t Sumo” Got it? Anyway here’s an added match –

Abdullah the Kobayashi and Men’s TEIO battle The Winger and Shadow WX in a Fire Wall Death Match.

That should be fun. If I remember right, Shadow WX was the was the genius who LIT HIMSELF on fire on the last “It Ain’t Sumo” show. So look for some good stuff on that show. Fire, tacks AND a Michinoku Pro match. What more could you want for $15 bucks?

IN OTHER WORDS

Now available on 411

I know I went on a “plug blackout last” week but I felt guilty. Especially since we have NEW staff members around these parts.

You have M. Brown on Tough Enough. I haven’t gotten around to asking what he “M” stands for but I will. I won’t watch or discuss Tough Enough though. But I “M – plore” you to go read the report.

On the Smackdown front it’s Brendan Johnston, who is exclusive to 411. Hearty welcome to both and remember it never hurts to tell your readers to come and see what Flea is up to. Saturday Evening Post, The Monday Edition and most important of all, EXCESS. Thanks in advance.

Miss Galatea returns with a vengeance and also breaks my heart. Reading her report, I thought FOR SURE she was going to reference MY opinion piece but instead reference Alverez from the Observer. Bummer. Oh, and Scott Hall was NOT drunk at Wrestlemania. But history is getting rewritten awful quickly on that little piece of false fact. Color me shocked.

E.C has a new Mind Squeezins available. Not sure if he is doing Byte This for 411 anymore or not, but you know where to find him for THAT report, I’m sure.

And I would point out the irony of being a first class prick to almost everyone, bragging about your success and how the rest of us are a bunch of chumps for not being as well known, and then NOT being able to cough up a c note monthly to maintain your establishment, but I don’t think I will. Someone will, I’m sure, but not me.

And don’t forget to visit the 411 forum. Just make sure you pay attention! They don’t care much for other people stupidity over there. But go register if you haven’t already, maybe YOU will be the 4000th member! ARRIBA~!

PAGE SIX

Boy, I sure did ruffle some feathers with my comments on Austin last week. It’s rare that I get flamed but that seemed to bring out the worse in people. If you want to argue a point you probably should think twice about starting off with insults or calling people “stupid” or “idiots”, That’s no way to make a first impression. And it makes your counterpoints seem even less valid. Just some free Flea advice.

As I said last week, I would be happy to see Austin return and when he showed back up, I wanted him to beat the shit out of everyone. He did and he did. RAW was his brand of choice but no feud has been lined up as of yet. But that’s not what I was talking about last week. My point was Austin was a creep for walking out like that and in retrospect, what did it prove or accomplish? All he did was create a disturbance and throw a cog in the whole “Split” angle. The “free agent” idea was a good one because it gave them a little room to work until Austin got done pouting. But again the question will be who Austin is going to work with and will he pull this trick again if he doesn’t get his way. I doubt he will have anything to do with the n.w.o. so that’s over before it even got started. HHH has to go on the nostalgia trip for the next month or so and I really see no reason to have him fight the UT AGAIN. That leaves the mid card. Use you imagination on how that’s gonna work.

Now then, if Austin had gone along with plans to further the angle with Hall at Wrestlemania, he still could have had a program fighting the n.w.o, maybe teaming with a stable of sorts to try and purge the cancer of the n.w.o (Kane, Bradshaw, etc get some main event rub) and once again, you could have a few twists and turns and WHAMMO there’s your entire summer booked.

But that’s not to be. I guess they will find a spot for him somewhere doing something. It just seems to me that the whole thing could have and should have been avoided and if Austin ends up in another shitty program he has no one to blame but himself.

And that was my beef with the whole thing. Biting the hand that feeds you is a tricky business. And do you think Foley will be back when it comes time to promote his book? Wait and see

This has been Saturday Evening Post and I’m Flea.