The Netcop Coliseum Video Rant XIII
– By popular demand (and because someone actually sent me tapes I hadn’t
reviewed yet) it’s the return of the almighty Coliseum Video Rant. This
week: Ricky Steamboat, and RAW: Prime Cuts.
Tape #1: Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat.
– This is from about 1986ish.
– Opening match, IC title: Greg Valentine v. Ricky Steamboat.
Steamboat chops Valentine, who bails as Jimmy Hart screams about “No
karate!”. See, it’s supposed to be illegal. Steamboat hits Liger’s
series of palm thrusts, followed by a Hennig necksnap. Cool stuff. He
backs Hammer into the corner with a martial arts pose, then kicks him
right in the face. Damn, Ricky’s my new hero. It gets two. Cross-body
gets two. Valentine takes over in the corner and drops a couple of
elbows onto Steamer’s throat. Steamboat comes back with the TOP ROPE
CHOP OF DOOM for two. Big splash hits the knees. Match is suddenly
clipped (DAMN YOU) as Valentine goes for the figure-four and gets
cradled for two. Valentine punches Ricky coming off the ropes and
Steamboat nearly does a header over the top rope. Now that’s
OVERSELLING~! Steamboat hulks up and comes back in for a slugfest that
he gets the better of. Crowd is pumped. Big chop gets two. More chops
and Steamboat ascends the turnbuckle for the crossbody, but Valentine
gets his feet on the ropes. Valentine with a backdrop suplex and elbow
for two. He winds up the big elbow for another two. Figure four, but
Steamboat kicks off and makes another comeback. More chops, and an
enzuigiri sends Valentine flying over the top rope. Hart helps him back
in, but he doesn’t beat the count. 1 for 1.
– Steamboat is a guest on Jesse Ventura’s Body Shop. Hogan is SUCH a
Jesse ripoff. Jesse makes fun of his name and warns Steamboat that
kung-fu is illegal. Steamboat rebukes it all with a straight face.
– Becoming the Dragon: The Three Moments of Truth. Mean Gene
interviews Ricky at the Temple of Cheng-Lao. We get some Steamboat
training flashbacks that are right out of a bad Bruce Lee movie. First
test: He fights off some masked ninjas on a bridge. None of them were
Al Snow, as far as I know. Second test: More ninjas, this time with
kendo sticks. Third test: He has to fight off Pat Patterson after a
night of drinking. No wait, it’s actually more ninjas. You know it’s a
fake ninja because he’s wearing sneakers.
– Ricky Steamboat v. Brutus Beefcake. No DQ, no countout. Beefcake
jumps him before the bell and gains the advantage right off the bat. He
hits Ricky with his stunning array of kicks and punches until Ricky
comes back. Beefcake is useless this early in his career. Here’s where
match clipping is a Good Thing. Steamboat gets the bodypress for two,
but the houselights come on. We start again and Johhny V hooks the leg,
allowing Beefcake to get the pin. Nope, ref decides he saw it and
restarts again, allowing Steamboat to get a cradle for the pin. Close
but not quite. 1 for 2.
– We take a look at Magnificent Muraco hanging Ricky Steamboat, via
Tuesday Night Titans. The match in question sees Muraco blading about
10 seconds into the match, and Fuji and Muraco do the infamous hanging,
using the belt from Steamboat’s gi to choke him out, then tying it to
the top rope. Muraco uses his own belt to whip Steamboat for kicks.
Muraco cuts an awesome heel interview, gloating over the incident.
– Ricky Steamboat v. Mr. Fuji. From an episode of Superstars.
Steamboat attacks him from behind and does his own hanging job on him.
Fuji somehow manages to come back and hits the HEADBUTT TO THE GROIN OF
DOOM. Fuji’s doing a darn good job of keeping up with Steamboat,
surprisingly. Well, except for the nerve pinch. Steamboat comes back
with the flying bodypress, but it only gets two. A schoolboy rollup
gets three. Not exactly Flair from 89, but it served it’s purpose. Don
Muraco jumps him from behind a good ol’ fashioned beatdown results. 2
for 3.
– Ricky Steamboat v. Magnificent Muraco. This is subtitled “The
Dragon’s Revenge”. Not sure where this is from, but the arena is huge.
Muraco bails early and stalls. Dragon gets some high impact offense and
Muraco rolls right onto the announce table for sanctuary. Muraco sucker
punches Steamboat to take control. It should be noted that Steamboat
has segued from his gay-looking leotard-and-slippers combination to a
proper boots-and-tights combo. Muraco works the throat, setting up the
Asiatic Spike. He was definitely getting into pudgy territory. Ah,
Gorilla tells us we’re in the Cap Center in Washington, DC. A plethora
of slams from Muraco and Ricky is totally taking a pounding here. The
announcers keep selling Muraco’s piledriver. Steamboat makes the
comeback with a couple of slams and an atomic drop that traps Muraco
in the ropes. He *always* does that “head caught in the ropes” spot.
They fight to the floor and Steamboat hits a chop from the top rope to
the apron, then suplexes Muraco in. Steamboat tries to nail Muraco with
some chops, but Dick Wohrlie keeps pulling him off. WTF? Steamboat
grabs the cane from Fuji and the ref grabs the cane from him. This
allows Muraco to put a foreign object on his hand and ram it into
Steamer’s throat for the pin. Good match. 3 for 4.
– Steamboat on Piper’s Pit. Piper spazzes out and accuses Steamboat of
cheating. Crowd chants bullshit, and Steamboat calls him “Rodney” to
piss him off.
– Ricky Steamboat v. Davey Boy Smith. From the Wrestling Classic. Nice
mat stuff to start, as they exchange two counts. Davey gets a military
press for two. Another one for two. Steamer comes back, but misses a
splash. He leans against the ropes and Davey dives at him, but crotches
himself on the top rope and the referee stops the match immediately and
gives it to Steamboat. I believe this was a legitimate injury,
actually, because the match only ran about two minutes and it looked to
be booked to run about 5-10. 4 for 5.
– Ricky Steamboat v. Randy Savage. Again from the Classic, this time
the second round. Savage hides behind Liz and backjumps Steamboat.
Steamboat takes control with his usual chops, but Savage nails a
backdrop suplex and goes for the double axehandle. Steamboat catches
him coming down and kneelifts him to take control again. Savage bails
and Steamboat catches him on the way out and suplexes him back in.
Flying bodypress gets two. Steamboat didn’t really have a finisher back
then, I guess. Macho bails again and pulls out a foreign object, then
nails Steamboat for the pin. Too short, but still good. 5 for 6.
Bottom Line #1: Sadly, the tape is only about 90 minutes long. 6
matches isn’t enough, dammit! We want more! This, of course, is an
easy winner.
Tape #2: Monday Night RAW, Prime Cuts.
– This is a tape from 1994 that showcases the hilights of RAW from
93-94.
– Opening match, Intercontinental title: Shawn Michaels v. Marty
Jannetty. Shawn was stupid enough to challenge ANYONE to a match, and
Marty answered. Marty gets a couple of quick rollups to start. He
clotheslines Shawn out, baseball slides him, and then hits a pescado.
Crowd chants “Marty”. Shawn runs and Marty tosses him back in.
Superkick from Shawn misses and Marty hits an armdrag and flying
headscissors for two. Backdrop and Shawn gets tossed over the top. He
grabs the belt and takes off, but Mr. Perfect stops him and chases him
back. Janetty slingshots him back in and tries another headscissor, but
Shawn drops him on the top rope. Rights in the corner and Shawn drops a
knee on him. Chinlock from Shawn, and Marty escapes, but Shawn
dropkicks him down again. He tries another, but gets caught and
slingshot into the corner for a two count. Jannetty with a flying elbow
and powerslam for two. Flying bodypress for two. Atomic drop, but
Shawn reverses, and Marty reverses for a rollup for two. Shawn reverses
that for two. Superkick, and Shawn mouths off Perfect. Perfect tosses
his towel at Shawn, and Marty cradles for the pin and his only major
singles title. This match got ***** from Meltzer and won Match of the
Year in 1993. 1 for 1.
– Razor Ramon v. “The Kid”. See, this skinny jobber called the
Cannonball Kid got squashed by Doink one week, then came back as the
Kamikaze Kid and squashed by Mr. Hughes, so this week he’s just The Kid.
Ramon smacks him around in the corner and biels him halfway across the
ring. Blockbuster suplex. Ramon whips him to the corner, but misses a
charge and (in one of the most famous moments in wrestling history) the
Kid moonsaults off the top and pins him. Thanks to this, Ramon turned
face, and the Kid was redubbed the 1-2-3 Kid. And today, of course,
he’s known much better as X-Pac. 2 for 2.
– RAW moment: Doink dumps a bucket of water on Bobby Heenan.
– King of the Ring qualifier: Doink v. Mr. Perfect. They had fought
twice before to no decision, and this is the rubber match. One Doink
hides under the ring while another sprays Lord Alfred Hayes outside.
Doink’s old music was so great. Doink tosses Perfect with his own
towel, but Perfect does the same to Doink. Slugfest. Perfect does the
kneebreaker thing and a spinning toehold. He wraps the knee around the
post and we take a commercial break. Well, it’s tape, so not really,
but we come back two minutes later with Doink in control. Hennig
counters a fireman’s carry takedown with a headscissors. Classic Heenan
quote: “Doink is like Jello — there’s always room for more”. Perfect
goes back to work on the leg, then applies a freaky looking figure-four.
They fight outside, and Doink wraps Perfect’s arm around the post, then
goes to work on it. Hammerlock slam. Man, Bourne is ON here. Another
break, and we return with Hennig making the comeback. Doink takes a
spill to the outside and Doink II runs in and hides under the ring.
They switch places while Bobby denies it’s happening. Doink II (Steve
Keirn) of course gains control, but puts his head down and gets
Perfectplexed for the pin. 3 for 3. Doink beatdown results. Crush
makes the save.
– IRS v. PJ Walker. IRS spent weeks mocking Ramon about losing to the
Kid. About 30 seconds in, the face-turned Ramon wanders out and
distracts IRS, allowing Walker to get the pin. The match wasn’t quite
as famous…oh, but you probably know Mr. Walker by another name. He
was repackaged with a dumb gimmick and then sent to ECW…as Justin
Credible. Cool, huh? 4 for 4.
– A behind the scenes look at the technical side of RAW.
– The Crush-Savage Peace Summit. Crush has the heel goatee and Mr. Fuji
with him, so you know it’s a heel turn. CRZ and others can give you the
full rundown of this feud, but it’s a great one. Bobby Heenan stirs up
shit, just to be himself. Crush runs down Savage in a great heel
interview, and Savage asks him to calm down and dump Fuji. Crush
accepts the proferred handshake (after much cheering from the crowd) to
a big pop…then wipes out Savage when he turns his back. Heh heh.
Yokozuna and a beaming Cornette join the fun and drop a few Banzai
Drops. Savage bleeds from the mouth for fun. 5 for 5.
– A RAW moment: Shawn cuts an interview outside and gets into a brawl
with Mr. Perfect, who proceeds to dump him on a conveniently placed car,
breaking the windshield in the process. Great bump.
– WWF title match: Yokozuna v. Crush. Why are they showing this out of
order? Anyway, this is the match that caused the problems between
Savage and Crush. They should recycle Crush’s music from this period —
it STILL kicks ass. The crowd sings the national anthem just to piss
off Yokozuna. Crowd is rabidly behind Crush. I (and others) still
maintain that if Crush had been properly booked at this time (ie NO HEEL
TURN) then he could have been the successor to Hulk Hogan, easily.
Crush controls with power moves and a Sting splash, but the second one
misses and Yoko comes back. We’re clipped to a Crush comeback as he
clotheslines the champ down. A shoulderblock off the top gets two.
Crush goes to the top again, but Fuji hits him with the flag and Yoko
runs through his finishing sequence — belly to bellies suplex,
Hulkbuster legdrop, and Banzai drop for the pin. Crowd dies. Yoko
drops another buttdrop out of spite. Crush is still moving, so he does
it again. Tatanka tries to make the save, but that just pisses Yoko off
so he does a fourth one, just to teach him a lesson. Randy Savage
finally runs in to pull Crush out of harm’s way. Another great segment.
6 for 6.
– The official Summerslam contract signing. Jim Cornette makes his
debut as Yoko’s “Official American Spokesperson”. Cornette reveals that
the contract Luger signed contained a clause stating that Luger gets
exactly one shot at the title. 6 for 7.
– RAW moment: Doink is fighting Randy Savage. Savage crawls under the
ring and produces the Macho Midget.
– Tag team title match: The Steiner Brothers v. the Quebecers. This is
Province of Quebec rules, as written by Johnny Polo. Titles change
hands on countout or DQ, piledrivers and top rope moves are illegal, and
throwing an opponent over the top is illegal. Basically it’s a parody
of all the dumb DQs in the NWA. Why would the Steiners ever sign this
match? Jacques gets powerslammed by Rick right off the bat. Pierre
comes in and gets Tigerbombed by Scott. Dropkick gets two. Pierre
comes back with a clothesline off the second rope for two. Rick comes
in and tries a piledriver, but of course Scott warns him in time. We
take a break and return with Jacques getting dumped to the outside.
Pierre comes in and gets dominated by the Big Bad Booty Daddy. The
Steiners trade off on a half-crab. Jacques breaks it up twice but the
Steiners don’t sell. Johnny Polo wanders out, making his debut as the
manager of the Quebecers with a Canadiens jersey that reads “We’re the
Quebecers Jacques and Pierre and I am Johnny”. Yes, it all fit. He was
way funnier as Polo than he is as Raven. We take another break and
Scott gets caught with a cheap shot and double-teamed. Good stuff.
Wicked legsweep/clothesline combo, for one. Scott hits a nasty looking
DDT on Jacques and a pier-six erupts. The Quebecers hit their finisher
— the Boston crab / legdrop combo, and another pier-six erupts. Scott
double clotheslines the Quebecers and makes the hot tag. Another
pier-six and Scott hits the Frankensteiner, but Jacques makes the save.
Johnny Polo baits Rick into going for the hockey stick, which Scott gets
and nails Jacques for the DQ….giving the titles to the Quebecers.
Well, the ending was cheap, but it was within the defined rules. 7 for
8.
– RAW moment: Bobby finds two people in the front row, and the man
proposes marriage…after Bobby asks the woman to hold his dirty hankie.
– 20 man battle royale, with the finalists fighting for the vacant
Intercontinental title. Lesse, we’ve got Savage, Tatanka, Giant
Gonzales, the MVP, Rick Martel, Razor Ramon, Mabel, Diesel, Marty
Jannetty, Bastion Booger, 1-2-3 Kid, Adam Bomb, Bam Bam Bigelow,
Jacques, Pierre, Owen Hart, Jimmy Snuka, IRS, Mr. Perfect and Bob
Backlund. Of these guys, 7 are in WCW right now, and only 3 are still
in the WWF. Everyone gangs up and knocks the Giant Gonzalez out early.
Standard battle royale follows. Diesel gets Mabel out. IRS gets dumped
by Ramon. Jacques almost dumps Razor while he taunts IRS, but Savage
makes the save. Kid gets tossed by Booger. Big Poochie charges Perfect
and gets dumped. We take a break and come back with Martel backdropping
Snuka out. Bigelow dramatically tosses Perfect. Jannetty makes a blind
charge at Adam Bomb and goes bye-bye. Tatanka does the same and suffers
the same fate. Astonishingly, MVP is still in. Savage flicks Booger
over the top. Bigelow gets dumped by Ramon and we go to break. We come
back as Owen kicks MVP over the top, then gets tossed himself. We’re
down to Savage, Adam Bomb, the Quebecers, Rick Martel and Razor Ramon.
Quebecois double-team Ramon while Martel & Bomb take on Savage. Savage
fireman’s carries Bomb out of the ring, who is then dumped by the
Quebecers, leaving Ramon against Martel and the tag champs. They slap
him around for a while, but a triple dropkick doesn’t work. Ramon goes
after all three, but they beat him down again, taking turns dishing out
the punishment. However, the old heel miscommunication knocks the
Quebecers out, leaving Rick Martel and Razor Ramon as the winners. Good
match. 8 for 9.
– Intercontinental title final: Razor Ramon v. Rick Martel. Decent but
cookie-cutter match, which Martel controls for the most part, until
Ramon makes the comeback to claim his first Intercontinental title.
Three more would follow. About 13 minutes long, and it’s late and I
can’t be bothered with the play by play. 9 for 10.
The Bottom Line #2: If you weren’t around for this period and haven’t
seen this stuff before, rent this tape! Great, fun stuff all around and
a couple of classic matches to boot. Can’t ask for more than that.
Overall: Home run tonight! Both are easy winners. Tomorrow, we’ll do
the other half of the tape I was sent: Slamfest 95, and Razor Ramon.
But at an amazing cumulative score of 14/16, tonight’s viewing has the
best quality-to-crap ratio I’ve ever gotten on one of these things.
