The Week In Wrestling 6.16.02


Well, if this certainly hasn’t been an eventful week in the world of wrestling.

I rented Wrestlemania X8 for the Gamecube. First impression-wise, I don’t think it’s as good as the No Mercy version for the N64. The create a wrestler seems a lot more cumbersome and, while it does give you the ability to work on the guys right down to the width and depth of their body parts, it doesn’t give you anywhere NEAR the number of options for face and hair that No Mercy gave which makes it damn near impossible to create a guy who actually looks like you. There’s only like 11 faces, 10 facial hairs, 8 heads of hair, etc etc.

You can, however, make your ultimate fantasy broad, as they also allow you to play with the bodies of female created wrestlers. 6’10” blonde asian at 54-10-36 your thing? You can do it and so on down.

They also screwed with the fighting engine, which didn’t really need to be done at all. They seem like they tried to combine the Acclaim stuff with the THQ stuff, and it doesn’t come off that well. There are only five grapple moves each guy does (rather than 12), and the long grapples are gone. They put “combo” punching into the game too, which I think was unecessary. Too much Smackdown! And not enough No Mercy, if you ask me. I said in my review of No Mercy that they needed to tweak the game engine for the hardware not overhaul it entirely.

Entrances and musics are great though.

I’ll do a full write up of the game if one of the following doesn’t occur: I don’t feel like it, Hurtado asks to edit my stuff, someone on the games staff doesn’t beat me to it. If all stars align right, you’ll have a good review of X8 complete with letter grading system!

I’m late enough due to an odd hour visit to gym jogging 2 miles is not something to be done at 11:30 pm 24 hour gym or not so let’s get rollin’.



Ric and Vince came out to start the show. They had both been tanning recently, so you all know what that means. Yup, they’re gay… or they’re having a match tonight. Vince gets disgusted with Ric Flair owning half his company, evne though two weeks ago at Judgement Day, they shook hands and hugged. Sure enough, a match is made. Ugh… well, their big match for 100% ownership of the company has come early. So much for the split… who won the poll?

Booker has started getting face pops, even backstage. He wants to “collaboratize” with Shawn about his music… because Booker knows he’s sexy, but doesn’t have to put it in his music. Then he moves into a parody with Shawn’s music. “I’m justa Booka T Booka Teeee-e… I’m not your sucka… suckk-aaaaa” That should now be Booker’s music. Shawn is looking forward to seeing the nWo, minus Kevin Nash, wrestle this evening. Tommy Dreamer’s gimmick is now a slop bucket. Of all the gimmicks of the past, I think this one needed to be resurrected least. It was vs Spike, Tommy Dreamer, and Shawn Staziak. Resurrection of jobber wrestling….. Yay! But, I guess the puke bucket only has confetti in it… so new we’ve resurrected the Godwinns and DOINK all in one week. Actually, scratch that… doing ownz.

Molly and Trish are feuding now because… Molly has a big ass. Well, they’re trying. Stipulation match. If Molly wins, she gets a title shot… if Molly loses, she has to wrestle in a thong to show off her ass.

They made it a point to show Harvard Chris from Tough Enough (His Last name is Nowinski), who later became involved in the Regal match by hopping the railing to toss knucks to Regal. Douchebag, tan security guy came over to stop him… the ref got distracted, Bradshaw got knocked out. That security guard is the biggest dick in the world. He walks around with his big old arms being held out like he’s important or something… and he’s so orange, he makes Hogan look albino. I’m pretty sure you could cure his skin. He then proceeds to bitch at people for talking shit to the wrestlers. Yes… some dude called Regal a name… and then tan man came over and threatened him. The guy takes his position a bit too seriously. Anywho, Chris later explains that he is the first WWF person with a Harvard education. Think “Resurrection of the Mean Street Posse” gimmick, and you have TE Chris… but probably with actual wrestling talent. I saw him wrestle in a dark match last time the WWF swung through Albany, and he’s more impressive in the ring than Maven.

They seem to be enjoying throwing Guerrero/RVD matches at us… hey, that’s fine with me. These two guys bust their asses out there very time… and actually have “wrestling” matches. In similar fashion, it was good, but the ending seemed a little weird. Weird little pinning combo that looked like it was supposed to end in a kickout but didn’t. Anywho, the long and short of it was that RVD won.

The Hardy Boyz laid out the Undertaker together… it was cool, but I don’t know what they’re planning on doing with it when it’s all said and done. I don’t know that the Undertaker will have the title past KOTR.

Bubba still seems to be channeling Dusty Rhodes, but it didn’t save him from Brock again. Well, rephrase that… Paul had to save him from defeat, twice… so they’re not making Brock look unstoppable anymore. Now he’s just and old skool guy with a manager who keeps him winning. I guess that’s ok, too. Brock is moving on in the KOTR Tourney, and I can totally see him winnign the whole thing. He’s a pure WWF product and a new face. They could do worse.

There’s something damn cool to see Michaels come out to the same music and the old pyro. It’s good to see him back. I’m also a big fan of the longest running music in the WWF… which goes all the way back to Michaels’s Mullet Days… and even before that when Sherri used to sing it. The old Titantron, the old music… it does the nostalgic heart proud. Shawn got an ID bracelet tattooed on his arm. Shawn reminded us that he was “Attitude” before it was a catchphrase. Shawn is bitter because the fans turned on him like a cheap whore to a millionaire when Stone Cold Steve Austin came around. Michaels will not be a fan-type anymore, he won’t destroy his body for the fans anymore. It’s your standard f the fans speech, but it works with Michaels saying it. Nash was his only friend after Vince kicked him to the side. I disagree… I only hated Shawn when he wrestled… after he left, I missed him. Michaels, fortunately, has Jericho-like skillz when it comes to confounding the What? Idiots. Michaels runs down the skill of the entire nWo, and then superkicks the hell out of Booker, thus turning him face by default. The Superkick still has the power to put people freakin DOWN baby.

Nash in charge, Michaels as the mouthpiece. When the music kicked up and the clique symbols were touched in the air… it’s the first time since the nWo got killed by Austin that I actually bought them as a serious force. Michaels has that power… and the Superkick ain’t lacking in skill, although it means that Chuck will no longer be doing Jungle Kicks… which only sucks because I won’t be typing Jungle Kick or saying Jungle Kick anymore. I’ll have to get my fill in today.

Jungle Kick.

Jungle Kick.

I gotta tell you… when I’m 55, I hope I look HALF as good as Vince. Vince owned the hell out of Flair for most of the match. I remember thinking that it would make perfect sense for Austin to make his “personal assistant” win the match, but then he wasn’t in the building. And then Arn came to the ring… and JR hyped him as “dear member of the four Horsemen.” Arn got into the ring specifically to taunt Vince in the figure four, then Brock Lesnar came out to give Flair the TKO… and then Arn just left the ring… rather than, I dunno, help Ric. Ummm…. Well… OK.


Vince started with his normal gloat session after winning a match… and we started with a contract signing. Undertaker vs HHH is now official, and then some of the security guards set up HHH, who gets blasted by the Undertaker… then HHH has a sledgehammer and the ring scatters. HHH then proceeds to hold the show hostage for 20 minutes or so, until Vince promises him a HUGE tag match against the Undertaker tonight!!

Test beat Hurricane in a KOTR qualifier, then Jaime Knoble and Nidia came down and humiliated him. Nidia removed his mask to reveal that the Hurricane is none other than… GREGORY HELMS!!! Damn, they gave away that surpise for free. They then walk off with the mask and cape, thus guaranteeing a vicious feud.

In one of the more surprising moves of the night, Hardcore Holly got a win over Tajiri in a KOTR qualifying match. Wouldn’t have placed that. Jericho has a Larger than Life T-shrit now… I’m tempted to buy that and the HHH beater.

There was a match involving Val/Kidman vs Jericho/Storm… but I refuese to recap it on the grounds that hearing the word “Valboski” uttered over and goddam over from Michael Cole makes me physically ill. Since 411 offers no health insurance, I cannot speak of this match. There was even a screwy ending… you’ll just have to read it somewhere else.

Apparently, on Velocity… Tough Enough Jackie turned on Tough Enough Linda. There’s a tag match tonight with Linda/Trish vs Jackie/Ivory. I find myself only curious about Jackie’s breasts.

D-Von discussed how masturbation is a sin and he doesn’t do such things anymore. Farooq takes offense and comes in to reveal that he, however, does partake in masserbation. He’s my kind of man.

I missed the end, but apparently Angle got his headgear ripped off surprisingly enough, he was bald underneath. Man, the secrets that came out on this show this week. Hurricane is actually Gregory Helms Angle was lying. Jeez.


Well, the moment of truth is at hand for the fledging promotion. Is just a whole lot of Internet promotion enough? If early results are any indication of what’s to come, it looks like the answer is a fat NO. The Jarrett’s have had to give away thousands of tickets to make the arena look full. A buddy of mine that works for a cable company says he has gotten ONE question about it in all the week’s of build-up. His saving grace he’ll be at work and will get to watch it for free. My saving grace? The Internet.

Their first promotional poster doesn’t even feature wrestlers on it. It has three hot yaks (not that there’s anything wrong with that), Sterling Martin and Toby Keith. To me, right now, it looks like their top tier stars with name recognition are going to be Scott Hall, Jeff Jarrett, and Ken Shamrock. The guys they think are going to be top tier stars are Buff Bagwell and Konnan. Other than that, there aren’t a ton of guys on there to sell a PPV, even for $10 and apparently barely enough guys to sell an arena.

The thing with these guys is they better damn well be ready to lose money and lose a lot of money. If Jerry and Jeff Jarrett have the pockets to keep this thing going a year, in spite of losing lots of cash, they have a chance to succeed. If they don’t have that kind of bank, they’re in trouble. Vince expected big things in the first season of the XFL, and we see where it got him. Like I’ve said before something like this needs time to get rolling lots of time. ECW had a somewhat cultish following when they made it to TNN, and they couldn’t even pull together more than 2 million viewers per week. If they can make it through a year, they can make it through two if PPV providers dump them before they have a chance to take off, it’s over duh.

More in depth on the NWA next week, as I give a review of the PPV assuming, of course, I see it.

The Week In Wrestling

And after they’ve been doing so good with continuity, too… they go and give us Raw. Shall we discuss the stupidity of things? Vince comes onto Ric’s show, with Ric’s guys and beats Ric. The nWo was all buddy/buddy with Ric Flair a couple of weeks ago… no help from them. Not to mention that tiny fact that, three weeks ago, Flair and Vince were HUGGING and putting aside their differences. Now, all the sudden, Vince has this HUGE problem again. I guess if they had to crash a storyline together it’s ok but couldn’t they have done something that would have mad a BIT more sense?

Well, it certainly has been an interesting week for Mr Austin hasn’t it? He no shows Raw, gets fired, and then damn near gets arrested for beating Debra? Well, with that voice of hers, I can’t believe people wouldn’t have expected it? I mean, can you imagine that shrill harpy nagging at you day in and day out. A couple of stiff smacks on the grill would shut her up for five damn minutes.

Actually, I’m joking. Like Sam Kinison says: “I don’t support beating your wife or girlfriend I UNDERSTAND IT!!!!! But I don’t support it.”

So now the WWF is off to answer the question: “Is there life without Austin or Rocky?” Rocky isn’t going to be around much because no insurance company is going to cover him while he’s wrestling and studios are pretty much sticklers for insuring those million dollar actors. So, Rock can choose: 1. Give his body up 150 to 200 days a year and maybe get another ten years out of himself, always risking a career ending injury or having the boss turn on you, and having iffy writers in control of your career or be on a coddled studio set for a couple months at a time pull in 10 million dollars a movie and pick and choose where you want your career to go. Which would you choose.

Now the WWF is left with HHH and Undertaker as their “Top Two” guys, with Shawn Michaels as a good mouthpiece for the nWo. They have a chance to go in an entire new direction. Raw is wide open, and Smackdown only has HHH.

And I’m just realizing how rambling this is becoming, so I’m going to cut it off before I make myself look more foolish. I just can’t write when tired.