The Netcop Retro Rant for NWA WrestleWar 1989
– Live from Nashville, Tennessee, which is somewhere near Spokane, I
think.
– Jim Ross & Bob Caudle are your hosts.
– Opening match: The Great Muta v. Doug Gilbert. Doug would be the
Gilbert brother who the distinction of still being alive today. This
match is why I hate Muta so much today, namely because he was so far
over what everyone else in North American wrestling was doing it’s just
sickening, and now he’s still doing the same stuff nine years later with
no growth or change or effort put into it. Gilbert is subbing for the
Junkfood Dog here. Aw, that’s a shame. Muta does everything crisp and
smooth, and it’s still amazing to watch him do his thing. He pulls out
a pescano before JR even knew what to call it, and finishes Gilbert off
quickly with the moonsault. *** Odd stat: Announced time of match was
3:16.
– Butch Reed v. Ranger Ross. This was pre-Doom for Reed, back when the
NWA had him and didn’t know what to do with him. “Hey, let’s team him
up with the other black guy in the fed, there’s a great idea.” Well,
I guess sometimes racial intolerance breeds good things? Ranger Ross is
just some guy, basically. I never heard of him again after 1989, that’s
for sure. His gimmick is that of an Army Ranger, much like Craig
Pittman. Most of his offense is kicking and punching while jumping up
and down and flailing his limbs, which JR calls “martial arts”. Uh huh.
This is back before the letters “UFC” meant anything when typed
together, of course. This match was heavily edited for time reasons
(thank god) but I’ve seen it in full and Reed basically weathers a bunch
of kicks and punches and puts Ross away with a shoulderblock off the top
rope at will. (no rating due to editing).
– I really dislike Gary Michael Capetta’s whiny announcing, by the way.
– Bullrope match: Bob Orton v. Dick Murdoch. Oh, this is too f*cking
exciting. If you think WCW has a dinosaur problem now… This match
came about because of various nefarious dealings on Gary Hart’s part at
Clash VI which resulted in Murdoch being punked by Orton. And since
Dick is from Texas, naturally they have a bullrope match. This is about
as anti-hardcore as you can get, as both guys barely make contact with
each other. Finally, Murdoch simply hog-ties Orton and pins him after
an elbow. Orton beats up Murdoch out of spite after the match. I don’t
know why the NWA kept hiring these two. They do the hanging spot for
some extra heat after the match (although the crowd isn’t really into it
anymore), and the feud never really went anywhere after this match.
Heavily edited for time, thank god, but I’ve seen it in full and it was
safely a DUD.
– The Dynamic Dudes v. The Samoan Swat Team. Wow, how things change.
Let’s run it down…the Dudes are comprised of former king of hardcore
and ECW World champion Shane “I’ve never heard of the Dynamic Dudes”
Douglas, and current God of Japan and former Sheepherder flagbearer
Johnny “I’ve never heard of the Dynamic Dudes or the Sheepherders
either” Ace. The SST is the team who would go on to be known as the
Headshrinkers in the WWF, including Fatu, who would go on to become the
Sultan. They’re managed by Paul E. “What do you mean I used to be a
manager?” Dangerously. And at this point, both teams represent
everything that was wrong with tag team wrestling in North America at
the time. Standard WWF formula tag match, as Ace gets the crap kicked
out of him (literally, that’s all the SST knows how to do) by the
Samoans. Jim and Bob remind us what a wholesome, all-American pair of
kids the Dudes are every two minutes. And HOW many times has Shane hit
a woman, exactly? :) At one point, Paul tries to incite the crowd by
telling Ace that he’s “as useless as a woman from Nashville,” thus once
again showing his sensitive, feminine side. The Samoans are basically
wiping the mat with the Dudes when Fatu goes for a bodyslam on Douglas
and Ace dropkicks them over for an upset Dudes win. **
The scary part is, it took the NWA the better part of a year to come to
their senses and break up the Dudes.
– US title match: Lex Luger v. Michael “PS” Hayes. This is an
interesting match, for reasons I’ll get into later. Hayes, the current
WWF huckster Dok Hendrix, had turned on Lex in a tag match against the
Windhams a few weeks prior, and NO ONE gave him a snowball’s chance in
hell of winning. Hayes is not a good singles wrestler. Luger was a
good singles wrestler back then…honest…but he needed a far superior
worker to kick his ass into gear. You figure out for yourself how good
this was. Lots of headlocks, chinlocks and armbars here. Hayes works
the crowd like a god, but they cut to shots of the crowd reacted way too
much. Boring match, but Luger is a pure babyface and Hayes is a pure
heel so it never gets too boring because both guys get monster reactions
by, you know, breathing. The storyline of the match has Luger
controlling, Hayes cheating to gain an advantage, and Luger simply
shrugging it off because he’s too powerful, then start over. Hayes
gains a protracted advantage after a long chinlock, but Luger mounts the
Big Comeback and just annhiliates Hayes. Luger goes for the rack, but
Hayes hits a fluke DDT, but can’t pin Lex because he’s out of it. Both
guys get up and do an irish whip, but now the ref gets bumped and
everyone goes down in a heap, except Hayes. And then Terry Gordy comes
down! This was out of nowhere, and he pushes Hayes onto the fallen
Luger as Patrick wakes up and counts three! Hayes wins the US title in
one of the biggest upsets ever.
This is an interesting match because there was no such thing as a swerve
back then, because the internet didn’t really exist. The NWA used to
have Sting and Luger go out there and manhandle guys who didn’t have a
chance all the time, and people would think nothing of it because they
were so over and needed someone to kill to keep them over. These
matches would be like if WCW had DDP defending the US title against,
say, La Parka on PPV. It’d just be begging for an angle to give La
Parka the US title because we expect to be swerved nowadays. But back
then people thought nothing of Sting squashing JTTS on PPV because it
was just something he did. So when Luger is signed to fight a
non-contender like Hayes on a major show, no one was expecting Hayes to
win because “the cannon fodder” guys never did, and then the NWA
suprised everyone by having Hayes win.
Of course, it had a point, because Luger got so pissed off that he ended
up eating Hayes for breakfast in a rematch, then taking out the rest of
his frustrations on Ricky Steamboat to signal his official heel turn.
Oh yeah, the match was about *1/2
– TV Title match: Sting v. The Iron Sheik. Remember that little
lecture I just gave? Here ya go. Sting beats the Sheik from pillar to
post and puts him in the Scorpion Deathlock at will, selling not a
single move from the challenger. This was before Sting met Muta and got
REALLY good. The NWA really didn’t know what to do with Sting at this
point, either. It was too early to put him over Flair and too late to
have him keep squashing jobbers ala Goldberg so they gave him the TV
title and let him squash ex-WWF champs on PPV. :) *
– NWA World title match: Ricky Steamboat v. Ric Flair. Flair brings 46
women to the ring, Steamboat brings his son. The match is watched by
three judges: Pat O’ Connor, Lou Thesz…and Terry Funk. Funk actually
looked YOUNG back then. Flair was a mere 5-time champ at this point,
only barely past his prime. Funny how he won all his titles *after* he
deteriorated. They sell this match as Flair’s last hurrah. How many
times have you heard that one?
Well, what do you say about this match? It’s the greatest match, ever,
period. Quite possibly the only perfect wrestling match in the history
of North American wrestling, with the exception of maybe the ladder
match from WM10, but that’s a gimmick match. This match needed no
gimmick. The chops *literally* echo throughout the arena. Jim Ross’
hyperbole is not the least bit silly here, as he gets something to work
with for once. Now *that’s* how you chop a guy. Even the armdrags have
purpose, as Flair sells the arm injuries like he’s dying. It’s ring
psychology, people. ECW take note. These guys could do *everything* at
this point in their careers — mat wrestling, brawling, flying, you name
it. Steamboat goes for the arm like a vulture circling a carcass, which
causes everyone to remember Clash VI, where he made Flair submit to the
double chicken-wing to win the first fall. Storyline, people. All the
punches and forearms actually *hit*, unlike many of the loosy-goosy
matches today where punches miss by 6 inches. I mean, they don’t hurt
*that* much. No ugly missed moves either. This is what happens when
neither guy has an ego to speak of: They can freely beat the hell out
of each other because they trust each other not to hurt themselves.
There’s no “formula” to the match…each guy controls at various points.
Steamboat goes for the kill about 25 minutes in, but Flair gets out of
the chickenwing, and then dumps him over the top rope during the flying
bodypress setup. Steamboat hurts his knee, and then Flair nails him
with the figure-four, like a sadist. The knee is eventually hurt so bad
that Steamboat tries a simple bodyslam and Flair is able to reverse it
into a cradle for the pin and title #6. Ironically, it was this very
move that gave Steamboat the win over Randy Savage in their historic
1987 match. ***** I’d give it more, but that’s as high as the scale
goes. They hug and shake hands in the ring, something unheard of these
days, and that’s that.
Almost.
Judge Terry Funk also congratulates Flair, and asks him for a title shot
right there. Flair rightly points out that Funk is a non-contender and
Ross tries to shoo him out of the ring. Of course, Funk is a lunatic so
he “apologizes” and when Flair’s back is turned, he decks him from
behind, then destroys him and piledrives him through the judging table.
You see, there was a *reason* for a table to be at ringside. Take note,
ECW. This was the start of the best feud of 1989, and one of the best
ever. It still blows my mind that even through all the turmoil going on
at that time, they were still able to pull off a match and an angle and
a feud like that one so beautifully. They’ve never matched it since.
– Whew. Well, the rest is pretty anti-climactic, but we gotta finish.
– NWA World tag team title match: Steve Williams & Mike Rotunda v. The
Road Warriors. The Varsity Club ripped off the Roadies at Clash VI in
the infamous “fast count” match that turned Teddy Long heel (now THAT’S
a fast count, WCW) so Nikita Koloff has been appointed special referee.
Koloff tosses Kevin Sullivan from ringside in short order. Williams
looks like a luchadore compared to today. Fairly quick, as the Warriors
make short work of the champs and go for the Doomsday Device, but Dan
Spivey pulls Koloff out of the ring and beats the holy hell out of him
to earn a DQ. * The Varsity Club were stripped of the belts at the end
of the show because of their actions. I guess even the NWA knew that it
wasn’t working with them as champs.
– US tag team title match: Eddie Gilbert & Rick Steiner v. Kevin
Sullivan & Dan Spivey. Missy Hyatt was pretty damn hot back when she
wasn’t trying to look skanky all the time. Just a nothing tag match to
put the faces over and send the fans home happy. The Club destroys
Steiner before the match (I guess he was injured legit) so Gilbert
wrestles the entire match. Spivey proceeds to wipe the mat with him.
Gilbert miraculously tags Rick, but the ref doesn’t see it, but in the
ensuing chaos Rick nails Sullivan with a Steinerline and Gilbert gets
the fluke pin to retain. DUD
After the match, the faces get destroyed again. The US tag titles were
temporarily dissolved after this match. End of show.
The Bottom Line: Were it not for the Flair-Steamboat-Funk segment, this
would be one of the worst shows ever. Everything was terrible, save for
the Dudes-SST tag match, which was formulaic at best but certainly not
terrible. Luckily, no one remembers it for the undercard. They would
save themselves with Bash 89, their next PPV, which rocked the world and
was, by contrast, one of the *best* shows ever, featuring the blowoff
match between Flair and Funk. Everything else was in transition at this
point, and the NWA was also building to putting the World title on
either Luger or Sting (Sting got it in 90, Luger in 91) and trying to
get rid of Flair. But Flair doesn’t go away easily, as we all know.
Still, the Flair-Steamboat is an absolute must-have addition to any
library, so I have to recommend the show on that basis alone. The rest
is okay for nostalgia value at least, I suppose.
Later.
