Incredibly hungover, so let’s just roll.
WWF
Raw
Show opens with Paul talking up Brock, and much like Kurt Angle last week, he called out any veteran in the back for a match. Ric Flair answered in the skit that was probably supposed to happen with Austin a couple weeks ago. We know Flair is officially a face again, because his chops are about the only thing that could light Lesnar up.
Jackie is officially on Raw now, I guess. She made fun of Molly’s ass… so I guess they’re not quite through with this joke yet. Then, they’re REALLY not done with the joke as Trish comes out and pulls Molly’s pants off.
Chris had a “straight-up” match with Bradshaw, as he has no interest in the barbaric hardcore title. He doesn’t want to walk around looking over his shoulder all the time. He wants to compete as they taught him at Harvard… as gentlemen. He is now my third favorite wrestler. He beat Bradshaw by smacking him with his cowbell.
Booker T and VaderDust had a little segment… in the best f*cking thing they’ve done so far. If I start referring to Booker T as Obi-Book Kenobi 5-time Master Jedi SUCKAAAAAAA, don’t be surprised.
Brock beat Regal, then asked Brock for a match. Paul E decided that there was no match tonight, but it was to be saved for Vengeance.
Benoit had his first match since the Triangle match last year. He looks good… although you can tell he’s not used to the cardio demands quite yet. Not that I’m saying I personally am… but when he left, Benoit could wrestle a half hour match and not only not seem winded, but barely look like he was sweating. I’m sure he’ll be back to that in approximately a week in a half…. Cuz he’s that goddam good. He and Eddy beat the Dudley Boyz… Buh Buh and Spike. Good thing they broke up the Dudley boys to free up room for Reverened D-Von and the Dudley Boyz. The Dudz won, then both got dismantled by Benoit post match. Spike got thrown off the ring, through a table, and Buh Buh spent about five minutes in the Crossface.
Backstage, Goldust asks the Big Show if he knows the secret about his father. Luckily, the writers remember that Big Show’s Daddy is supposed to be dead. Fortunately, the Bossman was not brought up. Goldust got beat up by Nash and Show… leaving only Booker T to face both Show and Pac. Fortunately, Booker T got one step ahead of them and punked out X-Pac backstage. This left us with Big Show vs Booker T. Show was holding the stairs and Booker knocked him over. The stairs knocked show out, so Booker one by countout. Everyone in the federation can beat Big Show except Booker T.
Shawn stopped Nash and Show from beating each other up, then called for HHH. He wants a Kliq reunion, with HHH to join the nWo. Then, Show got Superkicked. Hey, a little bit of drama! Way to go guys. “Will HHH join the nWo?” Good job!
Lita was in the building to wish Jeff good luck. Didn’t help as Undertaker proceeded to own him for the entire match. I will give it to Jeff that he made the match exciting. I actually thought he was going to grab the belt for a bit. Undertaker won with chokeslam off the top of the ladder. Post match, Jeff got a last ride. Afterthat, he told the Undertaker that he was still standing. Taker came back in and gave him props… this new “respectful” Undertaker is freaking me out.
Smackdown
The Storm Foundation came out and interrupted Lillian who was singing “America, The Beautiful.†Well, if they want them over as heels in the US, that’s one way to do it. And to defend this great country of ours out comes:
A suddenly turned face Kurt Angle?
“Real American†Hulk Hogan, since they had the music cued up for later.
Nope Rikishi obviously
Bautista continued making Randy Orton his bitch.
This John Cena guy is going to be something really soon. I mean, he smacked Chris Jericho across the face, and it knocked him off his feet and unconcious for thirty or so seconds, and left Vince with a dumbfounded look. If his slap is that powerful, you’d think the match would go quick. Nope, Cena still lost to Jericho, but looked good doing it and Jericho needed the ropes.
As I mentioned Earlier, Hogan came out to “Real American†for the first time since his return. I almost cried. All sorts of memories came back. And it wasn’t in vain as Hogan and Edge beat Billy and Chuck for the tag team titles. Well, this is something good for Hogan. He can be important, and let Edge do most of the work. Worked for Harlem Heat for years, after all.
In a finish that seemed somewhat confusing, and supposedly had to be taped twice Angle had Undertaker in some sort of choke, but he was doing it with his shoulders down. As the ref counted three, Taker tapped out which resulted in a finish no one seemed to get. Of course, even Chioda looked confused. For some reason, other refs came down to argue their points with Chioda. Why, I don’t know, since if other ref’s opinions mattered, 98% of the finishes in matches would be questioned.
NWA: TMJ
You know what, even with a red pinstriped suit and shiny red bowtie, Don West STILL sucks and that’s saying something. Tenay/Ferrara announce team is fine. Also, we have a running bet on whether Ed Ferrarra’s hair is real or not.
Ken Shamrock will face Omori next week. Some heavy Japanese guy. This announcement was given by Jim Miller, the president of the NWA. I spent most of the segment creeped out because Jim Miller’s face is a different color than the rest of his head. Of course, looking at the size of him, they probably ran out of makeup before they could cover his whole face.
The tag team tourney went as follows. The Cowboys beat the Penises, the Fags beat the Muscleheads which caused “Buff†Bagwell to “quit.†He says there will be no more Buff only Marcus. Good, it’s about time they dropped the Buff character it got old about six years ago anyway. Later, someone beat up the Cowboys, so they were removed from the tournament.
Hall had an interview which was interrupted by Jarrett, which was then interrupted by president Miller. Oh yeah, there’s a tag match with these guys later.
Ken Shamrock mastered in one night what NO ONE in the WWF has been able to master in a year that being confounding the What Idiots. The key is to not pause when people think you’re going to pause, thus speaking OVER the Whats and then people feel stupid for doing it at the wrong time then they get confounded then they stop. GO KEN GO!!!!
Puppet was pretty cool before his segment on the show then he caned Don West. Therefore, he’s REALLY OK. If you want to see something fun, check out his Website.
The X title match was not as good as the last few weeks have been, but for next week we’re promised a six man match for the Number One Contendership next week and Low Ki is involved, so I am a happy writer. They also promised THE FLYING ELVISES BIG RETURN!!! This makes next week a can’t miss for me.
After Styles’s big X Title match, he was Jerry Lynn’s partner for the Tag Tourney. And they WON! Expect Styles to show up on Raw next week and trash both belts.
Oh yeah, and Brian Christopher turned on Scott Hall in the main event.
So for next week, we have a six man X division match, the Flying Elvises, and big old Japanese guy for the world title oh yeah and K Krush vs a NASCAR driver. Bah.
The Week In Wrestling
Hungover. No energy freaking Holidays.
Hope the holiday weekend went well for all of you hope you all stayed safe.
